And how's there a car in a mall? Life's important questions

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 1019 points –
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Why did the Bermuda triangle, quicksand, and maybe premature burial and stop drop & roll so capture our minds?

Replace the quarter to call home with swallowing gum or something.

To be fair stop drop and roll is still good advice. You just don't find yourself on fire that often.

In fact, it's a good thing that we never have to use Stop Drop & Roll ourselves.

The one time I did find myself on fire, I completely forgot about stop, drop, and roll. Instead I ran until I stumbled on the hillside, then shouted "am I still on fire?"

Aaand that story is why I no longer fucks with charcoal grills.

Caught my pants on fire from a welding spark and by the time I noticed, it was most of my leg on fire. Didn't even think to stop drop and roll, I just took off my pants.

Couple of points of advice:

  1. Don't wear frayed clothing while welding.

  2. Fire can't be seen through certain welding masks. If you feel warm, lift the fucking mask.

He forgot to mention all the people just giving you drugs to get you addicted

Fuckin’ D.A.R.E.

Omg I was so disappointed later on life to find out there are no free drug people. Fucking lame, they said it would be like a costco market.

You could also use bees, as long as you had 5 of em. "Gimme 5 bees for a quarter" you'd say.

Ok but spontaneous human combustion still got me shook though

Well it doesn't happen. Something that's 70% water can't explode. Have you ever heard of an animal exploding randomly? There's literally no way for it to happen.

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what the fuck is a kangaroo shoe pocket

Kangaroos (aka "Roos") were these awesome shoes with a little pocket in them.

I got a pair about 13 years ago, long after they'd stopped being popular, and used them to hide my drugs in high school and college. They were awesome until I started hiding really bad drugs in there. Then they were just enabling me.

Also what the fuck is swallowing gum.

Rumor has it that if you swallow chewing gum, it will stay lodged in your gut for seven years

Ah yes of course, just like the apple seeds that grow a tree in your gut.

Bad UX decisions is just like swallowing gum because both of them makes me shit myself

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