My wife says standing over the sink at 3am cleaning tea infusers with a brass tooth brush, dremel tool, and dental picks is not normal. Is she right?

ImpossibilityBox@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 172 points –

Context: I currently have a back injury and as such my sleep schedule has been destroyed. There are days that I simply cannot get comfortable no matter where I sit/lie.

The other night I was restless and couldn't get comfortable but was feeling tired. I wanted to brew myself a cup of tea but as luck would have it we had run out of fill-able tea bags. I pulled out the metal tea infusers and found that due to an improper cleaning at last use and who knows how long they had been sitting idle they were absolutely disgusting. Some had mold spots and one appeared to be rusting (how aluminum rusts I don't know).

I REALLY wanted my tea so I busted out my cleaning tools and got to work. She woke up to use the restroom and heard me in the kitchen and made it a point to call me out for being weird and that no one in their right mind would be doing what I was doing.

Is that a fair assessment? I only spent about 50 minutes cleaning them.

85

Read the headline: yes mate, she is.

Read the post: Perfectly understandable, carry on.

Thank goodness it's not just me. Reading the post had me like "well yeah, obviously, what else can you even do in that situation?" You gotta get the strainers clean once you know they aren't. It's basically the law.

Out of context, that's not normal.

In your context, there is no normal, but your actions were rational.

Hope you recover quickly, friend, and get the cup of tea you deserve.

Yeah it’s not “normal” in the sense that it’s probably only happened a couple of times in history, but there’s nothing wrong witht he though process. Although 50 minutes to clean the infusers is a real long time, but if you had no other option, might as well

Depending on how nasty/corroded they were, I could see spending that long at it. Especially using 3am logic.

Daytime logic may have been "I'm going to clean one, and order more teabags and a new strainer right now".

Doing something productive when you can't sleep is, like, the most normal thing you can do. You're fine.

Right! My one concession to here (loving) statement is that my ideas of productive can often lean towards the absurd.

Yes, I am handplaning bowling alley floor for a desk at 11:30 at night... why do you ask?

So you've stumbled into ADHD through the side door eh?

Chronic pain actually can cause similar symptoms to adhd lol

Yep from reading other replies that looks a bit like that 🤣

It may not be normal necessarily, but it's completely understandable. You wanted a comfort while you were uncomfortable, and you were willing to work for that comfort.

Fifty fucking minutes of cleaning for a cuppa?

I do all sorts of things at 3am too, thanks to my awful circadian rhythm. As long as it wasn't you who woke her, you can do what you want. Awake is awake, no matter the time of day. Just be mindful of your surroundings.

I may or may not occasionally get super fixated on tasks I'm doing. The only reason I know it was fifty minutes was because I listened to the entire Sleep Token album "This Place Will Become Your Tomb".

You can bet your ass that those steepers are nice and shiny clean.

Ever been diagnosed with ADHD?

Nope, my family was never really financially stable and we lived next door to a nurse (extreme luck) for small cuts and bruises/illnessess, so the only time I ever actually saw a doctor was for wisdom teeth and a freeway speed car accident that broke a bunch of my bones.

I only recently at the young old age of 32 got insurance that actually covers anything, but old habits die hard so doc visits of any kind are kind of taboo in my brain.

Fair enough. Sucks that we live in a society where we can't get healthcare by default.

Anyway Hyperfocus is one of a number of ADHD symptoms. I got diagnosed in my 40s

Avoiding docs is one major reason my friend died recently in his 50s. Undiagnosed blood pressure and cholesterol led to heart failure.

It's hard to break those habits for sure.

I mean there is being restless and there is being loud and starting a project at 3am.

I'm not saying you've done a bad thing here but yeah you are blurring trust line of weird behavior.

Not normal? Sure.
But it's also not normal to have a back injury that prevents you from sleeping.
So if you can use your sleep time to do something productive that helps you, that may not be normal (IE common) but it is a good idea.

It is not typical, expected behavior by most peoples' standards, partly because the majority of people at that time of night are sleeping.

You'd be hard pressed to find support for this as being normal behavior. What's important is whether or not normal matters? If it's considered criticism, why? Is she being awoken by your behavior? If so, then that's probably warranted. Otherwise, if it's just a characterization of what you're doing, so what?

Tbh, if it was my partner doing it, I can see myself saying that even if it didn't cause me to wake up. Only, its not to criticise, but just to tease them.

Yeah, maybe she meant it as in OP should visit the doctor another time. But it's also quite possible, she simply couldn't make the link that OP is awake due to pain.

You are not in a normal situation so how can it be normal? Normal activity if you're awake. And you're awake.

Dude, dremels are loud. Don't use them while people are sleeping

In my defense the kitchen is as far from the bedroom as you can get in our apartment and it's an variable speed electric so you can run it relitively slow for (again, relatively) quite operation.

Can confirm, low speed Dremel isn't loud, especially from another room. 👍

You have autism. It's cool though. Keep doing your thing.

Is that why I find this completely relatable? From the description it sounds totally normal

If you have back pain this may not be the right activity for you. Scrubbing g while bend over a sink. I don’t care about the time but the activity doesn’t help your injury.

Absolutely understood but when you are uncomfortable sitting in any position, or lying down, again, in any position, sometimes standing is the only option.

It probably would have been weirder if she came out and just saw me quietly standing in the middle of the room.

May I suggest light yoga. Something like sun salutation I have back issues too and this have helped a lot.

Lack of sleep can make you do weird things. It's not keeping anyone wake, it's not hurting you or anyone. Enjoy your tea.

A dremel is not a quiet tool. Don't they spin at some obscene RPM?

Depends, some have adjustable rpm. Still they usually aren't to quiet, but when the partner doesn't wake up by the sound, I see no problem.

I'll avoid the word normal, but definitely not something most people would ever do. (It's the sort of thing I might do though.)

Obviously I don't know the details of your back pain, but I would caution you that doing stuff like that (focusing intently on something in front of you, possibly bending over slightly, for an extended period of time) is probably not good for your back.

Not normal. But also not a problem. You couldn't sleep, needed something to occupy yourself.

Given the circumstances you have described it doesnt seem that far out of the "normal" ballpark to me. I've seen worse and lived with worse. Maybe not strictly normal but no big deal

I may be remembering wrong but in the middle ages people would often wake up at like 2am 🕑 do stuff and go back to sleep.

It was more like 11pm till 1am. They went to bed at 7pm, so sleep for 4 hours, get up, do stuff for a couple of hours, go back to bed, and sleep for another 4 hours, get up at 5am.

Segmented sleep is the best fucking sleep you will ever have in your life.

Restful, rejuvenating, and dreams in the second half are totally choice.

Nobody in their right mind would be awake at those times... when the body would cooperate.

My wife goes to the attic to do the laundry when she can't sleep. However, I sleep trough anything (even when they blown up an ATM on the parking lot behind the house) so I'm fine with that.

That your wife found you cleaning after she woke to go to the toilet, I see no problem. Having back issues keeping you awake isn't normal and on the pther hand, when you look around at what is 'normal', would you want to be like that?

Maybe next time skip the powertools, but enjoy your tea when you can't enjoy your sleep.

2 more...

I'm with the others. It's not normal, but it's not an issue.

My boyfriend likes to come home around 11:30 at night, have some coffee, and maybe play a bit of a video game while he eats.

Seems weird. But he also works an over night shift from 7 pm to 7 am. So it makes sense in that he's awake at night. He sleeps a lot during the day. At first, seems weird. Once explained, not so much. At that point most people are understanding.

Shit my cleaning at 3 am is more productive and better for some reason, I have scoliosis and it makes it hard to sleeptimes, so I play games or walk around in circles or some other random stuff.

A dremel is sacred.

How dare you wake it up in the middle of the night!!

Sadly, she is right.

I'm sorry to hear you married a muggle.

Whether it's normal or not should not be on anyone's list of concerns, unless they're trying to fit in through deception.

If my wife or I caught each other doing something like that, our instinct would not be to complain, and certainly not by suggesting there's anything wrong with being weird.

I'd much rather be weird than boring.

Time of day is a matter of cultural tradition and coordination with other people. For me it’s always been a relative matter to when I woke up. Got up at 8 am? I expect to go to sleep 12-1 am. Get up at 3 am? Normal to go to sleep at 6 pm. Get up at 4 pm? Totally normal to be cleaning tea strainers with a dremel at 3 am.

When is 3am?

I don't mean to sound rude at all, I'm just genuinely curious how it is that you can't identify what 3am means? I'm guessing maybe English isn't your native language, or such?

Again, no negativity intended, I'm just really curious :-)

English not a native language?

My friend, it's not even my continent.

I'm from Europa, where we use 24h clocks. While some know am and pm, I never use it, and often get them confused.

Only thing I would have done different is use a nylon brush instead of brass. Brass often leaves its own residue on other metals, even if only miniscule.

Regardless, I'd say carry on. I'd rather a tinge of brass flavor than obvious mold.

I started with a acid brush, and then moved onto a nylon. The residue was being very stuborn which is why I moved onto the brass brush and dremel.

I finished outt which a fabric wheel in the dremel, the idea being to help wipe away any brass or residue that got left being in the final cleaning steps.

Try drain cleaner (or whatever the proper term for anti-clogging goo is). 10% drain cleaner, 90% cooking water, let it sit until the water is cold, and it will look like new.

Yes, it sounds weird, but it's almost impossible to properly clean the mineral buildup in the tiny holes otherwise.

Before we move to fillable bags we would soak the infusers in vinager overnight every week or two. They stayed nice and sparkling clean.

That may work with your water and filter. My water is basically a saturated mineral solution and my filter has very very small holes. I've got the weird brown tea mineral buildup on everything that comes in contact with them tea.

Hey man, I totally understand you. Not weird at all.

My back is fucked so I have the same bouts of restlessness at times.

It sucks and I don't wish it on anyone. Hope you heal quickly.

Why would you put that much unnecessary work into it. Just soak it in bleach and hot water for an hour and rinse it out after.

Well, when you want tea at 3 am because you couldn't sleep, but the tea steeper is dirty thus preventing you from having your tea, you get a bit vengeful and want to remove each speck of dirt by hand.

I prefer to speak down to my dirty utensils until they smarten up and start taking care of themselves.

Who cares if it’s normal. If a man wants to clean his tea infuser he shouldn’t get nagged about it.

It depends on your normal waking hours or how much insomnia you have.

Edit: neither of those things I mentioned are normal, so I guess your wife is right.

It's only not normal because the equipment doesn't require a deep clean very often. And major back injuries are also not normal but who's connecting all those dots at three in the morning?

Totally not normal for me, I don't know what's normal for you...

she woke up to use the restroom.

More likely all the noise you were making did it. Yeah Buddy, looks like you might be in a bad spot. Listen to your wife and figure out what needs to change.