Well I love you and I'm proud of you for being you (=
Well that’s a shame. They oughta be folks you can be yourself around
Mom here. I'm proud of you. 💖
Your drinking is ruining our relationship, and your relationships with your grandkids.
I have a good relationship with my dad now but that wasn't always the case. It's too long a story for this comment but I've confronted him a few times over the years about various things. On one such occasion, he said something to the effect of, "Why don't my kids ever want anything to do with me?"
I said, " I love you Dad, but you're an angry dick about everything and you always have been. Would you want to spend time with your dad if he was like that?" His dad was exactly like that. He didn't say anything but I knew I struck a nerve.
He's worked on himself a lot and is a much, much better grandpa than he was a father.
I don't know your situation and you can't change your family members behavior. That's on them. But sometimes it's ok to let them know what their behavior is doing to everyone else around them.
They may not understand that. And if they do and just don't care, then they'll have to deal with the consequences.
That's great advice, thank you. I'll have to relay it to my sister since she's the one actually dealing with it since I moved out of state like 20 years ago and rarely go home. Maybe we'll have to gang up on him/have an intervention. It's just hard to catch his ass sober.
I could tell them I get wasted every Friday and no one would bat an eye...but my mom would have a heart attack if she found out I've ever been in the same room with marijuana. I'm in my 30s. Some things are better left as secrets
The devil's lettuce!
JAZZZZZ CIGARETTES
Electric cabbage
The ironic part is that her favorite relative outside of our immediate family is my cousin who I learned - to no surprise of my own - smokes a TON of weed.
I have no reason to hide it from my dad but...what's the point? Even if he doesn't tell my mom, we're not gonna share a joint or anything
I can’t feel empathy and the only reason why I am sad when you are sad is because I’ve learned that faking it makes you happier.
So you do something for no reason for the benefit of someone who is suffering while you are not suffering? How empathetic lmao
Wouldn't that just be sympathy?
Trivial distinction. they recognize someone is hurting. who started this whole symp/emp divide? it literally never comes up in counseling school
Who started this?
Highschool level psych 101 classes. Its an easy distinction to teach kids about psychopathy/sociopathy but reality can be a little more nuanced. I also imagine that counseling is about treating emotionally damaged people with the idea they can improve mentally not instantly judging them 'oh well youre an unfeeling psychopath monster and always will be because you didn't have empathy for this person in this situation'
That's exactly what I thought.. it's just empathy with extra steps?
Manual empathy
Not for no reason, for the good of the other person is the reason.
That's not empathy, it's altruism.
Dexter
"hit me up on Grindr for some good bussy."
I tried to kill myself. Twice. I would either have to deal with my old man's shit or break my mom's heart, neither of which I could tolerate.
I'm sorry you were in that position, and I hope you're doing much better now?
I'm glad you're still here, yes, you will break your parents heart.
I've known too many young men that took their own life, and the aftermath is life changing for the entire family and friends, but mainly the family.
I hope you're doing well, and whoever you are, you're in my thoughts
Stay strong. 🤗 . I hope you are keeping well
That I'm not doing as well as I thought I might be doing.
They're buried at 51° 23' 3.0372'' N 2° 21' 47.9916'' W
I am choosing between living with them and homelessness. Otherwise, I would be anywhere else.
That's harsh man, that must feel awful.
One specific family member, hope that's okay. But I could never tell my mom about when I was molested on a work trip with her ex-partners company. One of the families took in troubled boys and I woke up in the cabin with him in my bed. Hands in my clothes and drunk as hell. I beat him so bad. One of the other actual children of employees woke up and helped pull me off him and got him out of there.
We never talked about it. I don't know what he(the helper) knew at the time.
What I do know is if I ever tell my mother this she will drive and she will one hundred percent kill the people who brought that monster into my life. And I love her too much to put her through that (both having to hear it, and the murder, and the subsequent jail time).
That sounds terrible. I hope you are doing ok now.
It was, but I am actually doing really well now, generally. Stable and supportive partner. Love and joy on the daily!
Have some health issues but I feel like who doesn't these days? It does make having friends a struggle but I have a lot of.. acquaintances and small relationships can be fulfilling, in their own way.
Generally great relationships with my family, minus several humans who have been downgraded to biological associates.
On the whole pretty excellent and like to think I'm doing as well for those around me as I can despite my limitations.
Sorry, unsuspecting victims, for the wall of text, the word vomit needed out, I suppose.
I don't want to be around you.
I wouldn't tell my loved one that because I DO want to be around her.
The skin you have in your lips is the same type of skin in your butthole. You are welcome
That’s why they’re so chapped then
You're all annoying, some a lot more than others.
Swear words. (Young kids around)
Edit: mi spelin knough gud
Who's Yong?
I'm genuinely struggling to think of anything. I don't have a lot of loved ones but define them with the criteria "I can be my true self around them".
I have definitely lost loved ones because they couldn't come to terms with who I am (pansexual). Many people hate you for being bi, let alone pan. My sympathies to all those who have to hide, have been there. I've lived in rough places where I couldn't even allow a smidgeon of my true self to emerge, and it kills the soul.
I don't mean to be offensive, but what is the difference between bi and pan? It always seemed a meaningless term because bi already covers basically everything.
Not the person you were asking, but I can provide an answer. Pansexual generally means attraction to people regardless of gender - sort of gender blind. A bi person (like me) might find that the attraction they experience to different genders is shaped differently, qualitatively — or the magnitude of attraction may be different — like if you were a 1 on the Kinsey scale, which means "predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual". Someone who's pan is more likely to be a 3 on the Kinsey scale, but also, it's possible to be bi and a 3, and that's subtly different.
There aren't set rules on this, it mostly comes down to what terms resonate with people. I'm someone to whom pansexual as a label could apply, but I identify as bisexual because that was the word that made me go "wait, this is a thing that's possible?". The terms people use are often rooted in history, personal or otherwise.
It's trickier to explain the lexical niche when I myself am not pan. It's like if you're working on a project and have someone passing you tools, and you reach a step that needs a particular spanner, of which you have two. You ask for one of those spanners, but despite it fitting many of your requirements on paper, it isn't quite right for what you're trying to do. You try the other spanner and it's perfect. Keeping both spanners is probably useful because on simple jobs, they are interchangeable, but when getting into nuanced, complex situations, having the choice is useful.
By this, I mean that I have also had the thought that "[Pansexual] seemed a meaningless term because bi already covers basically everything", but when you're talking to someone about different spanners and they say "that one isn't the same as that one. I need the other one", it's generally wisest to assume that this person has some insight that you don't have on these spanners, or their particular use cases — who am I to tell people what tools are most useful for them, after all? Like a lot of identity stuff, it's hard to explain, but it matters a lot to some people.
I'm pan as well, and I saw a funny video that that helps explain it to people who ask.
Bi: "Fuck you, and fuck you too"
Pan: "Fuck everyone"
what the other guy said. it's different for everyone. But some part of me identifying as bi not as pan is also self-reflective. It's because it's the term I want. Like how someone can be Alexander, Alex, Al, Xander, AJ... yet we don't question the difference, we just instinctively understand it's a preference.
My girlfriend wants to marry me and it's breaking my heart.
Why?
Because I'm already married in a poly relationship.
Wait so you girlfriend does not know it's a poly relationship?
No, she does. She's just going through a hard relationship moment on her end at this time.
Okay, so my partner is just recently divorced from his years-estranged wife. He does not know if he wants to get married again, but I do. In loving him and being loved by him I found the reason people would want to tie their lives so fully with another's. You are theirs and they are yours.
This bothered me for a long time, and I promise I'm coming to something (that I think might be) relevant to your situation.
I read a book.. where the crawdads sing? I'm pretty sure. Anyhow a line in the book rang true with me, "we are married like wolves and geese are married" and I love that so much.
So, while you cannot marry her in a legal sense, you can be romantic as fuck.
Also! Just thought of this while typing. Do a commitment ceremony, nothing legal obviously but maybe do a cool cultural marriage ceremony like jumping over a broom around a fire or any of the myriad other marriage ceremonies other cultures use.
Anyhow I'm sorry she's having a hard time and I wish you and yours (and theirs (= ) all the very best. I can imagine a poly relationship could be difficult at times but it sounds like you're doing all the right things.
Stay awesome!
Oh that sucks. Good luck to all y’all. Few states are worse to find yourself in than one where what’s normally exactly right for you is only almost when you’re stressed
Any one of you could die today and I may not even find out, and most likely won't care.
I should clarify that I can't tell my loved ones this because it's not true. No offense, but I don't know you and don't expect you to feel any different about me.
I'll likely retire before my parents, aunts and uncles. I won't tell them, I"ll just stop working and if they ask, I will say I'm an investment manager. Boomers and Gen X were shit with their finances, I guess.
"I'm not interested in entertaining your whacky mentally Ill monkey bullshit. I don't care what shakespearean sob story you've spun for yourself to justify your poor self control. You are a grown ass adult, stop using a few traumatic life events that happened decades ago to excuse your current shitty actions.
My immediate loved ones are the only people I really really really try to have empathy for and forgive them for their poor self control and lack of trying to even consider improving themselves. Everyone else who tries to spin me their sob story for why they act like pieces of shit can get bent.
I don’t think I care for a significant portion of y’all.
Like on the whole you’re fine, but you’re no my loved ones ya know
I love you but being close to you is not good for my mental health and I am struggling through life right now and cannot spare the time or energy for your drama or mental illness.
I don't drink sugar in my coffee anymore
I hide things about my hobbies from my wife. It's not because she'd disapprove, it's because sometimes I just don't want anyone's opinion about what I'm doing/making.
I will not tell my wife and parents that when they go (my wife is older than me) that I will have nothing to live for so I will check out myself. I came to this decision a couple of years ago and am happy.
My father wasn't a bad man, but if he wanted me to miss him he should have lived his life differently.
I'm trans
Hi Trans, I'm Dad!
There'll be loved ones to tell someday.
Well I love you and I'm proud of you for being you (=
Well that’s a shame. They oughta be folks you can be yourself around
Mom here. I'm proud of you. 💖
Your drinking is ruining our relationship, and your relationships with your grandkids.
I have a good relationship with my dad now but that wasn't always the case. It's too long a story for this comment but I've confronted him a few times over the years about various things. On one such occasion, he said something to the effect of, "Why don't my kids ever want anything to do with me?"
I said, " I love you Dad, but you're an angry dick about everything and you always have been. Would you want to spend time with your dad if he was like that?" His dad was exactly like that. He didn't say anything but I knew I struck a nerve. He's worked on himself a lot and is a much, much better grandpa than he was a father.
I don't know your situation and you can't change your family members behavior. That's on them. But sometimes it's ok to let them know what their behavior is doing to everyone else around them. They may not understand that. And if they do and just don't care, then they'll have to deal with the consequences.
That's great advice, thank you. I'll have to relay it to my sister since she's the one actually dealing with it since I moved out of state like 20 years ago and rarely go home. Maybe we'll have to gang up on him/have an intervention. It's just hard to catch his ass sober.
I could tell them I get wasted every Friday and no one would bat an eye...but my mom would have a heart attack if she found out I've ever been in the same room with marijuana. I'm in my 30s. Some things are better left as secrets
The devil's lettuce!
JAZZZZZ CIGARETTES
Electric cabbage
The ironic part is that her favorite relative outside of our immediate family is my cousin who I learned - to no surprise of my own - smokes a TON of weed.
I have no reason to hide it from my dad but...what's the point? Even if he doesn't tell my mom, we're not gonna share a joint or anything
I can’t feel empathy and the only reason why I am sad when you are sad is because I’ve learned that faking it makes you happier.
So you do something for no reason for the benefit of someone who is suffering while you are not suffering? How empathetic lmao
Wouldn't that just be sympathy?
Trivial distinction. they recognize someone is hurting. who started this whole symp/emp divide? it literally never comes up in counseling school
That's exactly what I thought.. it's just empathy with extra steps?
Manual empathy
Not for no reason, for the good of the other person is the reason.
That's not empathy, it's altruism.
Dexter
"hit me up on Grindr for some good bussy."
I tried to kill myself. Twice. I would either have to deal with my old man's shit or break my mom's heart, neither of which I could tolerate.
I'm sorry you were in that position, and I hope you're doing much better now?
I'm glad you're still here, yes, you will break your parents heart.
I've known too many young men that took their own life, and the aftermath is life changing for the entire family and friends, but mainly the family.
I hope you're doing well, and whoever you are, you're in my thoughts
Stay strong. 🤗 . I hope you are keeping well
That I'm not doing as well as I thought I might be doing.
They're buried at 51° 23' 3.0372'' N 2° 21' 47.9916'' W
In the middle of this street? https://www.google.com/maps/place/51%C2%B023'03.0%22N+2%C2%B021'48.0%22W/
Should someone look into this?
eh it leads to the middle of Gay st., Bath UK. So likely troll location like when people point to the white house in similar context.
::: spoiler spoiler or maybe that's what they want you to believe. Dun Dun DUNNNN!! :::
Nah, I just told the family that Hammy had to go and live on a farm :(
It's a street in Bath in the UK, 39 Gay St https://maps.app.goo.gl/hv8AjxTcnJyVqetb6
Nice try, Honey!
I am choosing between living with them and homelessness. Otherwise, I would be anywhere else.
That's harsh man, that must feel awful.
One specific family member, hope that's okay. But I could never tell my mom about when I was molested on a work trip with her ex-partners company. One of the families took in troubled boys and I woke up in the cabin with him in my bed. Hands in my clothes and drunk as hell. I beat him so bad. One of the other actual children of employees woke up and helped pull me off him and got him out of there. We never talked about it. I don't know what he(the helper) knew at the time. What I do know is if I ever tell my mother this she will drive and she will one hundred percent kill the people who brought that monster into my life. And I love her too much to put her through that (both having to hear it, and the murder, and the subsequent jail time).
That sounds terrible. I hope you are doing ok now.
It was, but I am actually doing really well now, generally. Stable and supportive partner. Love and joy on the daily!
Have some health issues but I feel like who doesn't these days? It does make having friends a struggle but I have a lot of.. acquaintances and small relationships can be fulfilling, in their own way.
Generally great relationships with my family, minus several humans who have been downgraded to biological associates.
On the whole pretty excellent and like to think I'm doing as well for those around me as I can despite my limitations.
Sorry, unsuspecting victims, for the wall of text, the word vomit needed out, I suppose.
I don't want to be around you.
I wouldn't tell my loved one that because I DO want to be around her.
The skin you have in your lips is the same type of skin in your butthole. You are welcome
That’s why they’re so chapped then
You're all annoying, some a lot more than others.
Swear words. (Young kids around)
Edit: mi spelin knough gud
Who's Yong?
I'm genuinely struggling to think of anything. I don't have a lot of loved ones but define them with the criteria "I can be my true self around them".
I have definitely lost loved ones because they couldn't come to terms with who I am (pansexual). Many people hate you for being bi, let alone pan. My sympathies to all those who have to hide, have been there. I've lived in rough places where I couldn't even allow a smidgeon of my true self to emerge, and it kills the soul.
I don't mean to be offensive, but what is the difference between bi and pan? It always seemed a meaningless term because bi already covers basically everything.
Not the person you were asking, but I can provide an answer. Pansexual generally means attraction to people regardless of gender - sort of gender blind. A bi person (like me) might find that the attraction they experience to different genders is shaped differently, qualitatively — or the magnitude of attraction may be different — like if you were a 1 on the Kinsey scale, which means "predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual". Someone who's pan is more likely to be a 3 on the Kinsey scale, but also, it's possible to be bi and a 3, and that's subtly different.
There aren't set rules on this, it mostly comes down to what terms resonate with people. I'm someone to whom pansexual as a label could apply, but I identify as bisexual because that was the word that made me go "wait, this is a thing that's possible?". The terms people use are often rooted in history, personal or otherwise.
It's trickier to explain the lexical niche when I myself am not pan. It's like if you're working on a project and have someone passing you tools, and you reach a step that needs a particular spanner, of which you have two. You ask for one of those spanners, but despite it fitting many of your requirements on paper, it isn't quite right for what you're trying to do. You try the other spanner and it's perfect. Keeping both spanners is probably useful because on simple jobs, they are interchangeable, but when getting into nuanced, complex situations, having the choice is useful.
By this, I mean that I have also had the thought that "[Pansexual] seemed a meaningless term because bi already covers basically everything", but when you're talking to someone about different spanners and they say "that one isn't the same as that one. I need the other one", it's generally wisest to assume that this person has some insight that you don't have on these spanners, or their particular use cases — who am I to tell people what tools are most useful for them, after all? Like a lot of identity stuff, it's hard to explain, but it matters a lot to some people.
I'm pan as well, and I saw a funny video that that helps explain it to people who ask.
Bi: "Fuck you, and fuck you too"
Pan: "Fuck everyone"
what the other guy said. it's different for everyone. But some part of me identifying as bi not as pan is also self-reflective. It's because it's the term I want. Like how someone can be Alexander, Alex, Al, Xander, AJ... yet we don't question the difference, we just instinctively understand it's a preference.
My girlfriend wants to marry me and it's breaking my heart.
Why?
Because I'm already married in a poly relationship.
Wait so you girlfriend does not know it's a poly relationship?
No, she does. She's just going through a hard relationship moment on her end at this time.
Okay, so my partner is just recently divorced from his years-estranged wife. He does not know if he wants to get married again, but I do. In loving him and being loved by him I found the reason people would want to tie their lives so fully with another's. You are theirs and they are yours.
This bothered me for a long time, and I promise I'm coming to something (that I think might be) relevant to your situation.
I read a book.. where the crawdads sing? I'm pretty sure. Anyhow a line in the book rang true with me, "we are married like wolves and geese are married" and I love that so much.
So, while you cannot marry her in a legal sense, you can be romantic as fuck.
Also! Just thought of this while typing. Do a commitment ceremony, nothing legal obviously but maybe do a cool cultural marriage ceremony like jumping over a broom around a fire or any of the myriad other marriage ceremonies other cultures use.
Anyhow I'm sorry she's having a hard time and I wish you and yours (and theirs (= ) all the very best. I can imagine a poly relationship could be difficult at times but it sounds like you're doing all the right things.
Stay awesome!
Oh that sucks. Good luck to all y’all. Few states are worse to find yourself in than one where what’s normally exactly right for you is only almost when you’re stressed
Any one of you could die today and I may not even find out, and most likely won't care.
I should clarify that I can't tell my loved ones this because it's not true. No offense, but I don't know you and don't expect you to feel any different about me.
I'll likely retire before my parents, aunts and uncles. I won't tell them, I"ll just stop working and if they ask, I will say I'm an investment manager. Boomers and Gen X were shit with their finances, I guess.
"I'm not interested in entertaining your whacky mentally Ill monkey bullshit. I don't care what shakespearean sob story you've spun for yourself to justify your poor self control. You are a grown ass adult, stop using a few traumatic life events that happened decades ago to excuse your current shitty actions.
My immediate loved ones are the only people I really really really try to have empathy for and forgive them for their poor self control and lack of trying to even consider improving themselves. Everyone else who tries to spin me their sob story for why they act like pieces of shit can get bent.
I don’t think I care for a significant portion of y’all.
Like on the whole you’re fine, but you’re no my loved ones ya know
I love you but being close to you is not good for my mental health and I am struggling through life right now and cannot spare the time or energy for your drama or mental illness.
I don't drink sugar in my coffee anymore
I hide things about my hobbies from my wife. It's not because she'd disapprove, it's because sometimes I just don't want anyone's opinion about what I'm doing/making.
I will not tell my wife and parents that when they go (my wife is older than me) that I will have nothing to live for so I will check out myself. I came to this decision a couple of years ago and am happy.
My father wasn't a bad man, but if he wanted me to miss him he should have lived his life differently.