Because relationships takes works and I realized that I am happier putting that work into me instead.
Haven't dated since my 20s. Got cheated on a lot. Like all of them. Some of them even bragged about cheating, to my face.
In my 30s, I put 0 effort into dating. The only type of women that wanted to 'date' me basically wanted me to take care of their kids, pay for shit, but they weren't looking for anything serious or any more kids (spoiler, that was a lie). Last person, someone I've known for years, asked if I'd be interested in having kids with her since we are getting close to 40 and neither of us had started a family yet. But, I was to be just a sperm donor, obviously be financially responsible, but have no say in anything with the kids... But it was totally going to be 50/50! Turned her away. That one tore me up because I've really wanted to have kids for a long time. Painfully obvious she just wanted me involved for money and nothing else. Now her mom is bank rolling all her dreams.
I miss having someone to talk to, to make plans with, to share wonderful build a life with. But I don't miss the drama, the games, the cheating, and the lies.
I am single by choice because I am going through mental health relapse. That's never a good time to have a relationship, as much as I would like to have one. For the time being, I realize that the single life is easier and makes the most amount of sense.
My social skills are probably near null, I avoid interaction and just say just the bare minimum of words.
And I get talkative then all I speak is about tech, science or history.
Edit: And I'm actually fine as single.
The single life isn't so bad really.
Too sad
I've always had very very low interest in relationships anyway - I value my "alone time" greatly, prefer to not have emotional responsibilities towards other people and never wanted kids / a family. I fell in love exctly once in my life and that woman turned out to be a psycho. I have absolutely no interest in trying that ever again.
15+ years single and comfortable with the situation.
Some of y'all might just be aromantic or asexual. I thought I just had low interest in a relationship until I realized what exactly attraction is.
Same boat about just low interest in relationships, im not very social and dont go out to social events often... and apps are always a bit of a joke to me
Imo im just pretty comfortable being alone, and relationships seem like a lot of extra "work" that i probably wouldn't care for much.. if in the future i met someone and we hit it off then i wouldnt be opposed... but im really not gunna try putting myself out there/force it ๐
Been solo for +5 years
Are you me?
There are people that won't want kids, and some of them are not psychos. Some are introverts also.
EDIT: ok, linking comments doesn't seem t work ATM, so here's a copypaste instead:
My ex was convinced that girls hitting / insulting men was not only completely fine and normal, but even hilarious and โcuteโ for some weird reason - and she legit couldnโt understand why I did not find it funny or endearing. It didnโt help that she was also visibly smaller than me (about 2/3 my height) and percieved those actions as her own unique โlove languageโ.
Letโs just say that there is a good reason this woman is my EX now. It took a while for the rose-tinted glasses to finally shatter so I could see the red flags for what they were, but Iโm glad that psycho is no longer part of my life.
(I know from mutual friends that she still thinks women hitting men is okay, but men hitting women deserve the death penalty)
...from a different discussion.
Because no woman close to my age has shown interest in me.
Decided after my last breakup that i cant do this shit again or i will probably off myself..... Its been 10 years and now i cant remember how to talk to women...
It definitely takes practice. The more often you put yourself out there, the better you'll get. Or you'll find someone that loves you for not being good at talking, which is even better.
Because I finally came to the conclusion that I'm happier, healthier, and like myself better when I'm a bachelor.
When I was single for much longer than I liked it myself, it was for a large part because, unbeknownst to me, my style of humor was quite hurtful to others, making me quite the asshole. Needed a while to figure that out, because me being the asshole was not an idea that went down well.
Dating apps switched to mobile. When we wrote to each other on computers with physical kbds, it was like email and a long-distance conversation. Now it's like text messages and I am not good at smalltalk. I thrived on dating apps in 2010 because I could really express my personality. It got a lot harder when everything became apps instead of websites.
That hadn't occurred to me but you're right. Luckily I am ok at either, but the old way was easier and better.
My wife realized she wasn't happy being married to a man and left me to date women. There was a lot I think I could have done, but I can't change my gender. Feels bad.
I'm ugly
:)
I've seen people I wouldn't consider attractive with partners. Both genders. There might be truth to "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
I would say just learn to talk to people. It's practically the biggest thing. Looks only get you certain people but charisma can get you the right person.
I'm sure you could quite easily improve that
Not if it requires wearing underwear?
Sorry, just my sense of humor.
Iโm asexual and aromantic. Essentially โno thanks.โ
Same!
Cancer
Ouch. Sorry dude
I hope you make it!! How bad is it?
Iโm getting divorced as we speak, nothing is officially signed yet but it will come.
After 13 years of this relationship, I want to be alone at home and wonโt be looking for any romance any time soon. Just plain old ยซย enjoymentย ยป and weโll see what happens in the future.
My last breakup was very traumatic, and it'd taken about 5 years to heal from that. Ready to date again, but it's harder now that I'm older.
Cuz I'm fuckin lame, ugly, and put off a creepy vibe or something. I was staying at a hotel recently and complimented the lady at the desk on the hair ribbons she always wore. She didn't wear them any more afterwards. After that I feel like I should just give up because clearly nothing is ever going anywhere.
Never compliment ladies you don't know about how they look, it comes off as creepy. Doesnt matter who does it.
You wouldn't walk up to a random guy and give a compliment right? So you need to start from the beginning and get to know her, just like a guy friend.
Honestly I think we should normalize giving compliments to each other. It's kind of sad that it feels weird to give another guy a compliment and creepy giving a girl a compliment.
Absolutely. It used to be appriciated by girls when a guy gives a compliment but things are very different today.
I am a man and I absolutely have given other men compliments. Specifically their shirts if they're a band I like and I've received those too. I am very happy when someone compliments my attire or hair.
I think we should normalize giving each other compliments regardless of gender, as another user said. Of course it shouldn't be like an exaggerated amount but it would be nice to prop each other up and boost all our confidences. I think that we could tell each other nice things more often. We could certainly be kinder to one another.
Same. I've given men and women compliments and have gotten random compliments from both. Usually tshirts or hair styles or tattoos that run close to what I like. I think it's more about how it's said. Informal compliments are best as it doesn't put assumptions on the other side. "That's a cool hair ribbon" is different than "I love when you wear your hair ribbons". The assumption of feelings isn't in the first one. More compliments should be given out freely if you genuinely feel a certain way. Just don't go full lovestruck on the ice breaker.
Because I'm not in a relationship
I'm a lesbian in a small town ๐ซ
Confidence and weight issues, and I lost? Some of my social skills during the pandemic? I'm not sure how to put it, I feel like I can't speak anymore.
yes
After my divorce, covid hit, and i got comfy being single.
I don't try and I just don't feel the need to.
The mental block and also the fatigue from the last break up 2 years ago.
For the first time in my life i actually want to be Single. Previously it was always that i didn't want to be single but now i am Single and kinda happy with it
I don't hate the idea of some companionship but I have little tolerance for dealing with another person over the long term. I like my life of doing what I want, when I want.
I'm also ace spec with no particular drive to have sex with another person, so that makes staying single easy. I see a lot of people get into relationships because that's the way they get sex, but honestly, that seems exhausting to me. Sex just doesn't have that much value to me.
I don't think dating apps are for me. Previous relationships did not work out. Despite having similar interests we were very incompatible. Filters do very little when people aren't being entirely truthful. For example, last person's profile said she never smokes and only drinks socially, but she smoked weed, vaped, and drank daily.
I want to go back to the traditional ways of meeting people, but I don't like night life activities. I hear that volunteering and church are good ways to meet people in person. I'm also going to attend some upcoming local events featuring some of my interests.
Needed to figure some stuff out about myself after a break up. Now it's just getting out there and letting things happen organically.
Aro/ace here so no real interest beyond friendships for me.
I stopped caring
Iโm not a person I would want to date, so why would I expect anyone else to? Iโm selfish, have very little emotional intelligence and am bad at prioritizing anything beyond myself.
Honestly even if someone wanted me Iโm not sure I could put up with having to consider a second person when making decisions anymore. Sure itโs nice to have someone to do things with and to share things with, but I donโt find it worth it any longer.
Fuuuuuuck me...that's like the most honest answer I've seen to a question like this. Mad props, bro.
Aspergers
I work nights and prioritize my kid when I am awake. If I met a nice vampire lady I might try to change my situation.
I've only had one SO in my entire life. I was so deeply in love with her, but she had several mental health issues that made it really difficult and traumatic. Imagine a relationship in which one is not ready to have said relationship, and the other has no experience whatsoever in relationships. It was total chaos, and ended pretty badly.
Before this relationship I was completely obsessed with having a soul mate. I was constantly depressed because I wasn't able to find a partner,.because there was nobody I was interested in to begin with.I thought I was broken. Turns out that, while I am able to have romantic feelings, I fall somewhere in the asexual spectrum. This means I actually don't have any interest in anybody, unless I get to know that person and fall in love with them. But this has happened just two or three times in my life.
Right now, after my failed relationship, I've come to terms with the fact that I don't really need , nor want, to be with anybody to be happy. Just like some of you, I appreciate my alone time and being "free", not having any sentimental responsibility... So that's why I'm single; because I want to.
vaguely points at everything
I might also be too lazy to put any work on dating apps.
Maybe I should start that again.
Because I can't find a woman and the only women who find me are awful.
She likes my best friend lmao
I don't feel any great urge to be with someone. I had two LTRs with little time between them from when I was about 17 through to 28. I've been single now for around 18 months.
While I'm grateful for the experiences across both my relationships and have a lot of happy memories from them, I am quite okay being with myself for now.
I've been oblivious to the few women that were interested in me, and I'm too shy or social inept to do anything with women anyway.
I got married last week. Before meeting this person I never thought there would be someone for me. Anyways if you want to be single thats fine. If you don't: try putting yourself out there and ya never know what'll happen.
SSRIs. Yeaaaah!
I don't need another person to live my life the way I want to live it. So if they bring something I don't already have and make my life better, I keep them as friends
Because I'm 31 years old, autistic, still living with my parents and haven't even managed to do the deed with a woman. I have so many things going against me that I've pretty much accepted that I am undateable. Things are so bad that I am seriously considering a trip to Germany or the Netherlands just so I can go to a brothel and pay to have sex - because it gets more pathetic as the years go on. Nine more years and I will be the loser that Hollywood makes films about.
Doesn't help that online dating is a cesspit and that the kind of ladies you see on your typical dating app are incredibly frigid and stuck-up. Not sure if it's a British thing...
It feels like the only way you will get a girlfriend in today's world is if you look like a fucking Chippendale or Love Island contestant.
Iโm not
I ain't. Just celebrated thirteen years.
Hold on. Let me ask my girlfriend.
I'm not. Happily married
Sorry to hear you're not happily married. Have you tried being single?
I don't put effort into not being single
Because relationships takes works and I realized that I am happier putting that work into me instead.
Haven't dated since my 20s. Got cheated on a lot. Like all of them. Some of them even bragged about cheating, to my face.
In my 30s, I put 0 effort into dating. The only type of women that wanted to 'date' me basically wanted me to take care of their kids, pay for shit, but they weren't looking for anything serious or any more kids (spoiler, that was a lie). Last person, someone I've known for years, asked if I'd be interested in having kids with her since we are getting close to 40 and neither of us had started a family yet. But, I was to be just a sperm donor, obviously be financially responsible, but have no say in anything with the kids... But it was totally going to be 50/50! Turned her away. That one tore me up because I've really wanted to have kids for a long time. Painfully obvious she just wanted me involved for money and nothing else. Now her mom is bank rolling all her dreams.
I miss having someone to talk to, to make plans with, to share wonderful build a life with. But I don't miss the drama, the games, the cheating, and the lies.
I am single by choice because I am going through mental health relapse. That's never a good time to have a relationship, as much as I would like to have one. For the time being, I realize that the single life is easier and makes the most amount of sense.
My social skills are probably near null, I avoid interaction and just say just the bare minimum of words. And I get talkative then all I speak is about tech, science or history. Edit: And I'm actually fine as single.
The single life isn't so bad really.
Too sad
I've always had very very low interest in relationships anyway - I value my "alone time" greatly, prefer to not have emotional responsibilities towards other people and never wanted kids / a family. I fell in love exctly once in my life and that woman turned out to be a psycho. I have absolutely no interest in trying that ever again.
15+ years single and comfortable with the situation.
Some of y'all might just be aromantic or asexual. I thought I just had low interest in a relationship until I realized what exactly attraction is.
Same boat about just low interest in relationships, im not very social and dont go out to social events often... and apps are always a bit of a joke to me
Imo im just pretty comfortable being alone, and relationships seem like a lot of extra "work" that i probably wouldn't care for much.. if in the future i met someone and we hit it off then i wouldnt be opposed... but im really not gunna try putting myself out there/force it ๐
Been solo for +5 years
Are you me?
There are people that won't want kids, and some of them are not psychos. Some are introverts also.
:)
My ex was a psycho tho, completely unrelated to whether or not she wanted children. Some context: https://lemmy.world/comment/2313628
EDIT: ok, linking comments doesn't seem t work ATM, so here's a copypaste instead:
...from a different discussion.
Because no woman close to my age has shown interest in me.
Decided after my last breakup that i cant do this shit again or i will probably off myself..... Its been 10 years and now i cant remember how to talk to women...
It definitely takes practice. The more often you put yourself out there, the better you'll get. Or you'll find someone that loves you for not being good at talking, which is even better.
Because I finally came to the conclusion that I'm happier, healthier, and like myself better when I'm a bachelor.
When I was single for much longer than I liked it myself, it was for a large part because, unbeknownst to me, my style of humor was quite hurtful to others, making me quite the asshole. Needed a while to figure that out, because me being the asshole was not an idea that went down well.
Dating apps switched to mobile. When we wrote to each other on computers with physical kbds, it was like email and a long-distance conversation. Now it's like text messages and I am not good at smalltalk. I thrived on dating apps in 2010 because I could really express my personality. It got a lot harder when everything became apps instead of websites.
That hadn't occurred to me but you're right. Luckily I am ok at either, but the old way was easier and better.
My wife realized she wasn't happy being married to a man and left me to date women. There was a lot I think I could have done, but I can't change my gender. Feels bad.
I'm ugly
:)
I've seen people I wouldn't consider attractive with partners. Both genders. There might be truth to "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
I would say just learn to talk to people. It's practically the biggest thing. Looks only get you certain people but charisma can get you the right person.
I'm sure you could quite easily improve that
Not if it requires wearing underwear?
Sorry, just my sense of humor.
Iโm asexual and aromantic. Essentially โno thanks.โ
Same!
Cancer
Ouch. Sorry dude
I hope you make it!! How bad is it?
Iโm getting divorced as we speak, nothing is officially signed yet but it will come.
After 13 years of this relationship, I want to be alone at home and wonโt be looking for any romance any time soon. Just plain old ยซย enjoymentย ยป and weโll see what happens in the future.
My last breakup was very traumatic, and it'd taken about 5 years to heal from that. Ready to date again, but it's harder now that I'm older.
Cuz I'm fuckin lame, ugly, and put off a creepy vibe or something. I was staying at a hotel recently and complimented the lady at the desk on the hair ribbons she always wore. She didn't wear them any more afterwards. After that I feel like I should just give up because clearly nothing is ever going anywhere.
Never compliment ladies you don't know about how they look, it comes off as creepy. Doesnt matter who does it.
You wouldn't walk up to a random guy and give a compliment right? So you need to start from the beginning and get to know her, just like a guy friend.
Honestly I think we should normalize giving compliments to each other. It's kind of sad that it feels weird to give another guy a compliment and creepy giving a girl a compliment.
Absolutely. It used to be appriciated by girls when a guy gives a compliment but things are very different today.
I am a man and I absolutely have given other men compliments. Specifically their shirts if they're a band I like and I've received those too. I am very happy when someone compliments my attire or hair.
I think we should normalize giving each other compliments regardless of gender, as another user said. Of course it shouldn't be like an exaggerated amount but it would be nice to prop each other up and boost all our confidences. I think that we could tell each other nice things more often. We could certainly be kinder to one another.
Same. I've given men and women compliments and have gotten random compliments from both. Usually tshirts or hair styles or tattoos that run close to what I like. I think it's more about how it's said. Informal compliments are best as it doesn't put assumptions on the other side. "That's a cool hair ribbon" is different than "I love when you wear your hair ribbons". The assumption of feelings isn't in the first one. More compliments should be given out freely if you genuinely feel a certain way. Just don't go full lovestruck on the ice breaker.
Because I'm not in a relationship
I'm a lesbian in a small town ๐ซ
Confidence and weight issues, and I lost? Some of my social skills during the pandemic? I'm not sure how to put it, I feel like I can't speak anymore.
After my divorce, covid hit, and i got comfy being single.
I don't try and I just don't feel the need to.
The mental block and also the fatigue from the last break up 2 years ago.
For the first time in my life i actually want to be Single. Previously it was always that i didn't want to be single but now i am Single and kinda happy with it
I don't hate the idea of some companionship but I have little tolerance for dealing with another person over the long term. I like my life of doing what I want, when I want.
I'm also ace spec with no particular drive to have sex with another person, so that makes staying single easy. I see a lot of people get into relationships because that's the way they get sex, but honestly, that seems exhausting to me. Sex just doesn't have that much value to me.
I don't think dating apps are for me. Previous relationships did not work out. Despite having similar interests we were very incompatible. Filters do very little when people aren't being entirely truthful. For example, last person's profile said she never smokes and only drinks socially, but she smoked weed, vaped, and drank daily.
I want to go back to the traditional ways of meeting people, but I don't like night life activities. I hear that volunteering and church are good ways to meet people in person. I'm also going to attend some upcoming local events featuring some of my interests.
Needed to figure some stuff out about myself after a break up. Now it's just getting out there and letting things happen organically.
Aro/ace here so no real interest beyond friendships for me.
I stopped caring
Iโm not a person I would want to date, so why would I expect anyone else to? Iโm selfish, have very little emotional intelligence and am bad at prioritizing anything beyond myself.
Honestly even if someone wanted me Iโm not sure I could put up with having to consider a second person when making decisions anymore. Sure itโs nice to have someone to do things with and to share things with, but I donโt find it worth it any longer.
Fuuuuuuck me...that's like the most honest answer I've seen to a question like this. Mad props, bro.
Aspergers
I work nights and prioritize my kid when I am awake. If I met a nice vampire lady I might try to change my situation.
I've only had one SO in my entire life. I was so deeply in love with her, but she had several mental health issues that made it really difficult and traumatic. Imagine a relationship in which one is not ready to have said relationship, and the other has no experience whatsoever in relationships. It was total chaos, and ended pretty badly.
Before this relationship I was completely obsessed with having a soul mate. I was constantly depressed because I wasn't able to find a partner,.because there was nobody I was interested in to begin with.I thought I was broken. Turns out that, while I am able to have romantic feelings, I fall somewhere in the asexual spectrum. This means I actually don't have any interest in anybody, unless I get to know that person and fall in love with them. But this has happened just two or three times in my life.
Right now, after my failed relationship, I've come to terms with the fact that I don't really need , nor want, to be with anybody to be happy. Just like some of you, I appreciate my alone time and being "free", not having any sentimental responsibility... So that's why I'm single; because I want to.
vaguely points at everything
I might also be too lazy to put any work on dating apps. Maybe I should start that again.
Because I can't find a woman and the only women who find me are awful.
She likes my best friend lmao
I don't feel any great urge to be with someone. I had two LTRs with little time between them from when I was about 17 through to 28. I've been single now for around 18 months.
While I'm grateful for the experiences across both my relationships and have a lot of happy memories from them, I am quite okay being with myself for now.
I've been oblivious to the few women that were interested in me, and I'm too shy or social inept to do anything with women anyway.
I got married last week. Before meeting this person I never thought there would be someone for me. Anyways if you want to be single thats fine. If you don't: try putting yourself out there and ya never know what'll happen.
SSRIs. Yeaaaah!
I don't need another person to live my life the way I want to live it. So if they bring something I don't already have and make my life better, I keep them as friends
Because I'm 31 years old, autistic, still living with my parents and haven't even managed to do the deed with a woman. I have so many things going against me that I've pretty much accepted that I am undateable. Things are so bad that I am seriously considering a trip to Germany or the Netherlands just so I can go to a brothel and pay to have sex - because it gets more pathetic as the years go on. Nine more years and I will be the loser that Hollywood makes films about.
Doesn't help that online dating is a cesspit and that the kind of ladies you see on your typical dating app are incredibly frigid and stuck-up. Not sure if it's a British thing...
It feels like the only way you will get a girlfriend in today's world is if you look like a fucking Chippendale or Love Island contestant.
Iโm not
I ain't. Just celebrated thirteen years.
Hold on. Let me ask my girlfriend.
I'm not. Happily married
Sorry to hear you're not happily married. Have you tried being single?
Same! ๐๐ค๐ค๐