How do you cheer yourself up after a rough day? Or a rough year?

Dinodicchellathicc@lemmy.world to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 138 points –

Starting to feel crushed by the weight of the world, riddled with guilt and disappointment in myself over my choices. Nothing I can do about the past though.

What are some of the ways you guys get yourselves out of a bad headspace?

70

I take stock.

What are my personal positive achievements?

Where am I right now, is it a good place?

It doesn’t have to be my final destination, but is it good?

If I strip away all the fringe and lingering bullshit, am I safe and happy in this specific point in time?

Like right now: I am on the couch drinking coffee on a Saturday morning. I have three dogs with me. I am safe and I am loved.

What happens tomorrow is future zombie_kong’s problem. Not todays.

Edit: you got this. It’s nothing. A mere blip in this adventure we call living.

Another thing that I like is considering not what I can do to “change my life in a year” but “what can I do tomorrow to improve my life even a little bit right now?”

Instead of getting caught up on larger things that might take years to achieve, if I consider something I can change right now that will make tomorrow a better day, those changes will add up much more quickly and noticeably.

Even if I can’t think of something, that’s fine. I can accept that, and just move on to the next day. The important thing is to ask myself this every day, so that I can give myself the option of making that change and having that reflection.

I like that.

Life can be overwhelming. Small adjustments can go a long way.

Bubblebath. Whatever the problem, bubblebath.

Although if you're in the US I think a lot of you have weirdly small baths over there so might not be quite as great an option. ymmv.

Tell myself to quit being such a piece of shit and to get it together.

The results are variable.

I get myself a nice little treat and take a break. I treat myself like someone else who I'd try to cheer up

But honestly - sounds like you need a lot more than that if you are feeling all tangled up. It's helpful to unwind it all. With friends, with a therapist, even just talking to a stranger on the bus (or the internet)

Sometimes, I'll treat myself to some ice cream. Just thought you should know.

I don't want to trama dump on you but you're right. What's wrong with me doesn't have a simple solution and it only ever ends one way.

Tune out the things you don't have control over, lets yourself recover, enjoy some of your hobbies, and ehen you're ready, ease back in.

Usually I can logic my way out of feeling bad, but I just feel so crushed rn over something objectively stupid. Like i feel a literal weight on my chest.

I can relate to this. I'm a big problem solver-y kind of person and that means I'm very good at logicking my way out of feeling bad, like you are. It gets tricky when it's something you can't fix that way though. Personally, I found that I had become so reliant on my problem solving skills that I had a poor ability to cope emotionally when it was just a shit situation I couldn't do anything to fix.

For me, one of the steps towards coping better with that kind of stuff is stopping trying to logic through something if that approach wasn't working. Don't beat yourself up about "irrational" upsets. Feelings don't care about the facts and even if your feelings are irrational, it doesn't help to be exasperated at this. That can often strengthen them.

Once you've accepted that you feel shitty and it's valid and okay to feel like that and not have a way to fix things, the next step might be taking time away from the stressful thing, or giving yourself some random treat completely separate from the sad thing, or venting, perhaps to a friend, or even a journal. What helps you will depend on you and your particular situation, but step 1 is to let yourself feel that weight on your chest. How much something hurts isn't based on any objective standard, your struggles' validity don't depend on rationalising the thing that upsets you.

Things suck right now for you, but it's okay to not be okay.

That is rough. I have been there, usually time heals. Try to keep your head up.

Sorry to read you are feeling this way.

We are all different; we don’t all respond the same way to the same things but I will share what works for me.

I try to channel that energy into something positive if I can - exercise that little bit harder, put more time and passion into my hobbies.

If that isn’t working I try to dissipate it; listening to heavy metal is my go to. The “heavier” it is the more therapeutic it becomes. Story-driven video games (and the odd first-person shooter or open world mess) can help too.

I have a young family and a family pet; I find that making time to play with them and doing activity with them helps, but even so I sometimes need time to myself to clear my head.

Oddly enough being at work helps too. By the time I’ve fixed someone else’s problems I realise that maybe mine can be fixed too.

I’ve never found that having a treat (food, drink, whatever) worked for me; I end up feeling guilty of the excess and empty afterwards - but I appreciate this works for some.

When all of the above fails - I phone a friend.

All of this is about making space to strip away the emotional burdens and perform a fair analysis of the situation. I’m very solution / results driven so I look for ways of moving forwards.

Take care out there.

What I typically do is listen to some music. I have a collection of soundtracks from some of my favorite video games. I pick a couple of pieces from the whole collection and let the music lead me through my memories. It’s not too far off from the feeling of going through an old photo album. I imagine one could get a similar effect by returning to any number of things that they used to enjoy.

Listening to music helps me too. Recently I noticed that "sad" music seems to work especially well - something slow, not too intrusive, like Wolfsheim, Deine Lakaien, Anne Clark, ... While I listen it allows me to actually experience my emotions, and when I eventually turn off this music it also helps me to "snap out of it" and focus on the next steps in my life (which may just be cleaning the dishes or going for a run).

Try to always have something coming up to look forward to. Whether it’s a hang out with friends, a concert, a trip to a park, whatever. Keep a calendar and stick with it even on the days when you’re not really feeling up to it. Bonus points if you’re trying something you’ve never done before. New experiences are really good at getting you out of your head and being more mindful.

I walk. Short or long walks. Whatever I have time for. Even if I don't really feel like walking. I find I almost never regret the decision to go. And I almost always return in a better mental state.

A walk to through the woods and spending time with friends.

I go skateboarding. It clears my mind completely. It doesn't matter that I can't keep up with modern tricks or anything. It still puts me in a zen state of mind and being physically tiring it leaves me relaxed and not worried about anything.

Exercise is definitely part of it, but also the feeling of accomplishment and occupying the mind.

I'm sure other physical activities can do something similar, but it's important to find something that fits you.

I sit and feel horrible about myself, mentally punishing myself for all of the mistakes. About an hour or two later, my mind gives up, and I become pragmatic.

Loads of weed and a Trance Party

Anything beyond that (like actual therapy to deal with the traumas of existing) is honestly too much for me to take on right now, so it's little breaks of calm in the chaos that somehow keep me going. For now.

I have a plan for what I consider to be my happy place: retirement. Whenever I feel down I look at my plan and consider what small step I could take to get even closer. It helps me step back from the immediate feelings and focus on the longer term goal. No one is going to help me reach my goals. Only I can do that. Accepting this and seeing progress is so satisfyingly empowering.

I make a routine to make myself forget about the world for a bit. For me that's getting a soda and watching a movie/TV show for a couple of hours or playing video games.

Take a walk in the forest and then go to a sauna.

I can relate! The best antidepressant for me is immersion in my hobby of open source software and computing. I also enjoy learning for its pure sake.

exercise something fierce, whatever works best for you be it running, lifting, cycling, swimming, doesn't matter. It's free brain chemicals!

I listen to this masterpiece

That.... Is so incredibly disruptive mentally and emotionally. It's like being slapped in the face with a fish the size of a truck.

I can't believe that actually helped at all. Holy shit.

You monster! Rockabilly trash can dig deeper than I thought...

At least it gives me hope for my musical career, but I suspect I'm not deaf enough

Trying to bombard my mind with a bunch of random tasks and noise to try and stop the fixation and turn its attention elsewhere until I can sleep and escape into the dream world where hopefully the dreams don't haunt me either.

In hard times I usually retreat to some very technical meditation practice.

Stereotypical answer but I like to lift weights. Really any outlet that requires 100% mental focus is what helps me most.When I lift weights there is just me and the weight.No bad thoughts. You can't lift bad thoughts.

I just say that nothing really matters. The inevitable outcome, which is death, will come to all. Weirdly, this calms me.

Delta 8 and painting miniatures

I used to love making clay soldiers as a child. Maybe I'll start again.

That's cool, like I'm for sure not very good at this but it's been a fun thing to learn, watching videos and buying like "good" paints and brushes. It's been a neat hobby to mix up just playing video games and tv

3 more...

I read a lot of philosophy until I had an existential crisis, which ironically made me feel worse at first and then better later on, because I realised basically "nothing really matters" and the majority of things that stressed me out are so small. Sure, some stuff has negative consequences for me and messes with my emotions, but even that passes with time and much of it is simply in my head (I got a nice cocktail of ADHD with depression and anxiety and get stuck in feelings of dread and doom).

Well, I also go to therapy, and there I learned to focus on myself and what I need and like, with the goal to either distract myself or enjoy small pleasures. Like I walk to a quiet place somewhere when noise stresses me out or listen to music, I make myself a nice meal or some tea (iced tea in summer) or take a cool shower or sit down to draw something or write comments or talk to a person I like, all those small things that make me feel a bit like "I can live one day longer".

Basically, instead of looking at the world and the things you can‘t change of affect like your past, look only at yourself in the here and now and ask "how could I make this a bit more bearable for myself?" and then I do that. Though there is some limit there like don‘t do drugs (which I DID do, it gave relief, but made me feel much worse over time! just a warning), but even outside of that there is usually something you can do.

Many desires are also artificially induced by marketing and peer pressure and the more I understood that, the less I felt like I had to do x or y or whatever everyone else is doing to be happy. That includes my comment and those of all others by the way, one or more points may resonate with you and help and others may be completely useless to you, what matters most here is finding what works for you and doing more of that. If you try some of this and have a moment where your mind calms down and you feel alright, take note of that and do that again.

Though I‘m not entirely well, this stuff comes back sometimes, but I got a bunch of ways to deal with it now which help me out.

Well when positive thinking and taking stock of my achievements and thinking about how far ive come doesnt work.

I order way too much pizza, buy just enough alcohol to get somewhat drunk but not so much ill get wasted and maudlin and I watch the shitty 90s comedies I loved as a teenager.

You know that meme with a guy celebrating what looks like a win but isn't. That's what I do. Because I must find myself awesome.

I ROCK!

Honestly when I feel my worst I enjoy comforting media, but what's a very bizzare and unethical bad habit of mine is reading stuff people with worse lives than me post online (I never interact with them- prime directive!). I know it's wrong and voyeuristic but it always makes me grateful for how comparatively together I am.

Go do something I enjoy outside my home. Get some tasty food, or go to Disney, or go see a movie. Just something that gets me out of my head.

I eat a meal that I really love slowly. Enjoy every bite. Describe in detail (in your head) why they bite was special.

Prior to my health and endurance being absolutely wrecked in the past year, I used to run. Ran as hard as I could through the fields near where I lived until my legs would die, all in the chase for that runner's high; but when it did hit, it was good. Nowadays I can't run as much, so I'm still trying to find new outlets, one of which has been messing with my selfhosted setup, another being writing paragraphs on lemmy lol.

Also, certain video game soundtracks evoke feelings of catharsis and calm for me, so there's also that.

I go take a walk. Beach would be ideal, but nowadays even at the park or lastly at the mall. Anywhere relatively safe to just walk and listen to music. I find it improves my mood.

Eating good food and taking a shower after a rough day helps a lot too.