What does the fear of being judged by others hold you back from doing that you would otherwise do?
To be fair I still do these things but only when I'm alone.
Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.
Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it's a warship I'm trying to bomb.
Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don't because they're considered femine or gay.
I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody's freedom.
I learnt that, as I don't give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don't give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.
Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we're fooling around.
GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.
Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that's in a liberal German city. Most people don't care, some don't like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.
And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don't like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn't be open about it, I couldn't react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.
I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it's not as easy as "I don't care about them so they don't care about me".
I got you. Of course it's easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).
But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.
Take care ♥️
Because when I do what I want, I get called a "retard" or asked "what the fuck are you doing?" by the people around me. I make a point to try to do things quietly (stopping to observe a cool bug, making chalk drawings on the sidewalk, saying "wheee!" on the swings, etc.), but it really doesn't matter.
I've caught glimpses of people filming me before, so I now only do what I want in privacy.
Also doesn't help that I've been accused of "doing it for attention." Nah, my dude, pretty sure I'm just fckin' autistic.
I only want people to leave me alone now. I don't like having to justify my actions when I'm just trying to enjoy myself.
People who love you should be happy that something's bringing you joy.
I would gently suggest surrounding yourself with kinder people. You should be able to stop and look at an insect in fascination or swing on a swing without being abused.
You'll find those people :)
Thank you. Maybe one day.
I mean, they mentioned people filming them. I don't know if they can surround themselves with kinder people to avoid that situation. That sounds like a general public issue if people are just filming someone like that.
Think of those shitty videos you see people upload. Like that lady on the airplane who was having a fucking mental breakdown. And people were just filming it for their own amusement.
hate to say it but people in general really do suck.
I hate this so much. People should be free to act like they want (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone), because why the hell not? What's so objectively better about acting in the 'normal' way? But everything outside the very narrow idea of normal is treated like a problem by default.
I have some tics that come out when I'm alone that I've filtered out around others as long as I can remember, and honestly I think that's part of why I feel so claustrophobic in social situations. I don't even know how to act like 'myself' in public if I want to.
Seeing people being themselves regardless of how it looks to the current typical sensibilities is the only thing that lets me feel like I might be able to do the same. So fwiw, every little bit of rule breaking you have done or will do makes the world a little better for me, and anyone else who doesn't feel welcome. Thanks.
The difference between weird reactions and no reaction when observing cool bugs is holding a camera
I've always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I'd love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it's like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king, too!
I'm an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.
To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.
Join a local theatre group
maybe look into LARPing too.
In my past I used to take on janitorial or maintenance jobs, but the grossness of the job combined with the attitude of the general public just made it unbearable. People would ask me if I was a citizen and when I said yes, they'd tell me that it's a job for immigrants. They'd also say that it's a job for slaves and ask if I felt like a slave doing that kind of work.
Some people are so horrible...
Go get a job pumping septic tanks. Customer disrespects you? Walk off the job leaving them with backed up poo. Generally people are glad to see you. Good money if you can get to the point of running your own truck. Some dudes making good money posting about septic pumping on YouTube too. Get out the auger and whip up a poop smoothie. Mmmm! Smells like money!
Holy shit. Those are horrible people.
I used to do Janitorial work, And I got respect for it.
And you deserve respect for it to.
because decent people understand you are the fulcrum upon which their nice world balances on.
People like you deal with have less value than the effluence from an overflowing toilet.
Sorry you deal with such shitty people man.
Wow! That is surprising to hear.
not much these days. ever since I realised people will judge you even if you don't do anything. e.g. I used to be shy because i was worried about what they'd think of me when i spoke. this caused them to think I'm shy. so I made a decision that I'd rather have people judge me for who I am rather than for someone I'm not.
Wear a mask wherever I go. Not so much because for health reasons, but because I like to hide my face. I feel more comfortable that way, but at the same time people stare at you like you're some kind of terrorist.
I prefer to wear scarves or other items that hide my face below my eyes.
Sounds like you're still a kid at heart. I've got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I'm using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.
What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you're talking about a pink shirt just go for it. You'll not be judged.
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants ...
I'm perfectly aware that it's not that others care that's holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn't make it any easier though.
Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can't handle me and all my sexiness, and may the rest of you, girls or guys, enjoy the eye candy.
Regarding the original question, while I'm already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn't mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I'm not ready for yet.
There's quite a few guys who dress like this where I live and I find they are often not single.
Breaking my very long period of unplanned celibacy.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
You'd be surprised how many people are totally willing to work with you on something like that.
Not at my age.
are you really old or really young? Either way, I know I was always willing to work with whoever I was seeing even if they couldn't perform like they want to.
That’s good of you. My ex wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of any problems at all. Like, our sex sucked, and she said it was great, then went and cheated.
If she’d done what you do — acknowledge and help tackle the problem — it could have been awesome. But she just refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.
Your approach says “You’re not there but you can get there”.
Her approach said “You’re hopeless”.
Before that relationship my confidence was fine and I was fine too. It really did a number on my head to have her lie to me about something so important.
That's terrible and I know what you mean. I have had two different guys cheat on me cause they never really liked me to begin with.
And yeah, its so hard to trust anyone now because so many people come off as liars. Especially after being lied to about something so personal.
One little bit at a time. Godspeed in healing your trust!
thanks!
Hookers and blow
Wear a fanny pack/carry a non-backpack bag as a man.
It's so convenient to have a bag full of stuff on you. Like I'm out and have a headache, boom Aspirin. At dinner and got some food in your teeth, bam flosser. It's very satisfying when a situation comes up and you have the exact thing to solve a problem right there in your bag. But a backpack is too big and bulky and anything smaller becomes a purse and this looks down upon for a man to carry.
I only get the courage to wear it when on a trip where I can overly justify it. Like hiking, or a theme park or convention. I feel like if it was an everyday thing I'd have to explain it or hear about it more than I'd want to.
I see more and more men wearing fanny-pack-like crossbody bags where I am (Holland). Hopefully it will start catching on in your area!
I'm in Portland, OR and I see them a ton!
Get a cross body sling, One of those travel digital nomad things. The brand ones aren't cheap but it's like somewhat fashionable. Maybe that could work?
If you can pull it off, even a dress can be manly
I honestly never realized how much of af my stepdad did not give until much later. As a diabetic he would wear a fanny pack with his insulin, needless, and extra sugar drop candy in case his sugars dropped. This was before pumps were a thing. He would also wear bike shorts, slip on shoes with socks, a regular white t-shirt and a flannel as an outfit with the fanny pack. Oh and also transition lenses. The thing about the bike shorts is that his legs look like an eldritch horror because diabetics don't heal very quickly when they get a scrape or cut. He also kind of looks like Dale from King of the hill.
I'm sure the picture I'm creating in my head is way more majestic than the reality was, but It's beautiful. Sounds like after the fanny pack and socks he just said fuck it and leaned into it hard.
I've been into BDSM stuff since I was a kid basically, but I've always been to embarrassed to tell anyone or act on it because it's some seriously kinky shit.
Fetlife.com
Local bdsm club
There's loads of little daft hobbies I either don't do at all or hide. I went magnet fishing with a friend once, we found some cool jewellery that I still have and it was fun, so I went home and bought my own kit, I've never been though cause I don't want to be that person doing it alone, or to actually ask anyone to come. Just lives in a box.
Personally, I'd love to give streaming a go, the Twitch kind. I like playing games and I want to share my time with others, but social anxieties say otherwise
I used to stream a bit back in the justin.tv days and I would usually only get a handful of viewers but even to this day, it was some of the most unique gaming experiences I had. I used to try and play games that no one was streaming/talking about and a couple of times I actually ended up with the devs watching the stream and those were such great memories.
One time, I played this flash game where you had timed "lives" and the dev was watching (without me knowing) when I ran out of lives. I mentioned I'd be going to play something else while I waited for my lives to come back and he sent me a DM telling me that he would go and remove the timer so I could keep playing if I wanted.
That being said, I haven't streamed since then and I'm honestly not even sure how I'd start again. I don't think I'd ever enjoy having a large audience but I definitely enjoyed playing with a few people helping out on what to do next.
As a pretty much nobody streamer man on twitch, not even affiliate yet (I'm so close yet so far), I also struggle with social anxiety but find that streaming has been pretty easy for me. It's different than actually having to interact with people face to face, so it feels more like talking on a thread than irl interaction.
Of course that's just my experience and my anxieties may be on a much lower level than yours, but I recommend giving it a go if you think you'd have fun with it!
I'm so scared to be seen, that I can't even go for a walk. I also want to get skateboard, but I can't for the same reason. I'm terrified to be seen alone, or just seen in general.
Yet despite this, somehow I'm the opposite of that and manage a bunch of girls with compete confidence when I'm at work. I also have to deal with a ton of customers and don't even hesitate to say no or let them have negative judgement to me. I'm very socially competent and meet new people all the time without fear of rejection and opening up. I definitely stand out, in a good way.
Yet I'm scared of them simply watching me going for a walk outside??
Interesting. I'm not scared of being seen but I like to not be seen. I spend a lot of time in nature and I always wear only earth tones. I like it when other people pass me up close but fail to notice me. I wonder if it has something to do with my voyeuristic tendencies. I love to just sit in a cafe to and watch people passing by.
I'd seek help, don't want to tell people what's normal and what's not, but that's definitely a slight deviation from the norm and it's not helpful to you
That's what it's like to have GAD
Or being traumatized from being autistic and getting side eyes, snickers, giggles, eye rolls, scoffs, and bullying whenever you committed some social faux pas.
I remember I couldn't even use earphones on the street or on school because I thought people were going to look at me more, even thought everybody uses them
Practicing DJing. Neither my wife nor daughter are into their quality house music (neither am I, they would argue... 😀) and we have elderly neighbours, so I find it hard to find time to make a real effort to practice, and get self-conscious and disheartened pretty quickly.
My setup is in our living room area, so it's not very convenient when people are doing just about anything downstairs. Would love to have a bit more space to make mistakes and make a noise without it bothering others.
I'd still be crap at it right enough... ;-)
Bone gnawing for me. And I genuinely mean that, I find gnawing on a piece of bone insanely calming for me, but it makes literally everyone I talk to insanely uncomfortable. I love gnawing on bbq ribs, chicken wing bones, pork chop bones, T bones. I love bone marrow and trying to dig for it. Family says it's bad etiquette, though my partner doesn't mind.
I always suck chicken wings dry if I'm at home. It's delicious.
Pretty much that last paragraph of yours.
I don't care if people see me as childish, weird, or even dumb. I do lots of things that make me seem all of those things.
But that makes me hesitate for some reason.
I did open up about it to some friends I was sure wouldn't judge, and it helped a lot.
Singing
Basically everything. Telling a joke that I love. Showing excitement for something I love. Doing my silly voices; especially my batman and girl voice. Taking my shirt off. And so much more. Damn social anxiety and confidence issues.
Having a friend that randomly speaks like batman (or a girl too, but batman) sounds like a lot of fun!
The batman voice makes me break out in a coughing fit but I guess so haha
Being able to do both a batman and a girl voice is pretty damn cool. Silly voices in general are my jam, I love doing Stitch impressions
I used to be able to do a perfect Stitch impression before my voice dropped. Now I just sound like Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy haha
Somehow, I was only able to do it after my voice dropped. No idea how that works
I envy you
I envy you, for the girl voice
Ha, it just takes practice. You'll get it
I shouldn't complain since I never really tried. So yeah, practice, I guess. Apparently, you need to keep your larynx up high?
The best way I can describe it is by using the back of your tongue to compress the beck of your throat. Kind of like just before you cough. Holding it in that position is how I do the girl voice
Okay, now I just need everyone at home to leave, so I can try it in peace
Do it while driving by yourself. That's the best time to practice
Good point. Being alone in the car doesn't happen very often though.
Ah, what the hell, doesn't matter. If I do a Stitch voice and a turkey impression in front of everyone, I should be able to do that too.
Silly voices are the best, they'll always enjoyed by your (future) kids/nieces/nephews/etc.
Keep practicing your craft, you'll find an appreciative audience sooner or later :)
I'd be more comfortable with physical contact. I'm NB, but most people still perceive me and treat me as a man (even though I've said many times that I'm not) and that comes with the stigma of keeping distance.
I also love to play with LEGOs, it's kind of therapeutical I guess. It's just me, talking about random things. It's the same with videogames, I mostly play RPGs, but it isn't as "weird".
BTW, while I'm non-binary, I'm still involved in man's problems because I live them for my appearence. I also help some male friends with their problems with masculininty and feminism, so they don't end up being redpilled alpha sigma males lol
Travel the Caribbean & document my travels & the cultures & concerns of the people I meet with my own eyes
Why not? Well, I'm an actual idiot in reading social situations, Knowing who to trust, inferring details, attempting any meaningful level of reading comprehension on the spot, avoiding the urge to hyper focus on random stuff (makes people uncomfortable sometimes), trying to be humourous in terms of wordplay, and nowadays just avoiding social exhaustion.
Now with all that, imagine the amount of judgement & talking down to I've gotten just entering into social events or even bars.
A trip to the Caribbean to understand people?
Not happening lmao!!!
To those of you who can, you're all blessed.
Thinking out loud
I don't pick my nose or fart in public. I don't lick a plate or use the finger to scoop what's on it if I'm in company. I also don't phase out and daydream half as much in public, an exception would be on public transport as everyone is kind of gazing at nothing so it's not obvious I'm in another dimension entirely.
As for other things, no, I don't have that kind of filter. I will occasionally stop and stare at that interesting pattern on a tile or leaf, follow closely with attention what the birds are doing, sniff if I sense an animal and see if I can find its trail (possums and rats usually) etc. I still build sandcastles at the beach and if the opportunity arises I'll scribble on cardboard coasters or paper napkins.
it's interesting you don't daydream in public - I usually leave the house to daydream harder.
It's easier to switch off my senses if I already know my surroundings. Also people who caught me daydreaming teased me afterwards about it, apparently my thousand yard stare and overall unresponsiveness it's either concerning or hilarious to people.
That's annoying! I always assume someone is just deep in thought but I don't know why I'd give someone shit for thinking.
Reminds me of people who like to say "its not that deep" all the time in response to questions that are meant to spark conversation. Like some people take pride in not using their brains or something.
Eh, no biggie! People do that when they don't experience a similar behaviour themselves.
As for the not that deep crowd, I always thought they're either self conscious or fear touching a triggering topic. Refusing to engage means they won't be judged on their opinions or ability to reason and express themselves. Trying to pass a cool is what gives away they're trying to cover up something.
I think part of it is them being self conscious but I think it was also just seen as a "cool" way to behave like you said. I often saw this mentality on reddit of course and in various discord servers where people just couldn't back up what they were saying - so someone else approaching them with an in depth take, just causes them to try and shut things down with "oh its not that deep".
Like its a very dismissive phrase meant to shut down conversation.
I have an imp on my shoulder, lot of intrusive thoughts that are only funny to me. I pretend not to have them, and I'd rather just share whatever dog shit pops into my head. But I'm afraid I'd be committed.
Probably make videos of interesting things I do. Sometimes I do something and think this is the kind of stuff I watch on YouTube.
Nothing. I truly do not give a fuck anymore.
The key is to accept there will be social consequences and to ignore them. Once people see the consequences they impose do not affect you, especially after they escalate which they will do at first, they'll stop and accept your behavior.
ITT: People who want to cross-dress and relive their childhood. I heartily approve of all of it.
Arm bands. I probably read or watched too much fantasy as a kid. For a while I braided leather arm bands and wore them. Mostly they were covered by whatever I was wearing. Then all the Brohs started getting arm band tattoos and it killed it for me. I recently said fuck it, and have a pounded metal arm band and I love it!
I've never heard that one before. Kinda get it though. I bought a surplus army jacket and the description said some of them come with Austrian army logo on the shoulder. Well mine did come with one and I like it though I'm somewhat worried someone might see that as cringe but I justify it by the fact that it was already there and I didn't attach it.
Anything criminal.
Really don't need to be judged for that stuff.
Getting onto HRPT. I'd need to get to a field with unobstructed view of sky. Now imagine walking through the city with an 80cm satellite dish.
People stare weirdly even if I am just standing in middle of soccer field for 15 minutes with a V-Dipole to receive APT/LRPT.
Speaking of APT, theoretically I have beautiful pass of NOAA-18 in a little over an hour. (Edit: Got that one: https://lemmy.sdf.org/post/2767357)
Hmmm...
Makes me think of this.
Crime, I don't like being judged as guilty.
Where do I start with this one? I have so much to circumventing I would have to do if I want to be myself, and that's not really anyone's fault either (so nothing with a solution). The last thing you mentioned is a fairly good example, I'm locked in certain aesthetics. I can't unpack myself in someone's presence much of the time. I can't communicate without fear of messing up. I can't hypothetically hone certain things I arguably should've honed. I could list these things. I do try going against this pattern and only a few things worked out.
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Thanks, bot friend.
Don't worry about what people think about you. They're too worried about what you think about them.
I mean, generally I don’t let that stop me from doing what I want to do.
But I drink a lot, so that’s probably why I don’t care as much.
Are we including juries?
Doing crime.
As soon as you leave high school, if not before, you should be your own person. Blaming others for things you want to do isn't healthy and shouldn't be used as an excuse.
This comment reminds me of telling a depressed individual to “just smile more”.
That would absolutely be the opposite of what I'm saying. Don't do things for others, do things for yourself.
Thanks, I'm cured!
True. But not possible for everyone. Hence the millions of therapists out there being busy .
Yea agreed. Therapy while improving material conditions of society would go a long way.
Depending on what OP wants to wear and where they live it could be dangerous.
Tell this to those that were bullied for being themselves. Not just in high school, but as adults. You'll find plenty in the comment section.
You're right. And yet people still do it. Hence this post.
Wearing my comfy lil shorts 😩 I got a big ass and u kno
Answering this question is any deeper way that this lmao
You desire to kick grannies don't you?
You don't?