The wife has a penchant for taking off her underwear and throwing them as hard as she can at me. They are light, so I don’t mind.
Chastity belt... CLANG!
"what! A chastity belt? ughhhh that's going to chafe my Willy!"
I see you are a man of tights
Doesn’t matter, had sex.
we just get a bit more handsy than usual and make sexy eyes at each other, it works well
What does “sexy eyes” look like exactly?
Noooooo
Nightmares
We've been together 16 years, married for 14, and we are like two teenagers who have been left alone by an inattentive parent or teacher. If we are in arm's reach we are touching each other, if nobody is looking, we are making out, if the door is locked, we're either undressed or we're working on it.
Good for you guys! Here's to the next 16 years!
With Frank's quote from It's Always Sunny and Philadephia
I got my magnum condoms and a wad of hundreds; I'm ready to plow!
"Hungry? Would you like some sausage? I have cheese sausage for you" (Never works but it's funny)
"Got two minutes" (works more often than you'd think but it's normally expected to only be 2-5 minutes)
"What are you up to tonight? Do you want to come over to my side of the bed?" *wink (after having a king size bed I will NEVER go back)
To your cheese sausage I would reply "And for you, I have tuna patte."
OOo, we having Hors d'Oeuvres over here!
We send each other a squirrel emoji via text
Married. A look, even indirect, is enough for her to know exactly what I think about. It's scary when she asks me if I'm hungry before I realized that I was (must have been passingly looking over to the kitchen/snacks without even realizing it). If i look at her boobs for 2 seconds she knows, even while looking in another direction/at a phone. It's kind of scary. I guess I am really obvious without knowing it. I do sometimes wonder if she can read my mind.
You're lucky to have her. I'm happy for you.
She can.
People think we’re joking here but we’re not
"I'm kinda horny"
"Should we bone tonight?"
"When do you wanna have sex"
"Hold on let me brush my teeth"
These area a few of our regulars!
I gave up asking, but when she’s down it’s a straight forward „wanna have sex?“
Why not approach indirectly like complimenting her legs, whispering "I want you" in her ear. These often work for me, and even if it doesn't, it gets the mood between us so that we can foreplay and cuddle.
If I'm conscious I want to have sex. If I'm not conscious, wake me up.
"You want to bang?"
"Is it bang time?"
Any number of variations with "bang" included.
me: "i want to have sex"
them: "considered done"
That fast eh?
“My love, I would like to make the sex on you!”
A little context behind my answer.
Among my friends, we have this weird but I guess clever safe word tradition. So you know how, when someone is dreaming, if they question the dream (e.g. saying "this is a dream" or "this must be a dream"), they wake up? We decided to use that as a "quitting word" for everything. If we're making a YouTube video and we say "this is a dream", for example, it's the secret cue to cut the movie. If we're playing some kind of role and we say the phrase, it means come back to base reality. So on and so forth. And while none of us are very sexually-minded, sex we decided would be no different. If we were to have sex, a phrase like "this must be a dream" would mean to stop the session.
So then it was asked one day, how do we do the opposite? How do we cue a session of sex, video-making, etc. to start? We say the opposite. We signal immersion with something like "where are we, is this real". That is our unsafe phrase. Different nonverbal circumstances/signals would cue what exactly we refer to.
where are we, is this real
Sometimes I question that. I'd be fucked.
Literally
I do a little dance.
What does said dance look like? :)
He literally texts me "🍆?". Hahah.
We say do you wanna cuddle or do you want a massage or do you wanna lay down and listen to music. Sex usually comes after. Not always, but if not then you still have a cuddle
It varies. Today it was "do you want some cream filling?"
There’s no talking involved. Just a very incessant making out, groping and undressing with the other either pushing away or giving in.
It’s a very nonverbal kind of thing but it works for us :)
I call her cute.
Because she's an adorable little sub.
Doesn't translate well, but "I want to hump your rump" or "I wanna abuse you moose" gives you an idea. Something silly that rimes means sex.
Ken Jeong’s line from The Hangover: “You want to fuck on me?!?”
the safe word is banana
"Wanna screw?"
"down for sexy time?"
I have something I want to show you. It's in the bedroom...
In my last relationship it was touching the other with a bit of pressure. It could be anywhere, usually the hand. Then the answer was either touching back or avoiding the touch.
It was specially great for hidden quickies.
"Hands down, butt up!"
Now I have to try this one.
"Time for dessert, my love"
“Nice socks!” or “I really, really like your socks, hee hee.”
It’s a variation on the old goth line “Nice boots, wanna fuck?” We don’t so much wear boots anymore, just comfy socks.
A deeper kiss than usual with a little more passion so it wakes up the idea in her.
Light playful touching of sensitives areas when we're laying in bed; her reaction quickly tells me if she's interested or just wants to go to sleep.
She usually says "lets to take a 'nap'"
this gives big “there’s factual evidence that black people are less intelligent than white people” energy
also, still a rape joke so fuck you
Yikes, wtf. My comment was a non-sequiter pointing out a place where 6 million women don't get the choice to turn their husband down for sex. Sure rape joke bad, but your silly big energy comparison is ridiculous.
I love it when the stars align on my feed
“Are you awake?”
He asks at 14:00 on a Saturday when the two of them are sitting around or doing chores
I like to play a game where I try to ask in the worst way that will get a yes.
Current high score: "I want to kiss and hug you naked squishy-style".
My record
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
record
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.
The wife has a penchant for taking off her underwear and throwing them as hard as she can at me. They are light, so I don’t mind.
Chastity belt... CLANG!
"what! A chastity belt? ughhhh that's going to chafe my Willy!"
I see you are a man of tights
Doesn’t matter, had sex.
we just get a bit more handsy than usual and make sexy eyes at each other, it works well
What does “sexy eyes” look like exactly?
Noooooo
Nightmares
We've been together 16 years, married for 14, and we are like two teenagers who have been left alone by an inattentive parent or teacher. If we are in arm's reach we are touching each other, if nobody is looking, we are making out, if the door is locked, we're either undressed or we're working on it.
Good for you guys! Here's to the next 16 years!
With Frank's quote from It's Always Sunny and Philadephia
"Hungry? Would you like some sausage? I have cheese sausage for you" (Never works but it's funny)
"Got two minutes" (works more often than you'd think but it's normally expected to only be 2-5 minutes)
"What are you up to tonight? Do you want to come over to my side of the bed?" *wink (after having a king size bed I will NEVER go back)
To your cheese sausage I would reply "And for you, I have tuna patte."
OOo, we having Hors d'Oeuvres over here!
We send each other a squirrel emoji via text
Married. A look, even indirect, is enough for her to know exactly what I think about. It's scary when she asks me if I'm hungry before I realized that I was (must have been passingly looking over to the kitchen/snacks without even realizing it). If i look at her boobs for 2 seconds she knows, even while looking in another direction/at a phone. It's kind of scary. I guess I am really obvious without knowing it. I do sometimes wonder if she can read my mind.
You're lucky to have her. I'm happy for you.
She can.
People think we’re joking here but we’re not
"I'm kinda horny"
"Should we bone tonight?"
"When do you wanna have sex"
"Hold on let me brush my teeth"
These area a few of our regulars!
I gave up asking, but when she’s down it’s a straight forward „wanna have sex?“
Why not approach indirectly like complimenting her legs, whispering "I want you" in her ear. These often work for me, and even if it doesn't, it gets the mood between us so that we can foreplay and cuddle.
If I'm conscious I want to have sex. If I'm not conscious, wake me up.
"You want to bang?"
"Is it bang time?"
Any number of variations with "bang" included.
me: "i want to have sex"
them: "considered done"
That fast eh?
“My love, I would like to make the sex on you!”
A little context behind my answer.
Among my friends, we have this weird but I guess clever safe word tradition. So you know how, when someone is dreaming, if they question the dream (e.g. saying "this is a dream" or "this must be a dream"), they wake up? We decided to use that as a "quitting word" for everything. If we're making a YouTube video and we say "this is a dream", for example, it's the secret cue to cut the movie. If we're playing some kind of role and we say the phrase, it means come back to base reality. So on and so forth. And while none of us are very sexually-minded, sex we decided would be no different. If we were to have sex, a phrase like "this must be a dream" would mean to stop the session.
So then it was asked one day, how do we do the opposite? How do we cue a session of sex, video-making, etc. to start? We say the opposite. We signal immersion with something like "where are we, is this real". That is our unsafe phrase. Different nonverbal circumstances/signals would cue what exactly we refer to.
Sometimes I question that. I'd be fucked.
Literally
I do a little dance.
What does said dance look like? :)
He literally texts me "🍆?". Hahah.
We say do you wanna cuddle or do you want a massage or do you wanna lay down and listen to music. Sex usually comes after. Not always, but if not then you still have a cuddle
It varies. Today it was "do you want some cream filling?"
There’s no talking involved. Just a very incessant making out, groping and undressing with the other either pushing away or giving in.
It’s a very nonverbal kind of thing but it works for us :)
I call her cute.
Because she's an adorable little sub.
Doesn't translate well, but "I want to hump your rump" or "I wanna abuse you moose" gives you an idea. Something silly that rimes means sex.
Ken Jeong’s line from The Hangover: “You want to fuck on me?!?”
the safe word is banana
"Wanna screw?"
"down for sexy time?"
I have something I want to show you. It's in the bedroom...
In my last relationship it was touching the other with a bit of pressure. It could be anywhere, usually the hand. Then the answer was either touching back or avoiding the touch.
It was specially great for hidden quickies.
"Hands down, butt up!"
Now I have to try this one.
"Time for dessert, my love"
“Nice socks!” or “I really, really like your socks, hee hee.”
It’s a variation on the old goth line “Nice boots, wanna fuck?” We don’t so much wear boots anymore, just comfy socks.
A deeper kiss than usual with a little more passion so it wakes up the idea in her. Light playful touching of sensitives areas when we're laying in bed; her reaction quickly tells me if she's interested or just wants to go to sleep. She usually says "lets to take a 'nap'"
Try to put them in the mood?
I don't tell her. Afghani style.
a racist rape joke, how hilarious
It's not racist, it's factual:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shia_Personal_Status_Law
this gives big “there’s factual evidence that black people are less intelligent than white people” energy
also, still a rape joke so fuck you
Yikes, wtf. My comment was a non-sequiter pointing out a place where 6 million women don't get the choice to turn their husband down for sex. Sure rape joke bad, but your silly big energy comparison is ridiculous.