Things to keep you up at night

The Picard Maneuver@startrek.website to Memes@sopuli.xyz – 410 points –
32

Some people don't grow facial hair, my dude

TIL Tarzan is Japanese or Scandinavian.

Ah yes, the famously beardless Vikings came also first to my mind!

Most Native Americans have a rough go of it too. My buddy in the army shaved like once a week and even that was barely some fuzz over his upper lip.

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Pretty much every iteration of Tarzan I've ever seen has him carrying a knife.

EDIT: Oh, I've come to the realization most people's one and only contact with Tarzan seems to be another in a long line of Disney bastardizations.

Tip, read the original stories of every story Disney ever "adopted", most of them are nowhere near as cutesy as DIsney makes them out to be and fairy tales in their original form were usually absolute horror stories.

They were meant to warn kids of dangers, not to give them Disney princes feelings.

I'm not sure Edgar Rice Burroughs was going for realism either. It's just a pulpy action book all about how this noble born white dude is just naturally superior to everyone else just because he's a lord.

It's directly addressed in the first book.

What is their reasoning?

Edit: he just shaved himself, that simple apparently. Seems too obvious in hindsight...

Edgar Rice Burroughs: Tarzan of the Apes Chapter 13: His Own Kind (continued)

The young Lord Greystoke was indeed a strange and war-like figure, his mass of black hair falling to his shoulders behind and cut with his hunting knife to a rude bang upon his forehead, that it might not fall before his eyes.

His straight and perfect figure, muscled as the best of the ancient Roman gladiators must have been muscled, and yet with the soft and sinuous curves of a Greek god, told at a glance the wondrous combination of enormous strength with suppleness and speed.

A personification, was Tarzan of the Apes, of the primitive man, the hunter, the warrior.

With the noble poise of his handsome head upon those broad shoulders, and the fire of life and intelligence in those fine, clear eyes, he might readily have typified some demigod of a wild and warlike bygone people of his ancient forest.

But of these things Tarzan did not think. He was worried because he had not clothing to indicate to all the jungle folks that he was a man and not an ape, and grave doubt often entered his mind as to whether he might not yet become an ape.

Was not hair commencing to grow upon his face? All the apes had hair upon theirs but the black men were entirely hairless, with very few exceptions.

True, he had seen pictures in his books of men with great masses of hair upon lip and cheek and chin, but, nevertheless, Tarzan was afraid. Almost daily he whetted his keen knife and scraped and whittled at his young beard to eradicate this degrading emblem of apehood.

And so he learned to shave--rudely and painfully, it is true--but, nevertheless, effectively.

Why is Jesus Christ represented white and pale as fuck?

Because of Tarzan? 😱

Hey, have you ever seen Jesus and Tarzan in the same room?

Tarzan is actually just Jesus with his top taken off and his hair messed up. He fooled everyone like that and later inspired Clark Kent to do the same.

Catholicism spread their regionalized interpretations of Jesus and other important figures, for example the virgin Mary is represented with attributes similar to those of the locals as well as the colors of the country flag.

In Mexico we have the Virgen de Guadalupe, she's "morenita" (light brownish skin) and she's wearing a green robe, she has a red aura around her and she's on a white ish background, similar to the Mexican flag 🇲🇽

In Argentina they have the Virgen de Luján, she's wearing a light blue robe and her hands suddenly pop out of her robe right in the middle of her body, simulating the structure of the Argentinian flag 🇦🇷

In Venezuela, they have the Virgen de Coromoto, wearing a blue robe, red pants and she's under a yellow structure, once again, similar to the country flag. 🇻🇪

They used the virgin here as LATAM countries are centered around respect for one's mother, so normally you can find people calling the virgin as they would their mother, and then you sprinkle the flags colors for further identification.

Why didn't the humans in Ice Age have beards??