Could be either, could be a bit of both. Hard to say really. My guess is the last one.
Now go do your chores, you lazy little hottie.
š§¹š§½āŗļø
Damn your GF wasn't kidding š³š³
It's an actual thing. When it feels more like you have a teenage son than a partner it's hard to get turned on by them, even if you weren't already too exhausted from clearing up after them.
So much this. Working all day is exhausting. So is keeping the house. Having to do both all of the time when you have an able-bodied partner? Gross. No one wants an adult child as a partner.
Men have no idea just how exhausting it is to have to carry all of that weight. Well, some do, Iām sure. I havenāt met any, personally, but that doesnāt mean theyāre not out there.
Having a partner that is an actual partner gives you the room to breathe and relax. And honestly, that is the real turn on.
I'm a man who had to do this. My partner was going through some pretty rough times in grad school, then left school, and had a lot of mental health work to go through. I was trying to be supportive, but we had to have a few conversations where I said that I didn't find her exactly attractive in the moment because it felt like I was more of a guardian than a partner. It's gotten a lot better since then, but it can be hard when your partner is going through hard times (or is just lazy, in some cases) and doesn't see things as you do.
Everyone needs to put in effort. It doesn't need to be symmetrical (meaning you don't have to do all the same things), but it should be approximately equal in terms of effort in both the relationship and your living situation
Men have no idea just how exhausting it is to have to carry all of that weight. Well, some do, Iām sure. I havenāt met any, personally
When did this become about gender politics...?
But yikes.
Imagine the horror of I said the same statement but reversed the genders, and the stereotype.
Look, you're not entirely wrong. But this is a very gendered experience (as in, disproportionately affects women). Of course it happens the other way around, just nowhere near as often. You don't have to get so fucking defensive about it. This is the world you live in, deal with it.
This isn't a stereotype, it's a well-documented sociological phenomenon. Women typically do the majority of unpaid / organizational labor in a household, even when they work full-time outside the home. And part of why this is such a problem is that this work is often not witnessed or acknowledged by their partners, or even dismissed as "unimportant".
I know itās yikes. It felt icky to write it out, but I did because its true. Itās well documented that women are far more likely to be ārunning the houseā even when working full time. So many articles, podcasts, and books have been written about it. Thereās even a comic floating around the internet.
(https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
Because this is a gendered issue. Although men on average do slightly more paid labor, if you count total labor (both paid and domestic) women work more.
This has serious consequences for womenās careers and is a major relationship strain that men may not realize is happening.
Well documented observations are not politics. Thatās just fact. How we decide to react to those facts is politics.
Was gonna make a Ghislaine Maxwell joke but stopped myself.
This could be climate-related. She might mean you're working too hard and need to cool off. Try to stay hydrated out there because you're looking hot.
This message has been brought to you by hydrohomies.
Don't forget to bring a towel!
Like a truly hoopy frood.
In my experience itās both š
It's definitely both. Love when my husband puts work and effort into our home and life together. šš
It's such a bummer he's so tired after all the chores lol
Hire a pool boy so your husband doesn't get tired. Pool boys have more stamina too
Devil on her shoulder right here
Both was going to be my answer too
You should read The Five Love Languages. This is an actual thing. Different people express and receive love differently. āActs of Kindnessā is one of them. My partner loves when i do things, and i know this, so i do it because i know it makes her feel loved. And thatās hot.
I actually just listened to that episode yesterday, that whole show is pretty great (also, the one author's other podcast - 5-4 ("a podcast about how much the supreme court sucks") - is consistently amazing), but for anybody out there who doesn't do podcasts and wants a summary,
tl;dl All the good ideas in it were stolen from other places and the author is a secret fundamentalist who thinks women need to get back in the kitchen and gay people need to get back in the closet. For example, this Q & A article from 2013
Q: āMy son has recently told us that he is gay. Iām having a very hard time dealing with it. How can I help him with this and still show love?ā
Gary Chapman: Disappointment is a common emotion when a parent hears one of their children indicate that he/she is gay. Men and women are made for each otherāit is Godās design. Anything other than that is outside of that primary design of God. Now Iām not going to try explain all the ins and outs of homosexuality, but what I will say is thisāwe love our children no matter what. Express your disappointment and/or your lack of understanding, but make it clear that you love them and that you will continue to love them no matter what. I would also encourage you to ask your child to do some serious reading and/or talk to a counselor to try to understand him/herself better while continuing to affirm your love.
For the episode on the book, Shamshiri went back to the original ā90s text, which contains, among other debunked gender stereotypes, an assertion in the āPhysical Touchā chapter that men want sex all the time, whereas women need emotional connection for intimacy to be satisfying. (Nowhere in Chapmanās books is any attention paid to the romantic dynamics of queer couplesāat one point, Shamshiri jokes that such relationships are ālike the female orgasm, not discussed or implied.ā) In one chapter, a woman tells Chapman that her husband verbally berates her and refuses counseling. Chapman, in the 1992 version, suggests that the husbandās love language is physical touch and counsels the wife to start initiating sex frequently and more aggressively. When she balks because sex with him makes her feel used and unloved, he advises her to draw upon Jesusās Sermon on the Mount in order to gather strength. In the anecdote that appears in later editions, Shamshiri mentions, Chapman simply suggests that the wife be more physically affectionate in general. Although the sexual mandate is less explicit there, the idea that sex is a sacrifice that women must endure in heterosexual marriage persists.
tl;dl All the good ideas in it were stolen from other places and the author is a secret fundamentalist who thinks women need to get back in the kitchen and gay people need to get back in the closet. For example, [this Q & A article from 2013]
I missed this part and was wondering to myself wtf you were on about!
I was hoping someone would bring up love languages! As someone who speaks gift giving and acts of service, when someone does something for me or gives me a truly thoughtful gift for me I adore it. On the other hand if I don't see those languages spoken, it makes me feel as though I'm not thought about as much as those I love and it can breed resentfulness.
Cane here to say this. 100% this.
IME, many women have a thing for when a guy is just being motivated and doing something active.
Could be real, either way I definitely get laid more when I do stuff around the house. I read a study that basically suggested doing chores helps because it relieves the stress of your partner, freeing them up to feel a little more amorous.
The question is really why does she have to trick you into doing chores? :')
I'm easily distracted and have trouble finishing tasks. case and point: I made this post while doing the dishes, and im currently procrastinating tidying up all the kid toys š
Try written to-do lists. Crossing them off feels great.
Bonus tip: add "sexy time" (or whatever you all call it) to the list
Both is the answer. You do look hot doing chores. Also chores done is a turn on. It's like oysters and chocolate, but your house is tidy and it's not gross.
It's absolutely both. Her "love language" is probably "acts of kindness". That's how my wife is. So, she is probably seeing it as an attractive act, and telling you that also makes you do it more often.
It's a thing. There's nothing less attractive than having to play parent to an adult who can't pull their own weight in managing a household.
Can't recognize that a full trash can needs to go out without being told? Can't realize dishwashers that are full need to be run without reminding? Can't find where clothes need to go when they're clean?
If that workload is falling on one person most of the time, over time it can become a source of resentment.
When both people have full time jobs, it's like coming home to a second job.
Just say you feel the same way when she does chores
If it is a trick, they're all in on it. As a joke I sent my wife a picture of me scrubbing the tub without a shirt on.
Didn't realize the effect it would have.
Well it worked for Putin...
He only fished and rode a horse, imagine what would happen if he was scrubbing the tub...
Take it from me, men who do chores around the house are so hot.
So are men who buy tickets to "Barbie".
Sending positive Kenergy
What is bigger turn on, buying 5 suicide squad dvds or 2 tickets to Barbie?
Whichever one pays more of my morgage.
Will do :)
My wife calls it "chore-play" and it seems to really work for her. Even if its a trick, the house will be clean and everyone gets a little fun, what's the harm?
Yes
i think dudes are hot when they just sit around and do nothing, with their shirt off of course, so what do i know
If I push my tummy out while sitting on the couch I can hold a beer on it like Homer Simpson
Independence and self respect is sexy, and doing chores is a form of independence (you know how take of yourself) and is a form of self respect (you don't let yourself live in filth). It also implies that you don't view your gf as the designated house maid and not being humiliated/burdened like that is a big relief, especially for women who grew up around sexism. Who might have internalized the idea that men doing chores is on par with something like gift giving or going on dates, something special done out of love, and not just something that needs to be done. She could genuinely find you doing chores sexy, but also having to do less chores is a bonus no matter who you are, it can be both.
What if I like doing 50% of the chores, and the other 50% I truly hate and never do unless it's a matter of life and death?
I live alone so my place is a total mess in 50% of chores, and perfect in the other 50%. So judging by my place, I'm not independent, I'm barely 50% there.
So if I got a GF and we were a match with regards to who's doing which chores, would it be a way to get the best of both worlds? I would still do my 50% of chores but the place would be neat? And now I would appear independent and thus sexy?
However, in order to get the full effect, we would have to come up with a good schedule so that when I do my chores, she's not doing her chores and she can fully admire me doing my 50% of chores, and vice versa. š¤
Sounds like an idea for a new kind of dating page... š¤
Letās be honest sheās trying to get some and your oblivious. Wake up and read the room šš
you're oblivious
No, it's my oblivious, don't try and take that from me.
Some women's libido goes down from the stress of seeing a lot of chores needing to be taken care of. Doing those chores reduced the stress. Going further and doing what is normally their share of housework can be an act of affection.
It's also noted in a study of women asked to rate a number of pictures of men on various factors including attractiveness and reliability. When they are also asked for dating preferences, as the age range went up, the prioritization on reliability ratings also went up. Doing chores is reliable AF.
More to the point, she's already told you she likes it. Just believe her.
Long answer it might be a ploy but it'll most likely work. If nothing else you doing your part gives her more time to be attracted to you.
You wanna be hot or not?
I've known many women who claim something like this. Even if true, every one of them would drop their drawers for a lead guitarist living out of his car. So you know, there's all types of sexy
If he's living out of his car, she doesn't need to clear up after him. Do keep up.
Query not compliable. I don't know how you look.
Personally, Iām so busy, and have so much mental load that just one less thing I have to do is a breath of fresh air. Now, if husband thinks to himself hey I have a little spare time, I can totally help AttackBunny out and do one of her chores for herā¦.uhā¦. Yeah. Super hot. Idk if itās as much about the actual act of doing the choice, or more likely, the though behind it, but yeah.
Okay letās play the uno reverse card: if she would do something to ease your life, would you find this hot ?
Sounds like a bit of both; I don't believe she's lying to you though.
My girlfriend said when I washed a bowl earlier it was the sexiest thing she's ever seen.
Did she attempt to jump your bones?
Everything is a ploy. But that's ok, because that means it is a thing. Don't rock the boat. Be happy and do more chores!
Start scrubbing the floor and we will find out
It could be, but from my personal experience, nothing sexier than a person who can take care of shit that needs to be taken care of. You don't know how many men don't do this and how many women enable it by tolerating it. It's a complete turn off when I find out a dude can't and expects me to pick up the slack
Yes but it doesn't hurt to play that game.
I think the answer is just yes
It could be because the people in her life (especially the masculine figures) arenāt the type to actually do chores without the initial request/push by another person. Itās some kind of shock and it could be seen as an attractive trait. Same feeling I got when I entered a healthy relationship with someone whoās not a slob. Doing chores is bare minimum though
It's a ploy! Run! RUN AWAY!
/J
Does she act on your appearance as a more attractive mate when the chores are done? If so, then it doesn't matter if it's real or a ruse. Win-win, literally.
Yea. I think woman are wired to be more attracted to the actual qualities of a man and ability to provide over the aesthetic appeal, but both are good obviously. I'm not a women, but have had this conversation with my partner. So I'm an expert (;
Women are just better than men in a practical sense lol. I'm just a dumb man. But me do chores, me man, me get laid.
Start doing chores in The Sims and in real life. Compare.
Yep, just like I tell my wife I love work (I can watch hours at it being performed).
The best way to show appreciation of you girlfriend/wife is helping with chores. (And thus limiting her time doing them, which results in more time together, win-win ;) )
it could be a mix of both but i think some people are into it because on itch there is a game called "house chores" but i guess it depends on the person.
In my experience, this is 100% trying to get you to do more chores than you agreed to split with her. Graciously accept the compliment, and if she needs help with her chores obviously help her. But I wouldn't go out of your way to do more chores than you agreed to. Otherwise you will eventually find that the agreed split is no longer a split at all, and then resentment will build up. Resentment of course being a silent relationship killer.
Could be either, could be a bit of both. Hard to say really. My guess is the last one.
Now go do your chores, you lazy little hottie.
š§¹š§½āŗļø
Damn your GF wasn't kidding š³š³
It's an actual thing. When it feels more like you have a teenage son than a partner it's hard to get turned on by them, even if you weren't already too exhausted from clearing up after them.
So much this. Working all day is exhausting. So is keeping the house. Having to do both all of the time when you have an able-bodied partner? Gross. No one wants an adult child as a partner.
Men have no idea just how exhausting it is to have to carry all of that weight. Well, some do, Iām sure. I havenāt met any, personally, but that doesnāt mean theyāre not out there.
Having a partner that is an actual partner gives you the room to breathe and relax. And honestly, that is the real turn on.
I'm a man who had to do this. My partner was going through some pretty rough times in grad school, then left school, and had a lot of mental health work to go through. I was trying to be supportive, but we had to have a few conversations where I said that I didn't find her exactly attractive in the moment because it felt like I was more of a guardian than a partner. It's gotten a lot better since then, but it can be hard when your partner is going through hard times (or is just lazy, in some cases) and doesn't see things as you do.
Everyone needs to put in effort. It doesn't need to be symmetrical (meaning you don't have to do all the same things), but it should be approximately equal in terms of effort in both the relationship and your living situation
When did this become about gender politics...?
But yikes.
Imagine the horror of I said the same statement but reversed the genders, and the stereotype.
Look, you're not entirely wrong. But this is a very gendered experience (as in, disproportionately affects women). Of course it happens the other way around, just nowhere near as often. You don't have to get so fucking defensive about it. This is the world you live in, deal with it.
This isn't a stereotype, it's a well-documented sociological phenomenon. Women typically do the majority of unpaid / organizational labor in a household, even when they work full-time outside the home. And part of why this is such a problem is that this work is often not witnessed or acknowledged by their partners, or even dismissed as "unimportant".
I know itās yikes. It felt icky to write it out, but I did because its true. Itās well documented that women are far more likely to be ārunning the houseā even when working full time. So many articles, podcasts, and books have been written about it. Thereās even a comic floating around the internet. (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_an_unfair_division_of_labor_hurts_your_relationship
Because this is a gendered issue. Although men on average do slightly more paid labor, if you count total labor (both paid and domestic) women work more.
This has serious consequences for womenās careers and is a major relationship strain that men may not realize is happening.
Well documented observations are not politics. Thatās just fact. How we decide to react to those facts is politics.
Was gonna make a Ghislaine Maxwell joke but stopped myself.
This could be climate-related. She might mean you're working too hard and need to cool off. Try to stay hydrated out there because you're looking hot.
This message has been brought to you by hydrohomies.
Don't forget to bring a towel!
Like a truly hoopy frood.
In my experience itās both š
It's definitely both. Love when my husband puts work and effort into our home and life together. šš
It's such a bummer he's so tired after all the chores lol
Hire a pool boy so your husband doesn't get tired. Pool boys have more stamina too
Devil on her shoulder right here
Both was going to be my answer too
You should read The Five Love Languages. This is an actual thing. Different people express and receive love differently. āActs of Kindnessā is one of them. My partner loves when i do things, and i know this, so i do it because i know it makes her feel loved. And thatās hot.
If Books Could Kill did a good podcast about The Five Love Languages: https://www.stitcher.com/show/if-books-could-kill/episode/the-5-love-languages-302265819
I actually just listened to that episode yesterday, that whole show is pretty great (also, the one author's other podcast - 5-4 ("a podcast about how much the supreme court sucks") - is consistently amazing), but for anybody out there who doesn't do podcasts and wants a summary,
tl;dl All the good ideas in it were stolen from other places and the author is a secret fundamentalist who thinks women need to get back in the kitchen and gay people need to get back in the closet. For example, this Q & A article from 2013
Also, from this review of the podcast
I missed this part and was wondering to myself wtf you were on about!
I was hoping someone would bring up love languages! As someone who speaks gift giving and acts of service, when someone does something for me or gives me a truly thoughtful gift for me I adore it. On the other hand if I don't see those languages spoken, it makes me feel as though I'm not thought about as much as those I love and it can breed resentfulness.
Cane here to say this. 100% this.
IME, many women have a thing for when a guy is just being motivated and doing something active.
Could be real, either way I definitely get laid more when I do stuff around the house. I read a study that basically suggested doing chores helps because it relieves the stress of your partner, freeing them up to feel a little more amorous.
The question is really why does she have to trick you into doing chores? :')
I'm easily distracted and have trouble finishing tasks. case and point: I made this post while doing the dishes, and im currently procrastinating tidying up all the kid toys š
Fun fact - itās case IN point.
Uhh !boneappeltea@someinstance?
I got you fam
https://lemmy.world/c/boneappletea
!boneappletea@lemmy.world
Awesome! Joined.
do you have adhd?
Massively.
Are you me?
Try written to-do lists. Crossing them off feels great.
Bonus tip: add "sexy time" (or whatever you all call it) to the list
Both is the answer. You do look hot doing chores. Also chores done is a turn on. It's like oysters and chocolate, but your house is tidy and it's not gross.
It's absolutely both. Her "love language" is probably "acts of kindness". That's how my wife is. So, she is probably seeing it as an attractive act, and telling you that also makes you do it more often.
It's a thing. There's nothing less attractive than having to play parent to an adult who can't pull their own weight in managing a household.
Can't recognize that a full trash can needs to go out without being told? Can't realize dishwashers that are full need to be run without reminding? Can't find where clothes need to go when they're clean?
If that workload is falling on one person most of the time, over time it can become a source of resentment.
When both people have full time jobs, it's like coming home to a second job.
Just say you feel the same way when she does chores
If it is a trick, they're all in on it. As a joke I sent my wife a picture of me scrubbing the tub without a shirt on.
Didn't realize the effect it would have.
Well it worked for Putin...
He only fished and rode a horse, imagine what would happen if he was scrubbing the tub...
Take it from me, men who do chores around the house are so hot.
So are men who buy tickets to "Barbie".
Sending positive Kenergy
What is bigger turn on, buying 5 suicide squad dvds or 2 tickets to Barbie?
Whichever one pays more of my morgage.
Will do :)
My wife calls it "chore-play" and it seems to really work for her. Even if its a trick, the house will be clean and everyone gets a little fun, what's the harm?
Yes
i think dudes are hot when they just sit around and do nothing, with their shirt off of course, so what do i know
If I push my tummy out while sitting on the couch I can hold a beer on it like Homer Simpson
Independence and self respect is sexy, and doing chores is a form of independence (you know how take of yourself) and is a form of self respect (you don't let yourself live in filth). It also implies that you don't view your gf as the designated house maid and not being humiliated/burdened like that is a big relief, especially for women who grew up around sexism. Who might have internalized the idea that men doing chores is on par with something like gift giving or going on dates, something special done out of love, and not just something that needs to be done. She could genuinely find you doing chores sexy, but also having to do less chores is a bonus no matter who you are, it can be both.
What if I like doing 50% of the chores, and the other 50% I truly hate and never do unless it's a matter of life and death?
I live alone so my place is a total mess in 50% of chores, and perfect in the other 50%. So judging by my place, I'm not independent, I'm barely 50% there.
So if I got a GF and we were a match with regards to who's doing which chores, would it be a way to get the best of both worlds? I would still do my 50% of chores but the place would be neat? And now I would appear independent and thus sexy?
However, in order to get the full effect, we would have to come up with a good schedule so that when I do my chores, she's not doing her chores and she can fully admire me doing my 50% of chores, and vice versa. š¤
Sounds like an idea for a new kind of dating page... š¤
Letās be honest sheās trying to get some and your oblivious. Wake up and read the room šš
No, it's my oblivious, don't try and take that from me.
Some women's libido goes down from the stress of seeing a lot of chores needing to be taken care of. Doing those chores reduced the stress. Going further and doing what is normally their share of housework can be an act of affection.
It's also noted in a study of women asked to rate a number of pictures of men on various factors including attractiveness and reliability. When they are also asked for dating preferences, as the age range went up, the prioritization on reliability ratings also went up. Doing chores is reliable AF.
More to the point, she's already told you she likes it. Just believe her.
Well, there's this book:
https://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/book-of-womens-fantasy-men-doing-chores/
Short answer yes
Long answer it might be a ploy but it'll most likely work. If nothing else you doing your part gives her more time to be attracted to you.
You wanna be hot or not?
I've known many women who claim something like this. Even if true, every one of them would drop their drawers for a lead guitarist living out of his car. So you know, there's all types of sexy
If he's living out of his car, she doesn't need to clear up after him. Do keep up.
Query not compliable. I don't know how you look.
Personally, Iām so busy, and have so much mental load that just one less thing I have to do is a breath of fresh air. Now, if husband thinks to himself hey I have a little spare time, I can totally help AttackBunny out and do one of her chores for herā¦.uhā¦. Yeah. Super hot. Idk if itās as much about the actual act of doing the choice, or more likely, the though behind it, but yeah.
Okay letās play the uno reverse card: if she would do something to ease your life, would you find this hot ?
Sounds like a bit of both; I don't believe she's lying to you though.
My girlfriend said when I washed a bowl earlier it was the sexiest thing she's ever seen.
Did she attempt to jump your bones?
Everything is a ploy. But that's ok, because that means it is a thing. Don't rock the boat. Be happy and do more chores!
Start scrubbing the floor and we will find out
It could be, but from my personal experience, nothing sexier than a person who can take care of shit that needs to be taken care of. You don't know how many men don't do this and how many women enable it by tolerating it. It's a complete turn off when I find out a dude can't and expects me to pick up the slack
Yes but it doesn't hurt to play that game.
I think the answer is just yes
It could be because the people in her life (especially the masculine figures) arenāt the type to actually do chores without the initial request/push by another person. Itās some kind of shock and it could be seen as an attractive trait. Same feeling I got when I entered a healthy relationship with someone whoās not a slob. Doing chores is bare minimum though
It's a ploy! Run! RUN AWAY!
/J
Does she act on your appearance as a more attractive mate when the chores are done? If so, then it doesn't matter if it's real or a ruse. Win-win, literally.
Yea. I think woman are wired to be more attracted to the actual qualities of a man and ability to provide over the aesthetic appeal, but both are good obviously. I'm not a women, but have had this conversation with my partner. So I'm an expert (;
Women are just better than men in a practical sense lol. I'm just a dumb man. But me do chores, me man, me get laid.
Start doing chores in The Sims and in real life. Compare.
Yep, just like I tell my wife I love work (I can watch hours at it being performed).
The best way to show appreciation of you girlfriend/wife is helping with chores. (And thus limiting her time doing them, which results in more time together, win-win ;) )
it could be a mix of both but i think some people are into it because on itch there is a game called "house chores" but i guess it depends on the person.
In my experience, this is 100% trying to get you to do more chores than you agreed to split with her. Graciously accept the compliment, and if she needs help with her chores obviously help her. But I wouldn't go out of your way to do more chores than you agreed to. Otherwise you will eventually find that the agreed split is no longer a split at all, and then resentment will build up. Resentment of course being a silent relationship killer.