What would you do if you had six months left to live?

z00s@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 100 points –

Assume that you only have the resources and money that you've acquired up to this point in your life, and you still have to pay rent, bills etc. You are basically physically capable of everyday activities but extreme feats (eg running marathons, climbing everest) are not realistic.

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Honestly, spend time with my family and pets. Enjoy nature. Have a big party with my favorite people where I tell them how they've made my life so wonderful.

After divorcing and making sure my wife and child get whatever nest egg I can scrape together, I’d go big on highest limit credit cards I could find and we’d all go have as many adventures as possible together (even if it’s just right seeing).

I wouldn't spend much because my wife would need something to live on. I'd spend it with family and just hang out.

Ooh, I actually know the answer to this! I had cancer a couple years ago, and it got really dicey for a bit. While my story has a good ending and I am now effectively cancer-free, I had to look the potential of death clear in the face and start making some concrete plans.

My answer is unequivocal - I would prepare my family for my untimely demise. My wife and I got together when we were young enough that we entered adulthood together and grew that way. There is no me and her - there is only us. This is not some creepy codependency thing. We just became adults whose emotional and mental shapes are highly complimentary. That happens when you are with someone longer than you were not. We also have kids for whom I am the primary caretaker and stay-at-home dad while she works. Both boys are autistic though you might not notice it, and I am their primary coregulator. My family needs me in ways that are not universally true across families.

Most of my plan can be summarized as follows:

  • Prepare my wife for life without me. Ensure she has the basic skills that I have taken over in our lives. Impress upon her the notion that while she has been the love of my life, I sincerely hope I am but one of hers.
  • Spend as much time with my kids as possible. Cement myself in their memories. Record messages and fatherly advice in writing and/or video for every major life event I can think of.
  • Set up therapy and support services for my family once I die.
  • Get my friends and family on board for specific forms of help as time goes on. People who want to help do nothing when they do not know what to do. They are more likely to follow through when told, "I know Jimmy really looks up to you. After I die, please take him out for some bonding time at least once a month. He is going to be lost without me, and Wife cannot be a masculine role model like I was."
  • Plan my funeral and write my obituary. Make it clear that any of this can be changed.
  • Basically, do anything I can to prepare my family for life without me.

I know this is not terribly exciting, but it found that what I feared far more than death was the fate of my family without me there to care for them.

This is extremely heartfelt, wonderful advice. I'm glad your story has a happy ending. But I can't imagine a better way to prepare your family. I am going to save this somewhere, for in case I ever need it, because this is exactly the sort of thing I would want to do.

I also totally get what you mean about your wife and you growing into adulthood together. I have the same thing with my husband. If he were gone, I literally am not sure what I would do in many small parts of my life. I'd adapt eventually, but knowing I'd be struggling with grief in addition to suddenly need to consider a dozen crucial but small things is dizzying to think about.

Holy shit, that sounds like you spend a lot of time thinking about that. First of all your relationship sounds like a dream. Hope it holds forever. I definitely got a lot of inspiration from your post, even tho I'm not looking the reaper in the eyes. Lots of good points how to plan our passing for the remaining people. Death can always happen to anyone unexpectedly. Always good being prepared. And I guess those are some good steps. Spending time with your loved ones is obviously important even if you are not the person facing death but if it is an elderly person.

You faced death so well that you got your life back. You might be my hero.

instantly feel the tension in my body release. completely relax like i've never relaxed before. watch all the films i still want to. probably be sad for most of it though

Other than sell all my investments and live like a wealthy person for 6 months I probably wouldn't do much differently. Maybe try some hard drugs and gay sex.

probably weep that I'll never get to experience a loving relationship for like two weeks, followed by five and a half months of laying in bed waiting to die after realizing I wasn't gonna experience one anyways.

At least find a hobby bro, there are other things in life

Agreed, happily single for over 8 years here. So much time to myself to do what I enjoy.

I also am a bachelor by choice. Long term relationships (even great ones) are a chore that you lose parts of yourself to, for better or worse. I've discovered I'm much more healthy, balanced, and happy without that dynamic.

I already have hobbies, if you're suggesting that adding stamp collecting (as an example) to the roster totally makes up for being treated like a doormat, then I shudder to think about the depth of your interpersonal relationships

Bro you just said you would spend your last 6 months weeping because you can't get a relationship and you're criticizing my relationships for telling you there's other things to do in life?

I think you need help man

And you assumed that someone who's lonely must not have any hobbies, and seem to believe hobbies are a replacement for human connection.

Get fucked, cunt.

a lot of drinking drugs and videogames i guess

Maybe a cruise with my wife too or something she would enjoy.

Overseas trip. Not my thing but my wife would enjoy the bitter sweet memories guess.

fly to america and piss on ronald reagan's grave.

it's 1 of my 3 bucket list items and i've already done the other 2

I think you might need more bucket list items.

Unless you’re like 70.

Well, there were probably more originally, but there are only so many graves and so much piss.

Lol what were the other 2? I'm guessing Margaret Thatcher was one of them.

Stay hydrated!

  • create full digital autonomy, destroy any and all entries to ads and trackers on a system level for my flat (basically, live a life of no digital annoyances, and once we nuke the world wide web be able to live without internet access and not miss a thing)
  • get a merge request accepted

yeah i know, pretty anticlimactic.

i am considering adding large scale industrial sabotage at alphabet or blackrock as a forth item tho

Rehome my pets to make sure my bonded animals stay together and everyone goes to someplace that will love them :(

I would quit my job, sell my house, cash out everything I could and move to southeast Asia to live like a hedonist. Hookers and blow, perhaps literally.

Release my superannuation (a government mandated retirement fund) and move to Buenos Aires with those I love.

So I.... Kinda fantasize about this like daily.

I think I'd be incredibly happy/relieved to know I can die without hurting my family too much as it wasnt by my own hand. At the moment I'm trapped here and I don't exactly want to be.

If your family would be upset to lose you, I imagine they love you and they would be upset no matter the way it happens. You might be trapped now, but life is long and full of opportunities. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Seek help, go to therapy, work on yourself and grab life by the balls. This humble stranger on the internet believes in you.

Assume that you only have the resources and money that you’ve acquired up to this point in your life

I've got nothing.

and you still have to pay rent, bills etc.

I've got less than nothing

I am still studying, and now there would be no point. So I'll just make it shorter. Nitrogen asphyxiation seems promising if done right.

  • write a will

  • settle debts

  • quit my job to spend more time with my kids

  • write my memoirs

  • record hours of video of me telling stories for my kids to have after I'm gone

  • write down all my accounts passwords for my wife

  • prepay for twenty years of webhosting and domain registration

  • plan my own funeral

  • dance every weekend (though at my currently level of fitness, maybe this would be a feat)

  • definitely spend a lot more time in church

Put up all my game dev related stuff on GitHub and make any applicable account passwords accessible to someone who might know what to do with it.

1 more...

Make sure all my assets will be turned over to my wife without issues. Then set aside some money to take a vacation with her until the end.

Not enroll in any classes, that's for sure. Keep working so my family isn't any worse off than they need to be. Try to arrange that my wife and stepson will be able to stay at the house I grew up in (since they wouldn't be able to afford to keep our house). Let my friend who likes Magic have first dibs on my cards, then sell the rest. Try to fix up our house so my wife loses less money when she moves out. Try to fix up the house they'd be moving into, so it's less depressing.

You're a good heart. Your consideration of your success and stepson are very touching. May you win a significant amount of money, and live to enjoy it.

Quit my job and blow my savings traveling and visiting my friends and family. Probably chill for the last couple weeks.

Go to Bali and chill it for the remainder of my time.

It's a gorgeous place, once you leave the touristy bits behind. And my savings could easily cover 20 years as it stands.

I would put the entire world on ignore and have adventures until I croak, but the awesome thing is, I'm pretty much already doing that and I have many, many years to live.

Doctor here:

I don't know how to tell you this... but you only have 6 months to live.

Get my shit together to make sure my partner and my mom are okay. If I have to keep working as a condition of my partner getting my retirement savings and health insurance, that’s fine.

Other than that I don’t know. Travel? I wouldn’t want to spend too frivolously if it means my SO would lose out on something.

Aww, you're a good heart, too. I also hope you win a significant amount of money and live to enjoy!

Well, I'm not exactly super rich from med bills right now, but being physically well enough to do normal stuff would be a pretty bittersweet miracle. I'd take it in stride.

I have a few loved ones who are pretty well off who would probably want to go on a few vacations with me, and I'd probably go do some cool stuff with some fandoms (I'm not even that into Xena but I want to go to a Xena event some time because that's real fandom goals IMO) to celebrate nice people who exist and raise awareness of whatever's killing me.

If I were dying, love to do something dumb like ask the world for enough stickers to cover an entire car with pokemon or ponies or dragons or something.

You would remember some obscure disease if it were the Dragon Sticker car, right?

I'm not exactly super rich from med bills right now, but being physically well enough to do normal stuff would be a pretty bittersweet miracle.

Oh to just be told "it's terminal, you've got 6 months, good news, you'll have a surge of health before the end"

It's not what I would hope for from my life, but it sounds nice to finally be able to just, stop.

No more chasing down GPs for refferals, no more calling specialists asking if they've sent over results and reports. No more weekly appointments trying to find the right medication. Most more confusion over "is this symptom something new that's unrelated? Or Is it related? Will it be temporary? Is this symptom my new normal? Wait, is this a drug side effect?"

No more fighting with council to get ramp access to my house, no more stressing over how I will ever be able to afford the home care I'll need for the extended duration I'll need it on the income my disability limits me to.

No more looking at my mother and my auntie's as they slowly crumble, while still being expected to suck it up and bear the responsibilities they always have. No more seeing the long, deteriorating future ahead of me reflected by my loved ones.

No more "oh, you're chronically ill? have you tried drinking water and doing yoga?"

No more "you don't look sick"

I've only got 6 months to have to put up with any of this, and then I'm gone.

I'd prefer to be alive, but I wouldn't be upset at the universe if that's the hand I was dealt.

6 months is a good time frame. Certainly beats getting hit by a bus tomorrow - who would look after me cat?

I'd get started on all those "100 Things You Must ______ Before You Die" lists. I mean, I'd like to spend time with loved ones and prepare for the end, but they're mandatory, apparently.

travel. international flights might be out of the question but theres gotta be plenty to drive around and just go see and explore. maybe try to reconnect with some old friends i once loved dearly

Just wait and die

Why wait?

If it's just 6 months there's no compelling reason to skip it, unless it would be painful to wait.

But if you meant why wait instead of doing anything else, that's because I don't have a family or friends to spend my remaining time with, so there isn't anything worth doing other than just resting while waiting.

I would write my will which contains things about my possessions and wishes, then visit my friends I have not spent time with yet, then the ones I have memories of, then my remaining family members, then the place where it all started.

Travel and see the world expense be damned. I'm young though.