Even if you are not religious (I'm not) we really need a Bible tv show. But it has to be 100% accurate, no cuting corners, at most they could modernize the language, but it has to have 100% of dialogues there. It would be amazing
Cocks of horses and donkey cummies and all that.
Specially that, everything the relihious freaks would get mad about, but they can't because bible.
Oh they'll get mad anyway.
Especially if ones 'accurate' and doesn't use white people?
Yes, all white evangelical people of the midle east! Even before the birth of jesus lol Moses will be "Here are the 10 commandments Praised be Jesus!"
You know it.
Who doesn't want donkey cummies 💨💦💦
100% accurate to which version? King James version? The Latin that was translated from? The Greek that was translated from? The original (I think) Hebrew?
And you've just summed up all religious conflicts.
Keeping the same language so no mistranslation is no barrier for religious wars. Shia and Sunni do fine despite both having the Koran in original Arabic.
Unless you are cramming the whole book into a single episode or movie the religious weirdos will just cherry pick the episodes they like, as they do with the book now.
I'd settle for a Bible written in plain, modern English. The closest I could find was Word on the Street but it was a white guy trying to write like a gangsta and it fell a bit flat.
NIV doesn’t work for you?
There’s a newer translation called the EHV that I believe is supposed to be more understandable and plain English. Might try that.
I'm looking more for a complete modern overhaul, not a line-by-line modern translation. Like a novel. I still use the KJV in church so I get exposed to the original scripture but it's often very difficult to actually grasp what's going on.
This is what he sent me.
I just messaged my discord friend who's an ordained minister. I'll let you know what he says.
The Message is a pretty good modern translation
Try New World Translation
I'm not a Jehovah's Witness.
It's still a good translation, and faithful to the original text
That would be insanely hard to do accurately. There's some repeated stories (kings/chronicles or Matthew/Mark/Luke/John), there's stuff that isn't a story at all (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, song of songs), and most of the new testament is letters.
The first thing that comes to mind is good omens but I don't if it's accurate.
It's close enough.
Not exactly what you're thinking, but Moral Orel dabbled in this. It was made by the guy you probably know as Starburns from Community. who provides the voice of Mickey Mouse, but you might know him better as the guy from the "this guy fucks" meme.
Edited because I confused two Greeks.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that Chris Diamantopoulos and Dino Stamatopoulos are two different people despite how incredibly similar their names are. And by "similar" I guess I mean "Greek".
Oh no, my life is a lie. It was Starburns the whole time!
My bad.
Point stands, Moral Orel is great.
I want to see this done like an episode of Judge Judy, but it's some bored king as judge.
Both the title and the image seem to be misunderstanding what the story actually is saying, as if it were the king's kid that got ate.
24 Some time later, Ben-Hadad king of Aram mobilized his entire army and marched up and laid siege to Samaria. 25 There was a great famine in the city; the siege lasted so long that a donkey’s head sold for eighty shekels[a] of silver, and a quarter of a cab[b] of seed pods[c] for five shekels.[d]
26 As the king of Israel was passing by on the wall, a woman cried to him, “Help me, my lord the king!”
27 The king replied, “If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?” 28 Then he asked her, “What’s the matter?”
She answered, “This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ 29 So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.”
30 When the king heard the woman’s words, he tore his robes. As he went along the wall, the people looked, and they saw that, under his robes, he had sackcloth on his body. 31 He said, “May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if the head of Elisha son of Shaphat remains on his shoulders today!”
siege lasted so long that a donkey’s head sold for eighty shekels[a] of silver
Imagine a food shortage so bad that the nutritional value of the leather in the upholstery of your car is worth more than the cost of the car in good times.
Can you explain for an ignorant person? Because to me it sounds like they just cannibalized someone.
They did. The people were starving to death. The woman's complaint was that her friend had talked her into eating their sons... but to eat hers first. When the time came to eat the friend's she played clueless about his whereabouts. The king was understandably upset at the state of affairs.
Ohhh ok. So it has nothing to do with the king's son. She is just telling her story to the king. Got it, thanks!
Yeah I fucked up, had a shitty day and didn't pay attention, but .eh, still funny tho, just I'm an idiot.
Just kill and eat the king, he's obviously shit at his job if they're all starving.
Do you think they made stickers featuring a photo of the king next to the words “I did that” to put on price tags for donkey heads? (II Kings 6:25)
How much son chowder you need to eat anyway?
Shau-dere? Shau-dere? It's "chowdah." Say it right!
More than zero is already to much
Wholesome
I looked into the verse and aftermath until I got bored.
Did the sneaky cannibal mom ever get punished? I read enough to know the uneaten son remained uneaten.
And did no one get mad that they boiled the first lady's son? Like, there's got to be better ways to cook a child. Boiling meat rarely leads to a tasty dish. Unless they made a stew I guess
Stew? With what ingredients? Do you understand what position you're in if your city is in a siege and brought to the point of eating children?
Even if you are not religious (I'm not) we really need a Bible tv show. But it has to be 100% accurate, no cuting corners, at most they could modernize the language, but it has to have 100% of dialogues there. It would be amazing
Cocks of horses and donkey cummies and all that.
Specially that, everything the relihious freaks would get mad about, but they can't because bible.
Oh they'll get mad anyway.
Especially if ones 'accurate' and doesn't use white people?
Yes, all white evangelical people of the midle east! Even before the birth of jesus lol Moses will be "Here are the 10 commandments Praised be Jesus!"
You know it.
Who doesn't want donkey cummies 💨💦💦
100% accurate to which version? King James version? The Latin that was translated from? The Greek that was translated from? The original (I think) Hebrew?
And you've just summed up all religious conflicts.
Keeping the same language so no mistranslation is no barrier for religious wars. Shia and Sunni do fine despite both having the Koran in original Arabic.
Unless you are cramming the whole book into a single episode or movie the religious weirdos will just cherry pick the episodes they like, as they do with the book now.
I'd settle for a Bible written in plain, modern English. The closest I could find was Word on the Street but it was a white guy trying to write like a gangsta and it fell a bit flat.
NIV doesn’t work for you?
There’s a newer translation called the EHV that I believe is supposed to be more understandable and plain English. Might try that.
I'm looking more for a complete modern overhaul, not a line-by-line modern translation. Like a novel. I still use the KJV in church so I get exposed to the original scripture but it's often very difficult to actually grasp what's going on.
This is what he sent me.
I just messaged my discord friend who's an ordained minister. I'll let you know what he says.
The Message is a pretty good modern translation
Try New World Translation
I'm not a Jehovah's Witness.
It's still a good translation, and faithful to the original text
That would be insanely hard to do accurately. There's some repeated stories (kings/chronicles or Matthew/Mark/Luke/John), there's stuff that isn't a story at all (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, song of songs), and most of the new testament is letters.
The first thing that comes to mind is good omens but I don't if it's accurate.
It's close enough.
Not exactly what you're thinking, but Moral Orel dabbled in this. It was made by the guy you probably know as Starburns from Community.
who provides the voice of Mickey Mouse, but you might know him better as the guy from the "this guy fucks" meme.Edited because I confused two Greeks.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that Chris Diamantopoulos and Dino Stamatopoulos are two different people despite how incredibly similar their names are. And by "similar" I guess I mean "Greek".
Oh no, my life is a lie. It was Starburns the whole time!
My bad.
Point stands, Moral Orel is great.
I want to see this done like an episode of Judge Judy, but it's some bored king as judge.
Both the title and the image seem to be misunderstanding what the story actually is saying, as if it were the king's kid that got ate.
24 Some time later, Ben-Hadad king of Aram mobilized his entire army and marched up and laid siege to Samaria. 25 There was a great famine in the city; the siege lasted so long that a donkey’s head sold for eighty shekels[a] of silver, and a quarter of a cab[b] of seed pods[c] for five shekels.[d]
26 As the king of Israel was passing by on the wall, a woman cried to him, “Help me, my lord the king!”
27 The king replied, “If the Lord does not help you, where can I get help for you? From the threshing floor? From the winepress?” 28 Then he asked her, “What’s the matter?”
She answered, “This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ 29 So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.”
30 When the king heard the woman’s words, he tore his robes. As he went along the wall, the people looked, and they saw that, under his robes, he had sackcloth on his body. 31 He said, “May God deal with me, be it ever so severely, if the head of Elisha son of Shaphat remains on his shoulders today!”
Imagine a food shortage so bad that the nutritional value of the leather in the upholstery of your car is worth more than the cost of the car in good times.
Can you explain for an ignorant person? Because to me it sounds like they just cannibalized someone.
They did. The people were starving to death. The woman's complaint was that her friend had talked her into eating their sons... but to eat hers first. When the time came to eat the friend's she played clueless about his whereabouts. The king was understandably upset at the state of affairs.
Ohhh ok. So it has nothing to do with the king's son. She is just telling her story to the king. Got it, thanks!
Yeah I fucked up, had a shitty day and didn't pay attention, but .eh, still funny tho, just I'm an idiot.
Just kill and eat the king, he's obviously shit at his job if they're all starving.
Do you think they made stickers featuring a photo of the king next to the words “I did that” to put on price tags for donkey heads? (II Kings 6:25)
How much son chowder you need to eat anyway?
Shau-dere? Shau-dere? It's "chowdah." Say it right!
More than zero is already to much
Wholesome
I looked into the verse and aftermath until I got bored.
Did the sneaky cannibal mom ever get punished? I read enough to know the uneaten son remained uneaten.
And did no one get mad that they boiled the first lady's son? Like, there's got to be better ways to cook a child. Boiling meat rarely leads to a tasty dish. Unless they made a stew I guess
Stew? With what ingredients? Do you understand what position you're in if your city is in a siege and brought to the point of eating children?
You should look into Holodomir
Binding of isaac lore