Texts from Dad

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.worldmod to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 524 points –
46

"Rise chicken!"

Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden! Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter! Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered, a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

Ah. Dear little Ocelot. Where have you gone? Are you hiding from me? Come out. Come out. Don't be afraid. You were born a child of dragons. What could you possibly fear? Now, now. Show yourself Ocelot. My dear little Ocelot.

He forgot to put yeast in the dough, and now he's trying alternate means

"He's a calendar, that kid, he's a clock, a great big stopwatch, staring me in the face. Cos he gets older. That's all he can do. Do you know what that means? I'm getting older. Look at me, is that old? That's not old. Can't get rid of him, twenty years time he'll still be there. Mind you they don't always live, meningitis - that's a good one!"

They're not so subtle hints that you should pick up donuts from RISE.

"Mum, Dad managed to get in the roids tin again..."