Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You're gross.
Vegetable Farmer here. That shit is already gross. Wash your veggies.
Produce Manager here. Thanks for all of the gross vegetables!
Consumer of vegetables here. Where can I find the yams?
At least the bags say "OPEN HERE". We'd be fucked if they said "OPEN IN ZIMBABWE" or something like that.
Not sure, I might have just figured out Steven Wright's Lemmy account.
Excuse me? That was a George Carlin joke I stole.
As a person with eternally sweaty palms, this right here is my superpower. (⌐■-■)
I'll try for five minutes and find out it opens on the other end.
I do this with dog poop bags, it's so frustrating!
The best days are when you successfully open one .... and realize it wasn't sealed at the bottom either
I go to the broccolis and touch the usually wet crate first.
Highlight of my life was shortly after I broke my arm, someone saw me struggling with one of these one-handed and opened it for me like the damn lockpicking lawyer. I've considered taking my sling with me shopping ever since, in case I need another good Samaritan to open one of these godforsaken bags again
Just lick your fingers first! The grocery store sells food products, it and its patrons have to be hygienic …
/s
It takes three times longer to open a dog poop bag when you are out in the cold and can't even feel your damn finger tips.
I make my dog help since he's a habitual licker
Breath on your fingers like you're trying to fog up glass. Immediately open by running your fingers in opposite directions along the edge, using the additional friction you created.
Please don't breathe your germs onto my vegetables
Keep my vegetables out your fucking mouth.
Well I hope you're going to wash them anyway. There's already a bunch more worse shit than a bit of breath condensation from a guy standing a few feet away breathing onto his hands.
No need to add to it, you have to pick them up and I'd rather not have more germs on them from some troglodyte putting their saliva on them
If you're that concerned about every "troglodyte" out there doing anything that may remotely spread a couple of germs, I advise you wear a hazmat suit when you go out. And when you're inside. Just, always. Life's filthy, take precautions before you put something in your body (wash it, cook it, etc) but past that, man.. good luck.
Asking for a modicum of sanitary practices isn't an absurd request.
A "modicum" of sanitary practices doesn't include something as innocuous as using some breath condensation to open a bag lol. Say that to the parents not watching as their kid snots all over the place. If you wanna call someone a troglodyte, maybe reserve it for the guy who sneezes without covering. The level of harm someone does by selecting their produce, tearing off a bag, and God forbid breathing on their hands is actually nil.
You can call it "innocuous" all you want, it's still an unnecessarily unsanitary thing to do. Just because there's worse examples of gross people doesn't mean getting your saliva on produce in the store isn't also gross.
🤓 just wash your vegetables. Seems easier than relying on hundreds of people
🤓 no shit wash your vegetables, you still don't need to put your fucking saliva on them
Put the opening "line" between your big hands and rub it; both hands goes along the "opening line", one hand moves one way, the other hand the other way for say some centimetres or an inch or two, change direction, repeat.
Sometimes works, sometimes I'm rubbing away like a boy scout trying to get his fire starter merit badge
Moses parted the sea faster than I separate the bag at the store
One of the best life tips I've ever gotten was from some random stranger as I desperately struggled with one of these things: Most times if you slide one edge up and one edge down it pops right open even with super dry skin. Not sure why this works when sliding the halves sideways does not but it dies!
You can do this between your fingers as well. Just use a motion like you are snapping your fingers just more gentle.
That's nothing, go buy a roll of dog poop bags...
Just lick your fingers. Before you touch the poop of course
I've honestly started to open the first poop bag before going out
Like your uncle said back in the day: blow it
after working at a supermarket you can open one in like 1s 🙏 skill issue
Those bags are almost useless, just throw the vegetables directly in your grocery bag at checkout. It's nice to take one to isolate chicken from the rest, or to put on your bike seat for rainy days, but definitely not useful for veggies.
I don't want my veggies touching the cart. Some dude who fingers his butthole while wiping used it before me.
He didn't wash his hands.
Sure, but you're washing your vegetables anyway right?
But the dude also caressed your rutabaga with those fingers.
All grocery stores actually sell a product that can help you with this, it's called "hand lotion".
How is using hand lotion on the bag gonna make it open?
You gently rub it around the lip in slow, circular motions while telling it it's pretty
For the boy bags, you gotta shake 'em
This was me today. I just wanted some apples dammit.
How have I become a dad? I don't even have a girlfriend.
I just tap the tips of my finger and thumb to my tongue for a bit of moisture and then they open right up.
But at that point I’ve already wandered the whole store and have touched any number of things that could have been manhandled by all the other finger-licking, unmasked hand-sneezing, butt-scratching, non-hand-washing straw men in the grocery store. One of those dudes is a septic tank cleaner, and he doesn’t wear gloves because he says he’s allergic! And soap burns when it gets into all the oozing sores on his hands.
There’s no way I’m licking my fingers until I’ve washed them or at least forgotten about my pus-leaking, poop-handed caricature!
Do you really think that way or are you just making a joke? Seems we humans went from making fun of Semmelweis to absolute germaphobes. Does no one get biology education anymore? Or is it more a failure to examine risk realistically? Freaks me out how fearful people are now days.
Always washed my hands regularly. Even as a toddler, I remember getting sticky ice cream on my hands and hating it. But I'm not manic about it, don't give a shit worrying about bacteria/viruses/fungi/prions/whatever. (Unless I've been into something obviously rotten. Ask me about the fungus I found at camp today. Not touching that with a 10' frog.)
Only time I really think about what I'm doing is after shooting or gunsmithing. Lots of nasty shit, above and beyond lead, you don't want to ingest. Because heavy metals are for life. Bacteria? I'll quote the retards from the pandemic, "i HaVe aN IMMunE sYsteM!"
LOVE your writing BTW! I should trawl your comments. (NM, just did. You're smart and express yourself perfectly. We should be friends. Your damned skin cancer post got me thinking about the tiny spot under my pec. Not sure it's healing, but at least it's smaller and not blackish any longer.)
I am, in the parlance of our time, a silly goose. Sometimes I just like to take the opportunity to throw words together in novel ways.
It is true that the finger lick thing is not my preferred approach, but my actual reasoning is boring - I don’t like physical sensation of licking my fingers.
This is what I always did before covid but now I don't anymore.
Me too! Back when we thought COVID could spread easily from surface contact, I found myself at the grocery trying to decide WTF I was going to do.
"Uh, dare I stick my fingers under the mask, or, what?"
Yep, works like a charm 👍. Not really hygenic, especially of you're doing the shopping right after work, but hey, if it works, I'll take it 🤷.
Should probably mention I pick up the fruits and veggies with the bag like picking up dog doo, so I'm not licking my fingers and then touching food on the shelf. It shouldn't be an issue of licking dirty hands after work; you can wash them in a bathroom either coming into the store or before leaving your jobsite.
Meeh, doesn't really matter IMO, they get peeled anyway. Not one of those "oh, I'm not touching that" kind of people. They're gonna get peeled, you're not gonna use them as sex toys... or are you 🤔.
Do you peel your tomatoes?
In some cases, yes, for some dishes I mean. But in general, no. Still, you wash them really good with water, so no problem there.
I had filled one bag. Then tried to fill the othet with air to open it up, when the filled one broke and everything went out the bottom.
Just buy reusable mesh bags and stop wasting plastic to protect your produce for a 20 minute car ride.
There's no way I'm getting to my car when opening a bag is this hard
"Joke about the inability to open a car because the inability to open a little bag"
;-)
I just wave it around frantically until the wind opens it.
This doesn't usually work 😂. Tried it a few times 😂.
Man, this stuff is so embarrassing. There have been so many times, I've skipped on buying fruits just because I couldn't open the bag and my anxiety engaged into overdrive
Tip: distress the edge by pulling at it. This causes the sides to separate. Sometimes you gotta create a tear to get them to separate enough to get it
it's called grocery bag fission
I always grab a disinfecting wipe at the entrance and use it to wet my fingers so I can open them.
Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You're gross.
Vegetable Farmer here. That shit is already gross. Wash your veggies.
Produce Manager here. Thanks for all of the gross vegetables!
Consumer of vegetables here. Where can I find the yams?
Yam section. Can't miss it.
I knew there will be a comment like this.
A breath of hot air also makes the bag stick to your hands and easy to separate. Like you're trying to fog a window.
All you do is put the top between the palms of your hands and rub them together like you've just come up with an evil plan and they pop open.
bonus points if you actually come up with an evil plan while you're doing it
At least the bags say "OPEN HERE". We'd be fucked if they said "OPEN IN ZIMBABWE" or something like that.
Not sure, I might have just figured out Steven Wright's Lemmy account.
Excuse me? That was a George Carlin joke I stole.
As a person with eternally sweaty palms, this right here is my superpower. (⌐■-■)
I'll try for five minutes and find out it opens on the other end.
I do this with dog poop bags, it's so frustrating!
The best days are when you successfully open one .... and realize it wasn't sealed at the bottom either
I go to the broccolis and touch the usually wet crate first.
Highlight of my life was shortly after I broke my arm, someone saw me struggling with one of these one-handed and opened it for me like the damn lockpicking lawyer. I've considered taking my sling with me shopping ever since, in case I need another good Samaritan to open one of these godforsaken bags again
Just lick your fingers first! The grocery store sells food products, it and its patrons have to be hygienic …
/s
It takes three times longer to open a dog poop bag when you are out in the cold and can't even feel your damn finger tips.
I make my dog help since he's a habitual licker
Breath on your fingers like you're trying to fog up glass. Immediately open by running your fingers in opposite directions along the edge, using the additional friction you created.
Instructions unclear, bag is stuck in my glasses
Please don't breathe your germs onto my vegetables
Keep my vegetables out your fucking mouth.
Well I hope you're going to wash them anyway. There's already a bunch more worse shit than a bit of breath condensation from a guy standing a few feet away breathing onto his hands.
No need to add to it, you have to pick them up and I'd rather not have more germs on them from some troglodyte putting their saliva on them
If you're that concerned about every "troglodyte" out there doing anything that may remotely spread a couple of germs, I advise you wear a hazmat suit when you go out. And when you're inside. Just, always. Life's filthy, take precautions before you put something in your body (wash it, cook it, etc) but past that, man.. good luck.
Asking for a modicum of sanitary practices isn't an absurd request.
A "modicum" of sanitary practices doesn't include something as innocuous as using some breath condensation to open a bag lol. Say that to the parents not watching as their kid snots all over the place. If you wanna call someone a troglodyte, maybe reserve it for the guy who sneezes without covering. The level of harm someone does by selecting their produce, tearing off a bag, and God forbid breathing on their hands is actually nil.
You can call it "innocuous" all you want, it's still an unnecessarily unsanitary thing to do. Just because there's worse examples of gross people doesn't mean getting your saliva on produce in the store isn't also gross.
🤓 just wash your vegetables. Seems easier than relying on hundreds of people
🤓 no shit wash your vegetables, you still don't need to put your fucking saliva on them
Put the opening "line" between your big hands and rub it; both hands goes along the "opening line", one hand moves one way, the other hand the other way for say some centimetres or an inch or two, change direction, repeat.
Sometimes works, sometimes I'm rubbing away like a boy scout trying to get his fire starter merit badge
Moses parted the sea faster than I separate the bag at the store
One of the best life tips I've ever gotten was from some random stranger as I desperately struggled with one of these things: Most times if you slide one edge up and one edge down it pops right open even with super dry skin. Not sure why this works when sliding the halves sideways does not but it dies!
You can do this between your fingers as well. Just use a motion like you are snapping your fingers just more gentle.
That's nothing, go buy a roll of dog poop bags...
Just lick your fingers. Before you touch the poop of course
I've honestly started to open the first poop bag before going out
Like your uncle said back in the day: blow it
after working at a supermarket you can open one in like 1s 🙏 skill issue
Those bags are almost useless, just throw the vegetables directly in your grocery bag at checkout. It's nice to take one to isolate chicken from the rest, or to put on your bike seat for rainy days, but definitely not useful for veggies.
I don't want my veggies touching the cart. Some dude who fingers his butthole while wiping used it before me.
He didn't wash his hands.
Sure, but you're washing your vegetables anyway right?
But the dude also caressed your rutabaga with those fingers.
All grocery stores actually sell a product that can help you with this, it's called "hand lotion".
How is using hand lotion on the bag gonna make it open?
You gently rub it around the lip in slow, circular motions while telling it it's pretty
For the boy bags, you gotta shake 'em
This was me today. I just wanted some apples dammit.
How have I become a dad? I don't even have a girlfriend.
I just tap the tips of my finger and thumb to my tongue for a bit of moisture and then they open right up.
But at that point I’ve already wandered the whole store and have touched any number of things that could have been manhandled by all the other finger-licking, unmasked hand-sneezing, butt-scratching, non-hand-washing straw men in the grocery store. One of those dudes is a septic tank cleaner, and he doesn’t wear gloves because he says he’s allergic! And soap burns when it gets into all the oozing sores on his hands.
There’s no way I’m licking my fingers until I’ve washed them or at least forgotten about my pus-leaking, poop-handed caricature!
Do you really think that way or are you just making a joke? Seems we humans went from making fun of Semmelweis to absolute germaphobes. Does no one get biology education anymore? Or is it more a failure to examine risk realistically? Freaks me out how fearful people are now days.
Always washed my hands regularly. Even as a toddler, I remember getting sticky ice cream on my hands and hating it. But I'm not manic about it, don't give a shit worrying about bacteria/viruses/fungi/prions/whatever. (Unless I've been into something obviously rotten. Ask me about the fungus I found at camp today. Not touching that with a 10' frog.)
Only time I really think about what I'm doing is after shooting or gunsmithing. Lots of nasty shit, above and beyond lead, you don't want to ingest. Because heavy metals are for life. Bacteria? I'll quote the retards from the pandemic, "i HaVe aN IMMunE sYsteM!"
LOVE your writing BTW! I should trawl your comments. (NM, just did. You're smart and express yourself perfectly. We should be friends. Your damned skin cancer post got me thinking about the tiny spot under my pec. Not sure it's healing, but at least it's smaller and not blackish any longer.)
I am, in the parlance of our time, a silly goose. Sometimes I just like to take the opportunity to throw words together in novel ways.
It is true that the finger lick thing is not my preferred approach, but my actual reasoning is boring - I don’t like physical sensation of licking my fingers.
This is what I always did before covid but now I don't anymore.
Me too! Back when we thought COVID could spread easily from surface contact, I found myself at the grocery trying to decide WTF I was going to do.
"Uh, dare I stick my fingers under the mask, or, what?"
Yep, works like a charm 👍. Not really hygenic, especially of you're doing the shopping right after work, but hey, if it works, I'll take it 🤷.
Should probably mention I pick up the fruits and veggies with the bag like picking up dog doo, so I'm not licking my fingers and then touching food on the shelf. It shouldn't be an issue of licking dirty hands after work; you can wash them in a bathroom either coming into the store or before leaving your jobsite.
Meeh, doesn't really matter IMO, they get peeled anyway. Not one of those "oh, I'm not touching that" kind of people. They're gonna get peeled, you're not gonna use them as sex toys... or are you 🤔.
Do you peel your tomatoes?
In some cases, yes, for some dishes I mean. But in general, no. Still, you wash them really good with water, so no problem there.
I had filled one bag. Then tried to fill the othet with air to open it up, when the filled one broke and everything went out the bottom.
Just buy reusable mesh bags and stop wasting plastic to protect your produce for a 20 minute car ride.
There's no way I'm getting to my car when opening a bag is this hard
"Joke about the inability to open a car because the inability to open a little bag"
;-)
I just wave it around frantically until the wind opens it.
This doesn't usually work 😂. Tried it a few times 😂.
Man, this stuff is so embarrassing. There have been so many times, I've skipped on buying fruits just because I couldn't open the bag and my anxiety engaged into overdrive
Tip: distress the edge by pulling at it. This causes the sides to separate. Sometimes you gotta create a tear to get them to separate enough to get it
it's called grocery bag fission
I always grab a disinfecting wipe at the entrance and use it to wet my fingers so I can open them.
simply use the moisture from the sprayers
You just rub both ends at the same time.
That's what I tell her...