whats your most self-incriminating story?

Vode An@lemmy.ml to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 53 points –

Preferably with your primary address so we know where to send the van.

37

I hate Illinois Nazis and I'm on a mission from God...

1060 West Addison Street.

You’re on a mission from God and live in a baseball stadium… would you like some assistance?

When I was in Grade 9 we discovered how to make a smoke bomb with Potassium Nitrate and sugar. You can buy Potassium Nitrate at drug stores under the name "saltpeter". Potassium Nitrate is an oxidizing agent so releases oxygen as it burns. Sugar is naturally flammable but puts itself out. Together it burns hot and releases a lot of smoke. For Halloween we made 2.5 lbs of it and lit it in my back yard. It filled the yard with smoke.

In Grade 10 we tried to outdo ourselves. We found a much cheaper source for Potassium Nitrate at hydroponic stores. We made a 25 lb smoke bomb. We made a 4 minute timer from an alarm clock we got at a thrift store and it filled a park with smoke.

In Grade 11 we had a reputation to uphold. We took a collection from some of our classmates and got enough for a 250 LB smoke bomb. My friend's parents were out of town and he offered his house for making the smoke bomb. A lot of people showed up. We didn't plan for this but somehow alcohol showed up and there was a lot of underage drinking. The sugar has to be melted on the stove. We were making batch after batch of the smoke bomb and dumping it in a garbage bin in the middle of the kitchen on a dolly. We had only made about 20 LBs when some drunk girl came in and turned up the stove temperature. It lit prematurely which lit up the entire garbage can. We were instantly blind with the amount of smoke and had to leave the building. The fire department was called. The fire went up into the attic. We did about $18,000 worth of damage to the house.

My primary address is 127.0.0.1.

There might be some kind of critical ratio formula of party size, alcohol distribution, and damage by one single idiot. I have seen so many stories like these. Usually "a friend" of another guest.

Was part of an oceanography class who had just arrived at a local mall. We were returning from a field trip where we were studying river currents. This is done, in part, by a super concentrated dye that starts out black but eventually thins out to either hot pink or a weird high visibility yellowish green. Some of the students might have kept some of those packs. Some might have even emptied them into the mall fountain. Funny thing, large amounts of hot pink dye, in a closed loop recirculating fountain, never really gets pink, but more of a... blood red.

In our defense, we didn't know the fountain was a closed loop. Thankfully nobody saw us, and it was written up as a "Halloween prank," in the local paper despite it being early December.

My primary address is 192.168.0.1

1 more...

The ‘virgin’ Mary and I had an affair and a simple lie turned into a ~2000 year cult.

Poor Joseph, forever known as histories largest cuck.

I always pictured him as regular human-sized, maybe a little on the short side.

You should have seen his girth. The girthiest. Attempts at penetration could never get beyond intercrural.

There was one time I was actually too humble.

Pride is a mortal sin my child, do not stray into fake-humility lest you join the cool kids club after you die

Excuse me sir, my humility wasn't fake it was bountiful. I was so humble that the sun blushed because it couldn't come down to my level.

The solar flares that caused wrecked havoc on computers world wide.

Do it again. Collapsing society is the least arrogant thing a man can do because it prevents him being remembered

I would never ever reveal my real identity here!!!

Does swg stand for what I think it does? There’s a whole instance for it? That’s awesome.

Su Cuy'Gar, Mando'an!

Hell yeah bro, Karen Travis or the show?

Thw books, obviously! Been decades tho

Hell yeah! It has… hasn’t it?

The faux tacticool spec ops grittiness of the first one was mind blowing to a kid just starting to get bored of Han Solo books (the successor to the Luke’s waifu wars between authors while occasionally having an adventure phase).

Crystal star was some wild shit wasn’t it?

I don't know what you're thinking. Judging by the other comment it accidentally might be. It was my first domain for a kind of Star Wars role playing group. I just didn't want it to go to waste thus used it for my personal instance.

Star Wars galaxies was my guess. Hell yeah dude

Unfortunately I never played the game back then. Didn't have the money.

It stands for Star Wars Genealogy. We were spoofing how everybody in Star Wars is somehow related to each other.

Lol, that’s a cool nod.

I missed out as a kid too, but there are privately hosted servers that are active if you ever want to see what it was like.

fedposting

Yes, this is asklemmy. I’m a fed and I’m asking you for help doing my job. Here. On lemmy. The last five infiltration attempts resulted in the agents getting frustrated and leaving. The arguments surrounding ordering dominos prevented anyone having time to get entrapped.

It’s the holidays, go to jail for me.

I once took an acquaintance's, that I no longer have any contact with, math final in college. She had been out of school for 6 weeks taking care of sick relatives, but she was late on submitting paperwork for an incomplete.

My payment? A 3 Musketeers. Worth it.

Geez I read "took" in the other context and thought you were pretty ballsy and inhumane to brag about taking (stealing) someone's final paper after they'd been out of school to care for sick relatives.

You’re a good friend. More people should normalize cheating in math. It’s bullshit they didn't let us use the tools we would have irl.

I rigged my senior finals and currently take long distance lessons on the basis that I finished HS fairly.