Just one of those days where everything at work feels like it's going wrong. Falling on Valentine's isn't making things any better.
Sup? What happened?
I can’t save money because of my home and car loans. Hell, I wouldn’t be able to eat if it weren’t for my parents helping me out with cooking cheap meals and borrowing money, which I always feel like shit for doing. My job tires me out enough that I can’t work up the energy to fight past my ADHD paralysis to job hunt for one that pays more. I can’t get a raise because of said ADHD paralysis fucking with my productivity. I also can’t work up the energy to clean up and repair enough that I could rent my place out and move back in with my parents. And selling the house is off the table—my parents are the only ones that are close enough to my work for me to be able to make it without a three hour drive, and they’ve got a full house atm.
I was rejected for a refinance that would’ve bought me $400 a month worth of breathing room. And the energy credit is running out soon, so I’m about to start being $200-300 in the hole.
I can’t work up the energy to go out and meet someone who could be my significant other, even if that were something I had any skill or confidence in doing.
Hell, I look at my mates and they’ve got their shit on better lock than I do in some ways. Brian and Marcus have rented their house out and moved back in with their parents, ended up making about $400 a month in profit. Nate doesn’t even have a job, but he has a wife (which is really confusing, considering how he looks), and their combined Centrelink payments let them save up for big purchases they may need to make. Even Carol has a partner and a job at a casino making double what I do. (Names changed for privacy)
BUT!
I have gone through too much, survived too much to let all the effort of doing so go to waste. Even if it ends up being useless in the end, I’m going to take every opportunity I can force myself to take in order to get myself into a better place. No way in hell I’m letting the world push me into a corner without giving it a black eye on the way.
Love the attitude in the last paragraph. I've got ADHD too, I find if I pick a time/day to do something (like applying to jobs) and tell someone my plan, I can force myself into not pushing it off. Applying to jobs definitely isn't a fun experience but I recently changed jobs myself and it honestly feels refreshing. Like starting a new chapter.
Pretty sad
What's up
Poor night of sleep, stressful day of work. And Valentine's Day makes me sad. I tried to dress prettier to make myself feel special, ended up just feelin lonely anyway.
I don't sleep well either and tiredness will only make us feel worse in general. Sorry your feeling lonely 🙂 have you got any events or outings planned?
I was going to take myself out for dinner or dessert or something. I got home and got on the couch and never left.
Some days aren't meant to be, hope you take yourself out tomorrow you deserve it!
What's been going down?
Air soft, its been 4 days since a 5 hour session and my legs are killing me. Me and my old friends got together. Challenge was great though
I haven't played in a year or so but I love airsoft. My airsoft buddy wants to go shooting with me but honestly, shooting is lame to me, I prefer airsoft. Running around and doing objective missions is more fun than just shooting a target. Although, I love archery and that's miles better than shooting.
Shootings good to but doesn't pump the adrenaline like air soft!
I just spent 15 minutes waiting for a shamrock shake. Now I'm questioning all my life decisions.
But did you save 15% or more?
Just on his car insurance.
I've never been this stressed in my entire life. It hits me each morning precisely the second I wake up.
Got laid off from work recently. I don't feel like finding a new job because I have 10 years of experience and I know I don't like working for someone else. It feels meaningless. I don't want to spend my life like that. What's the alternatine? Well besides the extremely unlikely event of winning the lottery I feel like the only other option is to start my own handyman bussiness that I've been "dreaming of" for who knows how many years. I don't however mean that I have some deep passion for entrepreneurship because I don't. Not at all. I just feel like it's the only other option I have and there's atleast a slight chance that I might like it. Hell, it could even end up being one of the best decisions in my life. Maybe. I don't know, and I'll never find out if I don't try it.
But doubt. Oh so much doubt. This is by-far the biggest and scariest decision I've had to make ever. I know I can just end it if it's not working out and find a job and that's that but it just feels so permanent. It feels like I'm putting my entire future on the line. It almost feels like risking my life. It's stupid and I know it. I just can't help it. No amount of reasoning is enough to fight off my emotions on this. I'm absolutely and completely terrified.
That's a good sign, honestly.
Your feeling is telling you that you are about to make some "significant" change.
I believe in you. Now you believe in yourself.
EDIT:
I'm actually going through something similar myself. I've always wanted to be a teacher, and now I'm like one week away from actually doing that. It's nerve-wracking.
Bought myself flowers and beignets, supported a friend who was feeling mopey. I’m depressed but it helps to do things for myself and others
Chilling rn. Just got back from the arcade and had a few drinks so I'm riding this buzz safely at home. I also won a few things from a claw machine so that's exciting. I'm still a little bummed I'm single for the first time in a decade on Valentine's Day but life could be worse.
My challenges are too belligerent and numerous to name here, but they're overshadowed by the victory of getting a really fantastic car, one I've been wanting since I was a teenager.
Congrats! What car? Will you be letting the Stig drive it?
It's a VW GTI. I'm pretty sure the Stig already drove it, but it's white with a decent tint so it actually kinda looks like him. (Them?)
I know it’s small, but I made up with my wife and told her I don’t like being treated the was she acted. I asked her to talk more with me about what she needs rather than bottle it up. We have some healing, but I feel like it’s an upward swing.
Victories: got conditionally accepted for my 2nd choice for uni (still haven't told any close friends until I hear back from all schools and make a decision)
Challenges: I'm taking linear algebra and diff eq. It's the first week and I forgot how to take derivatives and integrals. I've been staring at the problem for hours and still don't get how to take the derivative for e^(y/x).
Here comes my boomer moment:
You kids have it so easy with technology these days. Back in my day we really had to stare at equations or wait for office hours with the prof.
Then it came Wolfram Alpha which showed you step by step how to integrate an equation if you wrote it into the prompt.
Nowadays with ChatGPT/Gemini/xyz you can just take a picture of your homework and it will solve it for you (and explain it in any level of detail that you want, if you care about learning). You can have it explain differential equations talking like a pirate, if you want.
Very understandable. I wouldn't go with A.I. it's pretty shit for math, but there are calculators out there like wolfram better suited for this. I like struggling first and if I need to use those tools, then I might. My school also has a math tutoring center but as linear is the final sequence, there is less help for that. Some profs probably forgot it.
Am currently caring for my mother on hospice. Fuck cancer.
Left a toxic study group and I feel so much lighter and hsppy because of it. Have more time to myself and things that hold interest just for me and my enjoyment.
ETA a Word.
It was a case study [group] if toxic study group politics...
What was there to be toxic about, was this Community?
Suburban housewives trying to learn a new language through osmosis. It is discouraging to be in a group where noone does the work and tries to actually learn instead thinking that paying for something is enough to master x or y.
Got tired and left.
Victories:
My girlfriend and I are doing a lot better than we were a few months ago. I have only missed 2 assignments this semester and I finally found a method of organization that works for me. I go to class at least half the time which is a lot more than before. Doing good so far :)
Challenges:
My insomnia has been a nightmare recently, I've slept 1 out of the past 4 nights and only because I bummed some weed of off a close friend. I haven't eaten in 16+ hrs and my stomach hurts, I'm getting nauseous and bloated and I couldn't make it to my 9am class because I was afraid of puking on the way there.
U intersted in trying something different tonight Re:Sleep?
Wdym by that?
I mean: are you willing to try something easy and dead simple to sleep like the dead perchance?
Have at it, I'll take all the advice I can get
I'll do it in baby steps and keep the dialogue open. Okay, you ready to try what I suggest tonight, promise? It'll be easy
Dawg you're stringing me a long
It's not a gun right?
No way. So here's what I want you to do: (step 1)
Get an album or even better, an audiobook for a story you love. Go do that and make sure you really "have it" (nobody can undownload or delete it, taking it away somyou can maintain your consistent structure)
You need something you like and that doesn't rattle you + you'll be cool with listening to like everynight. Don't worry so much about being bored or whatever: if all goes well, you won't be listening too long to the point you may never finish it lol
Edit:
are you on Android/iPhone?
can you make sure you have it completely dark? Whether ambiently or by wearing a comfy sleep mask?
Oh man the only thing I can think of is the Magnus archives but that keeps me up at night if anything. Perhaps Lord of the rings? Or maybe the Percy Jackson series, I read the fuck out of that when I was a kid.
I use android
Room is as dark as I can physically get it, I live in a apartment and there is a bright ass light right outside my window and while I have blackout curtains a little seeps through the cracks.
My autism doesn't let me have things on my face so a sleep mask is a no go unfortunately.
Is it the consistency that helps you fall asleep? Because normally stories keep me up.
Just think of an album or book that you know so well its sort of boring to listen to but still comfy cuz you know it from going through it several times previously
No excuses, figure it out. Comfy but goddamn have I read/listened to this so many times aha
I'll make it easy: -get the app SpeechCentral and buy it one-time (~$10). Get an ePub for a book you don't mind hearing via audio. Import it and put it on at bedtime.
Let me know how it goes.
I'll update tomorrow night, I'm with my girlfriend tonight so I won't get the chance
Infinite Jest is a good choice lol. That book is like Great Gatsby on steroids and impossibly long, unnavigable.
You just need something to get lost in
, rinse and repeat, sunrise sunset
This lets you encrypt files on whatever your storage backend is. So it would be great if you use Amazon S3 as your storage backend, but don’t trust every Amazon employee who has access to that data (maybe a few hundred employees?).
I started working on this feature basically to blow off steam because my brand new, very expensive server wasn’t working. After many hours of troubleshooting, I think it was just a bad stick of RAM. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Ive been applying to a remote first company I want to work for for about 3 weeks now and ive got 1 failed interview and about 30 reject letters. Can't complain, ive got a good job now, but I want to go back to remote work
Feeling pretty shitty today.
Valentine's Day blues or something else?
Just one of those days where everything at work feels like it's going wrong. Falling on Valentine's isn't making things any better.
Sup? What happened?
I can’t save money because of my home and car loans. Hell, I wouldn’t be able to eat if it weren’t for my parents helping me out with cooking cheap meals and borrowing money, which I always feel like shit for doing. My job tires me out enough that I can’t work up the energy to fight past my ADHD paralysis to job hunt for one that pays more. I can’t get a raise because of said ADHD paralysis fucking with my productivity. I also can’t work up the energy to clean up and repair enough that I could rent my place out and move back in with my parents. And selling the house is off the table—my parents are the only ones that are close enough to my work for me to be able to make it without a three hour drive, and they’ve got a full house atm.
I was rejected for a refinance that would’ve bought me $400 a month worth of breathing room. And the energy credit is running out soon, so I’m about to start being $200-300 in the hole.
I can’t work up the energy to go out and meet someone who could be my significant other, even if that were something I had any skill or confidence in doing.
Hell, I look at my mates and they’ve got their shit on better lock than I do in some ways. Brian and Marcus have rented their house out and moved back in with their parents, ended up making about $400 a month in profit. Nate doesn’t even have a job, but he has a wife (which is really confusing, considering how he looks), and their combined Centrelink payments let them save up for big purchases they may need to make. Even Carol has a partner and a job at a casino making double what I do. (Names changed for privacy)
BUT!
I have gone through too much, survived too much to let all the effort of doing so go to waste. Even if it ends up being useless in the end, I’m going to take every opportunity I can force myself to take in order to get myself into a better place. No way in hell I’m letting the world push me into a corner without giving it a black eye on the way.
Love the attitude in the last paragraph. I've got ADHD too, I find if I pick a time/day to do something (like applying to jobs) and tell someone my plan, I can force myself into not pushing it off. Applying to jobs definitely isn't a fun experience but I recently changed jobs myself and it honestly feels refreshing. Like starting a new chapter.
Pretty sad
What's up
Poor night of sleep, stressful day of work. And Valentine's Day makes me sad. I tried to dress prettier to make myself feel special, ended up just feelin lonely anyway.
I don't sleep well either and tiredness will only make us feel worse in general. Sorry your feeling lonely 🙂 have you got any events or outings planned?
I was going to take myself out for dinner or dessert or something. I got home and got on the couch and never left.
Some days aren't meant to be, hope you take yourself out tomorrow you deserve it!
What's been going down?
Air soft, its been 4 days since a 5 hour session and my legs are killing me. Me and my old friends got together. Challenge was great though
I haven't played in a year or so but I love airsoft. My airsoft buddy wants to go shooting with me but honestly, shooting is lame to me, I prefer airsoft. Running around and doing objective missions is more fun than just shooting a target. Although, I love archery and that's miles better than shooting.
Shootings good to but doesn't pump the adrenaline like air soft!
I just spent 15 minutes waiting for a shamrock shake. Now I'm questioning all my life decisions.
But did you save 15% or more?
Just on his car insurance.
I've never been this stressed in my entire life. It hits me each morning precisely the second I wake up.
Got laid off from work recently. I don't feel like finding a new job because I have 10 years of experience and I know I don't like working for someone else. It feels meaningless. I don't want to spend my life like that. What's the alternatine? Well besides the extremely unlikely event of winning the lottery I feel like the only other option is to start my own handyman bussiness that I've been "dreaming of" for who knows how many years. I don't however mean that I have some deep passion for entrepreneurship because I don't. Not at all. I just feel like it's the only other option I have and there's atleast a slight chance that I might like it. Hell, it could even end up being one of the best decisions in my life. Maybe. I don't know, and I'll never find out if I don't try it.
But doubt. Oh so much doubt. This is by-far the biggest and scariest decision I've had to make ever. I know I can just end it if it's not working out and find a job and that's that but it just feels so permanent. It feels like I'm putting my entire future on the line. It almost feels like risking my life. It's stupid and I know it. I just can't help it. No amount of reasoning is enough to fight off my emotions on this. I'm absolutely and completely terrified.
That's a good sign, honestly.
Your feeling is telling you that you are about to make some "significant" change.
I believe in you. Now you believe in yourself.
EDIT:
I'm actually going through something similar myself. I've always wanted to be a teacher, and now I'm like one week away from actually doing that. It's nerve-wracking.
Bought myself flowers and beignets, supported a friend who was feeling mopey. I’m depressed but it helps to do things for myself and others
Chilling rn. Just got back from the arcade and had a few drinks so I'm riding this buzz safely at home. I also won a few things from a claw machine so that's exciting. I'm still a little bummed I'm single for the first time in a decade on Valentine's Day but life could be worse.
My challenges are too belligerent and numerous to name here, but they're overshadowed by the victory of getting a really fantastic car, one I've been wanting since I was a teenager.
Congrats! What car? Will you be letting the Stig drive it?
It's a VW GTI. I'm pretty sure the Stig already drove it, but it's white with a decent tint so it actually kinda looks like him. (Them?)
I know it’s small, but I made up with my wife and told her I don’t like being treated the was she acted. I asked her to talk more with me about what she needs rather than bottle it up. We have some healing, but I feel like it’s an upward swing.
Victories: got conditionally accepted for my 2nd choice for uni (still haven't told any close friends until I hear back from all schools and make a decision)
Challenges: I'm taking linear algebra and diff eq. It's the first week and I forgot how to take derivatives and integrals. I've been staring at the problem for hours and still don't get how to take the derivative for e^(y/x).
Here comes my boomer moment:
You kids have it so easy with technology these days. Back in my day we really had to stare at equations or wait for office hours with the prof.
Then it came Wolfram Alpha which showed you step by step how to integrate an equation if you wrote it into the prompt.
Nowadays with ChatGPT/Gemini/xyz you can just take a picture of your homework and it will solve it for you (and explain it in any level of detail that you want, if you care about learning). You can have it explain differential equations talking like a pirate, if you want.
Very understandable. I wouldn't go with A.I. it's pretty shit for math, but there are calculators out there like wolfram better suited for this. I like struggling first and if I need to use those tools, then I might. My school also has a math tutoring center but as linear is the final sequence, there is less help for that. Some profs probably forgot it.
Am currently caring for my mother on hospice. Fuck cancer.
Left a toxic study group and I feel so much lighter and hsppy because of it. Have more time to myself and things that hold interest just for me and my enjoyment. ETA a Word.
It was a case study [group] if toxic study group politics...
What was there to be toxic about, was this Community?
Suburban housewives trying to learn a new language through osmosis. It is discouraging to be in a group where noone does the work and tries to actually learn instead thinking that paying for something is enough to master x or y.
Got tired and left.
Victories: My girlfriend and I are doing a lot better than we were a few months ago. I have only missed 2 assignments this semester and I finally found a method of organization that works for me. I go to class at least half the time which is a lot more than before. Doing good so far :)
Challenges: My insomnia has been a nightmare recently, I've slept 1 out of the past 4 nights and only because I bummed some weed of off a close friend. I haven't eaten in 16+ hrs and my stomach hurts, I'm getting nauseous and bloated and I couldn't make it to my 9am class because I was afraid of puking on the way there.
U intersted in trying something different tonight Re:Sleep?
Wdym by that?
I mean: are you willing to try something easy and dead simple to sleep like the dead perchance?
Have at it, I'll take all the advice I can get
I'll do it in baby steps and keep the dialogue open. Okay, you ready to try what I suggest tonight, promise? It'll be easy
Dawg you're stringing me a long It's not a gun right?
No way. So here's what I want you to do: (step 1)
You need something you like and that doesn't rattle you + you'll be cool with listening to like everynight. Don't worry so much about being bored or whatever: if all goes well, you won't be listening too long to the point you may never finish it lol
Edit:
Oh man the only thing I can think of is the Magnus archives but that keeps me up at night if anything. Perhaps Lord of the rings? Or maybe the Percy Jackson series, I read the fuck out of that when I was a kid.
I use android
Room is as dark as I can physically get it, I live in a apartment and there is a bright ass light right outside my window and while I have blackout curtains a little seeps through the cracks.
My autism doesn't let me have things on my face so a sleep mask is a no go unfortunately.
Is it the consistency that helps you fall asleep? Because normally stories keep me up.
Just think of an album or book that you know so well its sort of boring to listen to but still comfy cuz you know it from going through it several times previously
No excuses, figure it out. Comfy but goddamn have I read/listened to this so many times aha
I'll make it easy: -get the app SpeechCentral and buy it one-time (~$10). Get an ePub for a book you don't mind hearing via audio. Import it and put it on at bedtime.
Let me know how it goes.
I'll update tomorrow night, I'm with my girlfriend tonight so I won't get the chance
Infinite Jest is a good choice lol. That book is like Great Gatsby on steroids and impossibly long, unnavigable.
You just need something to get lost in , rinse and repeat, sunrise sunset
Tell me when its done + accessible to you
Good you?
You know I'm some stuff could be better but all things considered I feel like today is going better than I would thought it'd be.
Nice to see a prevalent positive comment section among the usual gloom and doom in lemmy.
No big victories or challenges for myself, all going boring but fine overall. Which is kinda a victory, I guess?
Pretty great, been drinking beer and having steak. Going to proceed to get baked and laid to cap off the evening.
Remember always finish on the bach, never on De Bussy.
I have two big projects I want to make in rust. This is nice because I haven't been able to think of projects I could make in a while.
Currently Waiting for a tow truck because my clutch pipe burst while I'm an hour and a half away from home. Lovely, and probably expensive
Getting divorced, but started therapy. Bit of a mixed bag really.
Bad and no
It's been mixed for me, some nice things and some concerning things.
I added file contents encryption:
https://github.com/sciactive/nephele/commit/5f18364275ec520fdd50bf456086bc0820ae98d2
And filename encryption:
https://github.com/sciactive/nephele/commit/945ba4bcf29ff2a91c00226d87049ed79094b452
To my WebDAV server:
https://github.com/sciactive/nephele
This lets you encrypt files on whatever your storage backend is. So it would be great if you use Amazon S3 as your storage backend, but don’t trust every Amazon employee who has access to that data (maybe a few hundred employees?).
I started working on this feature basically to blow off steam because my brand new, very expensive server wasn’t working. After many hours of troubleshooting, I think it was just a bad stick of RAM. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Ive been applying to a remote first company I want to work for for about 3 weeks now and ive got 1 failed interview and about 30 reject letters. Can't complain, ive got a good job now, but I want to go back to remote work