What would your cat's Google search history be?

Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 62 points – 2 months ago

What outside wing thing? How to dinner time? How to exit tub (sphynx)? 4am zoomies land speed record? How to second dinner time? How to outside?

Post what you think your cat's search history would be!

Cake:

why mom no let me lay on lap ALL time???
how to friend tuxedo one
why not pay all attention to Cake
how to cuddle tuxedo one
how more churu

MC Hammer:

how to dinner time?
why tiny gray one still here
why I see bottom of food bowl???
how get tiny gray one to go away
how more churu

.......did you name your cat MC Hammer, or am I too drunk to logic?

Stop!

Hammer time

She was already named that when she was adopted :)

Why isn't the door open?
Why isn't the door closed?
It dinner time where is food?
New ways to show owner butthole
Catnip legal?
Do I have a catnip problem?

Shhsggsagahasjssgh

How get foodgiver pet me?

How get foodgiver not pet me?

How to best stare at foodgiver to give me better food?

Why does foodgiver sleep when its playtime?

Because she lays on the kehboard? Is that the joke? Dammit....I was going to make that joke.

ufo sightings
uap sightings
ufo uap crashes crash sites
unexplained aerial phenomena
global space programs
who is Elon Musk
name of this planet
weather patterns
are we in an ice age currently
hottest locations on aerth
hottest locations on Earth
how to make sunlight hotter
cat sweaters

It sounds like your cat would enjoy some sweater snuggles!!!

Go put on a warm sweater, and hug your kitty!!!

Bartholomew left, to return to his home planet, I assume. I didn’t find that search history until afterwards.

As far as I can tell Cats are an alien species that are apparently from at much hotter planet.

That tracks with: how much heat they generate, how they just zoom around the room at odd times (shedding excess body heat?), and why on warms days they still lay in direct sunlight.

I hope he’s found happiness.

Siegfrieda:

how open yoghurtcup
how get inside blanket
how open watertap
why toiletpaper fun
best tricks to play against human
why are humans selfheating
wats inside kitchencabinet
how to friend a kika

Kika:

how to tell unknown humans to not touch me with their filthy and disgusting paws
do humans transmit diseases or are they just disgusting
how to train humans to run towards you and pet you
why do humans call me tsundere
how to murder a ziguifrida [Siegfrieda]
where to get shredded chicken breast

how to train humans to run towards you and pet you

Oh no! I think they figured it out! That's ALL I want to do.

Then as you do it, provided that she doesn't know you, she'll hiss and threaten you. And then look at you with a dumb "why am I not being petted?" face.