Lesbians of lemmy, how do you introduce your SO to other people without getting them confused for just a friend?

catsup@lemmy.one to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 67 points –

Since a lot of women have started to call their female friends "girlfriends", I have to wonder how women with actual girlfriends have been dealing with this lol

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I'm neither a lesbian nor a woman but the word "partner" is pretty universally understood.

Unless they work as a policewoman.

They could also be in business together. Or cowboys.

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I use that to refer to business partners and people have been confused by it.

let them be confused. does one supercede the other?

The point of speaking is to express an idea clearly to listeners. So, since this usage of 'partner' to mean the other person in a romantic relationship has become popular, to be specific I say 'business partner'.

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Yeah I thought about that one too, but it feels too broad of a term. Partner could be used to refer to a work colleague. And I'd feel really tempted to add "in crime" at the end lol

work on a cook line in a restaurant. gain a little trust, might get a partner or several.

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"This is Jane, we're fucking."

Right now?

I clearly don't know how being a lesbian works.

Someone once introduced their gf literally saying "We are in a relationship" - it's sounds awkward/clunky but I didn't even notice that, it didn't make me think for a moment, its precise, short, and above all clear. I appreciate direct communication way more than 'what sounds nice'.

Can't get nore direct than that 🤣🤣🤣.

"Fucking" is pounding penis into vagina, so I don't think that's something lesbians do.

“This is my wife” works real well

For my girlfriend, I mostly just correct people if they’re mistaken. “Oh we’re more than just friends” type statements.

Also fuck is the platonic use of girlfriend back? Dammit

Yeah, hate to break it to you, but it isn't even just women/girls using it for platonic friends. Men/boys are too.

Not too surprisingly, that hasn't happened with boyfriend that I've run across. Which is kinda fucked up when you consider what the difference in usage represents.

My grandma talks like that but in my area in my generation it’s generally understood that [gender]friend is romantic and friend isn’t. If gender is relevant it’s “the [genders]”

That terminology is incredibly frustrating as a lesbian. Especially since it’s regularly used alongside calling my wife my friend despite me repeatedly referring to her as my wife

I understand why this is frustrating and am not trying to take that from you, but thought you'd enjoy knowing that the last old lady who I confronted about calling my girlfriend as my girlfriend (in the platonic sense) was genuinely confused about my irritation, since "isn't that the best part of having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend? That they're also your best friend? I always thought you two really got that part right."

It's some arethestraightsokay stuff (and happened in like 2004) but I thought it might give you a smile.

I heard that violently frenching in front of them would clear any misunderstanding, nuance or misinterpretation.

"Nope, Mildred, those ain't gals pals, for sure"

Unfortunately it will just get us sexually harassed or disowned depending on the audience

Does a casual "nice" count as sexual harassment?

It definitely will make me feel uncomfortable shoeing romantic affection towards my partner in front of you in the future

Thanks for the input, honestly didnt expect a serious response.

I asked because my family is really weird. We're very... open? Sexual jokes are very common 'round these parts

Yeah there are people who can pull it off, but because many men fetishize sapphicism it’s uncomfortable in general, especially since men do absolutely nothing for me and I’ve had guys get really brazen with hitting on me when they see me do gay stuff.

So yeah if there’s no doubt in my mind it’s a “get it girl” style nice, I’m cool with it but that’s a hard bar to cross.

Hm... so she calls you her wife as well, correct 🤔?

“This person is my lover Karen”

Just introduce them as your partner. Lesbians are so habitually entrenched in hiding their sexuality.

I have so many pairs of “friends” come in appliance shopping. Gay men come in, it’s “This is my husband Mike”. Gay women come in and it’s like “This is my friend Paula. She helps me pick out appliances and definitely doesn’t live with me”.

I don’t pry, because I’m just selling appliances. But it’s pretty obvious.

"Started?" Here in Tennessee we never stopped calling each other girlfriend.

But as others said, "Partner." I use it to talk about my boyfriend (since I'm a well-known demi person locally and the sex of whoever I'm with can be a massive question mark.)

Was gonna say, women calling each other "girlfriend" when they are in fact simply friends and not dating isn't something new at all.

Since a lot of women have started to call their female friends "girlfriends"

This isn't really a new thing, though... Is it? Or did I miss the era where we didn't use "girlfriend" - at least sometimes - when talking about a female friend?

Yeah my 70 yo aunt has had platonic “girlfriends” for at least 30 years

Oh damn, I thought it was a more recent thing

I can tell you’re young because 30 years doesn’t seem recent to you.

When I hear of a 70-year-old woman who’s been doing something for the last 30 years, I read that as a recent cultural change happened.

Since a lot of women have started to call their female friends “girlfriends

That was the original meaning of the word before it ever had romantic connotations.

From Wikipedia...

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the earliest meaning of the word "girlfriend", from 1859 on, was to designate "a female friend; esp. a woman's close female friend". In the late 1800s, it took on the meaning of "A female with whom a person has a romantic or sexual relationship".

The new way of referring to your SO is “partner”.

So I guess like that?

This, I still use girlfriend interchangeably for both and it absolutely creates confusion.

I've run into this a few times talking about my Sisters partner.

I just call him her husband now.

Back before we had marriage equality, Partner became the universal even for husbands and wives, because it's more inclusive.

Now we've got it, but partner just seems to have stuck.

Lots of handholding and kissing when introducing them?

But isn't that something girls do as... just gals being pals?

partner is a brilliant word about to made meaningless, apparently, so, love you all, friends, buddies, girlies, girlfriends, boyfriends, beards, compatriots and fellow travelers, fuck i''m old I forgot a few dozen thousand.

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I'm not a lesbian, but I'd probably just say girlfriend and expect people to be able to understand context.

I don't know if it's just a local slang, but most straight girls I know will refer to their close female friends as girlfriends.

Tell everyone that we livk each other's clits three times a day and show them our promise rings.