Communities like this always skeeve me out. I know that I'm just being cynical, but random internet strangers aren't really a great place to go to get information and help if you are in one of these circumstances. At best you'll end up in an echo chamber of people who will just keep you on the same downward spiral, and at worst you'll run into someone who will try to take advantage of your vulnerability. Sure, there may be some out there that are qualified to help, but their voice will be drowned out by the throngs of, "Yeah! Fuck your parents! Hop a train!" and "Hey, I've got a warm van you can sleep in if you need some place."
Same with real people out there. I grew up in conflict with my parents before the internet and had the exact same issues you describe, just offline. it comes down to taking any and every advice with a grain of salt, no matter. Online and offline self help groups can be great, and life saving.
I wish more people like you were on lemmy. I see too many good takes being down and bad takes being upvoted by bigotted, cynical or plain ignorant people.
Being taken advantage of is a big problem that needs to be adressed. „Dont get help online.“ is the stupidest take I‘ve seen in years.
For some of us, rather than an echo chamber, it's just validation of our experiences and learning the language to describe abuse. You can't get help unless you know what you're getting help for. And when you learn to recognize gaslighting and manipulation, you can begin to counter it.
Yeah, people don't realize that people with abusive parents have been raised to believe that abuse is normal - even good for them. The first major hurdle is getting someone to realize that there's even a problem to fix, or that the problem to fix isn't themselves.
What would you suggest people who are going there looking for help do instead? Pay for therapy they can't afford or just suffer in silence? You make it sound like people are literally weighing therapy and professional help against online communities as though they are both equally accessible options.
So in other words, you have the choice and assume most others do too?
Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they've been through. If I hadn't had my sister to talk to about our insane mom, it would have been a lot harder for both of us to move on from her and become healthy, well-rounded adults - I imagine internet communities like these are a good alternate resource for when people don't have real-life support from someone who understands what it's like. But yeah, when you've got a parent who thinks all of science is one big scam, you're never going to be able to see a legitimate therapist.
Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they’ve been through.
At least in my experience, that wasn't the case at all. I used to hang out in communities like that back in the late 2010s, and me as well as multiple folks were people who still hadn't managed to shake off their abusive narcissistic parents due to us being young teenagers or unable to get a job, and needed an emotional support group. While yes, there were also multiple people who already had shaken off their N-parents, they certainly weren't the only group and there were still many who either were still stuck living with them, or people who were living on their own but were still dependent on their parents in some way or otherwise forced to see them once in a while. And a nice chunk of the people who did manage to go low- or no-contact with their abusive parents still gave the emotional support for those of us who didn't have the means to do so.
Telling someone to seek professional help instead feels like such a slap in the face for people in such a situation because, for the most part, they literally can't - at best, it's simply because they're completely financially dependent on their parents and can't afford a therapist (and it might be resolvable if they get enough donations to afford checkups and their parents are the neglectful variety and don't really care about that), but at worst (and it's almost always at worst) they're control freaks who believe therapy is a scam and you wanting to do it instead of "praying the depression away" means you're not religious enough, or they would see it as an affront due to the implication of their child being traumatized by them and get furious and punish them, or be insulted/freaked out by them receiving money from strangers online and cut their entire access to the internet altogether. It's simply not an option. So having an online emotional support group they don't need to cough up money for is simply the next best bet for many, and while it won't solve the problem, it'll at least make it manageable. I know it did for me.
i saw someone on tiktok runaway from home and pretty much everyone in the comments was supportive
Ok? You didn't say if you read about the situation enough to know if that was a good thing or not.
They can be helpful if you view them light heartedly as anonymous support groups where you can vent real quick. Not as actual qualified resources.
I'm sure they can be mildly helpful if you have a light-hearted disposition about your narcistic cult-parents who you are planning to run away from...
In this case I think we need more qualification, but a good support positive group cant hurt
A picture of a rifleman for help
Wtf that's illegal
Communities like this always skeeve me out. I know that I'm just being cynical, but random internet strangers aren't really a great place to go to get information and help if you are in one of these circumstances. At best you'll end up in an echo chamber of people who will just keep you on the same downward spiral, and at worst you'll run into someone who will try to take advantage of your vulnerability. Sure, there may be some out there that are qualified to help, but their voice will be drowned out by the throngs of, "Yeah! Fuck your parents! Hop a train!" and "Hey, I've got a warm van you can sleep in if you need some place."
Same with real people out there. I grew up in conflict with my parents before the internet and had the exact same issues you describe, just offline. it comes down to taking any and every advice with a grain of salt, no matter. Online and offline self help groups can be great, and life saving.
I wish more people like you were on lemmy. I see too many good takes being down and bad takes being upvoted by bigotted, cynical or plain ignorant people.
Being taken advantage of is a big problem that needs to be adressed. „Dont get help online.“ is the stupidest take I‘ve seen in years.
For some of us, rather than an echo chamber, it's just validation of our experiences and learning the language to describe abuse. You can't get help unless you know what you're getting help for. And when you learn to recognize gaslighting and manipulation, you can begin to counter it.
Yeah, people don't realize that people with abusive parents have been raised to believe that abuse is normal - even good for them. The first major hurdle is getting someone to realize that there's even a problem to fix, or that the problem to fix isn't themselves.
What would you suggest people who are going there looking for help do instead? Pay for therapy they can't afford or just suffer in silence? You make it sound like people are literally weighing therapy and professional help against online communities as though they are both equally accessible options.
So in other words, you have the choice and assume most others do too?
Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they've been through. If I hadn't had my sister to talk to about our insane mom, it would have been a lot harder for both of us to move on from her and become healthy, well-rounded adults - I imagine internet communities like these are a good alternate resource for when people don't have real-life support from someone who understands what it's like. But yeah, when you've got a parent who thinks all of science is one big scam, you're never going to be able to see a legitimate therapist.
At least in my experience, that wasn't the case at all. I used to hang out in communities like that back in the late 2010s, and me as well as multiple folks were people who still hadn't managed to shake off their abusive narcissistic parents due to us being young teenagers or unable to get a job, and needed an emotional support group. While yes, there were also multiple people who already had shaken off their N-parents, they certainly weren't the only group and there were still many who either were still stuck living with them, or people who were living on their own but were still dependent on their parents in some way or otherwise forced to see them once in a while. And a nice chunk of the people who did manage to go low- or no-contact with their abusive parents still gave the emotional support for those of us who didn't have the means to do so.
Telling someone to seek professional help instead feels like such a slap in the face for people in such a situation because, for the most part, they literally can't - at best, it's simply because they're completely financially dependent on their parents and can't afford a therapist (and it might be resolvable if they get enough donations to afford checkups and their parents are the neglectful variety and don't really care about that), but at worst (and it's almost always at worst) they're control freaks who believe therapy is a scam and you wanting to do it instead of "praying the depression away" means you're not religious enough, or they would see it as an affront due to the implication of their child being traumatized by them and get furious and punish them, or be insulted/freaked out by them receiving money from strangers online and cut their entire access to the internet altogether. It's simply not an option. So having an online emotional support group they don't need to cough up money for is simply the next best bet for many, and while it won't solve the problem, it'll at least make it manageable. I know it did for me.
i saw someone on tiktok runaway from home and pretty much everyone in the comments was supportive
Ok? You didn't say if you read about the situation enough to know if that was a good thing or not.
They can be helpful if you view them light heartedly as anonymous support groups where you can vent real quick. Not as actual qualified resources.
I'm sure they can be mildly helpful if you have a light-hearted disposition about your narcistic cult-parents who you are planning to run away from...
In this case I think we need more qualification, but a good support positive group cant hurt
Hey good to see !raisedbynarcissists is growing as it was previously dead.