Dating/romantic relationships. I usually manage to uncover multiple deal breakers on the first date, and I'm pretty sure that's more of a "me" problem, than a problem with the type of people I date.
It could be that you're just really efficient.
I have BPD, which means that the longer I know someone, the more faults I find and the more I start to go from liking them to hating them.
It is very much a "me" problem, but one that has no solution yet. 😮💨
Out of curiosity, what are some examples of what you would consider to be dealbreakers?
Oh man, I've really slowed down my dating, so it's hard to remember many of them. I know some of these are actually reasonable, but others are just me looking for faults/expecting perfection:
Is a night owl
Works in a field that requires odd hours
Isn't 100% against having kids (most recent one said they didn't mind either way, which makes me worried they'll eventually realize they want kids)
Has children, even if they're already adults
Laughs weird
Previously married (most recent one lost their previous partner to cancer a few years ago)
Not regularly physically active
Has dietary restrictions/allergies
Doesn't drink alcohol ever
Obvious political differences
Doesn't like cats and/or my cats are scared of them
Has a dog, especially if it's small and/or if they take it everywhere
Has "weird" pets, like snakes or spiders
Has a messy home
Still lives with their parents
I'm out x5
Thanks for the candid answer. I understand the urge to nitpick. Although, for the life of me I can't understand how having a dog could be a negative. I feel like at worst that would just be a neutral? I'm guessing you're not a dog person?
I'm just not thrilled about the idea of sharing a home with a dog, and cohabitation is something I'd like in a long term romantic relationship. I grew up with dogs, and lots of friends family have dogs, so it's not an absolute, 100% deal breaker, but I hate when they jump on me, I don't enjoy their "kisses", and I'm easily irritated by many of the noises they make when I'm chilling quietly at home. I'm also easily irritated by noises that humans make when sharing close quarters, but it's rare to really notice those on a first date.
I also live in a dense area with very few private yards, so anyone I'm dating likely has a similar living situation, making it so that dating a dog owner has more overlaps than I'd like compared with dating a single parent of a young child. If you want to take an overnight trip together somewhere, you either have to bring the dog/child along, or you have to find a sitter.
On top of that, I have young adult cats, so the possibility of eventually moving in together becomes much more complicated.
Doesn't drink alcohol ever
Wow, call me triggered here XD
I'm interested what your reasoning here is.
You could probably describe me as a "functional alcoholic", so I find it pretty hard to imagine that I could be compatible with someone who never drinks. If I were to casually get to know someone through platonic interactions (mutual friends, sports, classes, etc.), I might be able to get to know someone well enough where it could work, but if the initial "get to know you" phase is through 1 on 1 dates, I just can't see it working out.
In the short term maybe, but there's definitely some areas where things become more affordable when you have two incomes contributing. Housing is a big one, and apparently also taxes.
Just find an enterprising other individual and create a business plan to get married on paper.
You might want two main bedrooms in a house. So a little remodeling cost. But then you can resell later as a mother-in-law room.
Hahaha, definitely something that has crossed my mind more than a few times. I definitely see marriage as a business arrangement between good friends that hopefully includes a romantic/sexual component. Just not really sure how/where to go about interviewing for that role. Lol.
Public restroom usability. I find myself noticing placement of hand drier/paper towel dispenser in relation to the sinks and making judgements about that. Plus I cannot stand the automatic water and soap dispensers that work about ⅔ of the time. Finally, sink faucets designed so that I basically have to have my hands right under them so that I’m splashing so much water on the counter rather than in the sink. So many poor design choices in public restrooms.
The one that really drives me nuts is when the faucet is too short/too far back meaning that your knuckles are constantly hitting the rear edge of the sink in order to get your palms under the stream. This is especially annoying when it's in an otherwise large sink!
Yeah, this is way too common, even in private homes!
That drives me up the wall. Last summer, I went on a vacation to a rental home that had this issue. After a couple of days of rubbing my hands on the back of the sink just to get them wet, I went to the store and bought a cheap funnel. I used my Swiss Army knife to cut off the base of the funnel, and I shoved it onto the sink. Problem solved!
If the water pressure was higher (or if the aerator was less restricted) it probably wouldn't have been an issue, given the angle of the faucet. It's still ridiculous that shit like this happens.
Privacy.
I know I can't completely stop any large corporations from collecting or using data about me, but I pursue a stubborn, swiss-cheese/defense-in-depth strategy to reduce the data anyone has on me to a minimum.
This means I have a dumb t.v., don't pay for streaming services, don't like or subscribe to things, have a non-standard encrypted email, have a non-standard phone, computer, browser, don't use AI powered suggestions if at all possible, and on and on.
It means a lot of minor inconveniences, basically.
EDIT: I just realized this probably counts as tech. Oh well.
Whats your non-standard phone?
It's nothing fancy. Just rooted, and I have fewer Google apps, use open source apps through FDroid when I can, etc. I've also paid it off and I'm trying to make it last as long as possible, although that's more of an experiment in being a cheap bastard than privacy.
User Interface.
Two examples:
• Simple vs. Easy: Taking away all the buttons and menus makes the software (look) simpler, but having those where I can get to them and use them is easier. Easier still: keyboard shortcuts for everything! Not as simple, but way easier.
• Save, Save As, and Undo: Save needs to go away. It’s unnatural. You don’t save in the real world. Any change just stays. If you want it different, you undo the change. Undo needs to be near infinite. Save As can stick around since sometimes you want to branch your progress.
Save is also going away for most thinks, so I think you're actually a little ahead of our time with that.
Yes, thankfully. Unfortunately, it’s rarely accompanied by (nearly) infinite undo.
I would rather lose than bring an unpainted/unfinished miniature to a tabletop game. On rare occasions if somebody is showing me a game and I have to borrow their models (for example a Battletech game last year) I will use them, but none of my own models are played unless varnished.
I don’t hold others to that standard, though I do appreciate seeing it.
You could try, "My 10 year old niece painted this for me and wanted me to use it tonight."
It’s less about quality (I am not the best painter) and more about not bringing obviously unfinished pieces. “Greytide” is a phrase in Warhammer communities to describe unpainted grey plastic armies. Similar are armies just primed one color. Often with pieces not all assembled. It’s less fun both anesthetically and because it makes it more difficult to figure out which miniature is which.
For me, only using my finished miniatures prevents me from sliding into greytide.
Ah. Ok.
Maybe buy a set of painted ones?
I'm not trying to give you a hard time or change your mind or criticize. Just a random guy on the internet blabbing away.
For me, it’s not a problem that needs to be solved, I have plenty of finished miniatures. No problems for me to field forces in most games I play.
I consider my painting to be the stronger side of the hobby than my understanding of gameplay.
omg. bussiness practices. Im an aging tech guy who falls into bussiness stuff and it galls me to have people with jobs where their specialty is management and they can't do the most basic stuff. Case in point we hire a management company for our condo association and are assigned a manager. I ask about the process for having some work done on my place and it goes into a back and forth chain because the manager cannot communicate clearly. What really galls me though is this is a common query that should have a document that I could be sent with all the formalities spelled out. Its like. How did you get this job!
Smartphones. I actually want them to last and be at least half reliable and work for a couple of years unlike xiaomi phones.
Kitchen knives. Nothing is better than a chef's knife with a forged shoulder and razor sharp blade.
Alcohol consumption. I don't drink alcohol - ever. Never have and probably never will. And it can be really hard being with people, who find it cool and funny to drink excessive amounts.
I volunteer as a scout leader in my country. It is astonisihing, what some of the troop leaders think of ok, when working with youth groups. And often enough even the regulations for underage drinking are broken (which are already relatively low, comparing to the US). They all just don't care as long as they get to drink as they like.
You can probably hear how frustrated I am, though I'm over with fighting it. Won't change ever and it is not good for my psychological state to go against society here apart from my own personal decisions.
Dating/romantic relationships. I usually manage to uncover multiple deal breakers on the first date, and I'm pretty sure that's more of a "me" problem, than a problem with the type of people I date.
It could be that you're just really efficient.
I have BPD, which means that the longer I know someone, the more faults I find and the more I start to go from liking them to hating them.
It is very much a "me" problem, but one that has no solution yet. 😮💨
Out of curiosity, what are some examples of what you would consider to be dealbreakers?
Oh man, I've really slowed down my dating, so it's hard to remember many of them. I know some of these are actually reasonable, but others are just me looking for faults/expecting perfection:
I'm out x5
Thanks for the candid answer. I understand the urge to nitpick. Although, for the life of me I can't understand how having a dog could be a negative. I feel like at worst that would just be a neutral? I'm guessing you're not a dog person?
I'm just not thrilled about the idea of sharing a home with a dog, and cohabitation is something I'd like in a long term romantic relationship. I grew up with dogs, and lots of friends family have dogs, so it's not an absolute, 100% deal breaker, but I hate when they jump on me, I don't enjoy their "kisses", and I'm easily irritated by many of the noises they make when I'm chilling quietly at home. I'm also easily irritated by noises that humans make when sharing close quarters, but it's rare to really notice those on a first date.
I also live in a dense area with very few private yards, so anyone I'm dating likely has a similar living situation, making it so that dating a dog owner has more overlaps than I'd like compared with dating a single parent of a young child. If you want to take an overnight trip together somewhere, you either have to bring the dog/child along, or you have to find a sitter.
On top of that, I have young adult cats, so the possibility of eventually moving in together becomes much more complicated.
Wow, call me triggered here XD I'm interested what your reasoning here is.
You could probably describe me as a "functional alcoholic", so I find it pretty hard to imagine that I could be compatible with someone who never drinks. If I were to casually get to know someone through platonic interactions (mutual friends, sports, classes, etc.), I might be able to get to know someone well enough where it could work, but if the initial "get to know you" phase is through 1 on 1 dates, I just can't see it working out.
Sounds like a super power to saving money!
In the short term maybe, but there's definitely some areas where things become more affordable when you have two incomes contributing. Housing is a big one, and apparently also taxes.
Recent article about that: https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/24055481/single-benefits-married-couple-taxes-money
Just find an enterprising other individual and create a business plan to get married on paper.
You might want two main bedrooms in a house. So a little remodeling cost. But then you can resell later as a mother-in-law room.
Hahaha, definitely something that has crossed my mind more than a few times. I definitely see marriage as a business arrangement between good friends that hopefully includes a romantic/sexual component. Just not really sure how/where to go about interviewing for that role. Lol.
Public restroom usability. I find myself noticing placement of hand drier/paper towel dispenser in relation to the sinks and making judgements about that. Plus I cannot stand the automatic water and soap dispensers that work about ⅔ of the time. Finally, sink faucets designed so that I basically have to have my hands right under them so that I’m splashing so much water on the counter rather than in the sink. So many poor design choices in public restrooms.
The one that really drives me nuts is when the faucet is too short/too far back meaning that your knuckles are constantly hitting the rear edge of the sink in order to get your palms under the stream. This is especially annoying when it's in an otherwise large sink!
Yeah, this is way too common, even in private homes!
That drives me up the wall. Last summer, I went on a vacation to a rental home that had this issue. After a couple of days of rubbing my hands on the back of the sink just to get them wet, I went to the store and bought a cheap funnel. I used my Swiss Army knife to cut off the base of the funnel, and I shoved it onto the sink. Problem solved!
If the water pressure was higher (or if the aerator was less restricted) it probably wouldn't have been an issue, given the angle of the faucet. It's still ridiculous that shit like this happens.
Privacy.
I know I can't completely stop any large corporations from collecting or using data about me, but I pursue a stubborn, swiss-cheese/defense-in-depth strategy to reduce the data anyone has on me to a minimum.
This means I have a dumb t.v., don't pay for streaming services, don't like or subscribe to things, have a non-standard encrypted email, have a non-standard phone, computer, browser, don't use AI powered suggestions if at all possible, and on and on.
It means a lot of minor inconveniences, basically.
EDIT: I just realized this probably counts as tech. Oh well.
Whats your non-standard phone?
It's nothing fancy. Just rooted, and I have fewer Google apps, use open source apps through FDroid when I can, etc. I've also paid it off and I'm trying to make it last as long as possible, although that's more of an experiment in being a cheap bastard than privacy.
User Interface.
Two examples:
• Simple vs. Easy: Taking away all the buttons and menus makes the software (look) simpler, but having those where I can get to them and use them is easier. Easier still: keyboard shortcuts for everything! Not as simple, but way easier.
• Save, Save As, and Undo: Save needs to go away. It’s unnatural. You don’t save in the real world. Any change just stays. If you want it different, you undo the change. Undo needs to be near infinite. Save As can stick around since sometimes you want to branch your progress.
Save is also going away for most thinks, so I think you're actually a little ahead of our time with that.
Yes, thankfully. Unfortunately, it’s rarely accompanied by (nearly) infinite undo.
I would rather lose than bring an unpainted/unfinished miniature to a tabletop game. On rare occasions if somebody is showing me a game and I have to borrow their models (for example a Battletech game last year) I will use them, but none of my own models are played unless varnished.
I don’t hold others to that standard, though I do appreciate seeing it.
You could try, "My 10 year old niece painted this for me and wanted me to use it tonight."
It’s less about quality (I am not the best painter) and more about not bringing obviously unfinished pieces. “Greytide” is a phrase in Warhammer communities to describe unpainted grey plastic armies. Similar are armies just primed one color. Often with pieces not all assembled. It’s less fun both anesthetically and because it makes it more difficult to figure out which miniature is which.
For me, only using my finished miniatures prevents me from sliding into greytide.
Ah. Ok.
Maybe buy a set of painted ones?
I'm not trying to give you a hard time or change your mind or criticize. Just a random guy on the internet blabbing away.
For me, it’s not a problem that needs to be solved, I have plenty of finished miniatures. No problems for me to field forces in most games I play.
I consider my painting to be the stronger side of the hobby than my understanding of gameplay.
omg. bussiness practices. Im an aging tech guy who falls into bussiness stuff and it galls me to have people with jobs where their specialty is management and they can't do the most basic stuff. Case in point we hire a management company for our condo association and are assigned a manager. I ask about the process for having some work done on my place and it goes into a back and forth chain because the manager cannot communicate clearly. What really galls me though is this is a common query that should have a document that I could be sent with all the formalities spelled out. Its like. How did you get this job!
Smartphones. I actually want them to last and be at least half reliable and work for a couple of years unlike xiaomi phones.
Kitchen knives. Nothing is better than a chef's knife with a forged shoulder and razor sharp blade.
Alcohol consumption. I don't drink alcohol - ever. Never have and probably never will. And it can be really hard being with people, who find it cool and funny to drink excessive amounts. I volunteer as a scout leader in my country. It is astonisihing, what some of the troop leaders think of ok, when working with youth groups. And often enough even the regulations for underage drinking are broken (which are already relatively low, comparing to the US). They all just don't care as long as they get to drink as they like. You can probably hear how frustrated I am, though I'm over with fighting it. Won't change ever and it is not good for my psychological state to go against society here apart from my own personal decisions.
Denim.
Discerning denim denizen?