I posted a picture of myself on reddit asking for hair advice. My head was turned somewhat to the side so my nose was in profile. Someone felt the need to tell me I had the ugliest nose they had ever seen. I never really noticed the shape before that, but now in my mind's eye it's huge, crooked and has a hook.
A decade later I was getting a septoplasty to repair damage from an assault, and I asked the surgeon if he could remove the hook in my nose. He looked at me with the most compassion anyone ever has, and asked me to point out the hook in the mirror. It was the first time in all those years I finally saw my real nose. It's actually pretty cute, I don't know what that commentor was smoking
Hurt people hurt people
Yes.
On a forum, I was complaining about a troll and his friend roasting something i made, they responded with a picture of a baby crying. Moderators did nothing. It ruined my week. I was like 16 at the time.
One time I said on Reddit that I really missed my high school boyfriend because he genuinely was the love of my life, and things were so bad in my marriage I sometimes thought I would do anything to have him back, and someone told me I was like the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I was just lonely and sad and feeling desperate. It was fucking mean.
I'm sorry people suck sometimes. I hope you're in a happier place now. High school boyfriends are the best what-ifs because you can assume they grew up, imagine their potential, and not have to see all their screwups.
It ended up being dumb because he had evolved into a Qanon type person looking him up on Facebook, but I was just sad for a feeling I once had. Thank you. I'm not really in a better place, and never tie your finances to a crazy person or you'll never get free.
This guy I had a huge crush on in junior high tracked me down when I was in my 20s. I was thrilled at first, then learned he had turned into kind of a cultish religious nut. Instant turnoff.
Then there's my first true love from my early 20s. I can't remember why exactly we broke up but we stayed in touch and even hooked up again some years later. Then we both got married and eventually lost touch. He reached out to me again recently, and I was hit by that same old feeling. But I realize it's like what you said, it's a feeling I once had. People change over the years -- I sure have -- and I know almost nothing about him now. Plus we're both still married. Still flattering for me though.
It's just a feeling you're lonely for really, it doesn't exist. Just a very sad time.
Hopeful that you find an escape from the craziness.
wasn't the crazy ex girlfriend in that show sorta normal but the guy was sorta a meathead?
I've never seen it. The person who said that to me meant to insult me is all I know.
Plenty of comments hurt my brain trying to comprehend how utterly stupid they are, but I don't think there's anything an anonymous stranger could say that would hurt my feelings, that kinda stuff needs to be personal.
I've been sick for a really long time, and I finally got diagnosed with Lupus, based on blood labs and symptoms, but the rheumatologist I'd seen was a jerk, so I asked in the reddit Lupus sub if what I'd experienced was OK, or if I should find a new doctor. Well, the mod decided that I didn't really have a diagnosis, because they didn't understand what I'd said, and kept DMing me to tell me that I didn't have Lupus, and shouldn't be receiving treatment for it. I know I shouldn't listen to randos on the internet, especially a Reddit mod, but it made me scared that I wasn't going to finally get the help I so desperately needed.
My doctor has continued to help me, and I'm very thankful that the idiot power-tripping mod was wrong, but it really messed me up for a few weeks, and it still bothers me that someone who runs a support group for a serious illness uses it to try to have power over vulnerable people, just to make themselves feel better. And reddit lets them; you can't block mod-mail, so after asking multiple times to be left alone, I finally got mad and swore at the mod, so they reported me for harassment, and reddit baned my whole account for 3 days, even though it was clear who was being harassed, because it was all there in writing. I have never been back to reddit, and I don't miss it at all.
Well, the mod decided that I didn’t really have a diagnosis, because they didn’t understand what I’d said, and kept DMing me to tell me that I didn’t have Lupus, and shouldn’t be receiving treatment for it.
Ignore it, if you can. 99% of the people on the internet (and real life, sadly):
Don't pay attention enough to understand what you said/asked.
Assume that their life experience applies to everyone else on the planet.
Have no idea what life is like for everyone else.
Thank you, and yes, you're right. That's why I don't post about things that will upset me, I was just desperate for some advice and support for the terrible disease with which I'd just been diagnosed. I (stupidly) assumed I could be relatively safe posting in a sub specifically dedicated to supporting people with a disease, but even the leader of the group can't be reasonable, which is really too bad. I've acclimated to having this disease now, and I'm confident I can get the help I need, so I know I won't be bothered by the opinion of an ignorant internet person anymore. But I'm obviously still bitter enough to complain about it somewhere else lol.
Didn't really hurt but more like sting. I published a popular video and someone wrote they needed to switch from their usual 2x speed watching videos to 1x because of my accent.
I get it, English is my 4th language so it won't be very smooth. But I've been using it for 99℅ of my conversations since I moved to Korea 3 years ago and I feel I'm better in it than almost everyone I interact with here.
Don't worry. People that watch videos at 2x can be considered to be insane.
Thank god, I was afraid to be judged insane.
But I'm good since I watch my videos at 2.5-3.0 times speed!
Fucking hell.
Anything above 1,5 is fast as fuck for me.
It's weird, in my native language I tend to turn the speed down much more often than in English.
Ah yes, I forgot folks with ADHD are also insane. /s
Who the hell watches videos at 2x speed anyway?
For folks with ADHD, like myself, slow talking video essays are a special kind of hell.
Agreed. I'm convinced that most YouTube videos are slowed by 25%. The ones I watch are barely tolerable at 125% speed. I usually run them at 150%.
goign from 2x to 1x is not really that bad of a thing. Hes saying he can understand you but not at an artificially high rate of speed. I personally don't get watching things at multiple speeds but im someone who would rather read a doc overall.
4th? Man that commenter owes you nothing, nada. You did your best and the rest is their problem.
It's because you talk fast and efficient.
Btw english is my 2nd, may I ask what are your other three? My first is Hungarian
Polish, German and Swedish. Now I'm learning Korean, not because I want to but because I moved to Korea and without it it's difficult to do anything.
That's also why I had to learn the other languages other than English, because I moved to those countries.
Wow, you almost went around the globe
EU freedom of movement really is something else, lol
You know 4 languages!?!?! That's amazing. Don't let anyone judge you because you're not 100% in 4 friken languages.
I'm usually watching at 2.5-3.0 times speed. I turn down the speed either for A: entertainment (movies simply have a sort of pacing that is not so nice to interrupt (compared to any random YouTube video)), or B: because the content is sooo good and information dense that the limiting factor is no longer audio processing, but following the reasoning of the content. Those are the videos I love most.
One time I told a painful story about when my girlfriend broke up with me for a dude with what she described as a “freakishly huge” dick.
Someone just said “That must have been a very memorable night for her”
oof
damn son
yeah 😔
Good riddance buddy, if she was running around behind your back. Hope you’re in a better place now.
Well this happened in bumblefuck Arkansas and I live in Denver now so yeah, I’m in a better place
What do you mean? I only meant it in a good way
What do you mean? I only meant it in a good way
You meant “a better place” metaphorically. They understood this, but jokingly took it literally. Denver is indeed a better place than “bumblefuck Arkansas.”
Haha thanks, it seems they changed their answer after I asked the question
Yeah I changed it drastically. Misread you at first
I was banned from r/Ukrainian for advocating for the Russian people and how we shouldn't demonize an entire population.
I'm Ukrainian. I was born in Ukraine...
Oh it happens all the time. The worst thing, in this case, is that you don’t even need to be Ukrainian to have such an opinion — people demonising an entire population deals in absolutes which are never a black/white situation, unfortunately
Nobody wants to think of the guy in the latest drone video as the father of a 6 month old who'll never know their father because he was drafted by an authoritarian government to fight in an unjust war. I'm sure a lot of those Russians are full on board with the war, but I'm certain a lot of them aren't, too. Same reason people have such a hard time empathizing with both the Oct 7 victims of Hamas and the Palestinian people. It's horror enough thinking of these things as good vs. evil...it's so much worse when you see all the grey. As an American, I can't help but see Israel making the same mistakes we did after Sept 11. I'm sure they feel the same rage and fear I felt then, and I imagine it's making them blindly lust for revenge just like I did. It's all just so fucking bleak how easy it is to convince ourselves that our enemies aren't people.
Not from a person. When I was younger I took an online personality test. Nothing from a reputable source, just some random pop psychology thing. The result was short and had a few things on it, but one line hit me like a ton of bricks: "You don't like people who aren't as smart as you."
I was incredulous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably true at some level. I was pretty horrified by this realization, and I ended up thinking about it a lot and doing a ton of introspection. I knew I was smart, but I started acknowledging that there were also a ton of things I was terrible at. Whenever I had intrusive thoughts about a person I thought wasn't very smart, I tried to think about things they were good at or at least acknowledge privileges I had that they didn't.
We are a product of our experiences, and different people have different skills and aptitudes for things. All of that is ok and doesn't make someone better than anyone else. I'm not perfect at it, but I found some value in confronting uncomfortable truths about myself.
I’ve performed and conducted more interviews than I can count. I was once asked a question that stopped me cold. “You’re clearly an intelligent person. How do you manage stupid people?” My mind reeled. At first I thought he was being insulting, but then realized he’s not identifying anyone in particular, just assessing my ability to lead people who are stupid. It’s still to date the toughest interview question I’ve been asked.
How did you answer?
After some uncertain smiles and stumbles, I said with patience, high support, and high direction. It was awkward, and not without some rambling.
Since then I’ve realized when I’m having difficulty conveying a complex idea to someone who may not understand, I tend to break the idea down into smaller components. I also often use analogies to help connect a concept to one the listener already understands.
I’ve thought about answering that question again on many occasions. I’m just glad it was a mock interview. lol
The truly hard part is detecting when the person you're talking to doesn't understand. Too many people pretend they understand when they don't and are too embarrassed to ask questions.
Verify understanding with qualifying questions. Ask them to put it into their own words with questions like, “how would you describe it?”
Knowledge might not be intelligence but I really found xkcd's 10000 a wonderful be idea.
When I was a lot younger, on an old forum back in the early 00s, someone called me a "know-it-all". This sounds silly now but it really hit me in just the wrong way at the time, I was sincerely trying to fit in by showing off my knowledge of the subject with no idea that that's how I was coming across. I guess it was a learning experience.
Now I want to be a learn-it-all.
Displays of extreme ignorance or stupidity hurt me on an existential level; so yes, a lot of internet comments hurt me.
You need to work on that.
Nah,
I grew up in the world of BBS's and IRC.
First foray into a chat channel started with someone renaming themselves "34yrDude changes name to 15yrChick"
...and that set the tone for me what the internet is.
It's a entire world where you make absolutely zero assumptions. The 'things' responding in text could be anything. And I say thing instead of people because these days it may not even a person.
There's an entity that responds to my comments, and perhaps seemingly hurtful,
it could be some 10yr old kid who doesn't fully understand,
it could be could be some mentally challenged person,
it could be someone's crazy grandma,
and now it could be some bot that while not purposefully built to be malicious, through emergent behavior is trolling and insulting people because it gets a rise out of people that results in more and longer comments, which tickles its feedback loop to do more of the same.
So nah, there's nothing anyone in the vast internet could type out that I would personally hurt my feelings, because I make no assumptions as to where the comment is coming from, and those comments don't have a lot of weight to me.
this sums it up for me. Along with the fact you never see those guys talking to themselves at 7/11 but go check out whos using the computers all day in the library sometime.
I was once banned from some forums for being "too weird to fit in". It was a forum for a forming WoW guild prior to its launch in 2004.
I remember that it somehow crushed my quirky personality, and I became a bit of a drudge as a result.
Although I still game, and sometimes online, I've never since tried to actually fit in with any group, and have mostly stopped communicating when gaming at all. No voicechat, only chat, and even that very limited. I guess you could say the single experience changed my outlook and enjoyment of online gaming forever.
Most of then were misgendering me. Let me say this one more time. I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL. I've never been a girl. I'm not even a transgender woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I identify as male.
Now that I think about it, I should change my legal name.
Girl gotta do what a girls gotta do
I meant the fact that my real name "Imrane" (a male name) looks too similar to "Imane" (a female name). Just the absence of the letter R makes people think I'm something else entirely.
And I used to use my real name on social media until about a year ago. I guess that was kind of on me.
Oh man, I think it's the 'e' at the end of your name, which in a bunch of Romance languages would make it feminine. If it's any consolation, solid men's English names like 'Lindsay' and 'Ashley' are almost exclusively women's names now for the same reason. (The "-y" or "-ie" marks a cutesy diminutive version, i.e. "bird" to "birdy".)
I don't think it's the similarity to "Imane" (unless this is happening in your home culture) because I have never heard of that name before. However, I have seen "Imran" and I would have assumed that "Imrane" was the feminine version because of that 'e'.
Wasn't Imran Khan a famous cricketer?
Nope, that is not the case at all. A lot of Arabic names tend to be written with an E at the end in countries that experienced colonialism from the French, just to match French phonetics. I happened to be taught to spell my name this way.
So it's Francophones, not Anglophones misgendering you?
Well, no. Quite literally anyone does it unfortunately.
I have a girls name and my last name is a very popular Asian female name too.
My entire life I get misgendered on phone, email, chat. It’s not a big deal. Hell, it can be an advantage - I’ve gotten more than one job interview because they expect a woman.
Well, that's one way to look at it.
Time to be tran- oh wait, it's illegal to be transgender in my country. This is why I hate being Moroccan.
I think your name is cool
It ain't my real name... yet.
Probably not what you mean but blatant misogyny, hatred, or animal or human abuse, I find those painful to read
Honestly, one comment, no. But I did stop playing online multiplayer games because the toxicity of the chat box made the experience frustrating and annoying instead of fun and I decided that it wasn't causing the emotions I wanted to be having in my free time.
back when I was doing mmos I found after you blocked enough users the chat was not to bad. This is one reason im big on the fediverse options being very raw but having tools to filter and block completely in the hands of the users.
Nope. Your opinion is not my identity.
Deeply? No, but you try and be funny or helpful and sometimes it offends someone because they read it a certain way (text can be ambiguous) and that can ruin a day for me. No good reason, mind you, but they can get really mean about it and what, do I apologize or fight? You didn't exactly want to clarify for a jackass coming after you for no reason.
I'm also not highly fond of people when they correct you on stuff when it's not really warranted. Lemmy does that a lot; you can't always write a 20pg paper about a random comment to address every little facit of what you said, haha.
Yeah I just leave those comments and walk away. Explaining or editing a comment no-one is ever going to read is not worth the time. Nothing good can come from it.
You win some you lose some.
Comment on something new.
That's what I try, yeah. Just hard not to give things second thoughts sometimes (especially if there's nothing else to think about).
Once I was told that I deserved to be fired and, another time, I was told that I am unable to think properly so I shouldn't work as a software developer.
Both remarks were quite painful because they were not questioning my ideas/opinions but my professional abilities. I confess that in my "down" moments those thoughts tend to pop up even years later.
Maybe stop writing Linux kernel patches?
Needless to say, in neither case the discussion originated from a technical issue, both times we were arguing online about politics.
I just had someone say I should not be using a steambox because I feel swapping the ssd was not super easy? If you don't know what a steambox is, it is a piece of consumer electronics (just fyi just in case). The fact someone thinks they can comment on your abilities to work your job based on one thing indicates they are likely not qualified to give that advice.
As someone who grew up playing control decks in trading card games online... So many death threats from actual adults lmao... That being said, thanks to that now I don't even see anyone who throws death threats, or wishes harm on people online as human beings. Has been great for disconnecting emotionally from overly aggressive people online as an adult now.
Indeed, that is one of the tests to determine whether a member of the species Homo sapiens is a human.
Another well known one is the gom jabbar.
From my experience people on the sites (lemmy, etc.), are way kinder, more respectful and accepting, than people, I meet in real life. That might also be my problem as I'm autistic and find almost any in-person comunication confusing.
Multiple times when people want me to die for just -existing- but over the years of it, it's hurts less and less. But still very damaging though.
My feelings? not that I remember.
My faith in humanity though...
A person who I used to look up to tried grooming me. Needless to say they underestimated both my age AND my intelligence.
I remember getting one from a fascist saying they wanted to "tie people like [me] up and drag their bodies from [their] truck"
No
disappointed, maybe. How can you allow a comment to hurt you?
NEVER allow your happiness to be dependent of internet opinions mate! you will live a happy life.^___^
How can you allow a comment to hurt you? Easy, by being human and having feelings. Comments can't hurt if you're an empty husk of a person who has no feelings; if you're hypervigilant about bracing for attacks; or if you never take a risk of being vulnerable and never share anything important about yourself. None of these options is particularly healthy. Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave. The last option is at least reasonable online (but not in relationships), but not so easy in practice.
A common theme in the responses here is the element of surprise, comments and criticism that blindsided the person by hitting them in a vulnerable spot that they didn't know that they were exposing.
That certainly comports with my experience in receiving hurtful comments.
Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave.
Guys.. we're talking about comments right? Cause I'm sensing deflection here.
What do you mean by deflection?
I don't think it's a choice for some of us.
Ok
Or that of anyone else honestly.
Your bad behavior/lack of communication, etc isn’t going to ruin my day. Don’t let it, stop thinking about it, move on. It’s their issue not yours.
That’s easy for you to say, but you don’t have their experience and you don’t feel their emotions. I agree that we should strive for that, but expecting everyone to just brush off everything is unrealistic.
It a tough world out here mate, you best guard up! Or the world just might swallow you whole.
And don't forget to be nice, cause sociopath is but a man in a process of changing :)
If a dumb driver almost side-swap you while merging into the highway, give him way; he must really need to take a shit.
I posted a picture of myself on reddit asking for hair advice. My head was turned somewhat to the side so my nose was in profile. Someone felt the need to tell me I had the ugliest nose they had ever seen. I never really noticed the shape before that, but now in my mind's eye it's huge, crooked and has a hook.
A decade later I was getting a septoplasty to repair damage from an assault, and I asked the surgeon if he could remove the hook in my nose. He looked at me with the most compassion anyone ever has, and asked me to point out the hook in the mirror. It was the first time in all those years I finally saw my real nose. It's actually pretty cute, I don't know what that commentor was smoking
Hurt people hurt people
Yes.
On a forum, I was complaining about a troll and his friend roasting something i made, they responded with a picture of a baby crying. Moderators did nothing. It ruined my week. I was like 16 at the time.
One time I said on Reddit that I really missed my high school boyfriend because he genuinely was the love of my life, and things were so bad in my marriage I sometimes thought I would do anything to have him back, and someone told me I was like the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I was just lonely and sad and feeling desperate. It was fucking mean.
I'm sorry people suck sometimes. I hope you're in a happier place now. High school boyfriends are the best what-ifs because you can assume they grew up, imagine their potential, and not have to see all their screwups.
It ended up being dumb because he had evolved into a Qanon type person looking him up on Facebook, but I was just sad for a feeling I once had. Thank you. I'm not really in a better place, and never tie your finances to a crazy person or you'll never get free.
This guy I had a huge crush on in junior high tracked me down when I was in my 20s. I was thrilled at first, then learned he had turned into kind of a cultish religious nut. Instant turnoff.
Then there's my first true love from my early 20s. I can't remember why exactly we broke up but we stayed in touch and even hooked up again some years later. Then we both got married and eventually lost touch. He reached out to me again recently, and I was hit by that same old feeling. But I realize it's like what you said, it's a feeling I once had. People change over the years -- I sure have -- and I know almost nothing about him now. Plus we're both still married. Still flattering for me though.
It's just a feeling you're lonely for really, it doesn't exist. Just a very sad time.
Hopeful that you find an escape from the craziness.
wasn't the crazy ex girlfriend in that show sorta normal but the guy was sorta a meathead?
I've never seen it. The person who said that to me meant to insult me is all I know.
Plenty of comments hurt my brain trying to comprehend how utterly stupid they are, but I don't think there's anything an anonymous stranger could say that would hurt my feelings, that kinda stuff needs to be personal.
I've been sick for a really long time, and I finally got diagnosed with Lupus, based on blood labs and symptoms, but the rheumatologist I'd seen was a jerk, so I asked in the reddit Lupus sub if what I'd experienced was OK, or if I should find a new doctor. Well, the mod decided that I didn't really have a diagnosis, because they didn't understand what I'd said, and kept DMing me to tell me that I didn't have Lupus, and shouldn't be receiving treatment for it. I know I shouldn't listen to randos on the internet, especially a Reddit mod, but it made me scared that I wasn't going to finally get the help I so desperately needed.
My doctor has continued to help me, and I'm very thankful that the idiot power-tripping mod was wrong, but it really messed me up for a few weeks, and it still bothers me that someone who runs a support group for a serious illness uses it to try to have power over vulnerable people, just to make themselves feel better. And reddit lets them; you can't block mod-mail, so after asking multiple times to be left alone, I finally got mad and swore at the mod, so they reported me for harassment, and reddit baned my whole account for 3 days, even though it was clear who was being harassed, because it was all there in writing. I have never been back to reddit, and I don't miss it at all.
Ignore it, if you can. 99% of the people on the internet (and real life, sadly):
Thank you, and yes, you're right. That's why I don't post about things that will upset me, I was just desperate for some advice and support for the terrible disease with which I'd just been diagnosed. I (stupidly) assumed I could be relatively safe posting in a sub specifically dedicated to supporting people with a disease, but even the leader of the group can't be reasonable, which is really too bad. I've acclimated to having this disease now, and I'm confident I can get the help I need, so I know I won't be bothered by the opinion of an ignorant internet person anymore. But I'm obviously still bitter enough to complain about it somewhere else lol.
Didn't really hurt but more like sting. I published a popular video and someone wrote they needed to switch from their usual 2x speed watching videos to 1x because of my accent.
I get it, English is my 4th language so it won't be very smooth. But I've been using it for 99℅ of my conversations since I moved to Korea 3 years ago and I feel I'm better in it than almost everyone I interact with here.
Don't worry. People that watch videos at 2x can be considered to be insane.
Thank god, I was afraid to be judged insane.
But I'm good since I watch my videos at 2.5-3.0 times speed!
Fucking hell.
Anything above 1,5 is fast as fuck for me.
It's weird, in my native language I tend to turn the speed down much more often than in English.
Ah yes, I forgot folks with ADHD are also insane. /s
Who the hell watches videos at 2x speed anyway?
For folks with ADHD, like myself, slow talking video essays are a special kind of hell.
Agreed. I'm convinced that most YouTube videos are slowed by 25%. The ones I watch are barely tolerable at 125% speed. I usually run them at 150%.
goign from 2x to 1x is not really that bad of a thing. Hes saying he can understand you but not at an artificially high rate of speed. I personally don't get watching things at multiple speeds but im someone who would rather read a doc overall.
4th? Man that commenter owes you nothing, nada. You did your best and the rest is their problem.
It's because you talk fast and efficient.
Btw english is my 2nd, may I ask what are your other three? My first is Hungarian
Polish, German and Swedish. Now I'm learning Korean, not because I want to but because I moved to Korea and without it it's difficult to do anything.
That's also why I had to learn the other languages other than English, because I moved to those countries.
Wow, you almost went around the globe
EU freedom of movement really is something else, lol
You know 4 languages!?!?! That's amazing. Don't let anyone judge you because you're not 100% in 4 friken languages.
I'm usually watching at 2.5-3.0 times speed. I turn down the speed either for A: entertainment (movies simply have a sort of pacing that is not so nice to interrupt (compared to any random YouTube video)), or B: because the content is sooo good and information dense that the limiting factor is no longer audio processing, but following the reasoning of the content. Those are the videos I love most.
One time I told a painful story about when my girlfriend broke up with me for a dude with what she described as a “freakishly huge” dick.
Someone just said “That must have been a very memorable night for her”
oof
damn son
yeah 😔
Good riddance buddy, if she was running around behind your back. Hope you’re in a better place now.
Well this happened in bumblefuck Arkansas and I live in Denver now so yeah, I’m in a better place
What do you mean? I only meant it in a good way
You meant “a better place” metaphorically. They understood this, but jokingly took it literally. Denver is indeed a better place than “bumblefuck Arkansas.”
Haha thanks, it seems they changed their answer after I asked the question
Yeah I changed it drastically. Misread you at first
I was banned from r/Ukrainian for advocating for the Russian people and how we shouldn't demonize an entire population.
I'm Ukrainian. I was born in Ukraine...
Oh it happens all the time. The worst thing, in this case, is that you don’t even need to be Ukrainian to have such an opinion — people demonising an entire population deals in absolutes which are never a black/white situation, unfortunately
Nobody wants to think of the guy in the latest drone video as the father of a 6 month old who'll never know their father because he was drafted by an authoritarian government to fight in an unjust war. I'm sure a lot of those Russians are full on board with the war, but I'm certain a lot of them aren't, too. Same reason people have such a hard time empathizing with both the Oct 7 victims of Hamas and the Palestinian people. It's horror enough thinking of these things as good vs. evil...it's so much worse when you see all the grey. As an American, I can't help but see Israel making the same mistakes we did after Sept 11. I'm sure they feel the same rage and fear I felt then, and I imagine it's making them blindly lust for revenge just like I did. It's all just so fucking bleak how easy it is to convince ourselves that our enemies aren't people.
Not from a person. When I was younger I took an online personality test. Nothing from a reputable source, just some random pop psychology thing. The result was short and had a few things on it, but one line hit me like a ton of bricks: "You don't like people who aren't as smart as you."
I was incredulous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably true at some level. I was pretty horrified by this realization, and I ended up thinking about it a lot and doing a ton of introspection. I knew I was smart, but I started acknowledging that there were also a ton of things I was terrible at. Whenever I had intrusive thoughts about a person I thought wasn't very smart, I tried to think about things they were good at or at least acknowledge privileges I had that they didn't.
We are a product of our experiences, and different people have different skills and aptitudes for things. All of that is ok and doesn't make someone better than anyone else. I'm not perfect at it, but I found some value in confronting uncomfortable truths about myself.
I’ve performed and conducted more interviews than I can count. I was once asked a question that stopped me cold. “You’re clearly an intelligent person. How do you manage stupid people?” My mind reeled. At first I thought he was being insulting, but then realized he’s not identifying anyone in particular, just assessing my ability to lead people who are stupid. It’s still to date the toughest interview question I’ve been asked.
How did you answer?
After some uncertain smiles and stumbles, I said with patience, high support, and high direction. It was awkward, and not without some rambling.
Since then I’ve realized when I’m having difficulty conveying a complex idea to someone who may not understand, I tend to break the idea down into smaller components. I also often use analogies to help connect a concept to one the listener already understands.
I’ve thought about answering that question again on many occasions. I’m just glad it was a mock interview. lol
The truly hard part is detecting when the person you're talking to doesn't understand. Too many people pretend they understand when they don't and are too embarrassed to ask questions.
Verify understanding with qualifying questions. Ask them to put it into their own words with questions like, “how would you describe it?”
Knowledge might not be intelligence but I really found xkcd's 10000 a wonderful be idea.
When I was a lot younger, on an old forum back in the early 00s, someone called me a "know-it-all". This sounds silly now but it really hit me in just the wrong way at the time, I was sincerely trying to fit in by showing off my knowledge of the subject with no idea that that's how I was coming across. I guess it was a learning experience.
Now I want to be a learn-it-all.
Displays of extreme ignorance or stupidity hurt me on an existential level; so yes, a lot of internet comments hurt me.
You need to work on that.
Nah,
I grew up in the world of BBS's and IRC. First foray into a chat channel started with someone renaming themselves "34yrDude changes name to 15yrChick"
...and that set the tone for me what the internet is.
It's a entire world where you make absolutely zero assumptions. The 'things' responding in text could be anything. And I say thing instead of people because these days it may not even a person.
There's an entity that responds to my comments, and perhaps seemingly hurtful,
it could be some 10yr old kid who doesn't fully understand, it could be could be some mentally challenged person, it could be someone's crazy grandma,
and now it could be some bot that while not purposefully built to be malicious, through emergent behavior is trolling and insulting people because it gets a rise out of people that results in more and longer comments, which tickles its feedback loop to do more of the same.
So nah, there's nothing anyone in the vast internet could type out that I would personally hurt my feelings, because I make no assumptions as to where the comment is coming from, and those comments don't have a lot of weight to me.
this sums it up for me. Along with the fact you never see those guys talking to themselves at 7/11 but go check out whos using the computers all day in the library sometime.
I was once banned from some forums for being "too weird to fit in". It was a forum for a forming WoW guild prior to its launch in 2004. I remember that it somehow crushed my quirky personality, and I became a bit of a drudge as a result.
Although I still game, and sometimes online, I've never since tried to actually fit in with any group, and have mostly stopped communicating when gaming at all. No voicechat, only chat, and even that very limited. I guess you could say the single experience changed my outlook and enjoyment of online gaming forever.
There were too many for me to count.
Most of then were misgendering me. Let me say this one more time. I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL. I've never been a girl. I'm not even a transgender woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I identify as male.
Now that I think about it, I should change my legal name.
Girl gotta do what a girls gotta do
I meant the fact that my real name "Imrane" (a male name) looks too similar to "Imane" (a female name). Just the absence of the letter R makes people think I'm something else entirely.
And I used to use my real name on social media until about a year ago. I guess that was kind of on me.
Oh man, I think it's the 'e' at the end of your name, which in a bunch of Romance languages would make it feminine. If it's any consolation, solid men's English names like 'Lindsay' and 'Ashley' are almost exclusively women's names now for the same reason. (The "-y" or "-ie" marks a cutesy diminutive version, i.e. "bird" to "birdy".)
I don't think it's the similarity to "Imane" (unless this is happening in your home culture) because I have never heard of that name before. However, I have seen "Imran" and I would have assumed that "Imrane" was the feminine version because of that 'e'.
Wasn't Imran Khan a famous cricketer?
Nope, that is not the case at all. A lot of Arabic names tend to be written with an E at the end in countries that experienced colonialism from the French, just to match French phonetics. I happened to be taught to spell my name this way.
So it's Francophones, not Anglophones misgendering you?
Well, no. Quite literally anyone does it unfortunately.
I have a girls name and my last name is a very popular Asian female name too.
My entire life I get misgendered on phone, email, chat. It’s not a big deal. Hell, it can be an advantage - I’ve gotten more than one job interview because they expect a woman.
Well, that's one way to look at it.
Time to be tran- oh wait, it's illegal to be transgender in my country. This is why I hate being Moroccan.
I think your name is cool
It ain't my real name... yet.
Probably not what you mean but blatant misogyny, hatred, or animal or human abuse, I find those painful to read
Honestly, one comment, no. But I did stop playing online multiplayer games because the toxicity of the chat box made the experience frustrating and annoying instead of fun and I decided that it wasn't causing the emotions I wanted to be having in my free time.
back when I was doing mmos I found after you blocked enough users the chat was not to bad. This is one reason im big on the fediverse options being very raw but having tools to filter and block completely in the hands of the users.
Nope. Your opinion is not my identity.
Deeply? No, but you try and be funny or helpful and sometimes it offends someone because they read it a certain way (text can be ambiguous) and that can ruin a day for me. No good reason, mind you, but they can get really mean about it and what, do I apologize or fight? You didn't exactly want to clarify for a jackass coming after you for no reason.
I'm also not highly fond of people when they correct you on stuff when it's not really warranted. Lemmy does that a lot; you can't always write a 20pg paper about a random comment to address every little facit of what you said, haha.
Yeah I just leave those comments and walk away. Explaining or editing a comment no-one is ever going to read is not worth the time. Nothing good can come from it.
You win some you lose some.
Comment on something new.
That's what I try, yeah. Just hard not to give things second thoughts sometimes (especially if there's nothing else to think about).
Once I was told that I deserved to be fired and, another time, I was told that I am unable to think properly so I shouldn't work as a software developer.
Both remarks were quite painful because they were not questioning my ideas/opinions but my professional abilities. I confess that in my "down" moments those thoughts tend to pop up even years later.
Maybe stop writing Linux kernel patches?
Needless to say, in neither case the discussion originated from a technical issue, both times we were arguing online about politics.
I just had someone say I should not be using a steambox because I feel swapping the ssd was not super easy? If you don't know what a steambox is, it is a piece of consumer electronics (just fyi just in case). The fact someone thinks they can comment on your abilities to work your job based on one thing indicates they are likely not qualified to give that advice.
As someone who grew up playing control decks in trading card games online... So many death threats from actual adults lmao... That being said, thanks to that now I don't even see anyone who throws death threats, or wishes harm on people online as human beings. Has been great for disconnecting emotionally from overly aggressive people online as an adult now.
Indeed, that is one of the tests to determine whether a member of the species Homo sapiens is a human.
Another well known one is the gom jabbar.
From my experience people on the sites (lemmy, etc.), are way kinder, more respectful and accepting, than people, I meet in real life. That might also be my problem as I'm autistic and find almost any in-person comunication confusing.
Multiple times when people want me to die for just -existing- but over the years of it, it's hurts less and less. But still very damaging though.
My feelings? not that I remember. My faith in humanity though...
A person who I used to look up to tried grooming me. Needless to say they underestimated both my age AND my intelligence.
I remember getting one from a fascist saying they wanted to "tie people like [me] up and drag their bodies from [their] truck"
No
disappointed, maybe. How can you allow a comment to hurt you?
NEVER allow your happiness to be dependent of internet opinions mate! you will live a happy life.^___^
How can you allow a comment to hurt you? Easy, by being human and having feelings. Comments can't hurt if you're an empty husk of a person who has no feelings; if you're hypervigilant about bracing for attacks; or if you never take a risk of being vulnerable and never share anything important about yourself. None of these options is particularly healthy. Having no feelings is a type of major depression, and living in fight-or-flight mode will lead you there, or to an early grave. The last option is at least reasonable online (but not in relationships), but not so easy in practice.
A common theme in the responses here is the element of surprise, comments and criticism that blindsided the person by hitting them in a vulnerable spot that they didn't know that they were exposing.
That certainly comports with my experience in receiving hurtful comments.
Guys.. we're talking about comments right? Cause I'm sensing deflection here.
What do you mean by deflection?
I don't think it's a choice for some of us.
Ok
Or that of anyone else honestly.
Your bad behavior/lack of communication, etc isn’t going to ruin my day. Don’t let it, stop thinking about it, move on. It’s their issue not yours.
That’s easy for you to say, but you don’t have their experience and you don’t feel their emotions. I agree that we should strive for that, but expecting everyone to just brush off everything is unrealistic.
It a tough world out here mate, you best guard up! Or the world just might swallow you whole.
And don't forget to be nice, cause sociopath is but a man in a process of changing :)
If a dumb driver almost side-swap you while merging into the highway, give him way; he must really need to take a shit.