I need to survive for 3 days while pooping as much as possible. I can pee as often as I like. It can take up loads of space. What food do I pack?

Greg Clarke@lemmy.ca to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 408 points –

Please don’t ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat a lot.

It doesn't need to be something I can easily find.

105

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Get a box of cornbread mix. Dump it in a bowl. Add milk. Stir and then consume with a spoon. If you want some violence to your shits then mix a considerable amount of crushed red pepper before the milk while it's still a dry powder. The milk will help dull the impact of the CRP as you're eating it but not as it's passing, and passing fast.

With this method you should be able to make a load of poop that floats a bit and will pile up above the water line, significantly increasing the stench you leave in the bathroom.

The amateur enhancement is to also slam down a number of Fibercon tablets, but if you want to amp this up to pro-level defecation then go look in the supplements section for some stuff called "chitosan". It's like ground up shrimp and crustacean shell, and it bonds to fats so instead of being absorbed they pass through you. That plus a bunch of fatty stuff from other suggestions you'll be receiving will take your adventure to the next level. This plus swapping in heavy whipping cream for the cornbread concoction then you'll probably have bowel movements so horrible you'll have to register them with some kind of government agency.

Good luck and may your toilet paper be the good stuff.

Oh wow, a topic for which I'm somewhat of an expert.

Yeah this reads as fairly sarcastic, but your advice is extremely specific.

I am thinking you know your shit.

Question: what kind of absolute hell would I go through if I did all of this after not pooping for 3 days?

Bonus: how bad would this be if I was actively constipated?

And a new lemmy/kbin specific meme is born. O glorious day!

Some people say we can't have nice things.

Those people don't read this thread lol.

Stover's Chocolates made with stevia. Eat 1 pound over a day or so. Tried and true formula.

This! What is up with that candy?

It's the stevia, it's a sweetener but also a laxative. There's a certain brand of soda that uses stevia as its sweetener also and will have the same effect.

Then you could just eat the stevia to save on money and calories

Stage 1:

  • 3 bunches of bananas, 2 lbs cooked rice, 1 loaf of white bread (toasted)

Stage 2:

  • 1 gallon of liquid laxative
  • 1 gallon of franks red hot
  • a 3 gallon bucket
  • a ladle

consume stage 1 & wait 3 hours. consume stage 2. repeat as necessary

GOOD advice to preserve 1 gallon of space in the bucket. Proper ladle size for this application will require large displacement.

I have a good option here: Dairy.

Basically, your body can only produce so much Lactase (the thing that breaks down Lactose) at a time. Lactose intolerant people barely produce any Lactase, which is why eating a tiny bit of cheese is OK for them, but they'll explosively shit themselves if they have a glass of milk.

Anyways, you have a lactase limit, time to find it. An added bonus of this strategy is that your options are a bit more varied: You can load up on cheeses, milkshakes, cream puffs, cheesecake. Regular old milk has the most lactose though, so if you want to shit yourself plentifully and violently, bring a ton of that (and whatever other foods you want, the milk will do the work here). Just don't try and chug a whole gallon of milk in under 20 minutes, you'll vomit because it will dilute your stomach acid until instead of digesting it, it'll curdle in your stomach.

Eat the milk with some Kellogg's All-Bran buds. They're like 60% fiber by weight.

So uhh, step one: get cholera (it lives on shellfish, and plankton do with this what you will, lick some shells or something)
Step two: ingest cholera
Step three: try not to die

I was here for the first lemmy meme

The funny thing is, because lemmy is so small basicly everybody instantly knows whats going on

I too had to go on a trip with people I hate

Not said yet but just some salt dissolved in water. I remember not pooping for a week coming out of a hospital stay that had me on morphine. Tried the stool softeners and such. But lemme tell you. An 8oz glass of warm water with a teaspoon of salt and 30 minutes later it was go time. When I say go time I mean be ready, when it hits there will be no delaying it.

Lol nice. The answer is milkshakes and spicy chilli dogs

Commenting to show that I was here for the first Lemmy moment.

Have you heard of the establishment known as Taco Bell? It should check all of your boxes.

does taco bell really make people shit all that much? i feel like i have never noticed such an effect...

I think it depends on the person. I’m usually fine with it but I know people who would be out of commission for two days after a single Doritos locos taco.

You need nuts/seeds. Peanuts, sunflower seeds, almonds, walnuts, pistachios. Any high fiber nut and seed will do. If you can get it in bulk, the better. Like 10lbs should last you for well beyond 10 days. But if you need to shit your brains out, well, uh. There it is.

If you have any preparation time, then Psyllium husk (sold as metamucil for one brand example) with lots of water. This would win on sheer volume, HOWEVER, if you take too much then constipation.

Half a spoonful a day with at least 2 cups of water

Come over. I'm sure I can cook you some diarrhea-inducing food. It'll be spicy as hell, so sweating and peeing gets sorted too. And I'm sure it's not going to be easy to find.

Why are there so many experts on this topic.

This just proves the point there are a lot of people full of shit?

Is this the first Lemmy legend story, like the jolly rancher one is for Reddit?

Not what I was expecting in my feed, not going to lie. But I think as strange as this question is, it bodes well for original content on Lemmy... unfortunately.

That being said anything with a laxative effect should do the trick. For lots of pooping and sweating you could go with the sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon.

This is cheating, that stuff doesn't count as food.

I had some sugar-free gelatin once, ate the whole bowl in one shot. Turns out it was sweetened with sugar alcohols which is similar to what's in those gummies and the results were notable. That's the secret ingredient, sugar alcohol. Monk fruit sugar has it too and a few spoons of that and you'll have stories to tell.

What you need is medication, not food.

Get a bunch of laxatives, stool softener (if you need it juicy) and even some lactaose and senna if you're real keen.

Then eat a shitload of greasy food and you're set.

leaving a comment for when this thread pops up on some YouTubers history of Lemmy video

Kiwis Red pepper flakes Spinach Water

You can add these to a blender to help digest even faster.

You can also pick up some high fiber cereal.

But yeah I think your stomach is not going to be happy.

I hear MCT oil is wonderful for nearly uncontrollable pooping. That, and bring lots of "sugar free" candy.

So,... to pass your D-test... :D... Laxative in recommended doses, liver and kidney purifier as Uroperine (again, recommended doses), and gallons of water ;-)

Omg. I love Lemmy already. This is the hardest I’ve laughed at a post in a long time. Bravo.

Low effort memes. It was good while it lasted, the one thing I do not miss from Reddit

Drink a can of sauerkraut juice and within a couple hours there will be nothing solid left in your body. Repeat a couple times a day, I guess?

I'm sure I saw exactly this question posted elsewhere yesterday...

Again this post? I mean of course you are doing the opposite version, the original one asked what to take in order Not to Poop over those 3 days but damn. Is this a new meme or shitposting trend?