Is there an alternative to "motherfucker" that people would actually use?
The word can have swearing but not genderisation which might be offensive (mother) nor allusions to sexual dominance (motherfucker). Nor, other possibly offensive connotations. It seems that the word is commonplace and people won't stop using it, so an alternative to the word may be useful. But the problem with alternatives, is that people might not use them unless they carry a meaning that's attention grabbing in some way, and when it comes to this word it needs to be able to be used in either a serious (non-funny) or comedic way.
Are you looking for an inoffensive insult?
...or for an insult so accurately aiming at the person to be insulted like pissing through a key hole from a 11.5 ft distance.
Upvoting because this is a a true "no stupid questions" post.
So... I think you need to look into the social and cognitive nature of swear words. Vsauce has a pretty good primer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7dQh8u4Hc
I think you also need to let go of the desire to be better than common culture, and/or the desire to engineer a better culture from an external perspective. People are gross and messy, imprecise and reckless. It's what makes us interesting, motherfucker.
You want an alternative to "motherfucker" that can't be offensive in any way?
Yeah no. Do you even realize what you are asking?
"Dad"
Literally means the same thing.
I've had it with these dad snakes on this dad plane!
... just doesn't have the same punch to it.
Asking the right questions here!
(from another comment) just doesn't work...
That's offensive to lesbian couples who used artificial insemination only.
Asshole works, but its not as rude.
The bigger question is, are you honestly that much of a prude?
I actually think that depending on the context asshole is more hurtful than motherfucker. "He's a stupid motherfucker" seems like you are just angry. "He's an asshole" sounds like he legit is a ln awful person. Not a dominant fucker or anything. Just a dirty, unpleasant being. It is more demeaning I would say. I would be more hurt to be called an asshole than a motherfucker.
Maternal fornicator
Doesn't maternal fornicator imply a power imbalance? How about Mutually Consenting Same-Age Peer Fucker?
Peer Fucker has a good mouth feel to it.
‘You fucking donkey’ is a personal favorite
"Mudpuddle"
They posess neither warmth, depth or clarity.
That one's really good.
I can get behind this. I feel like I can't imagine a gangster saying it though, which is sort of a requirement for a replacement for mf'er
Speciesist connotations
Lol the downvotes here! Some people in the comments really didn't like this.
...just swear all fucking ready.
You're all a bunch of scuzz-junkin' puppy touchers.
Swearing is fine what the fuck (just demonstrating). It's more about trying to avoid offending demographics of individuals or upholding oppression/oppressive views.
“Asshole” is a personal favorite.
Nailed it on the head
Motherfucker, what the motherfucking fuck are you fucking on about?
Are you some kind of fatherfucker with this fatherfucking fuckery?
¹ Pronounced "Loser"
Soldier of 4Chan is devastating
Upvote for Scuzzjunkie.
The hell is scuzz? S-tier cuzzin?
Beats me. It has no discernible meaning as far as I know. Yet if you called me a scuzzjunkie with any sort of conviction, I'd feel affronted.
Well there's always the simplification to just fucker
parent shagger?
How about DGR Dave’s “son of a butt”?
I think the more "valued" or preferred part of an insult is rather its phonetic or expressive aspect rather than the semantic one. Of course the semantic parts plays a role, as well, but the need to use stressed syllables to express oneself, or simply vent out the emotion, far surpasses the need to utter a semantically-accurate syllable or word to badmouth someone or something.
See here from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
It is a beautiful insult that can vent out the emotions, or can be used for fun among friends etc. that uses no semantics to insult people, but uses very mouthful words to stress and some unfocused (as in not targeting any types of people) pragmatics, like insulting someone by insulting their parents, and insulting them as such making them out to be not something they are (was an x, smelt).
So, whatever semantically gender-neutral alternative you are looking for, consider to have a very strong expressive aspect to it that sticks to tongue.
I'm good with sticking with plain old motherfucker and have absolutely zero intention of replacing it with some convoluted bullshit alternative. I figure if he/she/it/they/them are offended by my use of the word motherfucker then it's aimed at he/she/it/they/them anyway and all those motherfuckers can get fucked and stay fucked. Tired of catering to everyone's sensibilities. Grow a pair, or a twat, put on your grown up panties and get the fuck over it.
is this a joke
So I go with the “MOFO” is shorter to type and hits the same.
Same derivation
Burden
Misterfalcon
I use buttfuck/buttfuckin' an awful lot as an adjective but not really as a noun. Come to think of it, I don't often -- oh, no, wait, when my cats are being unreasonable we do call them little assholes, but swearing at them turns it into a term of endearment anyway.
Dipshit, wanker, buttnugget, cunt, probably my top go-tos lol. I kind of love how some people just hate the word cunt.
Buttfucking could have homophobic interpretations when used as an insult potentially, similar to "butthurt"
As an lgbt+, penisless person with a butt, that occasionally enjoys giving/receiving anal play, I say bring on the butts.
That's why I prefer "pigfucker" instead. Far less homophobic.
Problematic with how it views animals. Trading homophobia for speciesism there. :/
Mother/father is inclusive and a drop-in replacement at least syllable-wise.
I say "muffuletta", which is a type of sandwich.
This is good too.
Problematic with the use of meat & cheese in the traditional recipe
I thought OP was looking for minced oaths that could be used in its place, and this is the first thing that came to mind for me. I use this one all the time because I try not to drop the big one around my five- and three-year-olds.
"Motherfather" could accidentally be interpreted as a transphobic insult, possibly.
Mother Pussbucket
Nobody steps on a church in my town!
In Philly we use "jawn".
How is that pronounced? Like joun, like John, or like drawn but with a j?
Drawn but with a J, I suppose.
Thank you! English gives us too many options sometimes.
Jawn and motherfucker are probably the only 2 words I could consider to be general purpose nouns that can be used to refer to pretty much any person place or thing.
I feel like in the case of MF though, vulgarity is kind of the point, it's meant to be insulting, whether seriously or playfully. Jawn doesn't really have that same negative connotation, so it sort of falls short on that count.
And of course motherfucker has added utility as an adjective by swapping in the -ing suffix. You can have a motherfucking jawn, but you wouldn't normally have a jawning motherfucker.
"Cocksucker"?
How about "You Consenting Cocksucker!"?
Yes.
https://invidious.slipfox.xyz/watch?v=UaVqtG-NvzY
do- do you realize what you're asking? this is the firstest of world problems.
quakebuttock