How can a ugly and short guy compensate for his looks?

Good grooming goes a long way. As does dressing nicely (clean, flattering, well-fitting clothing).

Also keep in mind that what you think is “ugly“ someone else finds attractive.

Confidence goes so much further than you imagine. You don't need to be tall and physically attractive, but you will figure that out. If you think of yourself as unattractive, so will others. I have a gnome-esque friend who embraced his geekiness, found a style that worked for him (outdoorsy/woodsman style) and since then has had plenty of romantic success. If you can have non-romantic relationships, you can also have romantic ones. You really think the only thing preventing them from becoming romantic is the thought 'if only they were taller /more physically attractive'? You have things to offer, you just need to recognize that fact.

Looks and height aren't as big factors as you think. Anyone who rejects you based on your looks or height was never going to be a good partner regardless of your looks or height. Carry yourself with confidence (fake it til you make it if ya gotta) and you'll find a lot more success. Also, rejection isn't life ending. No Means Next. Don't let it destroy you.

Have some interests and hobbies you genuinely enjoy. Be funny and able to make good conversations. Be a mensch. As you age, as well, that will matter A LOT more in dating than looks or height.

And get off the dating apps. They all suck for everyone.

Also, if you aspire to "improve yourself" to this end, make sure you're doing it FOR YOURSELF first and foremost. Not for love or sex or dating or any of that. If you put that up on a pedestal as your goal, it'll make it that much harder to maintain your good habits when things don't work out as you hope they will. If you want someone to love you, be someone who you love first.

Also also, a lot of this is far easier to say and read than it is to do, and that's okay. You cannot expect yourself to internalize a new mentality overnight nor is the path to success in any goal a straight line up. It's okay to do well some days and not well others, remind yourself you're on an upward trajectory in the long run and that it's okay to fall back a bit because you'll bounce back from it in the future.

I am 5'4". I've only recently dropped below 200 lbs. I've been with my current partner for years and before then I was a fucking SLUT. Don't be your own enemy in this and you'll do just fine.

There's plenty of ugly people out here fuckin, either groom yourself well and work on your personality or lower your standards.

Don't worry about things you can't control.

Focus on the things you can control.

Confidence is sexy. Having your life in order is sexy. Having your own life agenda, life activities, life goals is sexy. Physical fitness is good for you. Having a active and full social calendar is good for you. Having hobbies that are interesting is good for you. All of this combined together will give you confidence, and that is sexy!

Don't maximize your life for other people, do it for yourself, and other people will naturally be intrigued by it.

People are saying being funny and having confidence, and they're right, and I'm going to tell your why. When being around you makes someone feel good, they will want to be around you more. That's not exclusive to romantic relationships, it's true also of friendships and business relationships, too.

An acquaintance asked me out not long ago, I declined. His looks had nothing to do with it, it was his negative personality. The few times I'd talked with him, all he ever did was complain about stuff. Complaints (without solutions) are inherently negative. I don't need negative energy in my life. A romantic partner has to make life better.

If your expectation is for someone to come and make you happy, then you are a happiness-sink. You drain joy from other people instead of mutually building up each other. No one wants a joy-drain, and I'll be honest with you, your attitude is one of a drain.

So, the question is, how do you make a someone's life better? Do you being laughter to her? Do you make her feel safe? Do you give her confidence in herself? Do you bring interest to her life? Do you make her feel heard and seen? And to be clear, someone should do all those things for you mutually, too. Two people should be building each other up.

The last guy I wanted to ask out (but he abruptly lost his job and had to move to another city, so I never did) he was in his late 20s and already balding quit a bit, lanky, and has terrible posture. Physically, he not very attractive. But not only was he very funny (a good start), he was also doing his masters (intelligent and hard working), played musical instruments (passion and interest), and spent a lot of time volunteering (kind and caring). Everything about his personality drew new to him. (And honestly, next to that, what positive would I have brought to him?)

Maybe not the most helpful answer, but self confidence is a huge part of it. I think that's why a lot of guys feel like they get more attention when they're in a relationship compared to when they are looking.

There's nothing wrong with dipping your feet in the dating pool while you're working on yourself, but spend some time doing things for yourself, not for other people to like you.

If you're into music, listen to stuff and play stuff, if you're into computer games play them and try connecting to people along that avenue. Don't worry about it you're hobby is dorky, just worry about if you enjoy it and are happy doing it. That should help develop a sense of identity and purpose separate from what other people think of you.

One thing's for sure - reducing women to nothing but shallow height obsessed monsters (projecting your own insecurities on to a whole gender, the individuals of which you know nothing about, and worse - aren't interested in finding out) isn't it.

What will make you attractive to women? Stop acting like a victim - there are plenty of short and ugly guys in healthy loving relationships, your external body isn't why you're not in a relationship, also, you are not owed or entitled to a relationship. Quit the toxic manosphere and any other space that confirms this bullshit bias for you cold turkey and never look back. If you can afford to, get therapy. Work on becoming a person other people would actually want to be around, rather than a stereotypical incel (you might not think of yourself as one, but you absolutely come across as one).

You're clearly not interested in hearing any of this, but that is the truth, not this red/black pill bullshit you're regurgitating.

Well for starters your assessment of your own attractiveness might be overstated, it's also possible that it's accentuated by poor grooming, fashion, or fitness standards.

So let's assume you just have an unattractive face, full stop. Do you have a patchy beard? Maybe keep it only in areas where you grow hair more fully like a goatee, or clean shave if you don't have any areas where it grows well. Make sure your hairstyle fits the shape of your face, if you have a longer more oval-like shape a fade on the sides and longer on top works well. If you have a round face then longer hair usually pairs well with that as it helps even out the width.

Physically you'll need to be in better shape than most, if just to keep up. You don't need to be a body builder necessarily, but having muscle and a beer gut looks better than being "skinny-fat" as they say. A lot of the stigma around short guys surrounds us not being as capable of defending ourselves and our families due to size, but anyone who's ever been in martial arts can tell you weight is more important than height, and while height can allow higher weight capacity, not every tall guy gets shredded. Being bigger will help offset that stigma, the worst thing a short guy can be is scrawny.

Also important is personal hygiene, I've always been complimented on this especially when getting head, and believe me it's the quickest way to show someone you have attention to detail. If you can get and afford baby wipes they make a great finisher so you can actually get clean after going to the bathroom, and take showers regularly.

Now this last part is the hardest since it has no tangible existence that can be measured, but you have to accept a couple of truths. Keep in mind when I say these things that I myself am 5'4-5'5" depending on time of day so I'm not some 6' chad giving you useless info. I have LIVED this for a large part of my existence.

1. Everyone has preferences, and it's OK that some women need their guy to be taller than them. It sucks, but no matter who you are there's a guarantee you won't be everyone's cup of tea and that's just life.

2. Think of these preferences as a filter, the women that care aren't your dating target anyways. Find the ones that don't seem to mind and focus on those.

3. Even the women that don't mind WILL be turned off the more you harp on how being a short guy is the cause of all your problems. You must be the bigger man when it comes to this, if you get made fun of find a way to respond that doesn't show you're insecure about it even if you are, but getting angry is the one thing you absolutely cannot do. It's literally the goal of people who ridicule you to make you angry so they can point and go "look at the pissed off short guy he's such a stereotype." You have to rise above this in social situations until the person making fun of you for it is seen as the weird one for focusing on it so much. It's the only way to win. Either way you have to reframe the way you see yourself so that you're not a victim. It's the most difficult part of the mental hurdle to overcome but you'll not see success until you do.

Fuck off. You're perfect as you are and if you managed to "land" a partner in spite of their revulsion to your appearance you'd be fucking miserable. Find a partner based on shared interests and don't obsess about appearance, that shit is unimportant.

To what end?

Many people view "looks" with a strong filter of personality. So being active, funny, nice, kind, etc. would actually, really, make you look more attractive to people.

Dress well, stay clean, get fit, improve yourself as much as possible. But do these things to make yourself a better person, not with an ulterior motive.

Just date short and ugly girls

First of all, it's very common for a woman to say they like tall guys. Just like most guys would say they like girls with big breasts. But at the end of the day no one can get their ideal person. It's either looks or personality. Everyone has to compromise.

But if your crush is obsessed with height then she's a dispecable human being who doesn't deserve anyone's attention or love. If it's any consolation there are a lot of tall fuck boys that will use and dump those kind of height obsessed women. And those guys will only pick the best of the best for romantic partners. All other women will be devoid of happiness and forever keep on searching. So scratch all women like that off your list!!

Now, you mentioned money to get attention of women. Although that would work to some extent, most of the attention you'd get would be from gold diggers. They are experts of manipulation and gaslighting, they would take all your money and will leave you in a worse mental situation than before. And no, it's not that easy to spot a golddigger. Again, they are experts in their craft.

But there are some things you can do:

• As others mentioned, grooming and looking your best. I won't go into depth here.
• Being funny. Women really are more inclined to like a guy that makes them laugh. The trick is to find the right amount of funny. You shouldn't be a clown. Smart and a bit of sarcastic goes a long way. If you can also be able to make fun of yourself (a healthy amount) that will also show confidence. And confidence is always a winning feat.
• Success / Passion. One of the reasons (besides golddiggers) that women like men with money is that it's a form of being successful. Be passionate about something and try to be good at it. Creative endeavors like art and music will attract a lot of attention. Make you more interesting. Yes, that won't help out with all women but quite a sizeable amount of women. Also keep in mind that to some level everyone likes to show off their partners. A tall but boring accountant wouldn't be as good as a partner than a short king who creates art, puts up exhibitions, being passionate about his subject, fun to talk to.

There really isn't such a thing as ugly in an objective sense. Certainly some people have looks that will appeal to more people, but there are a lot of people out there who have unusual taste in terms of what they find attractive. There are girls out there who are into skinny guys, fat guys, short guys, hairy guys, guys with weird facial features, etc.

Some women don't care that much about looks and are more interested in personality traits anyway. The looks just need to pass a minimum threshold for them and then they'll care more about what you're like as a person.

You're not ugly, you're just a niche. I'm saying this as someone who is thus far in the same situation you're in (28M, haven't ever kissed or anything with a woman), but I recently started dating someone, and it's always a shock to me when she honestly tells me she thinks I'm cute.

Money and personality. The money is optional.

There is someone out there that finds you attractive and wants a life with you, in all likelihood there is more than just that one person. Don't expect to land a supermodel, but treat every girl that shares a bed with you as the perfect 10 that she is.

The point of dating is having it as an option for people who like dating.

The point of love is having someone who will care for you relatively as much as you care for them.
That person doesn't have to be the opposite sex.

You might think you’re ugly, but I guarantee there are plenty of people out there that find you wildly attractive.

The first thing to do is believe that and start working toward finding yourself attractive. I’ve been working on this for the past few years and just yesterday had my first moment where I looked at my naked body in the mirror and was like ‘oh…. That’s nice’. Having that confidence is a game changer.

Also, short kings are a whole demographic of highly sought after people. Being short is not a detriment except to toxic masculine men.

you could have a winning personality - make women laugh (with you, not at you)... alternately, you could obtain a lot of muscles, that's all some women need. or move somewhere where men are in short supply - or where you'd be seen as exotic... and it'd be cheaper than leg lengthening surgery.

Literally just work out and take care of your skin and hair.

How fulfilled is your life without a romantic partner? Do you know what you want?

The worst partners I had were the ones that had nothing going on. No goals, no hobbies, nothing. They expected me to be their world.

The better relationships I had were with people that knew what they wanted from life. They didn't need me to complete them, but I was definitely a welcome addition.

I do not believe I am conventionally attractive, but there are people that like me. For every fella that only dates skinny blondes, there's another that wouldn't give them a second look. Additionally, if someone really likes you for you, you might just get more physically attractive to them even if you're not their type. (It has happened to me!)

As for money, yes some people will only look at you if you have a lot of money. At least they filter themselves out if you don't have it. You don't have to be perfect with money, but as long as you are reasonable enough with money, you should be fine.

Some low self-esteem is workable, but if you are always ragging on yourself it gets grating. I was with this guy and he kept telling me how ugly he was. I would always reassure him. It was exhausting after a while. I think everyone needs validation every now and again, but constantly?! Ahhh!

If you get this stuff down, at least then you will have better chances with women. (Or whatever gender you prefer.) If your only goal is to get a girlfriend, then that is not so great. If it's only one of your goals or something you're passively open to, then you are in a much better position. Relationship opportunities, romantic or not, seem to crop up when you're doing something else you enjoy.

Be funny, very good at socializing, and rich?

Also, don't have unrealistic standards in your romantic pursuits.

You don't. Who cares. Find some short ugly lady to marry and you'll be happy.

I don't understand this feeling of being alone forever. For every ugly dude there's an ugly lady. For every fat guy, there's a fat chick. For every poor dude, there's a poor lady. That's just how distributions work.

So go out there, be confident, find your beast and take her home. And love her and be happy.

These are all bad ideas. The more you change yourself to "please" everyone else, the less happy you will ever be. One of the hardest lessons of life is to learn that, you can't ever please everyone, and when you change to please someone, they'll soon change what they want and you'll never stop having to change to please them.

The real secret to happiness is not to change yourself at all. It's to learn how to like who you are, the way you are. Yes the world is cruel and cold - and it's awlays going to be that way. You aren't the problem here. You are fine just the way you are, and it's a secret that could save many lives and keep many people from self-harm if they only realized it at a younger age.

The truth is, nobody wants someone around them who is trying to please them all the time. They want to be around someone who is self-confident and radiates a healthy well-adjusted persona that says "this is who I am, love it or leave it."

Becoming rich to attract people may work to attract people, but they'll only be attracted by the money, not by you. As soon as that runs out, so will they. And usually they will run out anyway, even if the money doesn't.

You need to get some help with your attitude about yourself, and start deciding that you're OK as you are. Do not do the surgery option - it's wrong. Women who get surgery to "look more like so and so" are never happy. Surgery isn't the answer to your problems in life, at all.

There's a lot of preferences out there. Most try to chase unicorns but each of them have their own phases.

I think you can compensate it by not giving up, or just know when your time to chase unicorns is over.

if you take the time to really get to know someone and make them feel understood and comfortable around you and trust you, you'd be amazed at what you can pull off.

be handy, be emotionally available, be good company, be funny, be functional and fun.

theres countless dime pieces that are tired of being abused by gorgeous losers.

Women have much more words-orientation than we guys do.

Invest in:

• Wonderworks
• The Anatomy of Genres
• The Anatomy of Story
• a couple of Gottman's books
• Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright's "Tribal Leadership"
• Halvorson's "The 8 Motivational Challenges"

& understand both how to woo women much more competently, as well as how to make your woman live a healthier life ( the "Tribal Leadership" book & Gottman's stuff ), & know how to recognize different unconscious-mind styles from Halvorson's book, so you aren't investing in a lost-cause.

• Kegan & Lahey's "Immunity to Change" is required if you're in it for the long-haul ( in your own life, or in a marriage/family, both paths need this leverage, in our world ), and want to competently dismantle your unconscious-mind's obstruct-growing-up-to-protect-status-quo mechanism..

Life's worth much!

A little study can go a long way, if one knows what one ought be studying, you know?

People judge others by appearance .. when we have nothing-else to go-on.

When one has significant evidence of someone's worth, and that evidence isn't their appearance, their appearance becomes rather irrelevant...

Some people are entirely-visual, some are entirely non-visual ( like me ) in thinking.

Unless you're clawing-your-way-out-from-reincarnation ( like me ), there likely are good-matches for you.

The significant-evidence item, though, identifies that you need to be hanging-around among women, for them to get to know you, like volunteering somewhere, or something..

Do well, eh?

_ /\ _

@Quitmuch1938@lemmy.world By being funny and interesting, ugly and boring → you are fucked.

Additionally, growing a beard might help you