as always, we're back. how's your week going folks
i came out as female to my family and close friends and they have all been very supportive 🥺❤️
Congrats!! Coming out is never easy or fun.
The news has been so terrible, and I read so many sad stories, it’s good to hear something positive. Very happy for you.
Side topic, any plans to watch the Eras tour? It’s filling up my TikTok feed and looks like such a blast.
thank youuu!!
I saw her in June it was amazing! Her set alone was like 3 hours long!!!
I hope there's going to be a concert film 😭
There’s gotta be, it’s too epic not to be filmed for a documentary!
Congratulations!! I am so happy your loved ones are accepting!
Congrats!!! That's bravery and courage for sure!
Yayyyyy congrats!!
Ahhhhh congrats!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Congrats sister! I believe the world gets better every time someone finds and can live their truth, so thank you for sharing yours.
My mom who I haven't seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn't seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She's also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there's a double layer of "everything is okay, the city is not on fire" plus all the new trans stuff she's going to be asking about. So it'll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it's going to be stressful 🥲
I hope everything goes well during the visit! If she's supportive, that's already a great sign. Constantly explaining things can get exhausting after a while, but it's definitely easier to handle when those questions are asked in good faith.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but as someone who is really considering moving to Portland from the deep south, how is it? It seems like a really fun city, but it's hard to sift through the propaganda with it being such a target for conservative media.
I don't mind! In fact, here's way more info than you asked for!
Portland has it's problems, no doubt. But in comparison to the south? It's not even close, you couldn't pay me to move back (and my job tried lol). The weather is more mild, the people more friendly and the culture more inclusive. The food scene is crazy, so much variety and fusions you've never heard of. Afters years I'm still discovering new eateries to try and pretty much every place has veggie/vegan options if you're into that. Super walkable with awesome public transit (for an American city) that makes it great to get around for real cheap. Hiking trails on hiking trails with lots of bike infrastructure. So many fun shows come to town all the time and the local artists are their own brand of amazing weirdness. Also weird subcultures. I'm going to the Mondo Croquet World Championships this Sunday where you play croquet with bowling balls and sledgehammers. Takes place in Portland every year for 26 years and I just learned about it two days ago lol
Now the bad. There's some sketchiness with some of the houseless encampments around town, but the majority are just people trying to get by. Don't berate or antagonize them and you'll be fine. I was just walking in Old Town the other week with a friend, this is often described as the most dangerous part of the city, and it was fine. A houseless person who was talking to himself saw my Mars Attacks shirt there, smiled real big, and then yelled "ack ack ack ack ack!" So I smiled back and gave him a nod, he was satisfied with the exchange and went on his way. Which is honestly how it goes most of the time. Most houseless people I talk to are just thankful I talk to them at all and don't ignore them. One dude showed me his sweet rock collection on the train, he was stoked to share with someone and they were some pretty sweet rocks tbh. I know anecdotes don't directly translate to data but for what it's worth that's been everybody's experience I've spoken to that I can confirm actually lives here. If you go to the Portland subreddit for instance you'll see a lot of claims being made but then dig into the profiles to find they don't actually live here.
Our police department is the worst. I know everyone says that, but like, Portland Police might actually be the worst. They're on an unofficial soft strike right now and have been since the George Floyd Protests and only respond to the most urgent of urgent calls. Then wonder why everyone hates them and wants to slash their budget. I could go on for a while there but I won't. Portland cops suck, real hard.
Housing and rent sucks, but so does everywhere else. So, meh. Although with Oregon rent control I've been able to renew my lease and have pretty close to what I was paying in rent five years ago because we haven't moved.
I didn't meant to type a wall of text, but that's a very summarized run down of what to expect. I tried to be completely honest because it's not a perfect city, but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else at this point.
with it being such a target for conservative media.
It's kind of a blessing in disguise because it largely keeps conservative people from moving here so it's mostly really cool/chill people that move here instead lol
I am nowhere near the US but reading this kinda makes me want to go to Portland lol!
It's great to visit!
my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don't say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog's personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he's met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i've only had him about a week, and i doubt i'm going to have him much longer, because he's the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.
Chuck looks (and sounds!) so sweet.
he really is. i’m really hoping he gets adopted by somebody i know.
Such a good boy!
What a good boye 🥺
My outside kitty ran away for 6 weeks and just came back on monday morning! I was getting into a bit of a depressive episode and had started mourning her, so having her back feels great.
Hooray! Now, when she came back was she happy to see you, or did she just do the cat thing and say "eh, you again", check out her food dish, and go to bed.
Kinda both lol. She has been very sweet the last few days, moreso than normal, but when she came back I was heading out the door to go to work so I just picked her up, put her inside and left for work (the photo I took is actually from my kitty camera in my living room). She is an old lady kitty though so she sleeps around 14 or so hours a day and doesnt eat a whole ton. Im just glad she is back because her previous caretakers had her declawed and we live on the border of suburbia and rural farms, so lots of coyotes and such linger about
Aww. Very nice that she's back.
I hear you on coyotes. I'm one house away from their territory and although it's nice to hear then every night, my fuzzball got out once and I was rightly panicked (he turned up after 2 days... nothing near your ordeal).
Aww that's so nice to hear
Glad she's home!
Last night I grabbed a bunch of audio files for country songs that contain the phrase "ice cold beer," then I edited them together so that all the "ice cold beer"s lined up amidst the cacophony of about 5 songs being played at the same time. I thought that would be funny but it just didn't sound as good as I thought it would. Maybe if each song faded in one by one... I dunno.
Can you somehow share this lmao. My buddy makes music and loves doing fun stuff like this, Id love to hear it and send it to him to listen to!
I'd love to share it. I'm not sure what the best way is. I'm still new to the Fediverse but I feel there must be a way to do it Fediversally.
Hmm, maybe PeerTube? Looks like there's some instances that are specifically dedicated to music; here's a link to some search results on joinpeertube.org
that sounds hilarious lmaoo
Not terrible thus far. Getting over a cold and am already sick of hearing about the Twitter rebrand, but otherwise better than the past few days.
Really starting to wish that Lemmy had a way to block entire instances. It feels silly that my choices are to either block everything labeled as NSFW (including discussions, comics, etc that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature but not appropriate for work), or have to block an endless sea of furry porn on the “All” timeline, one community at a time (no judgement, just not what I’m on Lemmy for).
Are you using an app? I'm using Connect for Lemmy and blocking instances is a feature.
I’ve been using wefwef, but I might check out Connect if that’s a feature. Thanks for the tip!
Lol I very much agree with the need for an instance blocking button. Feels like it should be a fairly simple filter for an @ pattern, but it's not like I'm a Lemmy dev, so it really could be an insane lift. There's been talk of it in various rooms, though I'm not sure the last time I've seen this topic on beehaw.
It does get easier after the first major purge. We're still a relatively small site so most of the porn comes from the same few places. I do agree though that it would be nice and easy to just block it.
I also wish there was some more granular control with how instances populate your front page either all or subscribed. As it is the meme instances tend to drown out a lot of everything else.
Moved to a small town earlier this year, tried to make friends, met some cool people, last month I found out one of the group was super openly transphobic, so I stopped hanging out with them. Tried to reconnect with some cousins, last week I found out one was a transphobe, homophobe, and racist, cut her off. Started to get close with a different one, found out yesterday that he was transphobic, cut him off. I'm not trans, but I don't want to be around idiots that think trans people are groomers. Feeling pretty goddamn isolated and terrible about myself. Wishing I could just stay inside and never see people for the rest of my life.
I understand that very well. I'm trans and have to worry about transphobic people all the time. We appreciate you avoiding transphobic people because you're less likely to become one if you don't hang out with one, but most of all because it basically deplatforms them in reality.
I also just wish I could stay inside and never go out there again. People are hard. And I'm worried about how I appear all the time. I never want strangers to know I'm trans so I avoid letting any of that show. So when they do realize that's always really awkward. But trans stuff aside, people are hard. Very hard. I'm now taking 6 psych pills a day. It helps but it's still not enough.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have really bad self-esteem issues around my body and I have spent my life avoiding the public most of the time for that reason, it's really limited my options in life. I promise that there are other people like me out there that would support you if we saw you, not criticize you. You deserve to be you wherever you feel like being.
I am proud of you for making the choice to ignore the accepted programming of “but faaaaamily” and judge whether to let these individuals into your life based on who they are as people. It is such a hard thing to do. I have nearly cut off all contact with my family - father included - because of such attitudes, and I’m not trans, either. As adults, making friends takes more purposeful action, and that means time in a lot of cases, but it’s worth it. (BIG INTERNET HUG)
Thank you so much and sorry it took me so long to reply. It's nice to hear there are other people out there like me that are going through the same things. Hugs back!
I’m doing better than I was previously. Getting past some mental health hurdles, and I’m finally back to work. I start on a new team, with a new supervisor that won’t cruelly demean me in our 1 on 1s until I start crying 🙃 still struggling a bit and I messed up my back gardening over the weekend, so that doesn’t help.
Power tripping bosses are the worst, it sucks that you had to endure that :/
Hoping for your swift recovery! Mind if I ask what you're gardening? Anything particularly fun for you?
Yeah, for real. I’ve actually worked with my new boss previously, so I’m happy with the change. Work was an insane level of stress that I won’t miss.
I’m mostly growing herbs, with a few pepper varieties and a few fruits like tomatoes, strawberries and blueberries. They are mostly for drying for use in cooking/baking, and also to use as ingredients for the water kefir my wife and I make.
it was my birfday last thursday
i did the lego great wave of kanagawa set
omg happy belated birthday!! 🤠🥳
I'm bad at self care but I went to the optometrist last week and... my eyeglass prescription doubled. Did you know road signs have words on them? Huh!
Madness. Next you'll be saying trees have individual leaves and not just big clumps.
Pretty good! I just made an account here. I've been on Lemmy/Fedi/etc for a while but finally found my way to the hive.
Now I'm sipping coffee to get ready for the workday. Hope y'all have a good week.
My BF failed their exam that would have given them enough credit to not have to take a final semester. COVID and a lack of support for their mental health makes this their 6th year of college. Sadly, this means a few more months of long distance relationship, but at least he isn't at risk of being kicked out for being trans.
...For now. I'm fully prepared to make the drive and extract him from a bad situation. We're feeling better than expected, though, since now the dread of the test looming over his head is gone.
Debbie downer here! If you're having a good day, I don't want to harsh it, so skip me! :)
Apparently my mood's been off enough this week that it's been effecting people around me negatively and now I have to get restarted on meditating to hopefully fix it. But at least I do have that one option, I definitely haven't always had a path to follow when it comes to mood/feeling stuff. It just feels precarious because it's like, if this doesn't work, what comes next?
Idk, maybe this is a feeble attempt at crowdsourcing what comes next, because if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do. Probably will just shrug and try to keep moving at the very worst, it's all one can do sometimes.
But it's not all terrible, my cat is healthy, I have a job, and I have friends, so there's that :)
Tldr; this is me venting that emotions are difficult little bastards
I don't have much to say that might help, except that I feel what you're saying. Many times I've been at a place where all I can do is look at my emotions and think "what the hell am I supposed to do with this?". Nothing like not knowing how long you'll have to wade through the swamp or what's going to help you get out. Sometimes all you can do is keep moving and be open to what's coming in the future.
Today has been the first day in a long time where I’ve been able just enjoy it and realise I am enjoying it in the moment. I took the day off work, had a therapy session and I went to gym. It’s been lovely so far + I made my therapist laugh so I won therapy
So happy for you! Being able to enjoy the moment is something I am very much struggling with right now, I'm really glad you've been able to make that happen.
Doing pretty good now, just finally got it confirmed that I have ADHD which is a big relief to know since it means I can be put on medication in the next month or so.
Great news! Heard it can take ages to get a diagnosis, must be a weight off your mind
Yep, it took going for a private place for diagnosis since the waiting list for the NHS for mental health anything is so long so it is a big relief. It'll be even bigger once I'm on meds and can actually function too.
I found out I have ADHD after I graduated college. And I brought it up to a psychiatrist a long time ago, back in high school. It was relieving and a little annoying at the same time haha
Yeah I wish I got diagnosed when I was a kid, I even had multiple referrals to child mental health services that were all denied due to 'lack of need', with the end result being my childhood ruined and me with severe social anxiety and severe depression.
Bit up and down. Not as productive as I would have liked thanks to mental health, but also not terrible either. I'd give it a 6.5/10
This week is starting out complicated. I have a ton to do for work and absolutely no motivation to do any of it, so I'm having to spend more willpower than I'm used to just to get started. I'm coming off of a bad weekend mood-wise and really feeling the "want to run away to a cave and live there forever" vibes, which is also taking effort to move past.
One thing that's cheering me up is planning out the details of some house changes for August/September, which hopefully will end up going well. Visualizing the end result is giving me something positive to look forward to.
Sounds like you're burnt out. When's the last time you took a break?
Burnout sneaks up on ya. You have to actively manage it before it overwhelms you.
Burnout is absolutely real, though I had a vacation a few weeks ago so I think this is just due to not having enough downtime to myself over the weekend. It seems like the older I get the more distance that I need from people in order to recharge.
This really resonates with me. I (think?) I like my job a lot but I’ve been having absolutely no motivation. Took a good vacation to try to get over some burnout but came back feeling exactly the same as before.
Maybe I need just a personal stay at home vacation to just spend time on hobbies and interests or something. Or just find a new job lol
I think that sometimes the burnout is internal, rather than in relation to something external like my job. It's also hard to separate the DGAF mood from other stressors like lack of sleep (something my video game habit has not helped with).
Yup, same. And it’s just exacerbated when I have to work later to get everything done because I’ve been working so slow and begrudgingly all day.
Been feeling the same way now. School and work are so exhausting yet there is so much more that I want to do...
Makes me feel lazy that I can't even get some basic work done without dreading it.
Not great. My aunt died, my visa plans are all up in the air, dysphoria is in full swing, and i cant stop having anxiety attacks. But what else is new?🙃
Pretty bad, been feeling depressed for a while now and it feels like this week has been a new lowest low maybe. I made some progress in my mental health this week, along with just trying to enjoy spending time with my SO and not be so down all the time. There are some positives.
Just want to point out that it was perhaps your lowest low this week, and you STILL made progress. That's a hell of a showing of strength and resiliency!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm hoping next week will be better now that this one is almost done. It's exhausting dealing with my brain
I'm honestly losing my will to live. Not actively considering sucide, but in the "I wouldn't mind if that bus just swerved into me and this bullshit could finally end" phase. Physical and mental health's down the shitter, and I'm making the mental part worse by isolating myself from my friends and the outside world in general – partially because I'm just so tired due to health issues, and partially due to having picked up an old substance abuse problem that I tend to reach for every time I hit a rough spot, and which absolutely does not help. Haven't left my apartment in days now.
Everything feels so pointless. My immune system hates me, meaning my body has decided that everything starting from my eyes to my nervous system is the enemy, so now I'm slowly losing my eyesight and getting neuropathic pain from dying nerve fibers. After getting sick 3 or so years ago I've managed to cut almost all of my friends out of my life because I either honestly didn't have the energy to do stuff with them and keep in touch, or just spent my days sulking about how terrible I feel (and tbh there have been times I really did feel absolutely terrible, what with radiotherapy and surgery and all) instead of spending time with people who cared about me, so now nobody even asks me out to things anymore or gets in touch. Not that I had all that many friends in the first place, being a bit of a weirdo loner to start with, so it's no surprise that the few I had left evaporated when all I could talk about was how terrible I felt after getting an internal organ nuked or how I had to go to the emergency department again because of XYZ.
Slowly trying to come to terms and learn to live with chronic illness now that the acute stuff is over, but I've isolated myself so efficiently that it's hard to pick up my life from where I left it before I got sick. So right now the place I'm at is that I'm a bloated aging ruin of a person in a world that's rapidly going down the shitter, and I just feel so hopeless about, well, everything.
Hi there, I've been in that "wouldn't mind if something happened" phase for five years or so, with spurts of active ideation. I have chronic tonic clonic (lmfao) seizures (epilepsy), have chronic depression, I've developed agoraphobia and have been self-isolating similar to you. I've also lost 35lbs the past couple years from an already less-than-healthy weight. Every therapy session is about food and it's exhausting. Every week it's "what got in your way of eating?", "what am I missing?", "How can we make it easier to eat next week?"... (it's good therapy, just frustrating).
I'm a good friend but whenever my friends ask about me I feel like I never have anything but doom and gloom when they're off living l vibrant lives (not without their own struggles of course). So it's hard to feel like it's worth being my friend and like I'm doing them a favor pulling away.
Probably nothing helpful in there, just turned into my own venting... Lol. But if you don't currently see a psychologist or therapist please do look into it.
There's always some sort of solace in knowing that you're not alone with your issues, and that others are going through similar things. I've occasionally felt like I really shouldn't have anything to complain about, because it could be worse, but that sort thinking really doesn't help either
I’m not sure I have anything I can say, but I will offer a BIG INTERNET HUG.
Edit: welp how did that get so ginormous 😅 it's like postmark-sized on my computer
First dinner date in 2 years for me. Gonna have a panic attack. Wish me luck!
Good luck, you got this!
It's been pretty awful, sadly. As Neil Gaiman says, "Events are cowards. They come in packs." It's been one blow after another all week, and I don't think I can handle any more bad news.
We don't have r/Random_Acts_of_Pizza but can I get you some food you like tonight if you're in the US?
That's incredibly sweet of you, alas I am in Canada and also would feel guilty because I don't know how to accept gifts or kindness lol
You deserve both gifts and kindness. I snooped through your profile, are you still in the running for or did you get the job? I also have agoraphobia so I'm super proud of you for going to at least the two rounds :)
I just got my rejection email for the job at the beginning of the week. Thank you, by the way! I'm proud of myself too for getting through several rounds of interviews despite my brain screaming to not step outside. I'll try again when they do another hiring round in November, I suppose. Maybe I'll get lucky the second try?
I wish we had gold for comments like this. You seem like a lovely person
It's a real-feel of 105 F in Philly. I am so hot. Please, somebody summon some rain.
No, that will just make steam!
Well, on Monday I was informed that I was not being moved to the next round of interviews for the “promotion” I had applied for. This is the third time I have put myself forward at this place - which practically has no paths for growth or career movement. I have been giving myself this week to grieve, then next week I start planning. I’m not desperate to leave, I still like my job, but I will be crafting my next steps. It will be a challenge, which for brevity’s sake I won’t expand on here, so that has me feeling a bit anxious, blue, and trapped, but this is the grieving week. It’s all part of the stew. On the positive side, my spouse is still my rock, and a friend surprised me with her level of support, and I feel closer to her. This is great because I have been wanting to be better friends.
I've been thinking about my career too and it caused an argument with my SO the other day. I like where I'm working but I don't get to do much programming or circuit design, things I went to school for. I just got to one year being here and now I feel like it's time to start thinking of where I should go next
One of the issues at hand is this: employers now have things structured where there are only so many roles and only so many people in those roles, and so someone has to leave before you can level up in any way. And even if you can demonstrate that a new role is needed and how you are the natural candidate to get that new role going and grow with it, in order “to be fair”, they have to open interviews because they no longer promote people just on merit, you have to apply for everything. I think that for some roles that’s a perfect strategy, but I think that giving people opportunities to grow based on their performance should also be a thing. Otherwise, you end up in a position like I am in.
This is the third time I have interviewed for another internal role. My boss knows I am seeking to grow. I am kickass in my current role (boss’s words) - so is the other person I suspect was my competition (they tried to play it off as though there were several candidates, but I’m pretty sure it was just one other) - but instead of being rewarded or given a growth opportunity of any kind, I was left the option of competing for the chance to grow. It makes me kind of resent the extra I put in that I didn’t have to because what was the point? The other person did not put in that extra, and they either have the job or are at least going forward.
My boss has offered a feedback meeting if I want one, but I wonder if there’s a point. There is no guarantee of a timetable for another position like this opening up in the near future, and even if it does, my implementation of their feedback won’t make that much difference (I’ve tried that track twice already) because I will have to compete for it anyway, and twice already those efforts seem to have no influence on their decision.
Companies complain about talent leaving, but then restrict all growth to singular paths gated by competition with one’s coworkers instead of a person’s own drive and abilities, even if it was that person’s efforts that showed the need for the position.
As I said, I am grief-staging right now. Bitterness is one, right?
I should also add that I’m sorry your situation has caused an argument with your SO. You don’t have to give more details if you’d prefer not to, but I am curious, I confess, how that happened. If your current place has no paths for growth or change, then there is nothing wrong with looking elsewhere or finding out what you need to acquire to make that change - whether it’s elsewhere or at the same company. Life is to short to stay in unhappy jobs; I believe it’s what has caused a lot of health problems in our parents’ generations.
A while ago I watched this video about tech careers and it mentioned that working at a big tech company is a huge benefit for your resume. So I mentioned to my SO that I think it'd be good for our future if I can get a job there and we live in California for a year or two. When I caused the argument I brought up California for the second time and just talked about two benefits I thought of at the time. My SO previously told me she doesn't feel like she gets any say just because I make more money. I thought we were just having a conversation but she felt like I just didn't care about what she thinks. It ended up being a good chance for me to grow, I've been working on improving my communication and I apologized.
Trying to get back on track, from literally doing nothing.
Been another week of pointless stressful bullshit at work for me, which eats into my real life outside of work more than I'd like. That being said, making some progress on finding a therapist (a surprisingly difficult process it seems) and also a driving instructor -- almost made it to 30 without learning to drive, but the time is now!
Also starting the process of ditching music streaming in favour of Bandcamp, which has been fun. Been feeling some real nostalgia for the old days of buying tracks off iTunes!
I've been in touch with my therapist over maybe three distinct periods since 2018. It was always surprisingly slow, draining, and exhausting to get things started for a range of reasons. Slog aside, however, it was always incredibly worth it to get a professional perspective and to begin with professional solutions. By no means has it been perfect, but it's been much better. I think it's fair to say it's been life changing, even. I'd always recommend people consider professional help if it even crosses their mind and they're in a position where they can access it. All the best in finding a therapist!
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Ditching music streaming sounds cool! I think I'll still have a place in my playlists for streaming to handle stuff like music I'm trying out or some lower priority tunes, but I've been gradually building up my own library. There's something really satisfying about having the files on my own hardware, or at least having something I purchased online rather than relying on streaming. I've had the rug pulled under me with songs or shows I was streaming before. It's always a bummer to discover one less song or episode in my media library 😞.
Mentally not having a great week but not hugely sure why. Not sleeping well which doesn't help. Hoping that seeing Barbie later will help
Hope it helps/helped ☺️
I'm very sleep deprived but doing alright. How about you @alyaza@beehaw.org?
I finally discovered why my taste is messed up since I'm taking my ADHD medication. It turns out it's a side effect that doesn't disappear, and apparently I can't do anything about it.
Besides that, I've been hyperfocused in this game called Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup. Trying to pass the main dungeon, but dying miserably because of things.
And I'm watching two TV series, after several months without consuming any media, except for the news. One is "Red Dwarf". The other is "Doctor Who".
Can you tell me more about the taste side effect you're experiencing? What medication causes that? I've been having some weird mouth things since I started a medication a few months ago, but hadn't thought to connect it until now.
It's atomoxetine, and it's a side effect called dysgeusia. I realised that few days ago, while searching on google for weeks, because the list of side effects in the manual is almost infinite and any ADHD brain like mine can't deal with those long lists.
Thanks for the heads-up. Part of me isn't too surprised given how long some side-effects lists can get, but for the most part it didn't occur to me that my taste getting funked up was potentially in the cards.
I've been on Adderall for maybe eight-so months now. It hasn't perfectly resolved my challenges, but things have been much better compared to taking nothing. My psych recently asked that I start taking my blood pressure to send that in, and it looks like it's elevated. I'm doing what I can to bring it down, but given my understanding, I won't see results until later. I think I'll be okay if I'm put on a different medication, but I'll admit it's not fun to think about.
Spending time with friends and watched a thunderstorm roll through a mountain valley last night. I try to really memorize moments like that because when life inevitably slides the other way, those are the things that help me carry on, hoping to be lucky enough for one more of those good days.
Sounds lovely! I love watching a storm move across the sky, really gives you a sense of how powerful nature can be
8 work days left before im finally free of the retail industry, feels good
I feel like todays gaming stream also went well ( finished yakuza 1 on the ps2)
Been doing alright.
Feel burnt out and tired. Worst part is that when I have to sleep, I'm never tired so I end up sleeping about 5 hours. I sometimes take edibles to fall asleep, but it became a bad habit and a couple weeks ago I ran out and I was feeling some sort of dread so I stopped taking them. It has definitely affected the amount of time I sleep, but at least I don't feel groggy in the morning anymore.
I'm planning a trip with my girlfriend for our one year anniversary. We are probably going to a small cabin at a nearby lake. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. Whiskey, good food, and my girlfriend sounds really nice, but for now we work.
currently unemployed, with interviews coming up. Having a lot of fun and relaxing a lot, but funds are dwindling gradually.
Well, things have been up and down for me - lots and lots of stress factors from what feels like every potential facet of my life for a long time now. I've been working on trying to improve that where I can, and getting help from mental health professionals too.
But on the upside, yesterday I got to hang out with a couple of friends that I haven't gotten to in a while, along with meeting some of their friends, and it was a blast! We did the "Last Wish" raid in Destiny 2 which was a very fun time! It did a very good job at reminding me that even though bad things can happen, there's still some good moments to be had.
Goin' aight. It was fun last week, but pretty busy for a summer week for me too. I had a friend over while they were in town for the summer, got to see Les Mis while there was a performance in SF, and was unexpectedly enlisted to help another friend practice for their driving test. All a great time, but maybe I'll get some more time this week to tend to some personal hobbies and projects.
Aw fun! I watch the 25th anniversary
concert with Alfie Boe (and yes Nick Jonas lol) regularly ☺️
All in all, pretty good. I finished with intensive out patient last week, so I start regular out patient today (3 months sober!). It's my second week of my new job and so far everyone is pretty chill. My pixelfed account is trending right now (I'm not completely sure what that means/does, but either way it's cool that people are enjoying my hobby) I'm @Swanton if any of you want to check it out. It's only Tuesday, but so far so good
It's early on in the week, but not bad at all. Finishing the moving process in my apartment and just working overnights out on the highway, which is pretty chill. Aside from that, cleaning, gaming, reading, the usual.
Reading or playing anything interesting?
Reading has just been old BattleTech novels, and I'm playing The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky series right now. About to clear the second game.
If you're unfamiliar, TLoH is a JRPG series created by Falcom. While I'd say the gameplay is decent (it's got the old school turn-based JRPG thing going on, along with a turn order system), the storytelling and worldbuilding is where the series shines.
Some ups and downs,
Back in Toronto to be with my gf (I call Seattle home atm) so woo! Also she adopted a new kitten who is just the cutest and loves laying on me because I run warm 🥺
But also my gf just got shafted by a weeks long interviewing process for a position she was really excited about. She's been trying to leave her toxic workplace but looks like she'll be stuck with it for a bit longer :( it's been difficult on her mental health and I'm being supportive where I can. Work stress plus ADHD means we spend a lot of time in bed in the evenings.
My works been really exciting lately but I've been mostly keeping it to myself because it feels a little rude to bring it up.
Good luck to your girlfriend on finding a new job! Toxic workplaces are so damaging to the mental health.
My girlfriend is currently going through a similar thing
Just got through a major pain of a week...moving around places nearby due to work going on in the house plus stupidly busy period at work means I will do basically nothing this weekend and it will be glorious!
Apparently my lungs are especially healthy for someone my age/demographic.
I'm about to go on a two week trip to a bunch of places I've never been before! I'm super excited! Been watching a lot of the Katmai bear cam of the salmon run while I work on packing and some last minute chores. I'm excited to visit some places that are a bit more accepting of trans people than where I currently live, too.
Good luck on the trip!
If you don't mind me asking, what places are you going to?
Pretty mixed, feel weirdly restless all the time since I dropped my medication at the end of the week before last week. Got a new vape which is keeping me company at least, a nice E-Elev8R ball vape. Kind of terrifying dealing with the red hot glowing metal heating as it gets up to temperature though.
Not that great.
Starting a new (internal) role tomorrow which got me a £4k payrise and is going to set me on a path to chartered accountancy, which is great when just three months ago my employer announced plans to lay off my whole department and outsource hundreds of jobs to India. After escaping redundancy and purchase ledger (I have been working in PL jobs for the past three years and desperately wanted an out), I should be feeling jubilant.
If anything I feel the opposite.
My sadness/frustration comes from the fact that my love life has all but flatlined. I grow sick of trying to use Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, Hinge and pretty much any other dating app to exist and getting zero matches from legitimate people. I grow sick of being given false platitudes about how I'll find someone eventually, when I just know that I'm going to go through my thirties still a virgin.
Part of me seriously worries about success, that I'll soon each the point where I could command a high five figure, possibly a six figure salary, then suddenly have women flock to me not out of admiration but out of wanting my money.
Home Improvement projects are finally progressing at a decent clip. I've been stuck under some hangups that have made progress slow.
We're looking into purchasing a new mountain bike for my daughter. I'm really excited to get out and do some singletrack with her and try some new things. It's a super exciting opportunity for her and I! :)
A weird mix of great and awful! Recovering well from a surgery I've wanted for years, just in time for my roommate to get laid off from work! All while my computer is dead, preventing me from working myself.
i give my week a 4/5, been busy the past few days trying to set up a Firefish instance with my partner which has been just awesome and i’m super excited to open it up and get people on it! rly inspired by beehaw’s community-building style.
in less awesome news i’m moving back home at the end of the week and i’m not looking forward to it. moving is so stressful and i don’t want to be back home with my dad either lol.
Very much ups and downs here...
Had my assessment with my private medical cover over my gender identity wtf
Counselling sessions start this week.
Saw friends at the weekend which was nice... apart from the actual bbq being a pretty heavy disaster for my partner and me.
woke up to a sick dog this morning AND I had to go into the office today :(
Good. And you?
My city has had a lot of unseasonable rain which has led to a ridiculous boom in mosquitos. I’m allergic to mosquitos. I have pulled a few all nighters because i’m so anxious… last night i killed one while in bed and it’s sort of ruined the idea of sleeping…
Damn, that's awful. How allergic? Like anaphylaxis?
I have an outsized autoimmune reaction. They swell up very quickly into huge hard lumps and are prone to infection… My doctor was a little chagrined to tell me that it’s called “skeeter syndrome” which is a silly name.
My week's been quite the ride, just like any other week, you know? Ups and downs, twists and turns. But I'm hanging in there. And now that it's Friday and the weekend's just around the corner, I'm stoked to catch up with friends and leave the stress behind. How about you? [@alyaza@beehaw.org]
It's so hot outside 😫
Going ok so far here, counting down the hours till chill time! Partner, cat and weekend of gaming and chilling.
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The manager if one of my jobs is on vacation and because that leaves me, another person, and three new hires (one of which hasn't been showing up for her correct shifts), I'm scheduled to work every single day until my last day (Thursday). I had to go directly from that job to my other job today. I'm dying inside.
i came out as female to my family and close friends and they have all been very supportive 🥺❤️
Congrats!! Coming out is never easy or fun.
The news has been so terrible, and I read so many sad stories, it’s good to hear something positive. Very happy for you.
Side topic, any plans to watch the Eras tour? It’s filling up my TikTok feed and looks like such a blast.
thank youuu!!
I saw her in June it was amazing! Her set alone was like 3 hours long!!!
I hope there's going to be a concert film 😭
There’s gotta be, it’s too epic not to be filmed for a documentary!
Congratulations!! I am so happy your loved ones are accepting!
Congrats!!! That's bravery and courage for sure!
Yayyyyy congrats!!
Ahhhhh congrats!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Congrats sister! I believe the world gets better every time someone finds and can live their truth, so thank you for sharing yours.
My mom who I haven't seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn't seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She's also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there's a double layer of "everything is okay, the city is not on fire" plus all the new trans stuff she's going to be asking about. So it'll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it's going to be stressful 🥲
I hope everything goes well during the visit! If she's supportive, that's already a great sign. Constantly explaining things can get exhausting after a while, but it's definitely easier to handle when those questions are asked in good faith.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but as someone who is really considering moving to Portland from the deep south, how is it? It seems like a really fun city, but it's hard to sift through the propaganda with it being such a target for conservative media.
I don't mind! In fact, here's way more info than you asked for!
Portland has it's problems, no doubt. But in comparison to the south? It's not even close, you couldn't pay me to move back (and my job tried lol). The weather is more mild, the people more friendly and the culture more inclusive. The food scene is crazy, so much variety and fusions you've never heard of. Afters years I'm still discovering new eateries to try and pretty much every place has veggie/vegan options if you're into that. Super walkable with awesome public transit (for an American city) that makes it great to get around for real cheap. Hiking trails on hiking trails with lots of bike infrastructure. So many fun shows come to town all the time and the local artists are their own brand of amazing weirdness. Also weird subcultures. I'm going to the Mondo Croquet World Championships this Sunday where you play croquet with bowling balls and sledgehammers. Takes place in Portland every year for 26 years and I just learned about it two days ago lol
Now the bad. There's some sketchiness with some of the houseless encampments around town, but the majority are just people trying to get by. Don't berate or antagonize them and you'll be fine. I was just walking in Old Town the other week with a friend, this is often described as the most dangerous part of the city, and it was fine. A houseless person who was talking to himself saw my Mars Attacks shirt there, smiled real big, and then yelled "ack ack ack ack ack!" So I smiled back and gave him a nod, he was satisfied with the exchange and went on his way. Which is honestly how it goes most of the time. Most houseless people I talk to are just thankful I talk to them at all and don't ignore them. One dude showed me his sweet rock collection on the train, he was stoked to share with someone and they were some pretty sweet rocks tbh. I know anecdotes don't directly translate to data but for what it's worth that's been everybody's experience I've spoken to that I can confirm actually lives here. If you go to the Portland subreddit for instance you'll see a lot of claims being made but then dig into the profiles to find they don't actually live here.
Our police department is the worst. I know everyone says that, but like, Portland Police might actually be the worst. They're on an unofficial soft strike right now and have been since the George Floyd Protests and only respond to the most urgent of urgent calls. Then wonder why everyone hates them and wants to slash their budget. I could go on for a while there but I won't. Portland cops suck, real hard.
Housing and rent sucks, but so does everywhere else. So, meh. Although with Oregon rent control I've been able to renew my lease and have pretty close to what I was paying in rent five years ago because we haven't moved.
I didn't meant to type a wall of text, but that's a very summarized run down of what to expect. I tried to be completely honest because it's not a perfect city, but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else at this point.
It's kind of a blessing in disguise because it largely keeps conservative people from moving here so it's mostly really cool/chill people that move here instead lol
I am nowhere near the US but reading this kinda makes me want to go to Portland lol!
It's great to visit!
my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don't say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog's personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he's met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i've only had him about a week, and i doubt i'm going to have him much longer, because he's the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.
Chuck looks (and sounds!) so sweet.
he really is. i’m really hoping he gets adopted by somebody i know.
Such a good boy!
What a good boye 🥺
My outside kitty ran away for 6 weeks and just came back on monday morning! I was getting into a bit of a depressive episode and had started mourning her, so having her back feels great.
Hooray! Now, when she came back was she happy to see you, or did she just do the cat thing and say "eh, you again", check out her food dish, and go to bed.
Kinda both lol. She has been very sweet the last few days, moreso than normal, but when she came back I was heading out the door to go to work so I just picked her up, put her inside and left for work (the photo I took is actually from my kitty camera in my living room). She is an old lady kitty though so she sleeps around 14 or so hours a day and doesnt eat a whole ton. Im just glad she is back because her previous caretakers had her declawed and we live on the border of suburbia and rural farms, so lots of coyotes and such linger about
Aww. Very nice that she's back.
I hear you on coyotes. I'm one house away from their territory and although it's nice to hear then every night, my fuzzball got out once and I was rightly panicked (he turned up after 2 days... nothing near your ordeal).
Aww that's so nice to hear
Glad she's home!
Last night I grabbed a bunch of audio files for country songs that contain the phrase "ice cold beer," then I edited them together so that all the "ice cold beer"s lined up amidst the cacophony of about 5 songs being played at the same time. I thought that would be funny but it just didn't sound as good as I thought it would. Maybe if each song faded in one by one... I dunno.
Can you somehow share this lmao. My buddy makes music and loves doing fun stuff like this, Id love to hear it and send it to him to listen to!
I'd love to share it. I'm not sure what the best way is. I'm still new to the Fediverse but I feel there must be a way to do it Fediversally.
Hmm, maybe PeerTube? Looks like there's some instances that are specifically dedicated to music; here's a link to some search results on joinpeertube.org
that sounds hilarious lmaoo
Not terrible thus far. Getting over a cold and am already sick of hearing about the Twitter rebrand, but otherwise better than the past few days.
Really starting to wish that Lemmy had a way to block entire instances. It feels silly that my choices are to either block everything labeled as NSFW (including discussions, comics, etc that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature but not appropriate for work), or have to block an endless sea of furry porn on the “All” timeline, one community at a time (no judgement, just not what I’m on Lemmy for).
Are you using an app? I'm using Connect for Lemmy and blocking instances is a feature.
I’ve been using wefwef, but I might check out Connect if that’s a feature. Thanks for the tip!
Lol I very much agree with the need for an instance blocking button. Feels like it should be a fairly simple filter for an @ pattern, but it's not like I'm a Lemmy dev, so it really could be an insane lift. There's been talk of it in various rooms, though I'm not sure the last time I've seen this topic on beehaw.
It does get easier after the first major purge. We're still a relatively small site so most of the porn comes from the same few places. I do agree though that it would be nice and easy to just block it.
I also wish there was some more granular control with how instances populate your front page either all or subscribed. As it is the meme instances tend to drown out a lot of everything else.
Moved to a small town earlier this year, tried to make friends, met some cool people, last month I found out one of the group was super openly transphobic, so I stopped hanging out with them. Tried to reconnect with some cousins, last week I found out one was a transphobe, homophobe, and racist, cut her off. Started to get close with a different one, found out yesterday that he was transphobic, cut him off. I'm not trans, but I don't want to be around idiots that think trans people are groomers. Feeling pretty goddamn isolated and terrible about myself. Wishing I could just stay inside and never see people for the rest of my life.
I understand that very well. I'm trans and have to worry about transphobic people all the time. We appreciate you avoiding transphobic people because you're less likely to become one if you don't hang out with one, but most of all because it basically deplatforms them in reality.
I also just wish I could stay inside and never go out there again. People are hard. And I'm worried about how I appear all the time. I never want strangers to know I'm trans so I avoid letting any of that show. So when they do realize that's always really awkward. But trans stuff aside, people are hard. Very hard. I'm now taking 6 psych pills a day. It helps but it's still not enough.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have really bad self-esteem issues around my body and I have spent my life avoiding the public most of the time for that reason, it's really limited my options in life. I promise that there are other people like me out there that would support you if we saw you, not criticize you. You deserve to be you wherever you feel like being.
I am proud of you for making the choice to ignore the accepted programming of “but faaaaamily” and judge whether to let these individuals into your life based on who they are as people. It is such a hard thing to do. I have nearly cut off all contact with my family - father included - because of such attitudes, and I’m not trans, either. As adults, making friends takes more purposeful action, and that means time in a lot of cases, but it’s worth it. (BIG INTERNET HUG)
Thank you so much and sorry it took me so long to reply. It's nice to hear there are other people out there like me that are going through the same things. Hugs back!
I’m doing better than I was previously. Getting past some mental health hurdles, and I’m finally back to work. I start on a new team, with a new supervisor that won’t cruelly demean me in our 1 on 1s until I start crying 🙃 still struggling a bit and I messed up my back gardening over the weekend, so that doesn’t help.
Power tripping bosses are the worst, it sucks that you had to endure that :/
Hoping for your swift recovery! Mind if I ask what you're gardening? Anything particularly fun for you?
Yeah, for real. I’ve actually worked with my new boss previously, so I’m happy with the change. Work was an insane level of stress that I won’t miss.
I’m mostly growing herbs, with a few pepper varieties and a few fruits like tomatoes, strawberries and blueberries. They are mostly for drying for use in cooking/baking, and also to use as ingredients for the water kefir my wife and I make.
it was my birfday last thursday
i did the lego great wave of kanagawa set
omg happy belated birthday!! 🤠🥳
I'm bad at self care but I went to the optometrist last week and... my eyeglass prescription doubled. Did you know road signs have words on them? Huh!
Madness. Next you'll be saying trees have individual leaves and not just big clumps.
Pretty good! I just made an account here. I've been on Lemmy/Fedi/etc for a while but finally found my way to the hive.
Now I'm sipping coffee to get ready for the workday. Hope y'all have a good week.
My BF failed their exam that would have given them enough credit to not have to take a final semester. COVID and a lack of support for their mental health makes this their 6th year of college. Sadly, this means a few more months of long distance relationship, but at least he isn't at risk of being kicked out for being trans.
...For now. I'm fully prepared to make the drive and extract him from a bad situation. We're feeling better than expected, though, since now the dread of the test looming over his head is gone.
Debbie downer here! If you're having a good day, I don't want to harsh it, so skip me! :)
Apparently my mood's been off enough this week that it's been effecting people around me negatively and now I have to get restarted on meditating to hopefully fix it. But at least I do have that one option, I definitely haven't always had a path to follow when it comes to mood/feeling stuff. It just feels precarious because it's like, if this doesn't work, what comes next?
Idk, maybe this is a feeble attempt at crowdsourcing what comes next, because if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do. Probably will just shrug and try to keep moving at the very worst, it's all one can do sometimes.
But it's not all terrible, my cat is healthy, I have a job, and I have friends, so there's that :)
Tldr; this is me venting that emotions are difficult little bastards
I don't have much to say that might help, except that I feel what you're saying. Many times I've been at a place where all I can do is look at my emotions and think "what the hell am I supposed to do with this?". Nothing like not knowing how long you'll have to wade through the swamp or what's going to help you get out. Sometimes all you can do is keep moving and be open to what's coming in the future.
Today has been the first day in a long time where I’ve been able just enjoy it and realise I am enjoying it in the moment. I took the day off work, had a therapy session and I went to gym. It’s been lovely so far + I made my therapist laugh so I won therapy
So happy for you! Being able to enjoy the moment is something I am very much struggling with right now, I'm really glad you've been able to make that happen.
Doing pretty good now, just finally got it confirmed that I have ADHD which is a big relief to know since it means I can be put on medication in the next month or so.
Great news! Heard it can take ages to get a diagnosis, must be a weight off your mind
Yep, it took going for a private place for diagnosis since the waiting list for the NHS for mental health anything is so long so it is a big relief. It'll be even bigger once I'm on meds and can actually function too.
I found out I have ADHD after I graduated college. And I brought it up to a psychiatrist a long time ago, back in high school. It was relieving and a little annoying at the same time haha
Yeah I wish I got diagnosed when I was a kid, I even had multiple referrals to child mental health services that were all denied due to 'lack of need', with the end result being my childhood ruined and me with severe social anxiety and severe depression.
Bit up and down. Not as productive as I would have liked thanks to mental health, but also not terrible either. I'd give it a 6.5/10
This week is starting out complicated. I have a ton to do for work and absolutely no motivation to do any of it, so I'm having to spend more willpower than I'm used to just to get started. I'm coming off of a bad weekend mood-wise and really feeling the "want to run away to a cave and live there forever" vibes, which is also taking effort to move past.
One thing that's cheering me up is planning out the details of some house changes for August/September, which hopefully will end up going well. Visualizing the end result is giving me something positive to look forward to.
Sounds like you're burnt out. When's the last time you took a break?
Burnout sneaks up on ya. You have to actively manage it before it overwhelms you.
Burnout is absolutely real, though I had a vacation a few weeks ago so I think this is just due to not having enough downtime to myself over the weekend. It seems like the older I get the more distance that I need from people in order to recharge.
This really resonates with me. I (think?) I like my job a lot but I’ve been having absolutely no motivation. Took a good vacation to try to get over some burnout but came back feeling exactly the same as before.
Maybe I need just a personal stay at home vacation to just spend time on hobbies and interests or something. Or just find a new job lol
I think that sometimes the burnout is internal, rather than in relation to something external like my job. It's also hard to separate the DGAF mood from other stressors like lack of sleep (something my video game habit has not helped with).
Yup, same. And it’s just exacerbated when I have to work later to get everything done because I’ve been working so slow and begrudgingly all day.
Been feeling the same way now. School and work are so exhausting yet there is so much more that I want to do...
Makes me feel lazy that I can't even get some basic work done without dreading it.
Not great. My aunt died, my visa plans are all up in the air, dysphoria is in full swing, and i cant stop having anxiety attacks. But what else is new?🙃
Pretty bad, been feeling depressed for a while now and it feels like this week has been a new lowest low maybe. I made some progress in my mental health this week, along with just trying to enjoy spending time with my SO and not be so down all the time. There are some positives.
Just want to point out that it was perhaps your lowest low this week, and you STILL made progress. That's a hell of a showing of strength and resiliency!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm hoping next week will be better now that this one is almost done. It's exhausting dealing with my brain
I'm honestly losing my will to live. Not actively considering sucide, but in the "I wouldn't mind if that bus just swerved into me and this bullshit could finally end" phase. Physical and mental health's down the shitter, and I'm making the mental part worse by isolating myself from my friends and the outside world in general – partially because I'm just so tired due to health issues, and partially due to having picked up an old substance abuse problem that I tend to reach for every time I hit a rough spot, and which absolutely does not help. Haven't left my apartment in days now.
Everything feels so pointless. My immune system hates me, meaning my body has decided that everything starting from my eyes to my nervous system is the enemy, so now I'm slowly losing my eyesight and getting neuropathic pain from dying nerve fibers. After getting sick 3 or so years ago I've managed to cut almost all of my friends out of my life because I either honestly didn't have the energy to do stuff with them and keep in touch, or just spent my days sulking about how terrible I feel (and tbh there have been times I really did feel absolutely terrible, what with radiotherapy and surgery and all) instead of spending time with people who cared about me, so now nobody even asks me out to things anymore or gets in touch. Not that I had all that many friends in the first place, being a bit of a weirdo loner to start with, so it's no surprise that the few I had left evaporated when all I could talk about was how terrible I felt after getting an internal organ nuked or how I had to go to the emergency department again because of XYZ.
Slowly trying to come to terms and learn to live with chronic illness now that the acute stuff is over, but I've isolated myself so efficiently that it's hard to pick up my life from where I left it before I got sick. So right now the place I'm at is that I'm a bloated aging ruin of a person in a world that's rapidly going down the shitter, and I just feel so hopeless about, well, everything.
Hi there, I've been in that "wouldn't mind if something happened" phase for five years or so, with spurts of active ideation. I have chronic tonic clonic (lmfao) seizures (epilepsy), have chronic depression, I've developed agoraphobia and have been self-isolating similar to you. I've also lost 35lbs the past couple years from an already less-than-healthy weight. Every therapy session is about food and it's exhausting. Every week it's "what got in your way of eating?", "what am I missing?", "How can we make it easier to eat next week?"... (it's good therapy, just frustrating).
I'm a good friend but whenever my friends ask about me I feel like I never have anything but doom and gloom when they're off living l vibrant lives (not without their own struggles of course). So it's hard to feel like it's worth being my friend and like I'm doing them a favor pulling away.
Probably nothing helpful in there, just turned into my own venting... Lol. But if you don't currently see a psychologist or therapist please do look into it.
There's always some sort of solace in knowing that you're not alone with your issues, and that others are going through similar things. I've occasionally felt like I really shouldn't have anything to complain about, because it could be worse, but that sort thinking really doesn't help either
I’m not sure I have anything I can say, but I will offer a BIG INTERNET HUG.
Edit: welp how did that get so ginormous 😅 it's like postmark-sized on my computer
First dinner date in 2 years for me. Gonna have a panic attack. Wish me luck!
Good luck, you got this!
It's been pretty awful, sadly. As Neil Gaiman says, "Events are cowards. They come in packs." It's been one blow after another all week, and I don't think I can handle any more bad news.
We don't have r/Random_Acts_of_Pizza but can I get you some food you like tonight if you're in the US?
That's incredibly sweet of you, alas I am in Canada and also would feel guilty because I don't know how to accept gifts or kindness lol
You deserve both gifts and kindness. I snooped through your profile, are you still in the running for or did you get the job? I also have agoraphobia so I'm super proud of you for going to at least the two rounds :)
I just got my rejection email for the job at the beginning of the week. Thank you, by the way! I'm proud of myself too for getting through several rounds of interviews despite my brain screaming to not step outside. I'll try again when they do another hiring round in November, I suppose. Maybe I'll get lucky the second try?
I wish we had gold for comments like this. You seem like a lovely person
It's a real-feel of 105 F in Philly. I am so hot. Please, somebody summon some rain.
No, that will just make steam!
Well, on Monday I was informed that I was not being moved to the next round of interviews for the “promotion” I had applied for. This is the third time I have put myself forward at this place - which practically has no paths for growth or career movement. I have been giving myself this week to grieve, then next week I start planning. I’m not desperate to leave, I still like my job, but I will be crafting my next steps. It will be a challenge, which for brevity’s sake I won’t expand on here, so that has me feeling a bit anxious, blue, and trapped, but this is the grieving week. It’s all part of the stew. On the positive side, my spouse is still my rock, and a friend surprised me with her level of support, and I feel closer to her. This is great because I have been wanting to be better friends.
I've been thinking about my career too and it caused an argument with my SO the other day. I like where I'm working but I don't get to do much programming or circuit design, things I went to school for. I just got to one year being here and now I feel like it's time to start thinking of where I should go next
One of the issues at hand is this: employers now have things structured where there are only so many roles and only so many people in those roles, and so someone has to leave before you can level up in any way. And even if you can demonstrate that a new role is needed and how you are the natural candidate to get that new role going and grow with it, in order “to be fair”, they have to open interviews because they no longer promote people just on merit, you have to apply for everything. I think that for some roles that’s a perfect strategy, but I think that giving people opportunities to grow based on their performance should also be a thing. Otherwise, you end up in a position like I am in.
This is the third time I have interviewed for another internal role. My boss knows I am seeking to grow. I am kickass in my current role (boss’s words) - so is the other person I suspect was my competition (they tried to play it off as though there were several candidates, but I’m pretty sure it was just one other) - but instead of being rewarded or given a growth opportunity of any kind, I was left the option of competing for the chance to grow. It makes me kind of resent the extra I put in that I didn’t have to because what was the point? The other person did not put in that extra, and they either have the job or are at least going forward.
My boss has offered a feedback meeting if I want one, but I wonder if there’s a point. There is no guarantee of a timetable for another position like this opening up in the near future, and even if it does, my implementation of their feedback won’t make that much difference (I’ve tried that track twice already) because I will have to compete for it anyway, and twice already those efforts seem to have no influence on their decision.
Companies complain about talent leaving, but then restrict all growth to singular paths gated by competition with one’s coworkers instead of a person’s own drive and abilities, even if it was that person’s efforts that showed the need for the position.
As I said, I am grief-staging right now. Bitterness is one, right?
I should also add that I’m sorry your situation has caused an argument with your SO. You don’t have to give more details if you’d prefer not to, but I am curious, I confess, how that happened. If your current place has no paths for growth or change, then there is nothing wrong with looking elsewhere or finding out what you need to acquire to make that change - whether it’s elsewhere or at the same company. Life is to short to stay in unhappy jobs; I believe it’s what has caused a lot of health problems in our parents’ generations.
A while ago I watched this video about tech careers and it mentioned that working at a big tech company is a huge benefit for your resume. So I mentioned to my SO that I think it'd be good for our future if I can get a job there and we live in California for a year or two. When I caused the argument I brought up California for the second time and just talked about two benefits I thought of at the time. My SO previously told me she doesn't feel like she gets any say just because I make more money. I thought we were just having a conversation but she felt like I just didn't care about what she thinks. It ended up being a good chance for me to grow, I've been working on improving my communication and I apologized.
Trying to get back on track, from literally doing nothing.
Been another week of pointless stressful bullshit at work for me, which eats into my real life outside of work more than I'd like. That being said, making some progress on finding a therapist (a surprisingly difficult process it seems) and also a driving instructor -- almost made it to 30 without learning to drive, but the time is now!
Also starting the process of ditching music streaming in favour of Bandcamp, which has been fun. Been feeling some real nostalgia for the old days of buying tracks off iTunes!
I've been in touch with my therapist over maybe three distinct periods since 2018. It was always surprisingly slow, draining, and exhausting to get things started for a range of reasons. Slog aside, however, it was always incredibly worth it to get a professional perspective and to begin with professional solutions. By no means has it been perfect, but it's been much better. I think it's fair to say it's been life changing, even. I'd always recommend people consider professional help if it even crosses their mind and they're in a position where they can access it. All the best in finding a therapist!
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Ditching music streaming sounds cool! I think I'll still have a place in my playlists for streaming to handle stuff like music I'm trying out or some lower priority tunes, but I've been gradually building up my own library. There's something really satisfying about having the files on my own hardware, or at least having something I purchased online rather than relying on streaming. I've had the rug pulled under me with songs or shows I was streaming before. It's always a bummer to discover one less song or episode in my media library 😞.
Mentally not having a great week but not hugely sure why. Not sleeping well which doesn't help. Hoping that seeing Barbie later will help
Hope it helps/helped ☺️
I'm very sleep deprived but doing alright. How about you @alyaza@beehaw.org?
I finally discovered why my taste is messed up since I'm taking my ADHD medication. It turns out it's a side effect that doesn't disappear, and apparently I can't do anything about it.
Besides that, I've been hyperfocused in this game called Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup. Trying to pass the main dungeon, but dying miserably because of things.
And I'm watching two TV series, after several months without consuming any media, except for the news. One is "Red Dwarf". The other is "Doctor Who".
Can you tell me more about the taste side effect you're experiencing? What medication causes that? I've been having some weird mouth things since I started a medication a few months ago, but hadn't thought to connect it until now.
It's atomoxetine, and it's a side effect called dysgeusia. I realised that few days ago, while searching on google for weeks, because the list of side effects in the manual is almost infinite and any ADHD brain like mine can't deal with those long lists.
Thanks for the heads-up. Part of me isn't too surprised given how long some side-effects lists can get, but for the most part it didn't occur to me that my taste getting funked up was potentially in the cards.
I've been on Adderall for maybe eight-so months now. It hasn't perfectly resolved my challenges, but things have been much better compared to taking nothing. My psych recently asked that I start taking my blood pressure to send that in, and it looks like it's elevated. I'm doing what I can to bring it down, but given my understanding, I won't see results until later. I think I'll be okay if I'm put on a different medication, but I'll admit it's not fun to think about.
Spending time with friends and watched a thunderstorm roll through a mountain valley last night. I try to really memorize moments like that because when life inevitably slides the other way, those are the things that help me carry on, hoping to be lucky enough for one more of those good days.
Sounds lovely! I love watching a storm move across the sky, really gives you a sense of how powerful nature can be
8 work days left before im finally free of the retail industry, feels good I feel like todays gaming stream also went well ( finished yakuza 1 on the ps2)
Been doing alright.
Feel burnt out and tired. Worst part is that when I have to sleep, I'm never tired so I end up sleeping about 5 hours. I sometimes take edibles to fall asleep, but it became a bad habit and a couple weeks ago I ran out and I was feeling some sort of dread so I stopped taking them. It has definitely affected the amount of time I sleep, but at least I don't feel groggy in the morning anymore.
I'm planning a trip with my girlfriend for our one year anniversary. We are probably going to a small cabin at a nearby lake. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. Whiskey, good food, and my girlfriend sounds really nice, but for now we work.
currently unemployed, with interviews coming up. Having a lot of fun and relaxing a lot, but funds are dwindling gradually.
Well, things have been up and down for me - lots and lots of stress factors from what feels like every potential facet of my life for a long time now. I've been working on trying to improve that where I can, and getting help from mental health professionals too.
But on the upside, yesterday I got to hang out with a couple of friends that I haven't gotten to in a while, along with meeting some of their friends, and it was a blast! We did the "Last Wish" raid in Destiny 2 which was a very fun time! It did a very good job at reminding me that even though bad things can happen, there's still some good moments to be had.
Goin' aight. It was fun last week, but pretty busy for a summer week for me too. I had a friend over while they were in town for the summer, got to see Les Mis while there was a performance in SF, and was unexpectedly enlisted to help another friend practice for their driving test. All a great time, but maybe I'll get some more time this week to tend to some personal hobbies and projects.
Aw fun! I watch the 25th anniversary concert with Alfie Boe (and yes Nick Jonas lol) regularly ☺️
All in all, pretty good. I finished with intensive out patient last week, so I start regular out patient today (3 months sober!). It's my second week of my new job and so far everyone is pretty chill. My pixelfed account is trending right now (I'm not completely sure what that means/does, but either way it's cool that people are enjoying my hobby) I'm @Swanton if any of you want to check it out. It's only Tuesday, but so far so good
It's early on in the week, but not bad at all. Finishing the moving process in my apartment and just working overnights out on the highway, which is pretty chill. Aside from that, cleaning, gaming, reading, the usual.
Reading or playing anything interesting?
Reading has just been old BattleTech novels, and I'm playing The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky series right now. About to clear the second game.
If you're unfamiliar, TLoH is a JRPG series created by Falcom. While I'd say the gameplay is decent (it's got the old school turn-based JRPG thing going on, along with a turn order system), the storytelling and worldbuilding is where the series shines.
Some ups and downs,
Back in Toronto to be with my gf (I call Seattle home atm) so woo! Also she adopted a new kitten who is just the cutest and loves laying on me because I run warm 🥺
But also my gf just got shafted by a weeks long interviewing process for a position she was really excited about. She's been trying to leave her toxic workplace but looks like she'll be stuck with it for a bit longer :( it's been difficult on her mental health and I'm being supportive where I can. Work stress plus ADHD means we spend a lot of time in bed in the evenings.
My works been really exciting lately but I've been mostly keeping it to myself because it feels a little rude to bring it up.
Good luck to your girlfriend on finding a new job! Toxic workplaces are so damaging to the mental health.
My girlfriend is currently going through a similar thing
Just got through a major pain of a week...moving around places nearby due to work going on in the house plus stupidly busy period at work means I will do basically nothing this weekend and it will be glorious!
Apparently my lungs are especially healthy for someone my age/demographic.
I'm about to go on a two week trip to a bunch of places I've never been before! I'm super excited! Been watching a lot of the Katmai bear cam of the salmon run while I work on packing and some last minute chores. I'm excited to visit some places that are a bit more accepting of trans people than where I currently live, too.
Good luck on the trip!
If you don't mind me asking, what places are you going to?
Pretty mixed, feel weirdly restless all the time since I dropped my medication at the end of the week before last week. Got a new vape which is keeping me company at least, a nice E-Elev8R ball vape. Kind of terrifying dealing with the red hot glowing metal heating as it gets up to temperature though.
Not that great.
Starting a new (internal) role tomorrow which got me a £4k payrise and is going to set me on a path to chartered accountancy, which is great when just three months ago my employer announced plans to lay off my whole department and outsource hundreds of jobs to India. After escaping redundancy and purchase ledger (I have been working in PL jobs for the past three years and desperately wanted an out), I should be feeling jubilant.
If anything I feel the opposite.
My sadness/frustration comes from the fact that my love life has all but flatlined. I grow sick of trying to use Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, Hinge and pretty much any other dating app to exist and getting zero matches from legitimate people. I grow sick of being given false platitudes about how I'll find someone eventually, when I just know that I'm going to go through my thirties still a virgin.
Part of me seriously worries about success, that I'll soon each the point where I could command a high five figure, possibly a six figure salary, then suddenly have women flock to me not out of admiration but out of wanting my money.
Home Improvement projects are finally progressing at a decent clip. I've been stuck under some hangups that have made progress slow. We're looking into purchasing a new mountain bike for my daughter. I'm really excited to get out and do some singletrack with her and try some new things. It's a super exciting opportunity for her and I! :)
A weird mix of great and awful! Recovering well from a surgery I've wanted for years, just in time for my roommate to get laid off from work! All while my computer is dead, preventing me from working myself.
i give my week a 4/5, been busy the past few days trying to set up a Firefish instance with my partner which has been just awesome and i’m super excited to open it up and get people on it! rly inspired by beehaw’s community-building style.
in less awesome news i’m moving back home at the end of the week and i’m not looking forward to it. moving is so stressful and i don’t want to be back home with my dad either lol.
Very much ups and downs here...
Had my assessment with my private medical cover over my gender identity wtf
Counselling sessions start this week.
Saw friends at the weekend which was nice... apart from the actual bbq being a pretty heavy disaster for my partner and me.
woke up to a sick dog this morning AND I had to go into the office today :(
Good. And you?
My city has had a lot of unseasonable rain which has led to a ridiculous boom in mosquitos. I’m allergic to mosquitos. I have pulled a few all nighters because i’m so anxious… last night i killed one while in bed and it’s sort of ruined the idea of sleeping…
Damn, that's awful. How allergic? Like anaphylaxis?
I have an outsized autoimmune reaction. They swell up very quickly into huge hard lumps and are prone to infection… My doctor was a little chagrined to tell me that it’s called “skeeter syndrome” which is a silly name.
My week's been quite the ride, just like any other week, you know? Ups and downs, twists and turns. But I'm hanging in there. And now that it's Friday and the weekend's just around the corner, I'm stoked to catch up with friends and leave the stress behind. How about you? [@alyaza@beehaw.org]
It's so hot outside 😫
Going ok so far here, counting down the hours till chill time! Partner, cat and weekend of gaming and chilling.
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The manager if one of my jobs is on vacation and because that leaves me, another person, and three new hires (one of which hasn't been showing up for her correct shifts), I'm scheduled to work every single day until my last day (Thursday). I had to go directly from that job to my other job today. I'm dying inside.