Why do I feel sick every time I go out to eat with my gf?

strawberry@kbin.earth to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 141 points –

every time we go out to eat, I take like two bites and feel like throwing up, and I'm not one to get nauseous easily. this only started when we started dating (wed been best friends for 3 years or so up until that)

its not new food, I've been to these places many times before

114

Sounds like anxiety. Mild nausea and loss of appetite are something that I deal with on a daily basis. If you are happy then it could just be nervous excitement, like having butterflies in your stomach.

Yeah, OP didn't say how long they'd been together but if it's a new relationship after 3 years of being friends, especially if they're young and/or there's been lingering feelings for some time before becoming "official", then anxiety and nervous excitement is likely to be high!

spot on. wed liked eachother for two years, and were young too so

If nothing else is triggering it then my advice would be to cherish the feeling while it lasts! Go on dates that don't involve food for a while or stick to lighter food that doesn't involve sitting in a restaurant to eat. Once things start to feel more normal between you then you can try formal meals again.

If she's suggesting restaurants in the meantime then just be honest with her, she'll likely find it sweet and endearing and it'll help to calm the nerves.

maybe you're right

thing is well usually spend a good couple hours together and need food at that point

but well see, might be best to try and avoid food for a bit

Cooking together can be a fun "date". Do it at your place so you won't feel so much anxiety. Or if you need food that badly after a couple hours make some popcorn and eat it while you watch a show or movie.

Go to the same restaurants at the same time under the same conditions (i.e. how recently you ate another meal, day of the week, the weather, etc.) but with a different person and see if you still feel ill. Vary the conditions until you find one that correlates with your illness. Then try altering that condition.

If you feel ill under all conditions then see a doctor. In fact it might be good to make a doctor appointment anyway.

But babe, we have to go out tonight. It's for science!

"You're not my sidechick, you're my control condition!"

"I know you're sick of it, but I'm gonna need you to get the chicken Parm again. Trust the process!"

Isolating variables like this is so cool!

Are you just really nervous about being on a date?

I don't think so? but that could be a factor I suppose

Are there awkward pauses during your dinners? Do you think about things to talk about beforehand?

I guess maybe try to observe what happens just before you get sick each time.

we've been friends for long enough that there's never really any awkward silence

silence, sure, but not awkward

It’s called an anxiety attack. Talk to a therapist about it.

too poor for therapy lol (I need it but womp womp)

Then journal. Dump your thoughts onto paper, consider and reconsider. Just write out what you think. It can be a text file, a paper notebook with pen, whatever. Just write a lot.

yeah that could help, I've just always been a "bottle it up and call it a day" kind of guy

dunno, my mental health has been improving now that I'm out of school honestly so well see

Don't bottle it up. Decades of experience talking here. Do what you can to come to terms with your feelings, thoughts, etc. Then find a job that has good mental health care and see a therapist.

Advice: you will likely need to try out a couple before you find the right one. When you're comfortable with someone, you'll know.

Except for at the beginning of dinner dates.

Do you at least acknowledge it’s psychological? That unless she’s dosing your first bite with ipecac, there’s no physical reason to feel nauseous during the first couple bites of dinner dates?

Don't bottle up. That was the whole point of Inside Out. You have to experience the emotions.

I find it helpful sometimes to write down the negative shit then wad it up and throw it away or burn the paper.

Seriously, journaling has been extremely helpful, I only started doing it after I started talking to a professional (other than a few classes in school) and it makes our talks infinitely more productive. It really really really helps me organize my thoughts and emotions in a way that just letting the day wash over me and rolling with with it does not.

You need time to process your thoughts and feelings. You can effectively "mini" counsel yourself just by stepping back and getting a different perspective. Words are powerful things and when you're forced to slow down and try to summarize the incredibly complex emotional/psychological feelings we all have every day it can help you deal with things and give you insight into yourself, it's a very powerful tool we can all use.

That does not sound like an anxiety attack.

Nausea is a common symptom. Maybe you haven’t experienced it but it doesn’t mean it’s not a symptom for others.

7 more...
7 more...

It's because you're pregnant.

But on all seriousness, some say that there are cases when the would-be-father also feels nauseous with food when the girl gets pregnant.

don't think that's a possibility currently

very interesting tho

Anxiety?

If that tiny idiot of an amygdala in your brain thinks you're in danger then nausea can be a symptom.

Maybe she's poisoning you to get even for not asking her out earlier.

Is this one of those "red flags" people keep talking about?

haha maybe

Maybe you’re spending money you shouldn’t. Also, maybe youre spending your heart when you shouldn’t.

My first thought is that there’s something about those first couple of bites that triggers the anxiety. Could be subconscious (well, it is subconscious currently if you’re unaware of a cause).

Are there any particular thoughts that occur when the meal arrives? Even thoughts that occur only briefly to be replaced by others?

This was my first thought. Being pretty poor most of my life, I've had that "oh-shit" gut-punch when going out to eat a lot of times. Money problems suck.

Did you sign up for any life insurance policies with her recently? Add her to your will? Is she currently borrowing something and has mentioned "jokingly" about how she'd really like to keep it?

Not a high probability, mind you, but since the subject was raised...

This happened to me as well. I'd take a few bites of a meal and feel full/ nauseous; Sometimes even throw up. It went away after maybe 6 months of dating and we joke about it now 12 years later.

We chalked it up to nerves, but no one can tell for sure. Best of luck OP! Guessing you really like this person.

I hope that's it and it goes away on. its own

yeah we've liked eachother for two years now, but I was too dense to realized she liked me back and she was too shy to say anything lol

My husband would get wild upset stomachs before we went out on a date. His aunt would tease him that he was allergic to me. It was anxiety.

I could spend the whole weekend with him in his apartment, and he'd feel fine. It only happened before we planned to go out to dinner specifically. Lunch was nbd to his brain.

interesting. now that I think about it the less fancy the place the more likely I'll be okay I think? but imma start taking notes

but yeah that's probably what it is

Really think about what you are expecting of yourself at times like that. Sometimes nice restaurants make me feel pressured to have a good time or otherwise "fit in" with the other people eating there.

Money is a serious thing. If your relationship is going to make your financial life unsustainable, that needs resolving.

It could be financial. Are you spending more money now that you’re a couple?

I mean a little, but ive got the money. and she pays half the time and those times aren't any better so I don't think its that. I also generally don't think about money all that much.

Maybe she's poisoning you just a tiny bit at a time. Kidding, but have you guys eaten a meal at home together without you feeling sick?

not really, she came over once and we ate like polish crepes i made, and that was fine, but not much of a meal, no

I would try that a few more time, the fact that you were doing something will help with any anxiety

Allergies maybe? Most women use special makeup for dates. It could be something she's wearing like lipstick. It could be something in the food like peanuts or olive oil.

Try cooking dinner at home together and see if it happens.

Are you reacting to her perfume? Maybe she didn't put it on when you were just friends.

no she definetly did, same one as always, and its not strong

also that would make me nauseous in the car as well, not just when eating

Maybe there's something you need to get off your chest. Maybe you feel like you're not being true to yourself.

If you feel like something needs to change in your relationship, better to put it out there and work through it than keep it hidden.

Anxiety is a possibility, even if you aren’t actively feeling it. This is a good opportunity to seek help from a professional, even if it’s nothing related to that.

haha I'm too poor for therapy

Maybe try a cannabis edible about an hour before you're planning to eat? Offer her one too

not a fan of weed, gives me panick attacks lol

Less THC, more CBD.

In fact, CBD gummies are probably better anyway. You don't want to be high all the time when you're with your gf.

probably due to inflation and the price increase 🤷🏻

Stan?

Edit: It was a South Park Stan + Wendy reference, but I get the Eminem one too.

I meant to write you sooner, but I've just been busy. You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?

I have a similar issue sometimes. I feel like I get overstimulated by smells in restaurants.. Also I'm lazy so I eat boring food at home, so maybe the variety contributes to the nausea.

Also I'm celiac, which definitely doesn't help.

It's possible they changed their recipe to include something you may be allergic to or it's a new allergy

If this is real, it's absolutely fascinating :)

Placebo effect?
Maybe you got a touch of food poisoning one of the first times and now you subconsciously associate it with date nights?

Fun fact! When the effect on your health is negative instead of positive it's known as the nocebo effect.

...

Well, I thought that fact was fun...

You've known each other for 3 years? Wow that's cool! How long did you know you liked her?

like 2 years. I was too dense to see she liked me back, she was too shy to say anything. were here now I guess 🤷‍♂️

Nice. I imagine you have been looking forward to dating a lot?

yep

Makes sense that there would be some nerves involved then. Even if you're not feeling them consciously. I'm sure there's a risk to dating someone you've built such a good friendship with.

Good on you for going for it!

I don't have an answer, but congrats on being one of the few to break that friendship zone barrier

Ok, that helps. Still I think to look at what happens just before might help.

Restaurants don't serve food. They serve drugs that are intended to hook you and make you come back, not nourish you and keep you healthy. It could just be the cumulative effect. People who eat poorly get worse and worse over time.

I think every large establishment that serves food to the public should be required to serve food that a person could eat FOR EVERY MEAL and be healthy.

I've worked in quite a few restaurants, and although they were full of drugs, the drugs were usually in the cooks, NOT the food.

usually

So you're saying there's a chance?

It can happen when the cooks ripp a fat line on the edge of a pan, and half of it falls in because they are too inebriated.

Lol yea yea and chemtrails are actually a secret government project for mind control

Good point! OP, are you eating on the restaurant's open-air patio? Perhaps chemtrail chemicals are filtering down into your food from the sky.

Sir, you do not have a worthy username to be saying crazy things on the internet. That's MY thing! And if anything, you gotta have drugs! Do you know what this world would come to if Danny DeVito ever ran out of cocaine??? He would get all oiled up, and we'd all have to look at his butthole, as Chyrol Crow sang dongs about irony. Because WE were the buttholes all along!

See? THAT'S how it's done! Now go see my post about why Burger King should start advertising nuts on pornhub.

Beautifully done, as always. Don't think I didn't see all that chaos-sowing bait in there!

What shape is the Earth according to you?

At this point, I feel like I'm not going too far out on a limb if I say turd-shaped.

Yup restaurant food is drugs and it's turning the fricken frogs GAY

Sir, this is a Wendy's (so knock that shit off you're making the other customers nervous)