What movie would have ended at the beginning if the people in it acted like normal people?

callouscomic@lemm.ee to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 82 points –
55

Home Alone.

"Hey, sorry Kevin. Come on, hop in the car."

I think the movie actually did a reasonable job of explaining it. Multiple different households were traveling together, the whole thing was chaotic, a neighbors kid dropped by and was included in the head count, Kevin was on the attic and so out of sight, they were running late, etc.

Air bud. "You guys are insane. Listen. Your team will forfeit every game that dog takes the court."

It's crazy how this became a movie trope. It doesn't say in the rules that a giraffe can't be in the swim team.

28 Weeks Later.

After the opening sequence sets it up and the story proper begins, it only progresses due to repeated, profound stupidity.

“Let’s just run around outside of quarantine during a zombie apocalypse!”

“My wife has been out in Zombieworld for ages and has turned up seemingly unaffected and is being kept under strict quarantine protocols - I should make out with her!”

Seems pretty realistic to me if Covid is anything to go by...

It's completely normal behaviour, it just turns out that normal people are fucking morons.

Crap, you're right. My original question is some fantasy that people aren't idiots.

if I recall correctly, one of Melbourne's major outbreaks was because one of the quarantine security guards was fucking a quarantined patient

As a bonus, I remember watching Walker Texas Ranger with my father in law, amd the amount of times people had their sights on him and didn't shoot him was ridiculous. He'd have died so fast.

He would have reflected the bullets with his abs

Every dragged out rom-com.

"We have a bad misunderstanding about why our relationship sucks!"

"Well, let's sit down and talk it over, okay?"

"Okay"

End.

Normal people talk things over? I would seriously believe that to be the farfetched scenario.

I would watch this movie with so much popcorn.

So you would have a handful of popcorn and the movie would be over.

The Host

„Dump all the formaldehyde down the drain.“

„No that would pollute the water!“

„Oh ok let’s not do that.“

The End.

Alien.

"Waow what the f-!"
"- DON'T KILL IT!"
*kills it* "- Sorry, you were saying?"

Still can't figure why they didn't kill it when they had opportunity. 😬

I was thinking more along the lines of:

We were woken up to check out this signal.

Shine that, let's go home and get paid.

But you know, we're required by law to do so or we forfeit our payment.

OK, so what's the story we all say?

Yeah, nothing there. Must have been a glitch.

OK, let's go home.

To bad both mother and the android were sent to look for the aliens in the first place. The crews main misson was a cover-up

Fight Club and the countless movies like it, which are character-driven and the character is driven by extremely maladjusted desires and behaviors.

"Alright, but isn't that being ableist in Fight Club's case?"

No, if both of the alters acted like normal people, you'd just have an especially weird buddy comedy with none of the conflict of the original movie.

Donnie Darko

oh the weird bunny man who is the dead boyfriend of your sister told you to come out of bed and onto the street?

Nah, bad dream, just stay in bed. Jet engine goes boom, Donnie's buried under, only one other family in another timeline loses a jet engine, story over in 5 minutes...

...unless the story then fixates on the other timeline where a jet engine just vanished off a plane and no one knows where, ah goddamit

Pffft got a pen?

Series:

Sons of anarchy

Heroes

13 reasons why

Terra nova

The 100

Mr. & Mrs Smith

-> pretty much almost every series I've watched

Movies:

All transformers

Almost all FFurious

Definitely all jack sparrows

Even the orig Mr. & Mrs Smith

-> the more I think, the more the list grows

Movies are all about those few moments that throw characters off the "right way," spinning up bunch of placebos with consequences and how characters emerge through all those stronger.

Jesus, I thought this was the other post, "Whats your favorite movie of all time?" and I was judging the shit out of you for this list.

I don't get most of this list. If they only talked to megatron nothing would've happend. These street racers in fast and furious seem like smart level headed people, why do they talk instead of racing cars?

Back to the Future.

A normal Doc Brown wouldn't have invented a time machine.

Lord of the rings

“You know, I have these amazing birds, and we could use them to fly straight to the end of this trilogy.“

Pretty sure the whole reasoning behind the eagles not taking the ring to Mt doom was because of the nazgul. That's why Gandalf had the whole Hobbits sneak into Mordor plan.

Yeah, not understanding that is a consequence of people not reading the source material, because Tolkien definitely explains exactly why the eagles couldn't do that.

On the other hand, I think it's a valid criticism of the movies that, for all the amazing things he did in that trilogy, Peter Jackson failed to explain something minor that turned out to be a lingering issue for some segment of the wider audience that would consume that adaptation.

As an absurdly fervent Tolkien fan, people bringing up the Eagles spikes my blood pressure in a way that cannot be good in the long run.

And get shot out of the sky, hand-delivering the Ring to Sauron.

That would be an interesting start for a completely different saga.

“Ok, so that plan didn’t work. Like, not even a little bit. Now the whole world is on fire, thanks to our genius shortcut. Any plans how we could fix that?“

*begin construction of a large cartoony catapult*

Couple of small issues with that idea: can't hide from the big fiery sauron eye, and nazguls on pteradactyls.

In addition to the flying Nazgûl and what not, the ring could corrupt the proud eagle. They'd just fly off with it and then you have another problem.

Like somehow picking the new ruler of Numenor. Such a weird thing.