bonus if she's real

robocall@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 395 points –
68

Mine is

  1. Consenting adult

Preferably human

I think sapience is a prerequisite to consent, so humans would be the only qualified candidate (native to earth at least)

As long as it passes the Harkness test, I’m down.

Now, I don't want to be too picky, but her being alive would be nice.

> Hi mom, hi dad! Meet my gf [redacted]!

*whispering*

> Yes, she's a little bit dug up corpse, but don't say that around her: she's kinda sensitive about it.

(Stolen from a random video/podcast)

I also get upset when people say i look like a corpse,

Just because i am one doesn't mean you have to constantly point it out!

I mean, alive, consenting age, not Intellectually disable, not in a coma.. also, we all know can"t be fat

Not even that. If they are just feminine thats enough for me

furries have entered the chat

Meanwhile, here are my Garfield requirements:

  1. is an orange cat

  2. is funny

  3. is part of a comic strip called "Garfield"

And girls have the opposite problem. Too many guys out there who are interested, but no way to know which ones are good.

Being a straight man looking for a partner is like dying of thirst in a desert.

Being a straight woman looking for a partner is like dying of thirst at sea.

Life is too short to play that stupid game. It's bullshit for everyone involved. I'm happy to be single.

You make Darwin happy. Here's your award.

Maybe the main problem is that the guys who are interested are solely interested because the girls require their one and only requirement of being, well, female.

Yeah girls know the feelings for them comes from physical attraction, not so much from emotional attraction.

But it depends very much. Hard to generalize this.

So closed-minded! I'm sure you could loosen a bit this criterium, think of all the cute cat-eared femboys available in your area.

edit: typo

How is this different from a straight guy trying to seduce a lesbian?

Call me crazy, but I think it was just a joke continuing along the lines of OPs "I'm not picky" joke, on a shitpost community, not a serious request to be OP's partner.

Like if I commented "eh if you're fine being less picky, I, Dave, can be your girlfriend", would I really be a weirdo sex pest like you're making out? Or would I just be someone having a joke on the internet?

That's fair, but there's also the context of some very aggressive "I can unstraighten you" peeps on the fediverse. Mostly femboys and trans women. They're all over blahaj.

i mean the idea that most people are straight is made up by modern society, why would modern people suddenly be ramrod straight when historically it's all been rather wishy-washy?

same goes for the idea that almost everyone fits into a perfect male/female binary, when historically it's been much more nuanced than that and many many cultures very clearly had more categories than that.

Aww

You're like those poor Nation of Islam bastards who think Jesus and Mohammed were black. Desperately need to think that historically, you were the norm.

Just embrace being different.

Definitely possible, but why would someone post a picture of themselves as the punchline? Out of millions of pictures they could have found online?

And yes, I reverse Google searched it and it was original lmao. I've put way too much effort into this

I mean, why not? If they already have the picture on their phone anyway, or are lying down wearing them, it's probably more convenient than using somebody else's

I definitely don't think the person was genuinely propositioning OP.

I find it much more likely that they were messing around, same as everybody else here, and somebody took it seriously and got offended at the joke, as sometimes happens.

the lesbian won't be interested in the straight guy, the femboy might be into him!

But it's not about the femboys interest is it? The lesbian isn't asking for the straight guy to change her sexual orientation, and the straight guy isn't asking for the femboys to change his orientation. It's just as rude.

Amazing we have come full circle to the point you need to make it relatable by explaining it this way

This is what Arlo's legs actually look like.

just below the camera it just instantly cuts to full-sized human legs wearing thigh-highs, mercifully the transition is hidden by the miniskirt

You only date females? Wow that's a really offensive and insensitive thing to say. Also unrealistic, as this criteria blocks out half of all people. Prepare to get cancelled /s

I'll settle for a ai driven robot girlfriend at this point.

Those requirements disclude many other options. You may want to reconsider.

@Deceptichum@kbin.social knows how I feel about girlfriends.

Rofl this is the 3rd time I've seen you two snipe at each other, it's petty as hell and I love it