When asked a question, what is your first reaction, to answer the question or to defend yourself?

spiderwort@lemm.eebanned from sitebanned from site to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – -20 points –
34

Not sure you've given us enough context. Why would I feel the need to defend myself when someone asks me directions.

I have a suspicion you're asking if someone questions my actions or something.

It might be an intelligence test. It might be a test to see if you are "in on the joke". It might be a test to see which group you belong to.

Some guy on the street asked me if I knew where the nearby salad restaurant was. There was only 2 ways this could go. Either he wanted a salad for lunch. Or, as you suggest, he was testing me. Was I apart of this fabled salad group or one of the forsaken "others"? The pressure was on to say the least. I don't normally believe in a higher power, but I said a quick prayer for help to get me through this challenge. I gathered all my strength and told him "just a block that way" as I pointed down the street. Now, I could only wait for what felt like a millenia. Finally, he let slip the words "cool. Thanks" as he headed in that direction. I think i passed his nefarious test. But the only thing I'm sure of is that I barely made it out of there in one piece.

Edit: originally, the comment I replied to said that no question was innocent

This is beautiful and highly relatable and for that I must thank you.

Welcome to the salad group.

Pardon my post-post editing. I am a compulsive editor. I removed that line because it seemed too leading.

Why would I need to "defend myself" if someone's just asked a simple question?

They're linked aren't they? If someone asks you a question they're asking for why you hold a particular opinion, therefore simply by providing detail you're defending yourself, or at least the opinion you hold.

That's plausible. A question is a demand. As surely as a rock falling towards your head.

To answer the real question: "Everyone lives just as full a life as you, they think just as deeply as you do. Sure, people are brand loyal and don't think about things for themselves sometimes. But you, Mr. People Are Sheep, do the same thing, just in other areas of your life."

As put by https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/kfqy94/if_you_have_a_people_are_sheep_mentality_you_are/

Putting on a veil of vagueness and choosing innocent sounding phrasings doesn't hide this.

I'll just put you down for option B.

It depends on the question.

If the question seems to come from a place of genuine curiosity or if the person seems to be asking in good faith I usually try to answer the question to the best of my ability (and sometimes I might still try to answer even if its clear the person is not asking in good faith).

If the question is obviously coming from a place of bad faith or is obvious the person asking doesn't actually want an answer, sometimes I will still try to answer but most of the time I won't even bother.

If the question is accusatory in nature, I will obviously want to defend myself if I am innocent of the accusation.

Do you check the question for boobytraps?

I suppose I do have things to hide, but I don't make an active attempt to try to hide anything I do or have.

EDIT: As I was writing this comment, you edited the question from "Do you have anything to hide?" to "Do you check the question for boobytraps?"

As a side note, this:

Do you have anything to hide?

is what I would consider a "bad faith question." (And your post edit question is as well considering its original wording in context). This is a question that you are asking as an attempt to hit me with some "gotcha" moment. If I answer "No," then you say I am being defensive. If I say "Yes," then you say I am lying. I may be dumb but I wasn't born yesterday.

You don't actually want to know what things I have to hide if I had any, and you likely don't care. A person would respect other's privacy and not ask out of that principle anyways, even if you were curious.

"Do you have anything to hide" is just crass. I wouldn't have replied to it.

Or maybe it's an example of a "gotcha question", asked to introduce the subject of such. Because there is ambiguity there. Or maybe I'm feeling my way along and checking to see where your answers switch from "responsive" to "defensive".

Some people straightman it to the death, so the line is hard to find. Which could be called defensive from the start.

99% of these conversations are you talking to yourself. I think that's important to consider.

Honestly, this just sounds like you are a pseudointellectual that thinks you're much more intelligent than you actually are. I have had conversations with people that respond similarly to you, and this conversation has gone far enough for me to recognize that it will be a waste of my time. I don't care what you do with your time, but I won't allow you to waste more of mine than you already have.

They're a three day old account that's clearly just here to troll. They'll evade any actual discussion... so yeah - probably best to not waste any of your time.

Shields up Mr Sulu

to cry i donโ€™t do well under pressure

It's actually to look for ambiguity within the question, and answer the question in whichever way it could logically be taken farthest from the actual intent.

Ya I've seen that one. Usually less innocent tho. More of a you are damned for even asking, kinda interpretation.

I don't have to answer this! I didn't do it! You're the one who's wrong!

Why does your account have so many downvotes? Did you piss off the propagandists on lemmy.ml or something?

That's a good question. Wavelength mismatch I guess.

Fwiw your comments seem just fine

Thanks. Sometimes I wonder about that.

Normally I like to treat questions like telephone calls; ignore them for as long as you can and hope they go away.
I guess that is basically defensive but maybe "passive defensive".
It's what I do to viruses too.

Simply ignoring a question is difficult for me.

I feel compelled to answer. And kinda literally. This has faded with time but still.

I'm trying to do it your way. It seems healthier. Especially in this place.

It depends on the question and asker - usually I'll answer, sometimes I'm unable or unwilling to.