You are now a duck, what do you do first??

ᙖᖇƐ>ᜊᙃ ッ@lemmy.world to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 105 points –

You are still you, you can speak human language that you already know, and you know how to speak duck.

You have to learn how to be a duck. This means you gotta learn how to fly, hunt food, etc.

87

Quak

Quack?

Pick one person at a time and speak to them in human language. In some cases it will be to give them a special magical friend, in other cases it will be to cause them to question their sanity.

Then I'd get to seeing about this whole corkscrew dick thing.

Depends, am I a horse-sized duck? I might have some people to fight

I see you're a person of culture.

Lea Thompson For those who are unfamiliar, let me introduce you to Howard the Duck (really the first movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe).

Is that Duckdo? Or are they both ducks...

Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.

I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.

  • explain the whole thing to my partner and ask them to protect me.

Failing that:

  • carefully waddle to where I know people feed ducks

  • practice flying and copy other ducks

  • ask other ducks for tips

I’d float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.

I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.

I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.

Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.

Do you want to end up being dissected in a government lab? Because that's how you get dissected in a government lab.

Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.

There are some really good "I just woke up as a duck" tutorials on Coursera.

Avoid the ones on Wiki How, they are repurposed courses originally intended for people who woke up as a chicken.

The first thing is probably quack.. I would love to fly to someone in the park working on something and solve the issue for them. I'd like to be known as a helpful duck.

I'd duck. Then I would probably duck some more.