What do you think of the term "short king" as a term that's supposed to champion body positivity for men?
Body positivity is such a strange concept to me. There's efforts to reclaim words while simultaneously calling them bad if used as an insult. Ideally, people wouldn't be offended by someone describing their body with common descriptors, but socially there is so much value attributed to certain body types that it's almost impossible to avoid having an emotional response of some kind to various descriptors.
For example, It's not bad to be fat, but calling someone "fat" is almost universally considered a bad thing. The same definitely seems to go for the idea of being "short."
I'm asking this question because I can't put my finger on why but something seems to be different about the use of the term "short" from the use of the term "fat." I think that part of it is how, to me at least, the term "fat" is so generic and hard to nail down to a discrete definition, implying that the word really doesn't have a clear connection to reality. On the other hand, height is a single-dimensional number. You either are above a certain threshold, or you aren't.
I recently learned that May 6th to May 10th is "short king week" because it's 5'6" to 5'10" which then prompted me to search for the origins of "short king" and apparently the person most-credited with popularizing the term is Jaboukie Young-White who claims the term was meant to include all men under 6 feet tall. The average adult male height is 5'9" leaving men considered roughly average to be called "short" which is still considered an insult by many.
I dunno. As a term that was intended to champion body positivity compared with how the term is actually used, what do you think of "short king?"
I'm 5'6" and find the term childish and insulting. It's not the short part, it's the king part. I am not a king, I'm a regular guy working a regular job.
"Body positivity" is garbage. People should be honest and support healthy lifestyles. Twisting reality to make someone comfortable is detrimental to their physical and mental health.
I don't understand the reasoning but, across the board, it seems today's culture is very quick to accept literal delusions in place of reality for the sake of feelings and "mental well being".
I think that you have internalized a version of body positivity that lies on the most extreme end of what is meant by that phrase. Body positivity - be comfortable with who you are and do not put down on others due to their body.
The odds are that I am significantly fatter than you. The odds also favor that I am significantly stronger than you, even if you lift weights. I can also probably walk all day much farther than you can.
Would it be healthier if I lose body fat? Absolutely. Have I tried for 20 years to do that? Yes. I am not ignorant regarding nutrition. I am not lazy. I am not overall lacking willpower. I am fat but otherwise healthy.
Body positively means that my doctor treats my body fat as what it is - one aspect of my overall health. He does not assume that every problem I have is because I am fat, even though changing that would improve some aspects of my health.
Body positively also means that I am not going to hide when I go to the beach. I am going to go shirtless and enjoy myself. If you do not find me sexually attractive, that is fine. If you are going to shame or mock me for my body fat, then you are an asshole. If I catch wind of you mocking me, I will quietly estimate how many times your bodyweight I will deadlift on Monday. If you choose to mock the scars that cover parts of my body from extreme, life-saving surgery, I may feel the need to firmly educate you on exactly what sort of asshole you are.
Body positively often conjures the image of a morbidly obese girl on OnlyFans who lets people pay to watch her binge and intentionally get fatter while she says being purposefully inactive is just as healthy as hitting the gym. The real versions of that person are extremely rare, but their radicalism, vociferous nature, and platform make their voices much louder in comparison. Their argument is also easy to find flaw with and mock, so they get used as if they are a typical example of body positivity.
You are right in that the woman I describe above needs help and is not behaving in a safe or healthy way. I also understand why you might think that is the norm. She is not, though, and I would encourage you to look deeper at the meaning of the "movement."
The "you" above is generic and based on broad assumptions. You, the reader, might be stronger than me and have way more endurance than me. You also might be fatter than I am. The odds are very good that you are also not an asshole. My point was to call out variances from the norm as convenient examples, of which I have plenty in both directions.
If you’re a hundred pounds overweight, you should not be comfortable with who you are. People who support or celebrate morbid obesity are bad people.
It does not appear that you are really listening to others to do much as commenting pithy things, and I am not sure if you have some specific reason for this or if you are just picking fights.
But let's still break this down. Literally no one here is talking about celebrating morbid obesity. That is pretty much a straw man at this point.
Morbidly obese people should be able to look in the mirror and think to themselves, "I look good today!" They should be allowed to go out without worry that someone will make fun of them. They should be able to go to the doctor and be heard instead of the doctor assuming every health problem is only caused by obesity.
If you disagree with the above statements, please be very clear as to why. Everybody deserves quality medical care from their physician. Everybody deserves to not hate themselves. Everybody deserves to not be kicked for their appearance.
No one is saying, "Woo-hoo! Try to be so fat it harms your health!" I would suggest you read up on the science of weight loss and why so many little are obese these days. There is not universal consensus, but there is general agreement that the deck is highly stacked against many people, and extra body fat is not a simple condition to deal with in many circumstances.
People should try to lead the healthiest lifestyle they are reasonably able. No one is stating otherwise.
Your other comment I can't respond to for whatever the Lemmy reason lol, I very much like your take on these matters, also slightly adjacent, what is your dead?
Thank you. I don't have notes handy, but my deadlift was around 360 lbs. for 8-12 when I was last training it directly. A few health-related issues have sidelined my lifting for a couple months (post-cancer life sucks sometimes), but I am cleared to get back into the gym next week!
My legs are where I really shine, with my calculated one rep max for the sled press up in the mid 800s and working sets in the 600s. That is my lift where people stop and look twice.
Maybe no one "here" is celebrating it but I see it in pop culture a lot. I agree, no one should be making fun of people. I never suggested otherwise.
Our culture accepts that being 50+ pounds overweight is perfectly fine. This should not be normal or okay. Everyone should feel personal responsibility to live a healthy lifestyle but our public acceptance of being obese has shifted the scale, so to speak, of what is normal.
No one is talking about what a normal healthy weight is because that would impact revenue for food producers. No one talks about what a healthy lifestyle is because that would impact revenue of the entertainment industry. We live in a sick world that promotes laziness and addiction and being overweight. We care more about watching Netflix than we do about playing outside.
Again, I don't know where people got the impression that I'm supporting making fun of people being fat. I'm saying that we as a culture should not accept that most of us are fat. Body positivity is detrimental to a person's physical and mental well being - that's not to say they should be "shamed" or "made fun of". People should be aware of their flaws and supported to achieve personal goals. Our culture should shift away from the couch and DoorDash and towards the park and healthy food prep.
Yeah, shits me to tears that people think it's OK,
I lost 35kgs through diet exercise etc and I felt absolutely amazing at the 30kg loss mark.
Didn't think I felt bad at 125kg at 6ft tall when I hit 95 I felt amazing. Knees joints life everything easy.
Getting down to 90 on strict diet was hard and life just wasn't fun anymore. Sure 6pack was cool and all but just no fun. I'm not blessed with those skinny genetics.
Anyone who's fat and not been skinny in their adult life shouldn't think they're healthy and happy because everything is better when you're actually at a healthy weight.
I agree that we should strive for people to be healthy. But there's a lot of evidence to suggest that shame not only is ineffective but can actually have the opposite effect.
Besides, I think you're being pretty reductive. Health includes both physical and mental, we should take steps to improve both of these. And I get the sense that you specifically take issue with body positivity specifically around fat people, as I assume you don't think being short or tall is unhealthy. In which case, you're ignoring the economics of it (at least in America, there are a ton of government subsidies for corn, incentivizing businesses to load up our food with corn syrup).
The issue is complex and so would any solutions. At least in America, we need to deincentivize the production of unhealthy food, better access to healthcare, and cultural shifts as well. And I'm sure there's a whole lot I'm missing.
If you’re ashamed for being overweight, that’s something that should motivate you to lose the weight. Embracing being fat and blaming others is not healthy, it’s delusional.
There’s also a ton of government subsidizes for other fruits and vegetables. Don’t blame the government for your poor eating habits. Learn to prepare real food. It’s healthier, cheaper, and more abundant. You don’t need to deincentivize producing unhealthy food, you just need to choose not to eat it.
This culture of supporting people who are overweight is making us all lose sight of what a healthy lifestyle looks like. As generations spend less time working physically and more time sitting, our diets should be moving towards far less calories. Instead, we’re being made into nothing more than consumers who click a button to have bad food delivered to us while we sit on the couch.
The only complex issue is how we got here. It’s not complex to make healthier choices. I’d argue it’s easier than what we’re doing now. To quote Michael Pollan, “eat food, not too much, mostly plants”.
You would think so, but you'd be wrong. As I said before, shaming not only doesn't work but has the opposite effect.
As James Corden said:
If you're sincere in your desire to make people healthier, then shame is not the way.
If you're only interested in a feeling of superiority, then carry on I guess.
Except that I never suggested people should be shamed by others or made fun of. I said if a person felt ashamed of themselves, that should motivate them.
Do I need to repeat myself for a 3rd time? Do you not realize that "ashamed" is the adjective form of "shame"?
Wow. You’re really stuck on not engaging in this conversation. You can lie to yourself all you want and pretend you’re somehow more virtuous than everyone else. I’m not taking the bait.
I'm frankly not even clear what the conversation is that you're trying to have. You claim, "I'm not saying we should shame people" and then go on to once again declare that "if people feel ashamed they'll lose weight". So which is it, is shame helpful as a weightloss tool or not? Spoiler alert: it's not.
To me it honestly seems like you accidentally triple downed on an objectively bad position and are trying to buzzword your way out of it with accusations of virtue signaling and trolling.
Just take the L and move on dude.
I don't know if you're trolling me or you genuinely don't understand words.
To shame someone is entirely different than to feel ashamed of yourself. If you kick a dog, you should feel ashamed of yourself without someone shaming you. If you forgo a healthy weight or lifestyle in favor of overconsumption and ignorance, you should feel ashamed of yourself without someone shaming you. Someone informing you that you are overweight is not the same as them shaming you.
I swear, people are so hell bent on virtue signaling that they lose all sense of reality.
Is it? The end result is a feeling of shame. And that feeling of shame, doesn't make people lose weight. I've now said it for the 4th time. But yeah, I'm the one that doesn't understand words.
I see, so it's a moral failing of someone to be fat? Akin to kicking a dog? Wild take.
In the end, you're right. I'm not interested in having this conversation. Because this isn't a conversation about making people healthier, it's a moral conversation. And I don't think someone is immoral for having an eating disorder just as I don't think someone is immoral for having cancer.
If you would like to discuss actionable, material ways to help people I'm all in. If you want to larp as a televangelist screeching about the evils of being fat, I'm out.
LOL. You’re just arguing with yourself and your own made up conversation at this point. You don’t have to answer but I am curious if you’re an adult.
Literally quoting you lol.
I'm old enough to remember "asl?". Why do you ask about my age, looking for an easy way to dismiss me?
Out of curiosity, are you religious?
Let me preface what I want to say with the fact that I have previously lost half of my bodyweight largely because of a lack of body positivity in my head, and it’s still lacking.
You seem to be of the mind that people who have “unhealthy habits” should be shamed into living a healthier life. Where does that end? Should only people who physically appear to be unhealthy be shamed? Should people who have actual unhealthy bodies be shamed? Should people who have invisible unhealthy habits like hidden bulimia be shamed? Should people who have unhealthy mental conditions that are only diagnosable by experts be shamed?
I’m not being sarcastic or rhetorical, I’m genuinely curious where the line should be drawn. Some people are physically incapable of losing weight. Some people are perfectly healthy despite appearing overweight, yet they are treated like less valuable people because they don’t conform to beauty standards. Some people are notably ill despite fitting conventional beauty standards.
Body positivity is about eliminating social standards of beauty that ignore health, not about making unhealthy people think they’re better off being unhealthy. Furthermore, health is absolutely a luxury for many people. When survival is expensive, surviving with the time and money to take care of your body can be unattainable
I never said or suggested that and resent you putting those words into my mouth. No one should make fun of someone's weight. No one should shame someone because of their weight. You're making up a lot of ideas that I never presented. I'm not spending any more time dissecting everything you claim I said and defending myself. I think I was pretty clear about how our culture supports and celebrates being fat and I don't think that's beneficial for people's mental or physical health.
If you think the culture celebrates being unhealthy then you should know the only part of the culture that does that is the corporations that benefit off of it. The rest of us are trying to eliminate the unconscious bias people have against people who are “fat.”
If you see someone who you think is unhealthy because they “fat,” think again.
I am not observing the same reality you’re describing. I am seeing a culture of people who celebrate themselves and others who are severely obese, as if that’s a good thing. I have witnessed first hand that people are trying to gain weight because they believe it’s attractive and empowering. I have witnessed discussion that celebrates laziness and consumerism as goals to be rewarded over hard work and physical and mental well being.
I agree that corporate propaganda is a portion of this culture and I’m saying that we all need to recognize that we’ve been brain washed. More so, the propaganda is coming from people who already feel bad about themselves and are forcing others to accept them and their disinterest in being healthy.
“I’m fat and don’t care to lose weight, you should celebrate me and you should be like me too.” Apparently, anyone who chimes back suggesting they go to a doctor and get a health check is “shaming” them. You have to support them, you have to say “you do you, live your best life”, etc otherwise you’re disparaging them. It’s not about you giving a shit about that person, it’s about you virtue signaling so no one can judge you.
Feels like you are falling in to the same critism trap that catches "Pride" events, lots of people say that they can be proud of lots of things, not nessecarily an indentity or sexuality.
But pride is more about not feeling shame for things you can't control. Body positivity is about way more than overweight people, but being happy of who you are regardless of any stigma.
It's not my place to say people should like "short kings", I truly couldnt care less about individuals liking or disliking a given term. I just feel your reasoning would be better built upon infantalizing without attacking people that are fidng zen outside of unfair cultural stigma.
Do you think short people are living an unhealthy lifestyle?
They are if they try to use delusion to make themselves feel better.
Fucking amen
I recall a tweet from a ways back-
If calling yourself a short king lets you kick your insecurities ass well then here's your crown my dude 👑
I'm a man, I'm 5'5" and I'm far beyond caring about my height. It bothered me in high school but I found out shortly after it really doesn't matter that much if you carry yourself confidently.
That said, I've seen a number of other cis men find confidence in themselves by using short king self referentially and hearing people they want to date celebrate "short kings", so it seems to be a useful term. I've also seen a number of trans men find it to be a confidence boosting term, combating the dysmorphia of their perceived height deficiency.
I'll revel in such things with my friends for laughs, but, ultimately, it doesn't do much for me, but I like seeing what it's done for others.
Which is accurate and admirable, but for those still in high school feeling bothered, wouldn't the population of the term help them get to your head space faster? Terms of encouragement are a lot more valuable to the vulnerable than the secured.
What would help them build confidence faster is having something to be confident about. It's hard to build confidence when you have nothing to be proud of. Complimenting actions and choices will help them. What does "short king" help with that simply "king" doesn't? It sorta feels like you're either saying "dude your shortness is so impressive that I'm jealous" which doesn't make sense because that's kind of a strange thing to be proud of, or "you're so awesome in spite of your shortness" which is like a backhanded compliment by implying that their height is detracting from the rest of their qualities, or at the very least is calling attention to an attribute they're self-conscious about.
It's not something to be proud or ashamed of, it's just a physical trait that says nothing about a persoms charcter. But tons of people feel less than or are mocked for these sorts of intrinsic traits. Consider queer people, "Pride" events aren't about being proud of a sexuality/identity. It's refusing to be shamed in the face of cultural taboos and social stigma, it's about self love and acceptance than showing off something others should be jealous of.
I think that “championing body positivity” for any class of adult humans is undignified. I think that doing a special extra thing for people in order to reverse the polarity of a judgment about that aspect of them is cruelly mocking them for that aspect of them.
Perhaps there’s something about that short guy that’s actually awesome, and doesn’t require childish lies and role-playing to communicate.
If someone called me “small dick king” I would hate them forever, despite whatever positive intentions they might have had when they said it. Do not make my weakness the key point of my persona, even if you include that awkward attempt at “positivifying” it. Just call me “Intensely Human, master wordsmith” or something that’s actually positive. Don’t treat me like I’m a five year old, using keywords to remap my negative qualities into positive ones.
The whole idea of using a term, that’s special to short men, to “champion” (verbing nouns is horrible) body positivity in short men, makes me feel nauseous.
If we want to respect short men, let’s do so in action, not in word choice.
I'm on the tall side of average (tall to some, average to others, short to few), and to me it's always sounded like it's mocking short guys, and if I were short I don't think I'd want to be called that.
if you highlight a feature as "now its positive", what you're actually saying "normally it's negative"
I m 164cm and you have to admit that yup it is "negative" (well it s not really it s just that being taller is better) . I like the term short king I think. I m not an english native speaker so no one call me that .that s may be why it don't bother me.
It's silly. And 5'10" isn't short for a guy, and I say that as a tall lady. I don't think most guys like feeling short, that's problematic in itself but yeah, as you say, I would feel "short king" a backhanded compliment.
In general I think worrying about things people didn't choose and can't change is the worst. I feel slightly different about worrying about weight, but that's my own baggage.
King / queen is insta cringe
I'm a relatively short guy at 5'6". My take on this is firstly that I dislike being called "king" because it sounds patronizing, especially by someone who knows nothing about me (that just feels insincere). Secondly, I'm comfortable, even happy, with my height. There have been many times I've been glad that I wasn't taller. It's kinda funny watching taller folks hitting their heads on things and complaining about cars being too small.
With my shortness being accepted by myself, someone else randomly pointing it out by explicitly calling me a "short king" in an effort to promote body positivity makes me think that in order for them to be recognizing shortness as a potentially negative trait means they likely thought of it as a negative in the past and are now patting themselves on the backs for being "enlightened" and subtly shaming others who still haven't "evolved" to their level. It feels like less of a compliment and more of a circle jerk.
Also, I don't feel like shortness needs any championing. Going back to the topic of obesity in the discorse of body positivity, I think it's a great idea to treat people as people regardless of weight. But I think the implied premise stated by OP is flawed in this regard. I do think being happy with being overweight is different than being happy about being short. There are no apparent benefits to being overweight, since it generally increases risk factors in all kinds of medical issues. With this in mind, body positivity regarding weight should focus on encouraging others to lose weight without shaming them. The same is not true of being short. Besides the impossibility of people making themselves taller even if they wanted to, there's no negative to a person's well-being or quality of life because of it.
I can't remember any time in my life that I've ever been called short as an insult either. This post just seems to be attempting to fix a non-issue. In summary, I would rather no one speak the words "short king" at all. Just go with "you're such a badass" if you wanna give a compliment.
6'3" guy here. Every time someone says "wow you're tall" I say that it's not that great. 6' is plenty to reach high shelves and stuff like that I think, but I struggle with leg room in public transport. I think that's more annoying than needing a ladder once in a while. Also I often feel my hair touching the roof in smaller cars.
I'm a 5'7” guy and I absolutely support this kind of monarchism. God save the king.
If someone were to call me a "short king," I would have their name legally changed to "Cellulite Queen" or "The Right High Honorable Sir Shriveldick Pissinbed III" or some other such.
What if I called you a badass tiny motherfucker?
Your name is now Baron von Halitosis Drinksfromcarton Esq.
Fair and honest, except the titles. Thank you, tiny badass motherfucker. I accept.
I definitely roll with "badass tiny mf", "chill little dude", "tiny gangsta bro" or any other title making fun of my stature. Call me anything involving "king" and I'll be inclined to convince you that, even though I'm short, you'll be shorter once you're confined to a wheelchair
I don't remember women being taller than their partners being that big of a deal, until people making fun of it became a meme on the internet.
The short king thing is just another meme on the internet.
The internet made a whole lot of things a big deal. Then convinced guys they were the victims. Then filled their heads with extremist ideologies. What a wild past 10-15 years.
Yea it seems the internet became like a series of echo chambers rather than the democratic exchange we thought it would be.
Personally I do not let internet trends affect my behavior out in the real world. Why is that? Because if I use the term "short king" anywhere in the real world, 99% of people won't know what I'm talking about. Until you hear a real person say it (that means not on lemmy, not on twitter, not on dating apps, etc. or people you meet through these platforms) you can assume that there is no real impact to be had there. I think we give way too much credit to the internet for affecting real life trends. Most people don't care about these cute terminologies people come up with, and neither should you. The term was made to get someone attention, not to make short people feel better.
5"10 isn't short anyway. I think it's average? "Short king" is trolling 100% of the time. I won't call it gaslighting (a term I do apply to "big dick energy") because it doesn't seek that level of psychological invasiveness. But it's not intended as a compliment. It's trolling. Don't feed the trolls.
I wouldn't want to be called by any term partly comprised of 'king'. Just call me short.
Also I keep wanting to read it as shortening and start baking.
I dont have a problem with the phrase but I don't think ive ever heard it unironically or outisde of joking situatuons. Which is right about where the state of body positivity for men ends up.
Pro tip. Never tell people that even if someone is an asshole calling them small dicked is body shaming, unless you want all those people to instantly assume you're telling on yourself and then body shame you for that.
As someone who is a few inches below average height where I live, I personally wouldn't like being called a "short king". Also, fuck those over 6 foot men for driving up the average height and unintentionally making me have an irrational annoyance because I'm short.
Sorry 😔
It's not all roses up here either. I'm 6'4". Not NBA competitive in height, but well above the average. Finding clothes, shoes etc is a royal pita. Some amusement park rides I can't fit in. Having to duck a lot and having to be generally more aware of the height of doorways and hanging light fixtures. Also having people in stores asking me to grab stuff from upper shelving gets old too.
Who keeps coming up with this bullshit labels? It is like kindergarten.
My advise?
Words only get traction if they are used.
Whether you are short or not, ignore them. Do not use them.
Best way to win at that never ending game is to simply not play.
I know people mean it well and I respect that. But it's a little indirect insult, when their first reaction is to assume that you feel bad about it and to patronize you.
Of course there are people with that mindset among short dating men who often aggressively blame women's standards. So I try to be not too upset about it.
I loath it and the only thing I would think if someone called me it is that they have an uncomfortable fixation on my height. I think at the very best it is obnoxious.
I'm 5'4" and the term just makes me cringe. I don't normally think about my height unless someone else brings it up or I need to reach the top shelf, but I don't need encouragement in that case... just a ladder.
as a 5'7 person, I can't control my height. Therefore, it isn't something that I should feel bad about. it's the same way I feel about the color of my skin or any other physical or mental things I have going on that are 100% out of my control. it's a difficult way to address my shortcomings (pun intended), but once you start just accepting these are things that cant be control, you start feeling better about yourself. I've cut out a lot of people in my life that made me feel bad about uncontrollable things, and it's made me a much better person. I'm still on that journey to improve every day, too; it'll never stop
I think the trap many people fall into is getting caught up and comparing themselves to other people. I can't imagine if I woke up every day and compared myself to some of the wealthiest people in the world... I'd get depressed so fast!
as for the term short king, that's absolutely hilarious to me, I approve of its use lol.
well, there's a clear definition as to what is considered to be overweight, and if someone fits that category, it's up to them to decide how they take it. it's a lifestyle choice for that person, in my opinion, and I know plenty of people that are happy with their larger size and others that would like to bring their weight down. but comparison will always make someone feel bad about themselves if they dont take the comparison as constructive criticism.
Oh god, this kind of moral grandstanding is just cringeworthy, let alone as a false concern for others.
It screams "I need the approval of others or I feel bad about my genetics over which I have no control".
If someone doesn't like how I look, oh well, that's life. Seems this is a lesson most people learn in grade school - some people aren't going to like you, you're not going to like some people.
Further, if we're talking about physical attractiveness, that's something all over the place, and something over which we have no control.
Attraction isn't a choice - what you do about it is.
You're not entirely wrong, but you're also totally missing the fact that people are 100% judged by stature and not just in attractiveness, but in their value period.
The taller you are, the higher salary people will assume you already are making. During hiring, this means you'll be offered a higher starting salary to try and make the offer more appealing to you.
Here's an article that references the study I'm thinking of. https://merryformoney.com/height-salary/ If you care ,you can maybe dig up the original study somehow.
This sort of bias is pretty inescapable in our culture and will be I think regardless of our language. Preferred body shapes do change over time, even within the span of a single generation. Maybe tying more positive words around these words is part of that change.
This ain't short king energy
short just negates any positivety
It objectively is and it's a terrible comparison to being short.
Being fat is terrible for your health and will limit your chances in love. It's not politically correct to admit it, but most people simply aren't attracted to people that are overweight, and whilst appearances shouldn't matter, they absolutely do.
The difference between being short and being fat is that you can't control your height. Controlling your weight might not be fun, but you can essentially choose what weight you are.
Bullying is obviously never ok, but if you're not ok with the idea of being called fat, then you can choose not to consistently over eat for long periods of time.
Inb4: I understand some people have severe health and mental issues that are the primary source of their obesity and I empathise hugely with these people, but most overweight people simply lack will power. Losing weight is like giving up smoking, you can want to do it, but you don't until you say "enough is enough" and actually mean it.
In french, "short" is petit, which translates to small -there is no distinction between "small as in short" and "small as in small" other than context. Imho this plays a bit in how it's perceived : it's a less specific term than the english "short" while at the same time being linked with general smallness, which has some power connotations.
I think "short king" is trying too hard to reclaim a word, and in the process makes it sound more problematic than it was in the first place.
Just call then Ryan
As far as I can tell, "body positivity" is for ugly chicks. Pretty chicks don't need it and physical attractiveness doesn't exist for men.
As a man, the only thing about me that matters to anyone else is what value they can extract from me, and when the answer becomes "none" I will be discarded. Doesn't matter if a man looks like the inside of a kidney as long as he can pick up the check. Everything else about you is irrelevant.
I don't think most women are that cynical. Like do transactional relationships exist? Absolutely, but I don't think that's the majority of them and you probably don't want that kind of relationship anyways.
In fact, in my experience, women are typically made uncomfortable when I try to insist on paying for the entire bill on a date.
I think for a lot of women, it's as simple as, "am I comfortable and do I have fun when I'm hanging out with this guy?".
But at the end of the day, women are not a monolith that all think and act the same. Just as men are not a monolith that all think and act the same. So it is unwise to assume all women want the same things out of a relationship.
Yeah here's the thing about the women who just want to "be comfortable and have fun"...life has a way of becoming not comfortable or fun sometimes. Call up Little Miss "He makes me laugh" and tell her you've had a table saw accident and you need her to drive you to the hospital. See how much longer she sticks around.
I had a girl break up with me once because I said to her "I think I need to go to the dentist." Like the next words she said to me were "I don't think this is going to work out." Whatever we were, it certainly wasn't "friends." Turns out I was right, I've got a polymer bicuspid now.
The women who want to be around you because you're fun will walk out of the theater the second they're no longer enjoying the show. It's about what value they can extract from you. Always is.
Brother, these are super bizarre examples, and do not match my experience as a man whatsoever.
My past partners (and current too) absolutely would drive me to the hospital, even those with whom I just had a casual and completely financially independent relationship with. I even had an experience pretty similar to this in the past.
How does your world view account for relationships where the woman makes more money than the man?
Seems like somebody hurt you.
It is my understanding that these relationships are rare because of how many women categorically reject them, and relationships that didn't start out that way up but get there via promotions/layoffs whatever are on borrowed time or doomed.
Edit: what genre of music do you think Polymer Bicuspid would play? Would they be whatever blarp techno shit Freezepop is?
Do you personally view relationships that way? Transactional? In my experience there is a whole range of people when it comes to how much money matters to them, and seeing it as black and white is really limiting your options.
You remember back in high school or college, there was that group of friends that you always hung out with, you saw eye to eye with, you knew them, they knew you, you'd get a phone call at 2 in the morning, one of them is beside the road with a flat tire and you're who they called, so of course you go help? Like they don't ask because it's not a question, it's what you do, you'd do it for them, they'd do it for you?
First they stop texting you first but they'll reply when you text them. Then they stop replying. Then you stop reaching out. Then you delete their number. Then you get a text "Hey you still drive that truck?" By my mid-20's, there were none left.
Few mechanisms exist to meet new people beyond college, few people ever exchange contact details, of those that do, few answer the first time. I live in a town, lots of people live next door, across the street, down the block. None have introduced themselves.
Oh and "romances." So called. After the college sowing oats phase, in my actual adulthood, the one-night stands and short term flings were always 100% healthier than any attempt at long term romantic relationships. Communication...happened. "Here's what I expect, here's how long I want this to last, here are my deal breakers," etc. I will trade you one licked clitoris for one sucked penis. Deal, who goes first? Both simultaneously? No i prefer to be on my back. Okay, I'll do you then you do me. Great, let's go. That right there is 100% transactional, you could write it as a legal contract with consideration, terms and conditions. Anyone where you'd change your relationship status on Facebook for? No can't have that; that's beneath them. What ensues is 4 months of we go out on whatever dates I can come up with, ball is always in my court, she never knows what she wants, we have plenty of sex, but I almost always initiate, then about 2 months of vetos, shorter answers and "not tonight"s, then a week of "I hate that place" and "that's all you think about" and then it's done. She apparently wanted something from me, she was not willing to directly tell me what it was, preferring instead to see if she could get it by pretending to be my #1 groupie for a few months and then getting very resentful and angry when that didn't work. I'm not trying that again.
Do I personally view relationships as "transactional?" Yes, by derivation from first principles. Ask the question "Just what the fuck are relationships even for, anyway?" And the stock answer is "humans are highly social animals and they require interactions with other humans for their mental health" and, like, the very basic concept of a "relationship" is the mutual fulfilling of that need. "I will trade you one 'you heard someone's voice today say something not about work', in exchange for one 'I heard someone's voice today say something not about work'."
My first thought on writing that was "21st century wedding vows if ever I heard them." I was once broken up with for saying "I think I need to go to the dentist" so "to have and to hold in sickness and in health" is apparently out of the question.
Do you have any platonic relationships? Like family or friends? Are these relationships transactional for you as well?
There are people who have some of the same ancestors as me that I hear from once every couple of years when they need some furniture moved.
Damn that's sad to hear man.
I think I now understand why you believe women are only interested in extracting value out of you. It's because that's how you've been treated. And further, you've accepted this as a universal truth. And when entering new relationships yourself, you start with the question, what value can I extract from this other person? That's probably why you don't have any male friends, because you can't extract any value from them. And you self-select for romantic relationships in the same way. You're stuck in a cycle. If you remain set in your view that relationships are transactional, it's hard to imagine you ever experiencing one that is not.
You have a great deal of value outside of how much money you make there are people out there interested in those qualities. I'm sorry you haven't noticed them yet, but they are out there. Try to keep an open mind and an open heart and you may find them and they find you sooner than you think.
captain_aggravated is not talking about how he values himself. He’s talking about how society values him.
My hourly rate for day labor is $40/hr. I will not give you anything or do anything for you for free.
You know damn well that's not what I meant and also that's far too low these days, you should ask for more.
Hey you're the perfect stranger asserting I have "value" despite having no possible idea what it might be. You might as well have said "Jesus loves you." It would be equally untrue and I'd know whose bullshit you're trying to get me to buy.
Lmao what trite contrarian bullshit, you yourself asserted your high value in this same comment thread.
Get over yourself.
I make more btw, cheers!
I didn't assert myself as high valued. I asserted myself as non-free.
Do you think forty an hour is a flex? That's like walk in off the street temp work that methheads and homeless people do lol. Even within the narrow confines of your pathetic worldview you are a complete loser lol.
Aren't we all?
How long did it take to convince yourself of that one, haahaha
It's obvious having ever met people.
What is? The lack of any differentiation on physical attraction between males?
Are you sure you're not just deluding yourself that that doesn't exist since you don't like the position you'd fall into?
You're saying there's no difference in physical attractiveness between Brad Pitt and someone like this man?
Brad Pitt isn't a real attractive man, he only plays one in movies. I'm sure both Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston both told him his dick was both huge and tiny depending on how mad they were at him, and both of them lied both times.
You can believe in Russel's Teapot as much as you want, even if it is true, which it obviously isn't, it can't possibly matter. Anyone who calls you handsome, who says they want to fuck you, who says they like you for who you are? They are lying to manipulate you. No one will ever like you for any reason. They will only pretend to like you so they can get money, things and chores from you. "That's not true my wife genuinely loves me" Break your spine, lose your job and spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair, see how much longer she "loves you for who you are."
So you're saying there is ZERO DIFFERENCE in physical attractiveness between the two pictures I posted?
Jesus you're bitter. You should look into psychedelic assisted therapy.
I've been offered money to have sex with women, several times.
Weird how they've given me money, things and done my chores if they only want those things from me, huh?
The reason you feel that way is that you're a bitter misogynist who writes things like "that's for ugly chicks", while actively pretending attractiveness in men doesn't exist so you don't have to face being an "ugly chick" yourself.
Yeah, it's true golddiggers exist, but if you stop being such a massive cunt you might one who isn't.
But that's all in your future, as I'm pretty positive I'm talking to a teenager who's annoyed that his crush liked the boy with the more expensive phone or a newer vehicle of some sort, something to that effect.
You'll get over it.
Give the second man the first man's cosmetic surgery budget and they'd bear a striking resemblance. Or he could just pay people to call him whatever he wants to be called. I mean, Donald Trump has ever gotten laid. Whether attractiveness or repulsiveness in men exists, it doesn't matter because no one uses it for anything.
Women's worth is based on their physical appearance. Ugly women are worth less as people than pretty women, which is why "body positivity" is only ever mentioned by lumpy misshapen women and corporate advertising firms who want to sell them cosmetics. Men are not worth anything in and of themselves; their value is found in that they own and control. That's how the world actually works, and hippy bullshit like "all lives matter" will never change that. NO LIVES MATTER, least of all yours and mine.
So you admit that there IS a difference in their physical attractiveness, which means that such a thing does exist, meaning you admit you said something you don't actually believe in.
My point exactly.
Don't worry, the bitterness of having crushed so hard on a person you didn't even manage to talk to will fade when you grow up. Well, hopefully you do at some point at least. I don't know how ugly you are, but it can't be much uglier than your rhetoric. I suspect you keep reading some of the "tips" of others (internally and externally) ugly guys like whathisface who's locked up in Romania.
I'm 36 years old, I've been around long enough to see the shame in people's eyes when asked "What exactly do you want from me?" One man is more visibly damaged than the other. Vaginal wetness because of facial symmetry isn't real. Vaginal wetness because a movie star's pay means mansions and limousines is real. There aren't legends of men so beautiful that women destroyed civilizations to be with him, because that's not what men are valued for.
Teaching young men that they can be liked for who they are is just...harmful. To everyone outside of himself, a man is only as valuable as what you can get out of him. If you can't get much out of him, he will be treated VERY badly, even worse if he dares to have needs of his own.
Well, I guess there's really no hope for you anymore. Well, with PAT it would be probably possible, but I seriously doubt it at that point.
"More visibly damaged"
Ah, so because I pointed out that you actually admitted to there being a difference, you're now eating your words and saying "there's no difference in physical attractiveness".
Either you're lying to keep up the pretense you need to (because of your own level of attractiveness), or you literally have brain damage. You don't want to see the ugly truth that ugly people are at a disadvantage, both male and female. :)
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2003-05637-007 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1975-01055-001 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-01479-006
"Vaginal wetness because of facial symmetry isn't real."
Weird way to try to say that "I don't want to admit that women have the capacity to be sexually attracted to how someone looks, despite that being an objective and incontrovertible fact, because I've never had that happen to me, so it can't be real, because I don't want to admit what an uggo I myself am".
You know what definitely is real though? Vaginal dryness after hearing sentences like "vaginal wetness because of facial symmetry". Such incel comments. You're trying to objectify women to the extent that you don't even want to think about there being an actual person who gets aroused because of something they see, so you don't even talk of arousal, you talk of "vaginal wetness". Would you ever write "penile stiffness" when talking about getting hard?
I can see after this conversation why you'd need those delusions to be true, because with the rhetorical output of a teenage incel, you're definitely never gonna induce "vaginal wetness" in anyone.
Weird how pretty much every relationship I've been in as a man has been me getting money and chores out of the women, instead of the other way around. So I guess you're also gonna pretend that you don't understand the sterotype of the extremely good looking guy who goes around banging the wives of the less-than-attractive men while they're at work? What exactly is the woman getting out the guy she's fucking in secret?
Wrong. It's the exact way we avoid them turning out like you, a delusional guy saying "ugly chicks" and "vaginal wetness" while being on the lowest ladder of male attractiveness.
The good point is that even people like you can improve. Just stop with the crazy misogyny, go to therapy, hit the gym and take care of your skin. Facial features don't matter as much as your facial expressions. So there's hope for you yet, but only after you fix yourself up, psyche and all.
I probably would, yeah. That sounds like how I talk, though on reflection I'd probably use the word "hardness."
So I'm the misogynist while you're over here like "Have you considered that women are shallow cheating sluts?" And why is said cheating slut still involved with her "less-than-attractive" husband? Yeah, she sounds like a great person who I should...put a lot of work into myself to be worthy to be around. Sign me right the fuck up.
I'm not the problem here. I live in a world where most employers would pay you in company scrip rather than USD if, nay, when they're allowed to get away with it again. I live in a world where 100% of the phone calls I get are scams or reminders of doctor's appointments. I live in a world where packages of food labeled 12 ounces have 9 ounces of food in them. Everyone is out to scam you. EVERYONE. What method they choose to use is at least partially a factor of who they are to you. Are they an employer, a retailer, a banker, a young blonde? NONE of them care about your well being. None of them will call you an ambulance unless it would reflect badly on them not to.
Repeat after me: No, they don't love you. They don't like you for who you are as a person. You did not win the Spanish lottery. Your car does not have an extended warranty. We are not like a family here.
You might, if the context really called for it. Like when talking about the difference between morning wood and actual arousal. You know the difference right? But you don't have enough empathy to understand women also get aroused, and it's not just about "vaginal wetness". Which is why describing a man getting horny as "getting penile stiffness".
But you're having trouble being honest, so that's just another example of it. More with yourself than with me.
I'm not the one slut-shaming someone. It's none of your business who someone has sex with, and the fact that you instantly go to "slut" instead of say, abusive, uncaring husband whom the woman is no longer in love with, says a lot, doesn't it?
The first comment of yours I replied to had "ugly chicks" in it. First off... "chicks"? Second, saying things like that is exactly why women perceive you as incredibly unattractive. Because unlike for you, women aren't interested just in physical attractiveness. It is one of many factors that come into play as to whether a person is attractive or not. A woman might say they'd have sex with a person based on their physical attractiveness, but if they had to do it based on talking to someone for a minutes, being a shallow misogynistic dick would override even the best looks. Because despite your delusions, women do actually have thoughts and feelings.
"I", "I", "I", "me", "me", "me", "me". "I have no friends, I don't get anything but scam calls, people don't like me, everyone is out to scam me" .... "I'm not the problem".
No, you're not the problem. You have a problem. You're depressed. Get help for it.
Yes, problems exist. Yes, shitty people exist. But "only the Sith deal in absolutes" and so-on. You definitely need therapy.
Do you know what also exist? Difference in physical attractiveness between men. For instance, you seem completely incapable of making women or anyone like you for that matter. I've never had a problem with it. Actually, I've had a problem making friends too easily, and women fawning over me too much. Even to the point I've realised I could actually abuse them, just like all the good looking assholes in the movies. The problem is, that's the sort of assholery I'm really not into. So I don't.
People might not really love you, but how deeply fucked up do you have to be to think that your situation is extrapolated to every single other person?
So I guess you may have just never really even experienced love. And that's why I honestly suggest you look into psychedelic-assisted therapy. Jokes aside, it fucking works. No-one wants to be around a misery like you, but don't think that means that no-one wants to be around anyone, that friends don't care for each other, that you can't love someone or have meaningful relationships. It's weird how you keep pretending women are some sort of parasites, but yet you never address the implication that it works both ways, which means you think men "actually" love women, but that women just don't have the ability.
Which is loud as fuck for "I had a bad relationship and never had the coping tools to get over it so now I'm nearing 40 and I'm alone, sad and scared, so I lash out and pretend caring isn't real like some sort of teenage incel"
So you're still saying that there's no difference in physical attractiveness between Brad Pitt and say... you? ;P
Thank you for telling the truth. It’s good to see someone doing that instead of trying to spin feel-good bullshit.
Oh another delusional person.
You seriously think there's no such thing as physical attractiveness? If you seriously believe that, you're most likely suffering from actual brain damage. What is more likely is you're pretending it doesn't, so you don't have to feel bad about not being in the attractive group. Too bad. ;P