I am 51, bi, and to this day I am not comfortable discussing my sexuality. I don't think young people understand how different things are now when compared to just fifteen years ago.
Yeah, I'm in my 30s and I remember how wildly different it was when I was young. There's still a lot to be done but seeing the general shift toward acceptance is nice (where I am at least).
Yeah I'm in my 40's and nonbinary, but I didn't really understand it until relatively recently. I've always known I didn't fit into my assigned gender, but nobody knew what the fuck "nonbinary" was in the 80's (let alone here in Finland, which is still really conservative compared to the saner Nordics) so naturally I just got beat up for being different. I even dressed in gender-conforming ways but I didn't act the part well enough so people naturally needed to correct that with more violence.
The conservative pieces of shit who insist that all these "new genders" and sexual orientations are just a recent invention and in the good old days men were men and women were women are the same ones who were beating us up and even killing us just a few decades ago (not that they've stopped doing that…)
I didn't just suddenly decide to become an enby; I've always been one, but I didn't even have the words for any of this until this stuff became more mainstream. And then they have the gall to act like this is all a choice, like I'd fucking choose to be something that means bigots will literally want to murder me for it. First they insist that I'm not doing my assigned gender right and I'm not a real{GENDER}, and then when I finally say "you know what, you're completely right, I'm not". Can't fucking win with them, can we?
kiitos, kun olet ❤
I came out when I was 14 - 26 years ago (albeit as bisexual, because I didn't know the right words yet) and I felt safe enough to do it because I knew my parents would be supportive, but in the broader world, what I mostly got was, "you're saying that for attention," and a lot of gross comments from teenage boys, and that was far less awful than what queer boys got, if they were even able to be out. And then Matthew Shepard was killed the next year a couple of hours from where I lived and it was like oh fuck, maybe I'll just stick to boys because it's not as safe as I thought.
I know kids aren't always safe now, either, and no one in the LGBTQ+ community is safe in many parts of the world, but it really is so different already. We just have to make sure they know how much better it is, and how much better it still could be, and don't get complacent, because we could be back to hiding the love(s) of our lives very quickly.
It’s odd how much things change and how much they stay the same. An interesting, difficult to notice language shift amongst kids is the complete absence of context for some pejorative uses of “gay.” For instance, the catchall rejection “no way, that’s gay” would elicit confusion first and possibly indignation after. However, other pejorative uses of “gay” still exist, for instance conflating homosexuality with femininity, with femininity having a negative connotation. It’s a partial extinction of meaning and I kinda love it.
All of that to say, the future is looking up in select ways and I’m all about those minuscule victories.
I'm noticing quite the same with vegetarianism. I became vegetarian around 15 years ago, when it was still a marginalized group of people. Somehow also particularly as a man, my eating habits felt like a personal affront to other men, at least based on their reaction.
I generally don't tell people these days, if I can avoid it, despite having had multiple colleagues that were openly vegetarian/vegan. Like, at one point, I felt like the outsider, because I had three veggie colleagues discussing veggie food and I felt like I couldn't participate without blowing my cover, so to speak.
Fucking ridiculous, the amount of emotional abuse one goes through, for not wanting to eat meat or liking humans.
For young LGBT+ people in conservative cultures, hiding is still a reality. Only dumbass conservative would be surprised that there are “more” gay people in places where such a thing is not punishable by hospitalization or death
There's a fairly well-known story that illustrates this that I'll paraphrase here.[1, 2]
A Redditor thought that he was being homophobic towards his gay roommate because he got mad whenever he saw his roommate with other guys. Fast forward a couple of days and after discussing this with several Redditors and his sister he finds out that what he's feeling isn't homophobia, but rather jealousy. Eventually him and his roommate talk it out and they end up in a relationship.
Had this happened a couple decades earlier their story would have likely gone very differently. For starters the gay roommate probably wouldn't have been out about being gay and might have been acting in a more stereotypically "straight" manner to not raise suspicion. Had the straight guy found out that his roommate was gay there would be a higher chance that he was homophobic, and even if he wasn't he'd be far less likely to question his own sexuality after thinking of himself as straight for his entire life. Their story only ended the way it did because they live in a time where homophobia is less prevalent in society.
As societal acceptance increases more people who experience same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria are willing to explore and adopt a non-heterosexual and/or trans identity, and more people are willing to tell that to a pollster as well.
The life expectancy of queer people also appears to be smaller for a variety of reasons, although the gap with cishet people seems to have reduced over time.
I’m in the closet. I’ve only told a small group of friends who are enough degrees of separation away from my family that I don’t need to worry too much about it getting out. I haven’t told my family or most of my friends, considering that a mistake would result in that side of my family knowing. I’m bi and probably nonbinary.
I have some very bigoted family, fuck em. I don’t mind burning bridges with them, even though it would hurt for a little while. This family has cheered for the deaths of queer people, such as Nix Benedict. They have supported calls for genocide against queers, they have a huge amount of bigotry.
However, about 10-12 years ago, there was a debate over the existence of queer people in my family, regarding a string of current events about lgbt rights. My grandma, was the only person on that side of the US who supported the right for queer people to exist. My bigoted family was so upset that they just cut her out. She was blocked by that side of the family on social media, they’d drop her calls, and wouldn’t visit. My grandma was devastated. After the death of my grandfather, she was even more isolated, having nobody within 400 miles who would talk to her. Though she met up with the whole family to mourn for the funeral, she was still isolated for another month after it, until things healed a few months later and she was able to talk with that side of the family again.
I refuse to be the person who is the wedge in my family. I know my grandma good enough that she would still love and support me as a queer person, but I refuse to cause another split in my family that would harm my already very lonely and isolated grandma.
Even as an otherwise militant queer who had no problem coming out in a rough area like where I used to live, I draw the line on harming vulnerable people like my grandma. I just hate this situation so much.
The correct answer (if you were me): Tell the entire family to suck my rainbow-spangled cock, flip 'em every single bird, and get a place together with grandma in SoCal, but not before going on the most epic road trip imaginable. There is a movie script here, I can feel it.
I love it
I, late-50s straight cis man, found out that a man that I had worked with for 20 years was gay. I had never given his sexual preference and thought and didn't care either way. His boyfriend asked me not to say anything at work because he wasn't out. I said I wouldn't.
That year we invited them to our Christmas party. The boyfriend came but the guy from work didn't. The boyfriend said that he didn't come because he was afraid that people from work would be there find out.
I talked to him a couple of months later and told him that he should come out. I told him that people at work would say either, "I know/I suspected" or, "I don't care I just want you to process this paperwork." Later he told me that he had come out at work and that I was exactly right about people's reactions.
Being closeted to your family is extremely stressful. I hope you find a way to come out and that they accept you.
My daughter came out to me several years ago. I love her more than life itself.
Hating somone because of who they love is such a mean and cruel thing.
This feels both tragically sad yet oddly heartwarming. He feared coming out his whole life, yet despite that he spent 25 happy years with his partner.
Idk about the heartwarming part
In very few places would his job be safe
How many friends would have dumped him, family, etc? I too am glad he got to have a partner but when do you think they got to have any romantic dinner? Hold hands in public? Kinda sick of the well-meaning stuff, which is also condescending.
I mean, sorry to make you feel bad about what you feel is sympathy. I really do hate shitting on someone’s good feelings. But maybe reconsider “heartwarming” :/
I can see the tragedy and the beauty in the situation at the same time. He spent 25 years with someone he loved, despite adverse circumstances. That's beautiful and heartwarming.
He had to keep that love, and a big part of himself a secret until he died. That is a tragedy. Both things can be true at the same time.
No. I stand by what I said.
Cool 👌
I had a hard time understanding how pride helped people, even as a trans woman.
Like even (nearly) one year I to my transition I still fail to present differently in public because of the shame, I have a hard time with people already and this is a lot, this ruined my motivation to do anything feminine (what's the point of trying I'll never look good blah blah)
I'm still a bit like this to some extent, but I went to my first pride parade and I'm absolutely stunned, I saw some drag queens and even though they are cis men they manage to look good, they were unapologetic and proud of who they were, and THIS HELPS, heck seing other transfem IRL makes me understand that were all going through something similar and if we wish to be happy and fulfilled we should be out no matter where we are into our transition, it's honestly making me consider coming out to my friends. Because now I see that I'm not a freak and a good amount of ppl are like me.
Also I found out that the cute "male" cashier was probably a trans woman and she looks really good, I'm happy for "him". :)
This strike hard. It is so sad to have people hide who they are all their life. 😢
I am 51, bi, and to this day I am not comfortable discussing my sexuality. I don't think young people understand how different things are now when compared to just fifteen years ago.
Yeah, I'm in my 30s and I remember how wildly different it was when I was young. There's still a lot to be done but seeing the general shift toward acceptance is nice (where I am at least).
Yeah I'm in my 40's and nonbinary, but I didn't really understand it until relatively recently. I've always known I didn't fit into my assigned gender, but nobody knew what the fuck "nonbinary" was in the 80's (let alone here in Finland, which is still really conservative compared to the saner Nordics) so naturally I just got beat up for being different. I even dressed in gender-conforming ways but I didn't act the part well enough so people naturally needed to correct that with more violence.
The conservative pieces of shit who insist that all these "new genders" and sexual orientations are just a recent invention and in the good old days men were men and women were women are the same ones who were beating us up and even killing us just a few decades ago (not that they've stopped doing that…)
I didn't just suddenly decide to become an enby; I've always been one, but I didn't even have the words for any of this until this stuff became more mainstream. And then they have the gall to act like this is all a choice, like I'd fucking choose to be something that means bigots will literally want to murder me for it. First they insist that I'm not doing my assigned gender right and I'm not a real
{GENDER}, and then when I finally say "you know what, you're completely right, I'm not". Can't fucking win with them, can we?kiitos, kun olet ❤
I came out when I was 14 - 26 years ago (albeit as bisexual, because I didn't know the right words yet) and I felt safe enough to do it because I knew my parents would be supportive, but in the broader world, what I mostly got was, "you're saying that for attention," and a lot of gross comments from teenage boys, and that was far less awful than what queer boys got, if they were even able to be out. And then Matthew Shepard was killed the next year a couple of hours from where I lived and it was like oh fuck, maybe I'll just stick to boys because it's not as safe as I thought.
I know kids aren't always safe now, either, and no one in the LGBTQ+ community is safe in many parts of the world, but it really is so different already. We just have to make sure they know how much better it is, and how much better it still could be, and don't get complacent, because we could be back to hiding the love(s) of our lives very quickly.
It’s odd how much things change and how much they stay the same. An interesting, difficult to notice language shift amongst kids is the complete absence of context for some pejorative uses of “gay.” For instance, the catchall rejection “no way, that’s gay” would elicit confusion first and possibly indignation after. However, other pejorative uses of “gay” still exist, for instance conflating homosexuality with femininity, with femininity having a negative connotation. It’s a partial extinction of meaning and I kinda love it.
All of that to say, the future is looking up in select ways and I’m all about those minuscule victories.
I'm noticing quite the same with vegetarianism. I became vegetarian around 15 years ago, when it was still a marginalized group of people. Somehow also particularly as a man, my eating habits felt like a personal affront to other men, at least based on their reaction.
I generally don't tell people these days, if I can avoid it, despite having had multiple colleagues that were openly vegetarian/vegan. Like, at one point, I felt like the outsider, because I had three veggie colleagues discussing veggie food and I felt like I couldn't participate without blowing my cover, so to speak.
Fucking ridiculous, the amount of emotional abuse one goes through, for not wanting to eat meat or liking humans.
For young LGBT+ people in conservative cultures, hiding is still a reality. Only dumbass conservative would be surprised that there are “more” gay people in places where such a thing is not punishable by hospitalization or death
There's a fairly well-known story that illustrates this that I'll paraphrase here.[1, 2]
A Redditor thought that he was being homophobic towards his gay roommate because he got mad whenever he saw his roommate with other guys. Fast forward a couple of days and after discussing this with several Redditors and his sister he finds out that what he's feeling isn't homophobia, but rather jealousy. Eventually him and his roommate talk it out and they end up in a relationship.
Had this happened a couple decades earlier their story would have likely gone very differently. For starters the gay roommate probably wouldn't have been out about being gay and might have been acting in a more stereotypically "straight" manner to not raise suspicion. Had the straight guy found out that his roommate was gay there would be a higher chance that he was homophobic, and even if he wasn't he'd be far less likely to question his own sexuality after thinking of himself as straight for his entire life. Their story only ended the way it did because they live in a time where homophobia is less prevalent in society.
As societal acceptance increases more people who experience same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria are willing to explore and adopt a non-heterosexual and/or trans identity, and more people are willing to tell that to a pollster as well.
The life expectancy of queer people also appears to be smaller for a variety of reasons, although the gap with cishet people seems to have reduced over time.
Bawling my eyes out for Edward. Honestly makes me sick. It's okay to be gay or not straight or anything in between.
Also, HIV.
Relevant
I’m in the closet. I’ve only told a small group of friends who are enough degrees of separation away from my family that I don’t need to worry too much about it getting out. I haven’t told my family or most of my friends, considering that a mistake would result in that side of my family knowing. I’m bi and probably nonbinary.
I have some very bigoted family, fuck em. I don’t mind burning bridges with them, even though it would hurt for a little while. This family has cheered for the deaths of queer people, such as Nix Benedict. They have supported calls for genocide against queers, they have a huge amount of bigotry.
However, about 10-12 years ago, there was a debate over the existence of queer people in my family, regarding a string of current events about lgbt rights. My grandma, was the only person on that side of the US who supported the right for queer people to exist. My bigoted family was so upset that they just cut her out. She was blocked by that side of the family on social media, they’d drop her calls, and wouldn’t visit. My grandma was devastated. After the death of my grandfather, she was even more isolated, having nobody within 400 miles who would talk to her. Though she met up with the whole family to mourn for the funeral, she was still isolated for another month after it, until things healed a few months later and she was able to talk with that side of the family again.
I refuse to be the person who is the wedge in my family. I know my grandma good enough that she would still love and support me as a queer person, but I refuse to cause another split in my family that would harm my already very lonely and isolated grandma.
Even as an otherwise militant queer who had no problem coming out in a rough area like where I used to live, I draw the line on harming vulnerable people like my grandma. I just hate this situation so much.
The correct answer (if you were me): Tell the entire family to suck my rainbow-spangled cock, flip 'em every single bird, and get a place together with grandma in SoCal, but not before going on the most epic road trip imaginable. There is a movie script here, I can feel it.
I love it
I, late-50s straight cis man, found out that a man that I had worked with for 20 years was gay. I had never given his sexual preference and thought and didn't care either way. His boyfriend asked me not to say anything at work because he wasn't out. I said I wouldn't.
That year we invited them to our Christmas party. The boyfriend came but the guy from work didn't. The boyfriend said that he didn't come because he was afraid that people from work would be there find out.
I talked to him a couple of months later and told him that he should come out. I told him that people at work would say either, "I know/I suspected" or, "I don't care I just want you to process this paperwork." Later he told me that he had come out at work and that I was exactly right about people's reactions.
Being closeted to your family is extremely stressful. I hope you find a way to come out and that they accept you.
My daughter came out to me several years ago. I love her more than life itself.
Hating somone because of who they love is such a mean and cruel thing.
This feels both tragically sad yet oddly heartwarming. He feared coming out his whole life, yet despite that he spent 25 happy years with his partner.
Idk about the heartwarming part In very few places would his job be safe How many friends would have dumped him, family, etc? I too am glad he got to have a partner but when do you think they got to have any romantic dinner? Hold hands in public? Kinda sick of the well-meaning stuff, which is also condescending.
I mean, sorry to make you feel bad about what you feel is sympathy. I really do hate shitting on someone’s good feelings. But maybe reconsider “heartwarming” :/
I can see the tragedy and the beauty in the situation at the same time. He spent 25 years with someone he loved, despite adverse circumstances. That's beautiful and heartwarming.
He had to keep that love, and a big part of himself a secret until he died. That is a tragedy. Both things can be true at the same time.
No. I stand by what I said.
Cool 👌
I had a hard time understanding how pride helped people, even as a trans woman.
Like even (nearly) one year I to my transition I still fail to present differently in public because of the shame, I have a hard time with people already and this is a lot, this ruined my motivation to do anything feminine (what's the point of trying I'll never look good blah blah) I'm still a bit like this to some extent, but I went to my first pride parade and I'm absolutely stunned, I saw some drag queens and even though they are cis men they manage to look good, they were unapologetic and proud of who they were, and THIS HELPS, heck seing other transfem IRL makes me understand that were all going through something similar and if we wish to be happy and fulfilled we should be out no matter where we are into our transition, it's honestly making me consider coming out to my friends. Because now I see that I'm not a freak and a good amount of ppl are like me.
Also I found out that the cute "male" cashier was probably a trans woman and she looks really good, I'm happy for "him". :)
This strike hard. It is so sad to have people hide who they are all their life. 😢