Same problem as most everyone else really, one month away from homelessness.
Modern civilisation is ending and likely cannot be stopped.
Suggestions on a postcard pls.
So long, and thanks for all the fish
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear
I moderated r/collapse for about a year. I've been aware since 2012 what is coming and it's only this last year that it's like a switch was flipped. This summer is going to be brutal and it will only get worse.
I can't talk about this with my wife, as she is unable to cope with the data and shuts down. None of my friends want to talk about the problems we face and call me a downer. I've come to the realization that every day that I'm not baking alive, dying of thirst/hunger, or being killed for my meat is a good day that I should cherish.
Pretty much same. Around 2012 it really became apparent that nothing was going to be done in time and I personally flipped from "Science/tech will save us!" to pessimist. At this point it's just realism.
The way the world handled Covid was the final nail in the coffin for me when the majority of humanity demonstrated that they can't/won't behave as a collective to save lives if it inconveniences them. It was the perfect test run for what is to come and most made it abundantly clear they can't cope with any kind of disruption to their capitalistic routine.
Now the data is beginning to show in the graphs the news is slowly seeping into mainstream circles. But at this it's way too late and nothing short of ditching the idea of growth and uniting/mobilising the entire world against the issue will solve it.
Luckily my partner is fully aware too so we're just making what we can of the time we have left. My friends and family on the other hand are busy having kids and whilst appear to listen, obviously don't grasp the gravity of the situation.
hopefully its the end of the beginning, more than the beginning of the end.
Not to mention the rising tensions around the globe reminiscent of the 1930s.
Sometimes I think you know, being mildly chronically ill with no real social attachments isn't that bad.
everything's fine personally, but it makes me sad and bitter that i see a world where the light keeps getting dimmer. when i was younger, i believed in a bright future. hell, i believed in a bright future up until 2015 or so.
i don't see young people making good memories any more. i don't see love any more.
what can you do about it? make sure there are consequences for the people who are making it go dark.
gestures vaguely
Just began the process of divorcing my wife of 4 years for having a sexual relationship with someone I've been friends with for over 20 years. With the marriage goes my sense of financial security, a cohesive circle of close friends, a stable place to live, an adorable pup, and pretty much the entirety of my life plans for the next five years. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and only barely so.
But I've learned to rely on myself and my resolve a lot more, and the relationship I've begun to forge with my inner-self is something I wouldn't trade away for anything. And I've become a lot closer with the friends I've retained, or it feels like I have.
I hope you've divorced that shitty friend of yours, too.
I’m sorry for both/all of your losses.
Except for the dog. That dog is yours. And your rock to start rebuilding.
That's the neat part, you can't. Unless you can fix healthcare, housing/transportation, money etc (even if you could, it wouldn't be the same as if those were never problems in the first place). That or the old escapist dream of "get me out of here" but I also don't ever see that happening for a lot of reasons. So again, no.
Even trying to broaden the definition of help... things are probably too personal, too difficult/specific, and maybe even inconsequential. Like the type of thing there just isn't an answer for.
For some reason I find it absolutely hilarious that some idiots have downvoted this.
"Please keep your existential dread to yourself as we only really want to hear problems that can be fixed with a pithy Lemmy comment."
Sorry bro, not much consolation but I feel you.
I would say the point of my comment was more on despair than dread.
And anyone who downvoted probably didn't get that I was speaking from my own life, as addressed in another reply. Guess that's my fault for trying to make it not about me.
Though either way I can't actually see the downvotes. None of them are federated to Kbin and on the Lemmy side the score seems identical now and no vote tracking to show negatives (unless that's only if you have an account).
Helping a person doesn't require systemic change. Ultimately yes, to end the major problems people face will require that change to occur, but helping an individual isn't that hard. Sometimes people are just in a bind and could use advice or $50. Don't call that inconsequential. If you get so in the weeds on systemic change that you fail to see how to help an individual in need, then you lost the thread.
This, right here.
Getting rid of people who say, "Stop being so dramatic!"
The human world is dying, and I'm supposed to just piddle around and not shout that it's shit!?
I sell plasma to pay bills, after working a full-time salary job.
So, unless you have an answer, how about YOU be quiet.
If it's unclear, I was stating my own problems. I don't see how a perfect internet stranger could help those issues, and even if they could I would probably just want them to help someone else instead.
The inconsequential bit was also speaking for myself. As in a situation of "I got this small thing that I wanted, but it didn't have as much of an effect as I expected it would and now I feel worse that I asked for it". I was also thinking in the mindset of not-something-everybody-needs but also not-something-that-could've-been-an-image-search-for-puppies.
Ah, I understand now. I'm in the same boat. My day-to-day is alright and I'm getting along fine, but the issues I'm facing are generally systemic. My solution is to do what I can to fight the system: I'm a union organizer at my company to fight the general unaffordability in my area (and obviously lots of other issues too), I'm drafting legislation for tenants rights so I don't have as much landlord bs, etc. It's hard work to do that stuff, but since those are my only major problems I think it's worth my effort.
I don’t think OP was actually proposing that they’d solve our problems. Just wondering what they are (I guess).
I wanted some idea of where the problems lie and from there figure out what an individual could do.
For an actual reply from me, I'm a NEET shut-in with untreated health issues in a semi-rural area so probably not much unless in the same state (USA, MI). My ideas for individual help would be if somebody could:
Tell me when the trail is going to open back up, or maybe they are the ones working on it (though either of those would likely just have me know slightly sooner)
Tell me if atlas orthogonal adjustment is a real+effective thing (particularly in context of sleep quality/energy, autonomic issues, POTS, known whiplash history etc) and if the chiropractors near me (+the trail) have the equipment for that procedure plus X-rays (paperwork info etc).
(If you live in an intentional community, again near the trail) tell me if I could be a good fit. Which is also a gamble when it comes to personality compatibility. And I don't have high hopes for it.
So you see it'd be like trying to get a bullseye blindfolded when you don't know where any dartboards are. Unlikely even if you had many darts.
On a non-local and less important note there is tech stuff that is specific, a high bar, and the sort of thing I already talk about here on the Fediverse already:
Like still no Nim-lang bindings ready for Godot 4.
Or alternatives that have similar feel+capability (from what I've seen, none do) but better support.
Anything relating to untextured polygonal art.
Godot 4 has a still-unmerged PR that allows for dynamic constructed art (animated eye example) but performance is likely an issue using it like that especially with MSAA
and Godot still has vertex colors done via a list (no painting/color tools like index/layers).
Raylib has polygons but there is no editor (I have an unfinished text format, because there are 2 formats for polygons).
If I went with 3D that may be easier but I'd need to learn Blender unless there is also a good simpler low-poly+vertex colors model program.
Free games that I don't find tedious.
It would be nice to have a Minetest game that doesn't copy certain things from MC
like hunger/stamina and cluttering cosmetic variants of blocks
would be nice to have things like pistons (but more powerful/viable in survival mode, chain-able w/o manual logic), but with a close-enough base game (and not too wiki-dependent) I might try to figure out how to make what I can.
Maybe something more like MC beta, though I guess maybe it's subjective plus difficult to add real compelling elements.
Not quite satisfied with S.Pixel Dungeon or other roguelikes.
Hopefully this makes sense and isn't too eclectic, answering something perhaps. Because I know these are probably too out-there.
I interpreted it as they'd happily solve our problems providing we bring our own solutions.
I need to find a smart and cute 45 year old lady with a nice house who’s lonely and horny. I can handle the shopping, cooking and entertainment.
If she has any friends in the same position put in a good word for me okay?
Getting divorced at 57. Only married 8 years, but separated for almost 3 now. I hate online dating. I worry about being creepy when I see someone I'm attracted to. I can't bring myself to hit on anyone I work with, especially since I'm only attracted to women far younger than me (30s and early 40s). I guess I'm alone from here out, with my only physical contact coming from the occasional massage parlor.
You planning on having kids? If not, maybe deprioritize attraction and focus on someone with a personality.
Bonus: you won't feel nervous or creepy talking to them.
This is the way 🎯
Man, loneliness sucks! Best I can say is try and fill your free time as much as possible. I met my wife online, but that landscape has completely changed since we got together! At the time, I was in my late 30s and pretty much only out of my apartment for work or gym. If I hadn’t met her, I’m pretty sure gym time would’ve eventually dwindled to zero. Even if you don’t start a new relationship, you’ll be busy and around others. Better than Netflix being you closest “friend!”
Wait, you only are attracted to women in their 30s still, at nearly 60? Oof I am almost your age with kids that old. I can see why you are worried about seeming creepy.
Best of luck to you, in any event, and I do think if you open your window to women who are similar attractiveness to however you look, your prospects will be good, if you had a long run of a relationship you can again, you do know how to live with someone. That's a valuable life skill. And I agree with d00phy, get out in the world and do things, you will meet people and make connections, that helps.
I've always been quite minimalistic so saving money has been very easy for me. After getting fired from my last job over speaking out against the abusive management, I haven't returned to any work. I've also moved back home with my parents to not only save money but also take care of them as they get older and work on a relationship that never really was a relationship in the past (I found out in adulthood that I'm ADHD/Autistic).
It's been some time since I had been abruptly fired from my job and the lawyers regarding that situation have come and gone from my life. Now I'm limbo. I have enough saved money for at least a year, maybe two. My parents have been gently pushing me to find work.
I just don't want to work. Not anymore. All that's left are jobs at soulless corporations which suck all individuality, creativity and happiness out of you. I don't want to deal with people anymore. I barely want to leave the house knowing I have to share the roads with angry people aggressively driving their murder trucks.
I'm not very motivated to find a job at the never ending end of the world. I'm not sure how I can explain this to my parents who act as if the future is stable even when the news they consume everyday tells a story of a world unravelling.
The only thing I could do which would bring meaning to my current life situation is to join a group that focused on meaningful change for the future. Unfortunately, I live in a rural town that designed itself to have soulless suburbs and populated it with old folks who are completely out of touch with reality.
Have you considered remote work? It's a godsend
I'm completely disinterested in working for another faceless, soulless entity which only focuses on wealth accumulation. I'm also disinterested in meaningless jobs that do nothing to help make the world a better place for the people that come after me.
At this point, I believe that the only way forward is direct action against unjust hierarchy and those who enforce it. As each day passes, I become more firm in that belief.
If I ever come across people who share the same views as me, I would gladly join them. That would give me the meaning and purpose to move forward that a standard job could never provide.
Until money becomes an issue and I'm forced to work to survive, I'd much rather spend my time around my parents and closest friends.
I do recognize that I am super fortunate to be in such a position, the painful majority of the world must work just to barely exist. I feel awful everytime I have to participate in society and enable the misery machine.
There are plenty of people on Lemmy who feel the same way. Why not organize with them?
I need to be involved locally and physically. My ADHD and impatience with the increasingly complicated technology we use today just doesn't vibe together anymore. A brutal lesson I learned after my trade school courses I was attending went to an online format.
Lemmy's userbase is just too small and my physical location is a bit too remote to organize anything. I have an alternate lemmy account at another server where I can connect with like-minded people online but that's as much as I can get out of Lemmy until it's userbase becomes significant.
I still search for events happening it the big city but time and distance is a factor I have to take in to consideration.
No car?
No car.
I'm "content" where I am now. I understand you want to help in some way but sometimes listening to someone vent helps more than any advice anyone can give.
People like to talk. People like being heard. People like being understood. Being too proactive can easily get in the way of listening sometimes.
Okay. I'm more than happy to listen.
OP's solved it everyone!
We all just need to get in our cars that we definitely have and cross oceans to a Lemmy meetup where we amass in our hundreds to bring down the corporate hegemony, solve climate change and live out the rest of our days remotely working together in peace.
Tip of the iceberg: I'm a carer for an elderly parent, the other one is terminally ill and long estranged, my sibling has his own (mental-) health issues, and despite being well educated I am terminally unemployed with a CV that's more gap than employment. I am past 40. In many ways it is too late for me to get my life on track. I power on, but I gave up a long time ago, it hurts less than having dreams. My current pension plan is a rope. Money would make my life better, but there are people who are far more deserving.
What could you do? Vote for progressive parties, politicians that are in favour of affordable healthcare, decent social security, social housing and perhaps even UBI.
Don't do this for some random stranger on the internet. Do this for yourself.
There's this myth that the homeless are all lazy, mentally ill or drug addicts. That the unfortunate deserve their misfortune. That you reap what you sow. It's a comforting lie. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Life is not fair. You can do your best and still lose.
The reality is that plenty of homeless people have (hard science) degrees, are highly intelligent, worked really hard only to find their pension had been stolen from them, were otherwise ripped off, or got ill and couldn't afford the bills. This could happen to you. Statistically, it is likely that this will happen to someone reading this.
Vote accordingly and realise that those less fortunate than you, could be you 6 months from now, through no fault of your own or that a stupid mistake could leave you in the gutter.
Too much depression and anxiety to work, not enough to get approved for disability. And bureaucracy is an anxiety trigger. Fun, innit?
I started jumping through those hoops, but then I got cancer and it's really easy to get disability with it. Life pro tip lol.
Trying to care for my partner with PTSD, she’s alcoholic and actively suicidal. Doctor is trying to help but mental health support has a huge waiting list (months and years). Her son, living with us, is retarded, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, and complains constantly about not being able to get a job so he can move out. (I’m not sure that he’s even employable). My ex wife kicked out my son because he and my youngest are arguing all the time and she (ex wife) can’t cope. He started moving in here but doesn’t get along with my partner so he ran away from home (he’s an adult). Now we have a room full of his stuff but don’t know where he is or whether he’s coming back.
I’m still getting over cancer treatment and l I’m so tired.
I’m fine, how are you?
Jeezus. Dude. I mean. Dude. Err. Do you have some place to vent occasionally?
After multiple times being essentially abandoned, I've learned to have absolutely zero sense of self worth. I'm beginning to see just how much that shows through in my behaviors.
For starters, I'm 20 hours late for this post. It's the two year anniversary of my mother dying of cancer. My brother died of cancer in August. My wife almost died this month. I can't sleep. I have too much anxiety. I don't have any face to face friends and I feel too burned out for anyone to want to be my friend.
Lost ones anniversaries are rough.
I like to imagine those I've lost over time would rather cheer me up than have me remember them through sadness. Still, easier said than done.
(The silver lining about the slower content on lemmy compared to reddit is you can be hours late and still be part of the discussion instead of casting your bottle at sea if you miss the 15 minute window.)
I’m sorry for your losses but remember life is for the living. Live your life as best you can. That’s why they call it the present.
Well, I recently got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And instead of doing the smart thing, I've just been drinking myself to sleep multiple times a day, which is easy to do because I'm unemployed.
I'm constantly having to keep my head on a swivel because I pissed off a person known for shooting people and getting away with it - I didn't know this when I pissed him off. Honestly shocked that what I said pissed him off to the point he had his friends jump me.
And last night I ran into an old crush who is not single and started the process all over again of trying to get past it and just be friends with him. But it's hard to just let these feelings go. Fuck my life.
One day at a time.
If you’re worried about your drinking, there’s no time like now to stop.
Lost Had to put my dog down on Wednesday.
My divorce finalizes on Monday.
It’s mostly the dog thing tho
Right? I once told an ex "not going to miss you, going to miss the dog though". I was correct.
But then again, your dog had you until the end, so his world was probably pretty okay. You likely did your job well, giving him a life with you in it and he didn't have to go through the pain of getting used to anything else. This is the contract we have with those shortlived, trusting creatures. In a stupid metaphor, we're some sort of elves to them, but the price for our seemingly immortal lifetime is, that we are the ones that have to endure so many goodbyes. They accompany you through the years, you accompany them to the end. It's fair and our lives are richer for it.
In my area there are local lost dog Facebook pages. Good luck! Divorce sucks, but sometimes marriage is worse. Your home should be your calm, safe space.
Yea, I mean ‘lost’, not misplaced lol
Oh man. I'm so sorry.
You gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.
I have no friends or family.
I'm only avoiding suicide cos I've failed for 20yrs so proving I'm shit at it.
My last attempt resulted in a nightmare hospital stay where I got barely any fucking care.
I'm on probation for a crime I don't remember committing while psychotic on meth.
Unemployed
Polydrug addiction cos life is so shit but I have to remain sober.
Who the hell downvoted you and why?
Money. Simple like that.
Answer: you need more money
Nah, just get rid of the junk so nobody has money. Just trade time for time (aka help each other).
I havent eaten anything but one small reduced portion of rice and noodles for the whole week
Cause PayPal and western Union do not give me the money they where supposed to
Im two of those reduced portions away from going hungry
I just want a nice warm meal honestly
And I hate that im even bringing this up, it feels icky to tell other what situation I am in
update: my gf whos in california on the other side of the world caught wind and just ordered me a big burger to ebb me over until the money arrives, man, shes the best
This is why food banks exist. It is okay to go there and ask for food. Look for one in your area
Either im or other people are mistaking this question.
Does it not state us telling the problem and how people can help it directly?
Pointing to very obvious external services doesn't sound very much like the posed question.
$130,000 in student loan debt. Cosigned by my family members who can't afford to pay either. I can't vent to them about it either.
I have a shit job, basically minimum wage, that I commute 45 minutes to.
I have a Bachelor's Degree in Game Programming. Guess how many of those jobs are available?
I lack the will to live, but don't have the strength to kill myself.
Why not just make games on your own and put them on the Google Play store? Build a portfolio
Because of the above, I don't have time. Any free time I get is 2 hours or so.
I might going forward. I finally am getting days off at work. Before I would get day off and I wouldn't know until the morning of.
My shoulder hurts. May I receive a massage? No chiropractic voodoo please.
If you happen to live near me, ill do it.
Im not a masseuse or anything, an ive eaten an edible which hasnt kicked in yet but you will have to listen to the audiobook im listening to.
Sold.
Hope you are a fan of australian accents
Money and money
I mean isn't it always?
Lucky bastards
Terrible lonelyness...
36 years old man, have been overweight almost all my life, balding, have only a few friends, lives alone.
I matured in my mid twenties, that is when I started being interested in finding a partner, unfortunately, I worked alternating 12h day/night shifts on an irregular schedule at the time, and my life was just work/eat/rest/sleep, I had no real time abd energy to meet new people.
After four and half years of that, I got a normal job, but felt completely lost in where to even start finding people, and still am now seven years later.
I work in IT, and am good at talking to people normally, but as soon as the talk get's more personal I don't really know how to keep going and be interesting, I also have trouble asking the right questions in the right way so I have a tendancy to seem self centered, but I am working on it.
The reason I can be this open about my issues here is that it helps me reflect on myself and analyze what I need to work on, and that I am writing behind a mask of annonymity.
Also, while I am very lonely, I know how to deal with it through distractions and shifting focus from the feelings, I know it isn't healthy, but I am a master of repressing feelings, sometimes I do let them out and give myself a good solid cry about the situation.
In the end, my life isn't terrible in general, I do stuff all the time, I own my own apartment, small car, good camera, decent computer and I realize i could be far worse off.
Sorry if im focused on the wrong thing here but balding can be easily remedied by taking the step of shaving your head.
It was frightening for me at first but it really boosted my self esteem when i finally did it.
Maybe "fixing" one small issue can give you energy to focus on something positive?
Yeah, I realized that a year or so ago, and while I don't shave my head, I do go for the 6mm buzz cut special every time
The only way I found to meet new people as an adult is through hobbies.
Working in tech, for me, ideally that's something that doesn't involve solving puzzles and that has an actual physical element.
I've gone through painting, Board game, Ceramics, Yoga, paintball, volunteering at the pet rescue, trampoline, walking/hiking group and other things I forgot.
You already kinda share an interest with whoever is there so it's not as artificial as some other things.
Doesn't mean everyone will be your friend, but even a hobby-specific once-a-week buddy can be a nice change.
Some of those people stick around, most don't.
I don't mean this as advice, just my experience these last few years.
Yeah, I do enjoy photgraphy, and have thougjt about joining a photography club or something, once I am done dealing with my current work situation, I will look into it further
My mom was diagnosed with Ekbom Syndrom. She's been forced into early retirement because of it, but she doesn't have retirement, she's pulled out from it too many times.
I'm terrified I won't be able to support us both. I make only 62k, and I'm still paying off student loans from 20 years ago.
I wish I had other family to help me with the costs, but there's no one. I do have a brother, but he doesn't work and has spent the last 20 years living with my mom and playing video games. She was supporting them both. And don't think he's helping to care for her either.
I've talked her into moving states so that she's near me and I can help her more with stuff, so we're selling her very dilapidated house this summer. Because my brother destroys thing and she doesn't have the funds for upkeep, I don't think she'll be getting much from the sale.
My mom has been telling my brother she's going to buy him a house and I had to be the one to sit him down and tell him he'll be lucky to get a trailer, because she doesn't have any money. Once we sell her current house, that's it. She'll have that to buy something of her own, and if there's something leftover and I can't talk her out of it, maybe he'll get something for 50k.
I look at other friends with ailing parents and see the help they have from their siblings or family members, and I writhe with jealousy. Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she's crazy.
Parent care is incredibly difficult.... the exhaustion, always feeling like you're failing, .... I followed a couple of Reddit subs while we were caring for our moms and that was a nice outlet to vent without judgement. Try to take time for yourself, even if it's just a walk outside to let your brain relax.
Can I ask which subs you followed? It would be nice to speak to others who understand. I still use reddit on my desktop.
I followed r/dementia and i think either r/caregivers or r/caregiversupport.
Why would your brother possibly get money yet bear no financial responsibility to help?
Because my mom is an enabler, and she bears a lot of guilt over who she chose as our father and how he treated my brother. My brother and I both had a lot of emotional issues, and where I chose to get help and fix my issues, he hasn't.
Even if my brother agreed to help financially, he couldn't. He hasn't had a job in over a decade. Granted, he's going to have to get a job once mom moves, but he'll probably never earn more than barely keeping himself afloat. My mom says she just wants to make sure he has a place to live the rest of his life.
As for my mom, well, she's an adult, and other than her ekbom diagnosis, she's of sound mind. She makes her own choices, and I can only give my input. Can't make her do anything she doesn't want to.
Thanks for the explanation. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.
Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
While I don't mean this as a diagnosis, the last person I knew who did that was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although getting mental health care can be a challenge in itself, let alone for someone who doesn't want to.
Luckily I don't think that's the route her mind is going. The ekboms was brought on by extreme work stress, and she's already showing some signs of healing after being pulled from work. But it's certainly crossed my mind.
Something I learned from the "other site" personal finance sub: You are not responsible for your mother's debt, do not make any payments directly for any of her debt, or else that's enough in some states for debtors to then go after you.There's other tips and tricks to keep your finances separate from your mother's, don't feel bad looking after yours as the primary priority. Remember: A caregiver that's completely exhausted (either physically/mentally/financially) can't take care of anybody, so remember to take care of yourself first. I hope things get better for the both of us, I'm in a similar boat.
Where to start? 😅
Short version: been sick in various forms for the last 4 years with leg infections, epididymitis, covid and awful fatigue. Finally got an answer this past week of low testosterone. GP is unhelpful - won't refer me to endocrinology or urology because things will just go back to normal if I lose weight.
Long version? Eh, on request. Typing on my phone is awful.
How can random folk on the Internet help? I've no idea! Is anyone knows how to brow beat the NHS GP service into actually caring about their patients is love to know the secrets.
I am sorry you are experiencing this, it is so frustrating! Obligatory "I am not in the US" but what I ended up doing was to list my mom's address as if I was still living there so I could access a different clinic with different doctors since the one I was stuck with gave me similar advice as yours. Not perfect but it kind of helped.
Ah sadly due to the above happening I've been living at home with my folks so we're all registered at the same surgery. Good idea though!
No way to help, but:
TL;DR - my job sucks. Not enough to actually get sympathy from much of anyone, though.
More info if you want it:
My manager thinks he's the smartest man alive and is instantly better than everyone else on the team, but he's literally making every single bad choice he can.
I asked him a question about a specific implementation detail comment on an RFC the other day and he kept reiterating the plan for the overall feature.
Like, bro, I literally know the plan, just tell me whether or not the field is able to be used in the URL now. It was just abundantly clear that he had no idea what the answer was, but chose not to say "I don't know" and instead just kept reiterating the basic plan.
There was no miscommunication on my part. I'm successfully working on the ticket. He just didn't want to say "I don't know". He opted to waste my time as well as everyone else's on that call.
This, on top of pay issues (IE, them paying me very late), means I'm actively searching again. This job has been the biggest thorn in my ass for way too long.
It's hard to get sympathy from people, though, since I also get paid very handsomely. I've basically realized I need to just stop mentioning my job with people from my hometown. That's fine, though, again the main issue really is my manager. Other than him, to be real, my life is amazing.
Is your boss and my boss one person? Because your description matches perfectly. He thinks he's always right and never admits he's wrong. Also empathy = 0.
At least there's no problem when you need to get out early or "I need to go for an hour to sort my stuff".
Luckily the rest of people in the office are chill to balance his behaviour.
I feel you and I'm sorry you have to go through all of that. That sucks ass, having to tolerate being put down in a field where you are supposed to be the intellectual authority but are subverted by power hungry jackasses.
My wife began losing her sight 9 months ago and hasnt been able to work. She also has had vertigo for eight years and is losing most of her weight due to dietary restrictions, as well a a hyper sense of smell that is making her ill all the time. Disability is rejected, and paperwork for insurors trying not to pay is maddening. She has been under the care of a horrible doctor all her life who tells her that only Jesus can heal her. We are working poor in the US so we're fucked.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I feel chained to living a way I do not want to live, and if I were to try to escape, I wouldn't survive long
I have to make plans for a future I don't want
A future that does not matter to me
This isn't what I want
But I have no way out
What future are you being forced to plan for?
Go to college, work for the rest of my life, die
What is it you'd rather do? Not being sarcastic, not being an ass, I genuinely want to know what your passions are.
I want community
I want real relationships and connections
I want to feel human
The way I am forced to live takes it from me
Brother, its time to start hustling so you can have a better tomorrow. 👍😎
I'm emotionally in a bad place from years of emotional abuse (as a child and an adult). I struggle with ADHD, major depression, and anxiety. I'm unemployed and desperate for a career change. My marriage is in the shitter and I have no friends or family to lean on for anything. I'm all alone....
Hold tight
There's no easy recipe for any of those things. But try to do things that make you happy. Music is my go to, bit there's little tiny things everywhere if you take the time to slow and appreciate it.
If you're into social media like most people (I'm not, besides Lenny) is being a creator instead of consumer. Try finding some joy in making a Tik Tok, and stay away from it's feed. That's how I'm trying to teach my son social media, because it's a creative process instead of addiction.
I have a selection of social anxieties. Many of them revolve around me being let down so many times by people or groups I thought I belonged in. Any time I find some cool group, this feeling creeps up, letting me know "aw shit, here we go again". I'm sure the failures are a self fulfilling prophecy at this point.
I suppose the solution would be to ignore all the warning signs and get used to people being genuinely nice (and then walking into the minefield as I ignore the warning signs. And the purgatory restarts).
A calvacade of concerns:
Black Sheep - I'm the black sheep of the family for various reasons too numerous to get I into here. But suffice to say I have effectively zero contact with most of my immediate family except for my parents. My parents keep trying to force me into fitting into their own view of things, whether it be religion, antivax, etc which has put strain on the relationship when I refuse to fit their mold for me.
Forgotten - I'm forgotten by any friends/family that I do still have contact with. They rarely, if ever, reach out on their own initiative. I rarely reach out partly because I'm busy with my own stuff and simply don't remember to do so, partly because I'm tired of always initiating, and partly because I don't see the point, as I've been burned too many times before and it likely won't last anyway.
Money - I have significant debt that I'm years away from paying off with my current budget, both due to necessary expenditures and not so necessary ones. I'm also significantly behind on my retirement savings, especially if I want to have anywhere near my current income when I retire, if I can ever afford to. Add day to day expenses and couple that with both a desire to still occasionally frivolously spend money and a strong loathing of being in debt and you have a recipe for significant stress all on its own.
Covid - I'm one of those people who has enough health concerns that I want to play it extremely safe when it comes to potentially contracting the virus. This has put a serious damper on trying to go out and meet new people.
Frankly I think its a minor miracle that I've managed to hold it together as well as I have.
Adult life is full of must do s and little time for want to do s. From the sound of it you're looking for healthier better connections. It's not easy to do group hobbies but many people seem to suggest that.
Btw what are your interests?
Gaming and reading.
Every day I go to work, come gome, sleep, etc. That's not the issue. The issue is that every day, I fear for my kids and family. I sit and wonder what of their future? Pollution and climate change is in our face and no government entity is doing a thing about it. No corporation is budging. It was over 50F in January where it should be below zero. Should I get a survival kit? Would it help? Do I need something to grab and go? How can I teach my kids survival skills in the wild when I have no experience myself? Where will we go? How will we get clean water and food when the system shuts down? What will we eat when we are rationing fresh water and the crops are dying due to heat and sun baking?
I think people should worry about all those things, but I also think if you read the media it's like there will be mass deaths everywhere within 5 years which is far from truth.
We as a civilization shouldn't sit and do nothing for serious matters that will happen beyond ones lifetime.
People that I love who I want to keep in my life are proving incapable of accepting who I am.
I have a lot of other friends and family, so I'm not without people to talk to, but it's pretty hard to have your spouse and parents and priest so tell you that you need to get mental help and figure out what's real, after you've been getting help and are on the road to accepting yourself...
People push themselves and others to change when their opinion is that they can do better. In this case you're saying you're getting help and improving but people around you seem to think it's making things worse? Did I get it right?
Many times people disagree on a very fundamental level. The first step is you agreeing with yourself and accepting yourself, which seems to be under control.
The last step is quite often about after life considerations. Since I'm not religious, many will find my opinion over simplistic: that's not a thing so why care. Fortunately the Pope is more progressive than their followers. The message is, taboos change over time.
People don't usually tell other people they are confused and have a mental illness while referring to something every major medical organization in the country agrees is part of the normal pattern of variation that humans experience.
I get what you're trying to say and I guess it's my fault for being delicate about it, but I am trans and that doesn't mean I'm delusional and conversion therapy wouldn't "fix" me no matter how many priests suggest it.
Society being bigoted, predujiced and caring more about money than people
Society has to change and go along a utopian path to make it better
Dealing with my father's disability, poverty, living under dictatorship... You know, just the usual things.
I just want people to be more compassionate, I think.
Though honestly, it's more just a sort of blah feeling I've been having the past few months now, all day every day. I feel like I'm just going through the motions at all times in life, on auto-pilot, like there's this sort of cloud hanging over everything and I'm having trouble focusing on anything. Granted, there's been a string of bad news items almost daily it seems like and anxiety around the big upcoming general election, but I suspect it's some level of depression. Otherwise, I myself don't have many of my own problems that are bothering me, it's more the problems of other people around me that probably give me the most issues, people that I can't just easily ignore or tell them to piss off.
I remember those lyrics from Earthbound
I have no meaning in my life. I go to work and I consume and I don’t connect with anyone or help anyone.
The way you can help me is you can tell me some way I can help you.
🤔 Well, we can address the lack of connection with other people, as it's the easiest to solve. What are your interests, your passions?
Same problem as most everyone else really, one month away from homelessness.
Modern civilisation is ending and likely cannot be stopped.
Suggestions on a postcard pls.
So sad that it should come to this
We tried to warn you all but oh dear
I moderated r/collapse for about a year. I've been aware since 2012 what is coming and it's only this last year that it's like a switch was flipped. This summer is going to be brutal and it will only get worse.
I can't talk about this with my wife, as she is unable to cope with the data and shuts down. None of my friends want to talk about the problems we face and call me a downer. I've come to the realization that every day that I'm not baking alive, dying of thirst/hunger, or being killed for my meat is a good day that I should cherish.
Pretty much same. Around 2012 it really became apparent that nothing was going to be done in time and I personally flipped from "Science/tech will save us!" to pessimist. At this point it's just realism.
The way the world handled Covid was the final nail in the coffin for me when the majority of humanity demonstrated that they can't/won't behave as a collective to save lives if it inconveniences them. It was the perfect test run for what is to come and most made it abundantly clear they can't cope with any kind of disruption to their capitalistic routine.
Now the data is beginning to show in the graphs the news is slowly seeping into mainstream circles. But at this it's way too late and nothing short of ditching the idea of growth and uniting/mobilising the entire world against the issue will solve it.
Luckily my partner is fully aware too so we're just making what we can of the time we have left. My friends and family on the other hand are busy having kids and whilst appear to listen, obviously don't grasp the gravity of the situation.
hopefully its the end of the beginning, more than the beginning of the end.
This graph suggests the latter.
Not to mention the rising tensions around the globe reminiscent of the 1930s.
Sometimes I think you know, being mildly chronically ill with no real social attachments isn't that bad.
everything's fine personally, but it makes me sad and bitter that i see a world where the light keeps getting dimmer. when i was younger, i believed in a bright future. hell, i believed in a bright future up until 2015 or so.
i don't see young people making good memories any more. i don't see love any more.
what can you do about it? make sure there are consequences for the people who are making it go dark.
gestures vaguely
Just began the process of divorcing my wife of 4 years for having a sexual relationship with someone I've been friends with for over 20 years. With the marriage goes my sense of financial security, a cohesive circle of close friends, a stable place to live, an adorable pup, and pretty much the entirety of my life plans for the next five years. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and only barely so.
But I've learned to rely on myself and my resolve a lot more, and the relationship I've begun to forge with my inner-self is something I wouldn't trade away for anything. And I've become a lot closer with the friends I've retained, or it feels like I have.
I hope you've divorced that shitty friend of yours, too.
I’m sorry for both/all of your losses.
Except for the dog. That dog is yours. And your rock to start rebuilding.
That's the neat part, you can't. Unless you can fix healthcare, housing/transportation, money etc (even if you could, it wouldn't be the same as if those were never problems in the first place). That or the old escapist dream of "get me out of here" but I also don't ever see that happening for a lot of reasons. So again, no.
Even trying to broaden the definition of help... things are probably too personal, too difficult/specific, and maybe even inconsequential. Like the type of thing there just isn't an answer for.
For some reason I find it absolutely hilarious that some idiots have downvoted this.
"Please keep your existential dread to yourself as we only really want to hear problems that can be fixed with a pithy Lemmy comment."
Sorry bro, not much consolation but I feel you.
I would say the point of my comment was more on despair than dread.
And anyone who downvoted probably didn't get that I was speaking from my own life, as addressed in another reply. Guess that's my fault for trying to make it not about me.
Though either way I can't actually see the downvotes. None of them are federated to Kbin and on the Lemmy side the score seems identical now and no vote tracking to show negatives (unless that's only if you have an account).
Helping a person doesn't require systemic change. Ultimately yes, to end the major problems people face will require that change to occur, but helping an individual isn't that hard. Sometimes people are just in a bind and could use advice or $50. Don't call that inconsequential. If you get so in the weeds on systemic change that you fail to see how to help an individual in need, then you lost the thread.
This, right here.
Getting rid of people who say, "Stop being so dramatic!"
The human world is dying, and I'm supposed to just piddle around and not shout that it's shit!?
I sell plasma to pay bills, after working a full-time salary job.
So, unless you have an answer, how about YOU be quiet.
If it's unclear, I was stating my own problems. I don't see how a perfect internet stranger could help those issues, and even if they could I would probably just want them to help someone else instead.
The inconsequential bit was also speaking for myself. As in a situation of "I got this small thing that I wanted, but it didn't have as much of an effect as I expected it would and now I feel worse that I asked for it". I was also thinking in the mindset of not-something-everybody-needs but also not-something-that-could've-been-an-image-search-for-puppies.
Ah, I understand now. I'm in the same boat. My day-to-day is alright and I'm getting along fine, but the issues I'm facing are generally systemic. My solution is to do what I can to fight the system: I'm a union organizer at my company to fight the general unaffordability in my area (and obviously lots of other issues too), I'm drafting legislation for tenants rights so I don't have as much landlord bs, etc. It's hard work to do that stuff, but since those are my only major problems I think it's worth my effort.
I don’t think OP was actually proposing that they’d solve our problems. Just wondering what they are (I guess).
I wanted some idea of where the problems lie and from there figure out what an individual could do.
For an actual reply from me, I'm a NEET shut-in with untreated health issues in a semi-rural area so probably not much unless in the same state (USA, MI). My ideas for individual help would be if somebody could:
Tell me when the trail is going to open back up, or maybe they are the ones working on it (though either of those would likely just have me know slightly sooner)
Tell me if atlas orthogonal adjustment is a real+effective thing (particularly in context of sleep quality/energy, autonomic issues, POTS, known whiplash history etc) and if the chiropractors near me (+the trail) have the equipment for that procedure plus X-rays (paperwork info etc).
(If you live in an intentional community, again near the trail) tell me if I could be a good fit. Which is also a gamble when it comes to personality compatibility. And I don't have high hopes for it.
So you see it'd be like trying to get a bullseye blindfolded when you don't know where any dartboards are. Unlikely even if you had many darts.
On a non-local and less important note there is tech stuff that is specific, a high bar, and the sort of thing I already talk about here on the Fediverse already:
Like still no Nim-lang bindings ready for Godot 4.
Anything relating to untextured polygonal art.
Godot 4 has a still-unmerged PR that allows for dynamic constructed art (animated eye example) but performance is likely an issue using it like that especially with MSAA
Raylib has polygons but there is no editor (I have an unfinished text format, because there are 2 formats for polygons).
If I went with 3D that may be easier but I'd need to learn Blender unless there is also a good simpler low-poly+vertex colors model program.
Free games that I don't find tedious.
It would be nice to have a Minetest game that doesn't copy certain things from MC
Not quite satisfied with S.Pixel Dungeon or other roguelikes.
Hopefully this makes sense and isn't too eclectic, answering something perhaps. Because I know these are probably too out-there.
I interpreted it as they'd happily solve our problems providing we bring our own solutions.
I need to find a smart and cute 45 year old lady with a nice house who’s lonely and horny. I can handle the shopping, cooking and entertainment.
If she has any friends in the same position put in a good word for me okay?
Getting divorced at 57. Only married 8 years, but separated for almost 3 now. I hate online dating. I worry about being creepy when I see someone I'm attracted to. I can't bring myself to hit on anyone I work with, especially since I'm only attracted to women far younger than me (30s and early 40s). I guess I'm alone from here out, with my only physical contact coming from the occasional massage parlor.
You planning on having kids? If not, maybe deprioritize attraction and focus on someone with a personality.
Bonus: you won't feel nervous or creepy talking to them.
This is the way 🎯
Man, loneliness sucks! Best I can say is try and fill your free time as much as possible. I met my wife online, but that landscape has completely changed since we got together! At the time, I was in my late 30s and pretty much only out of my apartment for work or gym. If I hadn’t met her, I’m pretty sure gym time would’ve eventually dwindled to zero. Even if you don’t start a new relationship, you’ll be busy and around others. Better than Netflix being you closest “friend!”
Wait, you only are attracted to women in their 30s still, at nearly 60? Oof I am almost your age with kids that old. I can see why you are worried about seeming creepy.
Best of luck to you, in any event, and I do think if you open your window to women who are similar attractiveness to however you look, your prospects will be good, if you had a long run of a relationship you can again, you do know how to live with someone. That's a valuable life skill. And I agree with d00phy, get out in the world and do things, you will meet people and make connections, that helps.
I've always been quite minimalistic so saving money has been very easy for me. After getting fired from my last job over speaking out against the abusive management, I haven't returned to any work. I've also moved back home with my parents to not only save money but also take care of them as they get older and work on a relationship that never really was a relationship in the past (I found out in adulthood that I'm ADHD/Autistic).
It's been some time since I had been abruptly fired from my job and the lawyers regarding that situation have come and gone from my life. Now I'm limbo. I have enough saved money for at least a year, maybe two. My parents have been gently pushing me to find work.
I just don't want to work. Not anymore. All that's left are jobs at soulless corporations which suck all individuality, creativity and happiness out of you. I don't want to deal with people anymore. I barely want to leave the house knowing I have to share the roads with angry people aggressively driving their murder trucks.
I'm not very motivated to find a job at the never ending end of the world. I'm not sure how I can explain this to my parents who act as if the future is stable even when the news they consume everyday tells a story of a world unravelling.
The only thing I could do which would bring meaning to my current life situation is to join a group that focused on meaningful change for the future. Unfortunately, I live in a rural town that designed itself to have soulless suburbs and populated it with old folks who are completely out of touch with reality.
Have you considered remote work? It's a godsend
I'm completely disinterested in working for another faceless, soulless entity which only focuses on wealth accumulation. I'm also disinterested in meaningless jobs that do nothing to help make the world a better place for the people that come after me.
At this point, I believe that the only way forward is direct action against unjust hierarchy and those who enforce it. As each day passes, I become more firm in that belief.
If I ever come across people who share the same views as me, I would gladly join them. That would give me the meaning and purpose to move forward that a standard job could never provide.
Until money becomes an issue and I'm forced to work to survive, I'd much rather spend my time around my parents and closest friends.
I do recognize that I am super fortunate to be in such a position, the painful majority of the world must work just to barely exist. I feel awful everytime I have to participate in society and enable the misery machine.
There are plenty of people on Lemmy who feel the same way. Why not organize with them?
I need to be involved locally and physically. My ADHD and impatience with the increasingly complicated technology we use today just doesn't vibe together anymore. A brutal lesson I learned after my trade school courses I was attending went to an online format.
Lemmy's userbase is just too small and my physical location is a bit too remote to organize anything. I have an alternate lemmy account at another server where I can connect with like-minded people online but that's as much as I can get out of Lemmy until it's userbase becomes significant.
I still search for events happening it the big city but time and distance is a factor I have to take in to consideration.
No car?
No car.
I'm "content" where I am now. I understand you want to help in some way but sometimes listening to someone vent helps more than any advice anyone can give.
People like to talk. People like being heard. People like being understood. Being too proactive can easily get in the way of listening sometimes.
Okay. I'm more than happy to listen.
OP's solved it everyone!
We all just need to get in our cars that we definitely have and cross oceans to a Lemmy meetup where we amass in our hundreds to bring down the corporate hegemony, solve climate change and live out the rest of our days remotely working together in peace.
Tip of the iceberg: I'm a carer for an elderly parent, the other one is terminally ill and long estranged, my sibling has his own (mental-) health issues, and despite being well educated I am terminally unemployed with a CV that's more gap than employment. I am past 40. In many ways it is too late for me to get my life on track. I power on, but I gave up a long time ago, it hurts less than having dreams. My current pension plan is a rope. Money would make my life better, but there are people who are far more deserving.
What could you do? Vote for progressive parties, politicians that are in favour of affordable healthcare, decent social security, social housing and perhaps even UBI.
Don't do this for some random stranger on the internet. Do this for yourself.
There's this myth that the homeless are all lazy, mentally ill or drug addicts. That the unfortunate deserve their misfortune. That you reap what you sow. It's a comforting lie. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Life is not fair. You can do your best and still lose.
The reality is that plenty of homeless people have (hard science) degrees, are highly intelligent, worked really hard only to find their pension had been stolen from them, were otherwise ripped off, or got ill and couldn't afford the bills. This could happen to you. Statistically, it is likely that this will happen to someone reading this.
Vote accordingly and realise that those less fortunate than you, could be you 6 months from now, through no fault of your own or that a stupid mistake could leave you in the gutter.
Too much depression and anxiety to work, not enough to get approved for disability. And bureaucracy is an anxiety trigger. Fun, innit?
I started jumping through those hoops, but then I got cancer and it's really easy to get disability with it. Life pro tip lol.
Trying to care for my partner with PTSD, she’s alcoholic and actively suicidal. Doctor is trying to help but mental health support has a huge waiting list (months and years). Her son, living with us, is retarded, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, and complains constantly about not being able to get a job so he can move out. (I’m not sure that he’s even employable). My ex wife kicked out my son because he and my youngest are arguing all the time and she (ex wife) can’t cope. He started moving in here but doesn’t get along with my partner so he ran away from home (he’s an adult). Now we have a room full of his stuff but don’t know where he is or whether he’s coming back.
I’m still getting over cancer treatment and l I’m so tired.
I’m fine, how are you?
Jeezus. Dude. I mean. Dude. Err. Do you have some place to vent occasionally?
After multiple times being essentially abandoned, I've learned to have absolutely zero sense of self worth. I'm beginning to see just how much that shows through in my behaviors.
For starters, I'm 20 hours late for this post. It's the two year anniversary of my mother dying of cancer. My brother died of cancer in August. My wife almost died this month. I can't sleep. I have too much anxiety. I don't have any face to face friends and I feel too burned out for anyone to want to be my friend.
Lost ones anniversaries are rough. I like to imagine those I've lost over time would rather cheer me up than have me remember them through sadness. Still, easier said than done.
(The silver lining about the slower content on lemmy compared to reddit is you can be hours late and still be part of the discussion instead of casting your bottle at sea if you miss the 15 minute window.)
I’m sorry for your losses but remember life is for the living. Live your life as best you can. That’s why they call it the present.
Well, I recently got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And instead of doing the smart thing, I've just been drinking myself to sleep multiple times a day, which is easy to do because I'm unemployed.
I'm constantly having to keep my head on a swivel because I pissed off a person known for shooting people and getting away with it - I didn't know this when I pissed him off. Honestly shocked that what I said pissed him off to the point he had his friends jump me.
And last night I ran into an old crush who is not single and started the process all over again of trying to get past it and just be friends with him. But it's hard to just let these feelings go. Fuck my life.
One day at a time.
If you’re worried about your drinking, there’s no time like now to stop.
LostHad to put my dog down on Wednesday.My divorce finalizes on Monday.
It’s mostly the dog thing tho
Right? I once told an ex "not going to miss you, going to miss the dog though". I was correct.
But then again, your dog had you until the end, so his world was probably pretty okay. You likely did your job well, giving him a life with you in it and he didn't have to go through the pain of getting used to anything else. This is the contract we have with those shortlived, trusting creatures. In a stupid metaphor, we're some sort of elves to them, but the price for our seemingly immortal lifetime is, that we are the ones that have to endure so many goodbyes. They accompany you through the years, you accompany them to the end. It's fair and our lives are richer for it.
In my area there are local lost dog Facebook pages. Good luck! Divorce sucks, but sometimes marriage is worse. Your home should be your calm, safe space.
Yea, I mean ‘lost’, not misplaced lol
Oh man. I'm so sorry.
You gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.
Who the hell downvoted you and why?
Money. Simple like that.
Answer: you need more money
Nah, just get rid of the junk so nobody has money. Just trade time for time (aka help each other).
I havent eaten anything but one small reduced portion of rice and noodles for the whole week
Cause PayPal and western Union do not give me the money they where supposed to
Im two of those reduced portions away from going hungry
I just want a nice warm meal honestly
And I hate that im even bringing this up, it feels icky to tell other what situation I am in
update: my gf whos in california on the other side of the world caught wind and just ordered me a big burger to ebb me over until the money arrives, man, shes the best
This is why food banks exist. It is okay to go there and ask for food. Look for one in your area
I don't know where you live, but you should feel NO shame for being hungry. If you're in the US, you can find food banks and meal programs here: https://www.feedingamerica.org/find-your-local-foodbank
unfortunately, i live in austria
I don’t know if this helps but I hope it does
https://www.fastbase.com/countryindex/Austria/F/Food-bank
Either im or other people are mistaking this question.
Does it not state us telling the problem and how people can help it directly?
Pointing to very obvious external services doesn't sound very much like the posed question.
$130,000 in student loan debt. Cosigned by my family members who can't afford to pay either. I can't vent to them about it either.
I have a shit job, basically minimum wage, that I commute 45 minutes to.
I have a Bachelor's Degree in Game Programming. Guess how many of those jobs are available?
I lack the will to live, but don't have the strength to kill myself.
Why not just make games on your own and put them on the Google Play store? Build a portfolio
Because of the above, I don't have time. Any free time I get is 2 hours or so.
I might going forward. I finally am getting days off at work. Before I would get day off and I wouldn't know until the morning of.
My shoulder hurts. May I receive a massage? No chiropractic voodoo please.
If you happen to live near me, ill do it.
Im not a masseuse or anything, an ive eaten an edible which hasnt kicked in yet but you will have to listen to the audiobook im listening to.
Sold.
Hope you are a fan of australian accents
Money and money
I mean isn't it always?
Lucky bastards
Terrible lonelyness...
36 years old man, have been overweight almost all my life, balding, have only a few friends, lives alone.
I matured in my mid twenties, that is when I started being interested in finding a partner, unfortunately, I worked alternating 12h day/night shifts on an irregular schedule at the time, and my life was just work/eat/rest/sleep, I had no real time abd energy to meet new people.
After four and half years of that, I got a normal job, but felt completely lost in where to even start finding people, and still am now seven years later.
I work in IT, and am good at talking to people normally, but as soon as the talk get's more personal I don't really know how to keep going and be interesting, I also have trouble asking the right questions in the right way so I have a tendancy to seem self centered, but I am working on it.
The reason I can be this open about my issues here is that it helps me reflect on myself and analyze what I need to work on, and that I am writing behind a mask of annonymity.
Also, while I am very lonely, I know how to deal with it through distractions and shifting focus from the feelings, I know it isn't healthy, but I am a master of repressing feelings, sometimes I do let them out and give myself a good solid cry about the situation.
In the end, my life isn't terrible in general, I do stuff all the time, I own my own apartment, small car, good camera, decent computer and I realize i could be far worse off.
Sorry if im focused on the wrong thing here but balding can be easily remedied by taking the step of shaving your head.
It was frightening for me at first but it really boosted my self esteem when i finally did it.
Maybe "fixing" one small issue can give you energy to focus on something positive?
Yeah, I realized that a year or so ago, and while I don't shave my head, I do go for the 6mm buzz cut special every time
The only way I found to meet new people as an adult is through hobbies.
Working in tech, for me, ideally that's something that doesn't involve solving puzzles and that has an actual physical element.
I've gone through painting, Board game, Ceramics, Yoga, paintball, volunteering at the pet rescue, trampoline, walking/hiking group and other things I forgot.
You already kinda share an interest with whoever is there so it's not as artificial as some other things.
Doesn't mean everyone will be your friend, but even a hobby-specific once-a-week buddy can be a nice change.
Some of those people stick around, most don't.
I don't mean this as advice, just my experience these last few years.
Yeah, I do enjoy photgraphy, and have thougjt about joining a photography club or something, once I am done dealing with my current work situation, I will look into it further
My mom was diagnosed with Ekbom Syndrom. She's been forced into early retirement because of it, but she doesn't have retirement, she's pulled out from it too many times.
I'm terrified I won't be able to support us both. I make only 62k, and I'm still paying off student loans from 20 years ago.
I wish I had other family to help me with the costs, but there's no one. I do have a brother, but he doesn't work and has spent the last 20 years living with my mom and playing video games. She was supporting them both. And don't think he's helping to care for her either.
I've talked her into moving states so that she's near me and I can help her more with stuff, so we're selling her very dilapidated house this summer. Because my brother destroys thing and she doesn't have the funds for upkeep, I don't think she'll be getting much from the sale.
My mom has been telling my brother she's going to buy him a house and I had to be the one to sit him down and tell him he'll be lucky to get a trailer, because she doesn't have any money. Once we sell her current house, that's it. She'll have that to buy something of her own, and if there's something leftover and I can't talk her out of it, maybe he'll get something for 50k.
I look at other friends with ailing parents and see the help they have from their siblings or family members, and I writhe with jealousy. Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she's crazy.
Parent care is incredibly difficult.... the exhaustion, always feeling like you're failing, .... I followed a couple of Reddit subs while we were caring for our moms and that was a nice outlet to vent without judgement. Try to take time for yourself, even if it's just a walk outside to let your brain relax.
Can I ask which subs you followed? It would be nice to speak to others who understand. I still use reddit on my desktop.
I followed r/dementia and i think either r/caregivers or r/caregiversupport.
Why would your brother possibly get money yet bear no financial responsibility to help?
Because my mom is an enabler, and she bears a lot of guilt over who she chose as our father and how he treated my brother. My brother and I both had a lot of emotional issues, and where I chose to get help and fix my issues, he hasn't.
Even if my brother agreed to help financially, he couldn't. He hasn't had a job in over a decade. Granted, he's going to have to get a job once mom moves, but he'll probably never earn more than barely keeping himself afloat. My mom says she just wants to make sure he has a place to live the rest of his life.
As for my mom, well, she's an adult, and other than her ekbom diagnosis, she's of sound mind. She makes her own choices, and I can only give my input. Can't make her do anything she doesn't want to.
Thanks for the explanation. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.
While I don't mean this as a diagnosis, the last person I knew who did that was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although getting mental health care can be a challenge in itself, let alone for someone who doesn't want to.
Luckily I don't think that's the route her mind is going. The ekboms was brought on by extreme work stress, and she's already showing some signs of healing after being pulled from work. But it's certainly crossed my mind.
Something I learned from the "other site" personal finance sub: You are not responsible for your mother's debt, do not make any payments directly for any of her debt, or else that's enough in some states for debtors to then go after you.There's other tips and tricks to keep your finances separate from your mother's, don't feel bad looking after yours as the primary priority. Remember: A caregiver that's completely exhausted (either physically/mentally/financially) can't take care of anybody, so remember to take care of yourself first. I hope things get better for the both of us, I'm in a similar boat.
Where to start? 😅
Short version: been sick in various forms for the last 4 years with leg infections, epididymitis, covid and awful fatigue. Finally got an answer this past week of low testosterone. GP is unhelpful - won't refer me to endocrinology or urology because things will just go back to normal if I lose weight.
Long version? Eh, on request. Typing on my phone is awful.
How can random folk on the Internet help? I've no idea! Is anyone knows how to brow beat the NHS GP service into actually caring about their patients is love to know the secrets.
I am sorry you are experiencing this, it is so frustrating! Obligatory "I am not in the US" but what I ended up doing was to list my mom's address as if I was still living there so I could access a different clinic with different doctors since the one I was stuck with gave me similar advice as yours. Not perfect but it kind of helped.
Ah sadly due to the above happening I've been living at home with my folks so we're all registered at the same surgery. Good idea though!
No way to help, but:
TL;DR - my job sucks. Not enough to actually get sympathy from much of anyone, though.
More info if you want it:
My manager thinks he's the smartest man alive and is instantly better than everyone else on the team, but he's literally making every single bad choice he can.
I asked him a question about a specific implementation detail comment on an RFC the other day and he kept reiterating the plan for the overall feature.
Like, bro, I literally know the plan, just tell me whether or not the field is able to be used in the URL now. It was just abundantly clear that he had no idea what the answer was, but chose not to say "I don't know" and instead just kept reiterating the basic plan.
There was no miscommunication on my part. I'm successfully working on the ticket. He just didn't want to say "I don't know". He opted to waste my time as well as everyone else's on that call.
This, on top of pay issues (IE, them paying me very late), means I'm actively searching again. This job has been the biggest thorn in my ass for way too long.
It's hard to get sympathy from people, though, since I also get paid very handsomely. I've basically realized I need to just stop mentioning my job with people from my hometown. That's fine, though, again the main issue really is my manager. Other than him, to be real, my life is amazing.
Is your boss and my boss one person? Because your description matches perfectly. He thinks he's always right and never admits he's wrong. Also empathy = 0.
At least there's no problem when you need to get out early or "I need to go for an hour to sort my stuff".
Luckily the rest of people in the office are chill to balance his behaviour.
I feel you and I'm sorry you have to go through all of that. That sucks ass, having to tolerate being put down in a field where you are supposed to be the intellectual authority but are subverted by power hungry jackasses.
My wife began losing her sight 9 months ago and hasnt been able to work. She also has had vertigo for eight years and is losing most of her weight due to dietary restrictions, as well a a hyper sense of smell that is making her ill all the time. Disability is rejected, and paperwork for insurors trying not to pay is maddening. She has been under the care of a horrible doctor all her life who tells her that only Jesus can heal her. We are working poor in the US so we're fucked.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I feel chained to living a way I do not want to live, and if I were to try to escape, I wouldn't survive long
I have to make plans for a future I don't want
A future that does not matter to me
This isn't what I want
But I have no way out
What future are you being forced to plan for?
Go to college, work for the rest of my life, die
What is it you'd rather do? Not being sarcastic, not being an ass, I genuinely want to know what your passions are.
I want community
I want real relationships and connections
I want to feel human
The way I am forced to live takes it from me
Brother, its time to start hustling so you can have a better tomorrow. 👍😎
I'm emotionally in a bad place from years of emotional abuse (as a child and an adult). I struggle with ADHD, major depression, and anxiety. I'm unemployed and desperate for a career change. My marriage is in the shitter and I have no friends or family to lean on for anything. I'm all alone....
Hold tight
There's no easy recipe for any of those things. But try to do things that make you happy. Music is my go to, bit there's little tiny things everywhere if you take the time to slow and appreciate it.
If you're into social media like most people (I'm not, besides Lenny) is being a creator instead of consumer. Try finding some joy in making a Tik Tok, and stay away from it's feed. That's how I'm trying to teach my son social media, because it's a creative process instead of addiction.
I have a selection of social anxieties. Many of them revolve around me being let down so many times by people or groups I thought I belonged in. Any time I find some cool group, this feeling creeps up, letting me know "aw shit, here we go again". I'm sure the failures are a self fulfilling prophecy at this point. I suppose the solution would be to ignore all the warning signs and get used to people being genuinely nice (and then walking into the minefield as I ignore the warning signs. And the purgatory restarts).
A calvacade of concerns:
Black Sheep - I'm the black sheep of the family for various reasons too numerous to get I into here. But suffice to say I have effectively zero contact with most of my immediate family except for my parents. My parents keep trying to force me into fitting into their own view of things, whether it be religion, antivax, etc which has put strain on the relationship when I refuse to fit their mold for me.
Forgotten - I'm forgotten by any friends/family that I do still have contact with. They rarely, if ever, reach out on their own initiative. I rarely reach out partly because I'm busy with my own stuff and simply don't remember to do so, partly because I'm tired of always initiating, and partly because I don't see the point, as I've been burned too many times before and it likely won't last anyway.
Money - I have significant debt that I'm years away from paying off with my current budget, both due to necessary expenditures and not so necessary ones. I'm also significantly behind on my retirement savings, especially if I want to have anywhere near my current income when I retire, if I can ever afford to. Add day to day expenses and couple that with both a desire to still occasionally frivolously spend money and a strong loathing of being in debt and you have a recipe for significant stress all on its own.
Covid - I'm one of those people who has enough health concerns that I want to play it extremely safe when it comes to potentially contracting the virus. This has put a serious damper on trying to go out and meet new people.
Frankly I think its a minor miracle that I've managed to hold it together as well as I have.
Adult life is full of must do s and little time for want to do s. From the sound of it you're looking for healthier better connections. It's not easy to do group hobbies but many people seem to suggest that.
Btw what are your interests?
Gaming and reading.
Every day I go to work, come gome, sleep, etc. That's not the issue. The issue is that every day, I fear for my kids and family. I sit and wonder what of their future? Pollution and climate change is in our face and no government entity is doing a thing about it. No corporation is budging. It was over 50F in January where it should be below zero. Should I get a survival kit? Would it help? Do I need something to grab and go? How can I teach my kids survival skills in the wild when I have no experience myself? Where will we go? How will we get clean water and food when the system shuts down? What will we eat when we are rationing fresh water and the crops are dying due to heat and sun baking?
https://climatereanalyzer.org/clim/sst_daily/
I think people should worry about all those things, but I also think if you read the media it's like there will be mass deaths everywhere within 5 years which is far from truth.
We as a civilization shouldn't sit and do nothing for serious matters that will happen beyond ones lifetime.
People that I love who I want to keep in my life are proving incapable of accepting who I am.
I have a lot of other friends and family, so I'm not without people to talk to, but it's pretty hard to have your spouse and parents and priest so tell you that you need to get mental help and figure out what's real, after you've been getting help and are on the road to accepting yourself...
People push themselves and others to change when their opinion is that they can do better. In this case you're saying you're getting help and improving but people around you seem to think it's making things worse? Did I get it right?
Many times people disagree on a very fundamental level. The first step is you agreeing with yourself and accepting yourself, which seems to be under control.
The last step is quite often about after life considerations. Since I'm not religious, many will find my opinion over simplistic: that's not a thing so why care. Fortunately the Pope is more progressive than their followers. The message is, taboos change over time.
People don't usually tell other people they are confused and have a mental illness while referring to something every major medical organization in the country agrees is part of the normal pattern of variation that humans experience.
I get what you're trying to say and I guess it's my fault for being delicate about it, but I am trans and that doesn't mean I'm delusional and conversion therapy wouldn't "fix" me no matter how many priests suggest it.
Society being bigoted, predujiced and caring more about money than people
Society has to change and go along a utopian path to make it better
Dealing with my father's disability, poverty, living under dictatorship... You know, just the usual things. I just want people to be more compassionate, I think.
I'll let you know through a song
Though honestly, it's more just a sort of blah feeling I've been having the past few months now, all day every day. I feel like I'm just going through the motions at all times in life, on auto-pilot, like there's this sort of cloud hanging over everything and I'm having trouble focusing on anything. Granted, there's been a string of bad news items almost daily it seems like and anxiety around the big upcoming general election, but I suspect it's some level of depression. Otherwise, I myself don't have many of my own problems that are bothering me, it's more the problems of other people around me that probably give me the most issues, people that I can't just easily ignore or tell them to piss off.
I remember those lyrics from Earthbound
I have no meaning in my life. I go to work and I consume and I don’t connect with anyone or help anyone.
The way you can help me is you can tell me some way I can help you.
🤔 Well, we can address the lack of connection with other people, as it's the easiest to solve. What are your interests, your passions?
Helping people