You end up with a genie begging you to make a wish every waking moment of your life, ala "three thousand years of longing"
Depends if there is a scientist across the street.
I'd get a team of the best lawyers I could find to sit down with the genie and me to hash out a lengthy contract devoiding any intentional curse and put in a hefty monetary incentive for the lawyers to get it right, as well as punishment clauses for breaking it, then wish that the genie had to unwaveringly abide by that contract. That way, if he makes me suffer he has to suffer too or redo my request to my satisfaction.
Then I'd probably write in a steady, better than average and reasonably liveable income without having to work for it for the rest of my natural life.
Pretty sure I saw this concept in an early episode of fairly odd parents.
Genies are not considered humans and thus cannot enter into a legal agreement. Courts find your contract null and void and the Genie still gets always with screwing up your wish.
If my wish is for the genie to abide by the contract, then the thing holding him accountable is his own magic, not a human or court. The lawyers aren't there to follow the law, they're there to see that the contract is logistically sound.
If a genie cannot be beholden to his own magic, then there's really no point in expecting any kind of wish to be free of a curse anyway because he's just going to do whatever he wants regardless of what you wish for.
because he’s just going to do whatever he wants regardless of what you wish for.
ding, ding ding and there in lies the inherent issue with genies. People only think they’re doing what you wish. Their goal is to creatively screw you over.
I mean sure, but assuming that he doesn't have to abide by the wish in question in any way pretty much voids the point of this entire post right?
At this point in the argument, on your logic, the post itself might as well be "Make a wish, it doesn't matter what. A malevolent genie is going to arbitrarily screw you"
So then what's the point?
This is a fascinating world building question. Genies are supposed to be magical, extremely powerful beings, but they only become interesting when bound by rules - either set by the limitations of the world, or of their magic.
A "fuck you I do what I want" genie isn't interesting because there's nothing to figure out in the context of the world the genie inhabits. And that world's context and structure ultimately dictates what makes sense to an audience, and what seems jarring or out of place.
The way a genie fulfills wishes and how it tries to worm out of it can tell you much of the fictional world it inhabits!
This is exactly my point. The genie, and by extension this post, isn't interesting unless the genie is bound by his own magic somehow. So why assume he is not?
I don’t know why people wish for money rather than immortality. Compounding interests baby!
There are far too many ways for an immortality wish to make your life hell in ways that a money wish uh, wishes it could.
That’s the secret; if all wishes can be cursed, all wishes can be cursed with an immortal hell.
Enjoy living to see the heat death of the universe in 10^100 years or so.
Immortality has its own set of complications. Like seeing everyone you love die. Out living the earth, solar system. Being stuck for eternity in the heat death of the universe. I mean, I guess a longer life but not immortal might be desirable. Personally, my only wish would be to live comfortably.
“In the way that I hope for, and in the way that I expect” should cover it, I think
there is no intentional curse but making you immortal is what the average human wishes for. Genie argues that it's truly a bonus. You live a normal natural life, but instead of dying, you keep living. The money stops, and you live forever. Having to return to work after not working your entire life.
I wish the genie is so bad at curses that everyone always enjoys being cursed by them.
Granted. You’re now a masochist.
Sure, that works. Curse me harder, daddy. Because of you, I like it.
Granted. But you didn't wish anything for yourself so nothing happens to you or for you. The next person to meet the genie enjoys the outcome of their wish.
I would wish for a better genie.
A genie emerges that's even better at cursing your whish
A genie emerges from the lamp, and promises to try to curse you less
Darn, I thought I nailed that one.
Hm, sound like abuse of power to me. I'd wish for the genie to lose the ability to grant wishes. It needs to be cursed though, so I'd have to help with that.
Since it can still offer wishes, just not grant them... I'd help it learn to code. It could have a bright future as the CTO of a tech startup in the next hype cycle. I would not invest.
I wonder how many times this has already happened.
Hmm, this gives me a funny idea about a genie that is freed from his lamp, grants the three wishes, then has to figure out what to do now.
So he decides to become a programmer at some FinTech company.
Call it "Cubicle Genie."
Programmer? Nah, programmers have to deliver.
If they have a thousand years of experience promising any wish granted, but no ability to follow through on that promise? They'd be wasted as a programmer. They should be made executive leadership. CTO at least. Maybe CEO.
Although maybe they'd make more by handling investor relations on contract -- e.g. paid a % by seed or Series A investors to handle fundraising in later rounds. Private equity is pretty screwed up these days :(
Whatever bad thing happens to me, the same will happen to the genie twice.
I just hope he's not a masochist.
Considering the high probability the djinn has spent centuries locked inside a small vessel, completely alone, the chances roll towards harboring sadistic wishes of revenge.
I would want to go in with him to keep him company.
The genie's freedom!
The genie is now free to curse you and others without bothering with the wishing part - and does. Constantly.
Teen suicide rate multiplies after the police destroy youth culture with constant surveillance.
I see at least three catches here, and all of them taken from the basic guide
Good doesn't mean "humane".
Lawful doesn't mean "thoughtful".
A demon that follows an moral code of conduct that is immoral by our standards is still canonically lawlful good by theirs. The nature of a fervorous Paladin is a matter of perspective.
Lawful nor Good mean "non-violent".
I don't need to explain this part. A Paladin is... Sometimes less a matter of perspective.
As an example, in the Movie Rabbit Proof Fence, the villain is a British Guy who falls, by his perspective, Lawfully Good. For reference, the movie starts with him doing a presentation on Eugenics and how he can save the "aboriginal people" through race mixing. Him mandating the two girls kidnapped from their village was entirely lawful. He really thinks he's doing good and he does not at any point play dirty with those close to him to get what he wants. His biggest issue was being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people, with the wrong amount of scrupulosity.
I don't know how, but you probably did more damage here than even some other more aggressive responses. I think you just indirectly turned every government inherently authoritarian, albeit with society still functional. Because the lawmakers everywhere will catch on to how the cops function, and any semblance of progressive thought would soon stop developing.
"I wish for whatever I would get if an alternate version of me who were much smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more loving, less selfish, much less short sighted, much more creative and much more prepared to word the perfect wish, WHILE STILL BEING ME with my values, goals, principles and desires were making a wish from an alternate version of YOU who tries to bless wishes, instead of cursing them."
(also, I know how to fuck this one up)
Granted. You get nothing. The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else's health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself. Also, your curse is to know with certainty that not only are you not this superior version of yourself, but you've proven by your inherently selfish wish that you will never be that person.
The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else’s health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself.
That's why I specified "still me, with my goals, values, etc." I KNOW myself and this wouldn't happen.
What WOULD happen is "You get a machine you cannot understand. You spend days / weeks / years trying to get it to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, but it never does. Then, one day, after wasting countless hours of your life, you get it to turn on and it immediately causes before spinning out of control and tearing itself apart."
Oh, you want your interpretation where they have your exact same desires? Granted. That alternative version made the exact same wish you did. It's selfish all the way down, so there is no version where someone made a more concrete wish and you still get nothing.
You can't have it both ways. You can't have someone who is incredibly different but also exactly the same. It's a contradiction.
Oh, and your curse isn't what would happen. It's just a bad fanfic plot device.
I wouldn't wish. Shit always goes bad. Best cass scenario I learn a "valuable lesson" through some kinda hackneyed adventure. In the worst case scenario I'm cursed for eternity or some shit
Good luck. Even twisted, Good fortune is always a boon worth having.
Different genie
You get a different genie who doesn't grant any wishes.
I wish for a new genie that grants wishes successfully but never tries or succeeds in cursing my wishes.
Granted. You didn't specify where, so it exists somewhere within the universe.
I wish you were made out of cotton candy.
It's poisoned cotton candy.
I wish for all of the intentions I have which will positively affect me and others will come to fruition without effort.
None of your intentions that benefit you alone (playing a video game, satisfying a food craving) come to fruition anymore. Your other intentions that benefit at least one other person cause maximum harm to others as well. You basically just wished yourself an unending variation of "the monkey's paw"
Damn, broke me with an and/or issue.
I like this one
Strangely I've had this shower thought a lot. I've mulled over how I would make my one wish to a genie many times. Which is pretty dumb when I think about it. I could have been reading shampoo bottles!
Same. I think that the best thing one can wish for is a way to learn things you want to learn as fast as you want to learn it, whether that thing be knowledge, or a skill, or a power (supernatural or not), with the immediate option to unlearn that thing, should any ill effects or undesirable outcomes occur.
That way, your potential is essentially infinite, but not ludicrously so such that the world gets boring, and that any changes are not sudden or dramatic.
Ok so I wish for the worst curse the genie can dish out and then what?
The twist is he follows your instructions unaltered
I don't wish for anything right away. I bring that damn lamp to the best lawyer I can find and have him draft up a bulletproof wish that goes to extreme lengths to specify exactly what I want and how I want it, while specifically excluding anything contrary to those interests, and has enforcement of my interests built in.
The turkey is a little dry.
Another X wishes, X > 1.
You get X cards wishing you a happy birthday. No, they don't have money
Nothing. I've read enough Monkey's Paw stories to know this is a bad idea.
Poof, you now have nothing
That's still a step up for some people
We've also got a growing community for these: !monkeyspaw@sopuli.xyz
You end up with a genie begging you to make a wish every waking moment of your life, ala "three thousand years of longing"
Depends if there is a scientist across the street.
I'd get a team of the best lawyers I could find to sit down with the genie and me to hash out a lengthy contract devoiding any intentional curse and put in a hefty monetary incentive for the lawyers to get it right, as well as punishment clauses for breaking it, then wish that the genie had to unwaveringly abide by that contract. That way, if he makes me suffer he has to suffer too or redo my request to my satisfaction.
Then I'd probably write in a steady, better than average and reasonably liveable income without having to work for it for the rest of my natural life.
Pretty sure I saw this concept in an early episode of fairly odd parents.
Genies are not considered humans and thus cannot enter into a legal agreement. Courts find your contract null and void and the Genie still gets always with screwing up your wish.
If my wish is for the genie to abide by the contract, then the thing holding him accountable is his own magic, not a human or court. The lawyers aren't there to follow the law, they're there to see that the contract is logistically sound.
If a genie cannot be beholden to his own magic, then there's really no point in expecting any kind of wish to be free of a curse anyway because he's just going to do whatever he wants regardless of what you wish for.
ding, ding ding and there in lies the inherent issue with genies. People only think they’re doing what you wish. Their goal is to creatively screw you over.
I mean sure, but assuming that he doesn't have to abide by the wish in question in any way pretty much voids the point of this entire post right?
At this point in the argument, on your logic, the post itself might as well be "Make a wish, it doesn't matter what. A malevolent genie is going to arbitrarily screw you"
So then what's the point?
This is a fascinating world building question. Genies are supposed to be magical, extremely powerful beings, but they only become interesting when bound by rules - either set by the limitations of the world, or of their magic.
A "fuck you I do what I want" genie isn't interesting because there's nothing to figure out in the context of the world the genie inhabits. And that world's context and structure ultimately dictates what makes sense to an audience, and what seems jarring or out of place.
The way a genie fulfills wishes and how it tries to worm out of it can tell you much of the fictional world it inhabits!
This is exactly my point. The genie, and by extension this post, isn't interesting unless the genie is bound by his own magic somehow. So why assume he is not?
I don’t know why people wish for money rather than immortality. Compounding interests baby!
There are far too many ways for an immortality wish to make your life hell in ways that a money wish uh, wishes it could.
That’s the secret; if all wishes can be cursed, all wishes can be cursed with an immortal hell.
Enjoy living to see the heat death of the universe in 10^100 years or so.
Immortality has its own set of complications. Like seeing everyone you love die. Out living the earth, solar system. Being stuck for eternity in the heat death of the universe. I mean, I guess a longer life but not immortal might be desirable. Personally, my only wish would be to live comfortably.
“In the way that I hope for, and in the way that I expect” should cover it, I think
there is no intentional curse but making you immortal is what the average human wishes for. Genie argues that it's truly a bonus. You live a normal natural life, but instead of dying, you keep living. The money stops, and you live forever. Having to return to work after not working your entire life.
I wish the genie is so bad at curses that everyone always enjoys being cursed by them.
Granted. You’re now a masochist.
Sure, that works. Curse me harder, daddy. Because of you, I like it.
Granted. But you didn't wish anything for yourself so nothing happens to you or for you. The next person to meet the genie enjoys the outcome of their wish.
I would wish for a better genie.
A genie emerges that's even better at cursing your whish
A genie emerges from the lamp, and promises to try to curse you less
Darn, I thought I nailed that one.
Hm, sound like abuse of power to me. I'd wish for the genie to lose the ability to grant wishes. It needs to be cursed though, so I'd have to help with that.
Since it can still offer wishes, just not grant them... I'd help it learn to code. It could have a bright future as the CTO of a tech startup in the next hype cycle. I would not invest.
I wonder how many times this has already happened.
Hmm, this gives me a funny idea about a genie that is freed from his lamp, grants the three wishes, then has to figure out what to do now.
So he decides to become a programmer at some FinTech company.
Call it "Cubicle Genie."
Programmer? Nah, programmers have to deliver.
If they have a thousand years of experience promising any wish granted, but no ability to follow through on that promise? They'd be wasted as a programmer. They should be made executive leadership. CTO at least. Maybe CEO.
Although maybe they'd make more by handling investor relations on contract -- e.g. paid a % by seed or Series A investors to handle fundraising in later rounds. Private equity is pretty screwed up these days :(
Whatever bad thing happens to me, the same will happen to the genie twice.
I just hope he's not a masochist.
Considering the high probability the djinn has spent centuries locked inside a small vessel, completely alone, the chances roll towards harboring sadistic wishes of revenge.
I would want to go in with him to keep him company.
The genie's freedom!
The genie is now free to curse you and others without bothering with the wishing part - and does. Constantly.
C'mon Muldur, you can wish for anything
I wish for the genie to have never existed in the first place.
Thanks for the paradox bub.
Wow, just make our reality like that huh
Police to always be lawful good
Teen suicide rate multiplies after the police destroy youth culture with constant surveillance.
I see at least three catches here, and all of them taken from the basic guide
Good doesn't mean "humane".
Lawful doesn't mean "thoughtful".
A demon that follows an moral code of conduct that is immoral by our standards is still canonically lawlful good by theirs. The nature of a fervorous Paladin is a matter of perspective.
I don't need to explain this part. A Paladin is... Sometimes less a matter of perspective.
As an example, in the Movie Rabbit Proof Fence, the villain is a British Guy who falls, by his perspective, Lawfully Good. For reference, the movie starts with him doing a presentation on Eugenics and how he can save the "aboriginal people" through race mixing. Him mandating the two girls kidnapped from their village was entirely lawful. He really thinks he's doing good and he does not at any point play dirty with those close to him to get what he wants. His biggest issue was being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people, with the wrong amount of scrupulosity.
I don't know how, but you probably did more damage here than even some other more aggressive responses. I think you just indirectly turned every government inherently authoritarian, albeit with society still functional. Because the lawmakers everywhere will catch on to how the cops function, and any semblance of progressive thought would soon stop developing.
"I wish for whatever I would get if an alternate version of me who were much smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more loving, less selfish, much less short sighted, much more creative and much more prepared to word the perfect wish, WHILE STILL BEING ME with my values, goals, principles and desires were making a wish from an alternate version of YOU who tries to bless wishes, instead of cursing them."
(also, I know how to fuck this one up)
Granted. You get nothing. The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else's health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself. Also, your curse is to know with certainty that not only are you not this superior version of yourself, but you've proven by your inherently selfish wish that you will never be that person.
That's why I specified "still me, with my goals, values, etc." I KNOW myself and this wouldn't happen.
What WOULD happen is "You get a machine you cannot understand. You spend days / weeks / years trying to get it to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING, but it never does. Then, one day, after wasting countless hours of your life, you get it to turn on and it immediately causes before spinning out of control and tearing itself apart."
Oh, you want your interpretation where they have your exact same desires? Granted. That alternative version made the exact same wish you did. It's selfish all the way down, so there is no version where someone made a more concrete wish and you still get nothing.
You can't have it both ways. You can't have someone who is incredibly different but also exactly the same. It's a contradiction.
Oh, and your curse isn't what would happen. It's just a bad fanfic plot device.
I wouldn't wish. Shit always goes bad. Best cass scenario I learn a "valuable lesson" through some kinda hackneyed adventure. In the worst case scenario I'm cursed for eternity or some shit
Good luck. Even twisted, Good fortune is always a boon worth having.
Different genie
You get a different genie who doesn't grant any wishes.
I wish for a new genie that grants wishes successfully but never tries or succeeds in cursing my wishes.
Granted. You didn't specify where, so it exists somewhere within the universe.
I wish you were made out of cotton candy.
It's poisoned cotton candy.
I wish for all of the intentions I have which will positively affect me and others will come to fruition without effort.
None of your intentions that benefit you alone (playing a video game, satisfying a food craving) come to fruition anymore. Your other intentions that benefit at least one other person cause maximum harm to others as well. You basically just wished yourself an unending variation of "the monkey's paw"
Damn, broke me with an and/or issue.
I like this one
Strangely I've had this shower thought a lot. I've mulled over how I would make my one wish to a genie many times. Which is pretty dumb when I think about it. I could have been reading shampoo bottles!
Same. I think that the best thing one can wish for is a way to learn things you want to learn as fast as you want to learn it, whether that thing be knowledge, or a skill, or a power (supernatural or not), with the immediate option to unlearn that thing, should any ill effects or undesirable outcomes occur.
That way, your potential is essentially infinite, but not ludicrously so such that the world gets boring, and that any changes are not sudden or dramatic.
Ok so I wish for the worst curse the genie can dish out and then what?
The twist is he follows your instructions unaltered
I don't wish for anything right away. I bring that damn lamp to the best lawyer I can find and have him draft up a bulletproof wish that goes to extreme lengths to specify exactly what I want and how I want it, while specifically excluding anything contrary to those interests, and has enforcement of my interests built in.
The turkey is a little dry.
Another X wishes, X > 1.
You get X cards wishing you a happy birthday. No, they don't have money