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ickplant@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 594 points –
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"Of course she was, she looked like you"

C'mon dude. You already set this up.

Me being awkward: Of course she was. I mean, you are too!!

My wife and I don't hesitate at all to talk about hot people we see. Is that really so uncommon?

I hope not. I would be miserable in such an insecure relationship.

I know three other married couples, close enough that myself or my wife talks to them at least a few times a week.

Marriage #1 are two people who are playful with each other, and they point out hot people to each other. I think they have been married 15 years.

Marriage #2 are a couple who don't get along that well, the husband gets jealous if the wife even looks at another person of the male persuasion. Not sure how long they've been married, but it's not long. (Edit: my wife corrected me, the husband in this case gets upset if his wife talks to anyone semi-attractive, regardless of gender. He was apparently convinced that we had a threesome with his wife, but no.)

Marriage #3 are a couple who jokes with each other about it, "haha, I saw you looking at him/her". They get along pretty well. They've been married either 49 or 50 years.

Of course ancedote≠data, and I don't know everyone, but it seems to me the couple that gets jealous doesn't have the best time.

How is this even hard?

"Nearly as hot as you" should be practically a reflex response.

The reason it's a hard question is regardless of how you answer, your always in the wrong. "Almost as hot as you" "So you think she's hot?"

your always in the wrong

So you think she’s hot?”

Is a thing my wife will say to me, before she gives me a kiss and a sexy grin.

Or you can just say yes. You don't usually stop finding other people attractive when you are in a relationship

I think part of the joke is that lots of the traditional straight ppl out there have wild expectations like not finding others attractive anymore.

My gal and I will turn to each other and do a silent "goddamn" when we see an attractive person. Very refreshing having come off a couple of very jealous relationships

Are people not allowed to find others attractive after they’re married or something? What is this sentiment?

It's more of a shitpost than a sentiment. My husband and I talk about other attractive people all the time.

Are people not allowed to find others attractive after they’re married or something?

There's a general taboo against oogling. But its often a question of finesse. Doing a loud wolf-whistle at someone as she passes you is bad form, and doubly so if your wife isn't wolf-whistling with you.

I guess I’m trying to understand the reasoning for the taboo. Insecurity?

Also rudeness. Playing "hot or not" with every person that crosses your path is considered in poor taste. It objectifies and commodifies them, reducing them to visual spectacles in a way that can quickly become mean-spirited and oafish.

Also, depending on who your oogling, it can get creepy. Fixating on a particular age range or certain ethnic features (even unintentionally) is problematic for a whole host of reasons.

We all have different levels of insecurity. I think it's common to not want to hurt the feelings of the ones we love

"Yes, I already said she looked like you. But notice who I came home to."