BIRDS.

Facelikeapotato@lemmy.ml to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 811 points –
40

Depends on how the song is interpreted. The intention is probably β€œby the 𝑛ᡗʰ day of Christmas, my true love had given to me [list of 𝑛+(𝑛–1)+...1 items]” but the actual grammar means that by day 12, you'd have received 𝑛(13–𝑛) of the 𝑛ᡗʰ item, or

  • 12 drummers drumming
  • 22 pipers piping
  • 30 lords-a leaping
  • 36 ladies dancing
  • 40 maids a-milking
  • 42 swans a-swimming
  • 42 geese a-laying
  • 40 gold rings
  • 36 calling birds
  • 30 French hens
  • 22 turtle doves
  • 12 partriges in pear trees

Total is 184 birds. By day 7, only 69 birds, up 50 % from 46 by day 6. At least the number of received birds stays constant (23) on days 8-12. The geese technically-a-reproducing are not accounted for, as the eggs might not be fertilized and take several weeks to hatch.

Also explored in an awesome video by Vihart: YouTube/Piped/Vimeo

Oh damn I did not know Vihart was still going! Tis a good day.

Curse you Carl Friedrich Gauss and your distribution! Is there no escape?!?

It’s a parabola actually, the function is –𝑛²+13𝑛.

The reason Gauss is mentioned in Vihart’s video is that he famously invented the formula for triangular numbers.

does each maid come with a cow (or goat) they are milking? within a month (35 days) some of those goose eggs will hatch too.

I would be so happy to receive 42 geese. It gives a really healthy head start to my goose army.

Lol, eight maids a milking... Slaves. He's sending you slaves darling.

Consider the gender distribution of:

  • eight maids a-milking
  • nine ladies dancing
  • ten lords a-leaping
  • eleven pipers piping
  • twelve drummers drumming

Some deep fetish shit is about to go down

Hey them pipers and drummers could be ladies! Its current year

All 140 humans, including the 30 lords, are slaves. You don't otherwise β€œown” humans like birds or rings.

Calculation by Vihart

2 more...

Plus, you have to provide room in your house for a huge number of new lodgers. Drummers, pipers, lords, ladies, maids... and then you've got to find a place for all the birds.

Your "true love" is clearly taking advantage of you by unloading all of this onto you and calling it a gift.

It's 184 birds, 140 humans, 40 rings, and 12 trees. The rings are almost a normal present but when it's that many you're just Sauron.

Edit: fixed math

I think whoever wrote the song was just hungry.

  1. From days 8 to 12 your true love gives you milkmaids, dancing ladies, leaping lords, pipers and drummers. Human beings. As gifts. Which makes eating the birds feel a lot more okay.
  2. This carol was written back when Christmas was a mere 12 days long. Now Christmas starts in mid-October. "On the ninety-ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ninety-nine wall beers..."

I wonder who's behind it. c/birdsarentreal

Oh...but your true love gives you those same quantities of gifts every day plus the new thing on the new day.

At least you can eat the geese. What the heck am I going to do with turtledoves and partridges?

People used to routinely eat just about every bird there was. The only reason nobody bothers with songbirds is that they're too small to be worth a damn. Remember the passenger pigeon? The extinct one. Yeah we literally ate that into extinction.

Fair enough. Although I don't think you'd need to bother with the songbirds in this instance seeing as you've been gifted a years worth of geese, French hens, and milk. Unless you're required to feed all the other various humans you've been gifted as well. I guess then it would be time to crack into the turtledoves.

I've eaten partridge before. It's not bad. Not sure I'd eat turtledove if I had other options.

What about the French hens? Those seem like the likely nom nom candidate.

If my true love flips me the bird, she might not be my true love after all.