Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
"Respect your elders"
Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them
Not saying you're necessarily wrong but "Fuck em" seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn't bode well for the future.
That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.
If they don't earn respect, fuck em.
all levels
Healthcare is a level.
Housing the homeless is on a level society operates.
Crime prevention too.
You thought this through at all, or was this just a doodle on your trapper-keeper in homeroom?
Oooh. You were SO close to landing that sick burn, but we had to take points off for not making any God damn sense.
This made me laugh out loud on the office toilet.
Those aren't people so I don't understand whatever you are getting at.
It actually DOES bode well for the future.
The Boomers lived by "Fuck the future, I got mine now."
We're trying to change it to "Fuck the past, we ain't got shit."
rein
Fixed, thank you!
I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)
"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."
Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.
No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.
Yeah I'd say that's got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to "advice" like that normally? Assuming it's from someone who actually knows your brother.
I never have any response that's likely to be edifying or helpful, so I typically respond with, "Well, I don't," and try to disengage. That's usually enough.
If you take a level of rogue you can disengage as a bonus action
Sounds like a good strategy. Less is more.
Some conversations are just not worth having, and I need to pick my battles
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
Puttin' it on ice, bitches
Take a salt tablet.
"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".
And/or
"Have you tried just being happy for once?"
Aka fake it til you make it
Putting in my unasked for opinion that we should popularize 'flail it til you nail it'
I don't know, this one has pretty much carried me through the last 40 years. There's definitely worse advice.
Yea same here but in a different way than what people usually mean.
Don't fake being rich until you are.
I was and to a certain extent still am socially anxious and bad at talking to people and holding conversations. I started faking being more socially adept than I actually was by copying people I knew who were extroverts and by observing peoples interactions in the wild. Eventually I did get better with both and have no issue with either, although I do need some time to recharge later on after social interactions.
Hard work always pays off.
smart work always pays off
;) ftfy
Being born wealthy always pays off.
I knew there was something I forgot to do
Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company
"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?
Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
It's text.
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
Fax
“do what you love”
It's so simple. Why didn't I think of that before!
/S
do what you love and you will never work a day love anything in your life
The moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don't love it anymore.
"Snitches get stitches."
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
With stitches..
Or end up in ditches.
"Count your blessings."
Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."
See also "At least you have your health."
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)
Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.
Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.
If I ever told my dad, "are you shitting me?", he'd reply with, "I'd never shit you, you're my favorite turd."
Lol love that one. My uncle was the one that used the Bullshit line on me
I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'
No cop, no stop.
"Your ____ hurts? Stub your toe then you won't notice it as much."
This has the same cadence as my appleseeds one 🙃
If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.
Skillz that killz ☠️
Snorting nose drugs are good for your sinuses
Actually I've had a bad case of covid for like 4 days now and haven't been able to breathe out of my nose. While not technically nose drugs, I took one of my wife's Adderall and like magic I'm breathing through my nose again. Still feel terrible and can't sleep now but I'm no longer a mouth breather. I couldn't sleep last night because my mouth would dry out every 5 minutes so bad I'd have to take a drink of water every few minutes then pee.
Amphetamine used to be used exactly for this, its why Sudafed or gtfo when it comes to blocked nose
The Toronto horse cops carried around trading cards for their horses as a part of a PR campaign. Ask a cop for one!
Just another way for you to be disappointed by the police. Can't even do PR right.
“Be careful!” Oh thanks for the reminder because I wasn’t planning on being careful 👍
I honestly don't think little kids understand what people mean when they say "be careful". When my kids were younger, I'd say something like "be careful the sidewalk is icy!" and they'd just run full speed and slip on the ice.
I think kids just think "be careful" is just something nice you say like "good luck".
Yours was definitely informative and I think partly because of your intentions but also because of the statement after about the danger that was there that they may not have been aware of.
The ones I’m referring to are the typical greetings where it’s just “be careful” or “drive safe”.
I know the intention is meant well but always still struck me as an odd way to greet someone.
"Respect your elders"
Nah they're the ones who destroyed the economy giving free rein to corporations, set the planet on fire, and let cops run loose murdering and stealing as they please, fuck them
Not saying you're necessarily wrong but "Fuck em" seems to be the new mantra of our society on all levels. Doesn't bode well for the future.
That is because society on all levels deserves it. We need to stop with the expectation that people in certain jobs or positions deserve respect just because of their job or position. They only deserve respect if they earn it.
If they don't earn respect, fuck em.
Healthcare is a level.
Housing the homeless is on a level society operates.
Crime prevention too.
You thought this through at all, or was this just a doodle on your trapper-keeper in homeroom?
Oooh. You were SO close to landing that sick burn, but we had to take points off for not making any God damn sense.
This made me laugh out loud on the office toilet.
Those aren't people so I don't understand whatever you are getting at.
It actually DOES bode well for the future.
The Boomers lived by "Fuck the future, I got mine now."
We're trying to change it to "Fuck the past, we ain't got shit."
rein
Fixed, thank you!
I feel like this is going to have [excellent] synergy with my boundary posts :)
"You've got to love him -- he's your brother, after all."
Yeah, he's my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.
No, fuck him. I don't love him, and I never will.
Yeah I'd say that's got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to "advice" like that normally? Assuming it's from someone who actually knows your brother.
I never have any response that's likely to be edifying or helpful, so I typically respond with, "Well, I don't," and try to disengage. That's usually enough.
If you take a level of rogue you can disengage as a bonus action
Sounds like a good strategy. Less is more.
Some conversations are just not worth having, and I need to pick my battles
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
Puttin' it on ice, bitches
Take a salt tablet.
"If you were just more positive you'd not be complaining about being depressed all the time".
And/or
"Have you tried just being happy for once?"
Aka fake it til you make it
Putting in my unasked for opinion that we should popularize 'flail it til you nail it'
I don't know, this one has pretty much carried me through the last 40 years. There's definitely worse advice.
Yea same here but in a different way than what people usually mean. Don't fake being rich until you are. I was and to a certain extent still am socially anxious and bad at talking to people and holding conversations. I started faking being more socially adept than I actually was by copying people I knew who were extroverts and by observing peoples interactions in the wild. Eventually I did get better with both and have no issue with either, although I do need some time to recharge later on after social interactions.
Hard work always pays off.
;) ftfy
I knew there was something I forgot to do
Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company
"Undercover Cops have to tell you if they're a cop," or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn't figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: "Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?
Vaginas
A one word answer that covers so many questions.
Like, "I don't get it."
Hahaha burn
Not if you wrap it before you tap it
you can't go wrong if you shield your dong
It was from an episode of South Park:
https://youtu.be/ZTuzDt-dGxA?si=QO4zlPuue0QHp3c0
Its the Criminal Bro Code
"Calm down."
One thing that's sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to "calm down"...
And the silly stepsister of this saying: Calm your tits!
Very useful when you want the opposite reaction.
It's that like "in, hold, out"?
You gotter, crocodile!
SIR?!
YOLO
It's like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like... I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.
Your comment reminded me of this https://youtu.be/z5Otla5157c
"Don't believe everything you read on the internet"
I thought Wayne Gretsky said that...🤔
"Nope, it was Franklin" -Abraham Lincoln
"Fuck Spez"
— Aretha "Benjamin[s]" Franklin
If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You'll feel better!
Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.
Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.
If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.
Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but... That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/vaginal-prolapse
Im scared to look 😫Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
It's text.
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
Fax
“do what you love”
It's so simple. Why didn't I think of that before!
/S
do what you love and you will never
work a daylove anything in your lifeThe moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don't love it anymore.
"Snitches get stitches."
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
With stitches..
Or end up in ditches.
"Count your blessings."
Useless fucking platitude that's synonymous with "You aren't the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate."
See also "At least you have your health."
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. I'm not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I'm 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I'm nearing 50. I likely won't have enough to retire. Maybe when I'm 80.)
Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.
Don't try to bullshit me, I'm a bullshit artist.
If I ever told my dad, "are you shitting me?", he'd reply with, "I'd never shit you, you're my favorite turd."
Lol love that one. My uncle was the one that used the Bullshit line on me
I think a lot of people here misread 'favorite' as 'least favorite'
No cop, no stop.
"Your ____ hurts? Stub your toe then you won't notice it as much."
This has the same cadence as my appleseeds one 🙃
If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.
Skillz that killz ☠️
Snorting nose drugs are good for your sinuses
Actually I've had a bad case of covid for like 4 days now and haven't been able to breathe out of my nose. While not technically nose drugs, I took one of my wife's Adderall and like magic I'm breathing through my nose again. Still feel terrible and can't sleep now but I'm no longer a mouth breather. I couldn't sleep last night because my mouth would dry out every 5 minutes so bad I'd have to take a drink of water every few minutes then pee.
Amphetamine used to be used exactly for this, its why Sudafed or gtfo when it comes to blocked nose
The Toronto horse cops carried around trading cards for their horses as a part of a PR campaign. Ask a cop for one!
Just another way for you to be disappointed by the police. Can't even do PR right.
“Be careful!” Oh thanks for the reminder because I wasn’t planning on being careful 👍
I honestly don't think little kids understand what people mean when they say "be careful". When my kids were younger, I'd say something like "be careful the sidewalk is icy!" and they'd just run full speed and slip on the ice.
I think kids just think "be careful" is just something nice you say like "good luck".
Yours was definitely informative and I think partly because of your intentions but also because of the statement after about the danger that was there that they may not have been aware of.
The ones I’m referring to are the typical greetings where it’s just “be careful” or “drive safe”.
I know the intention is meant well but always still struck me as an odd way to greet someone.
don’t trust anyone whose food come from box
I feel slighted 🤣