[Serious] What should every young person do?

berryjam@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 93 points –

For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I'm wasting my youth.

110

Protect your hearing. Listen to loud music in moderation and use earplugs in loud environments.

Most practical advice I've seen in this thread. For anyone who wants to protect their hearing at a concert without making the music sound muffled, check out these flat frequency ear plugs:

https://www.etymotic.com/product/etyplugs-high-fidelity-earplugs/

Those are great but I recently switched to these. They are a little more expensive but they come with three different filters for different decibel levels.

Please wear them at shows. Coming home with your ears feeling like you are underwater and ringing is a sign you've damaged them. I don't know why they insist on making shows so damn loud.

I've always had the anti-neighbour style setup. Much less harmful to your ears than headphones

Vote.

I'd also add participate in local politics. There's no law saying a 20 year old can't be any elected official but president.

There is, it's the constitution. You can't be a member of the House without being 25 or a senator without being 30.

However there exist countries with own constitutions outside of the US

Even in the US, state-level representation hardly counts as local. Neighborhoods, towns, counties, etc. all have people representing them.

It's cool to care about and build up your community.

Wear. Sunscreen.

If you absolutely hate sunscreen for sensory reasons, check out UPF jackets and other clothing. I live in a place where the UV is 11+ every day in the summer and it works great without being suffocatingly hot. Being able to just throw a jacket on and go outside without worrying about sunburn is pretty great.

Woman in tropical countries cover themselves in very light long sleaved tops. I bought one in Vietnam for my wife.

Wear a wide brimmed hat too. You'll look jaunty while protecting your head.

What is the material like, does it get hot inside? Is there a brand that you recommend?

The one I have is from REI and made of modal (similar to rayon, made from wood pulp), it’s the only one I’ve used but it feels very nice, soft, and lightweight. I don’t ever feel like I’d be better off not wearing it if I’m in direct sunlight, and sweat dries from it fairly quickly. I’ve been hot while wearing it but not any hotter than I would have been standing in the sun to begin with, you know? I’ve also never had it fail and result in a burn, and my dermatologist was enthusiastic about it when I brought up that I’d been using that instead of sunscreen.

The main reason I went with that brand was because I couldn’t find any non-polyester options anywhere else. There’s nothing wrong with them functionally, I just try to avoid polyester in general.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,

some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Oh yeah this one. Plus, wear a hat. My hairstylist found skin cancer on my scalp a year or two ago and now I have a bald spot where they removed it because scalp skin doesn't have a whole lot of excess to close a wound. So cute. Thankfully, I can hide it, but it pretty much requires me to wear my hair up every day.

Eta: I feel like it should go without saying, but maybe doesn't, that I was incredibly lucky that it was basal cell, not melanoma. A big scar is one of the best outcomes I could've had.

I recommend face moisturizer with SPF for all genders. Put it on every morning. Start young.

True. Nothing else in your skincare routine matters if you're not wearing sunscreen.

Get sunscreen that you don't mind applying in the morning. I love this one: www.amazon.com/dp/B09DGPRM22

Get sunscreen that you don't mind applying in the morning.

Does it last all day or were you just suggesting morning because some people forget it until later?

Realistically you should reapply, but in the morning is a good start to the routine

Floss and make regular dentist visits, prioritize fitness and make it a habit for the rest of your life, and don't allow negative people in your life

20 years ago I would have said invest regularly in an index fund.

Today I think you should learn all you can about DIY water filtration and growing edible mushrooms in caves.

Learn to cook!

It’s great fun if you can get into it, it fulfills one of your basic needs in a much more fun and satisfying way, and it can be a good and attractive quality in a future partner and / or fun to do with them.

So many people I know who after college ended up living on crap. At best they only knew how to boil pasta. I got a cookbook on my favorite cuisine at the time and started trying all sorts of recipes when I first lived on my own. I tell my wife "If you can follow instructions you can cook" and she said "I hate following instructions." lol

Live alone and single at some point in your life.

It's shocking how many people never learn to just be themselves, by themselves. And I don't mean for a month or two. Get to know yourself before you settle in together with somebody else.

In THIS economy?!

That's a good point. We're going to have a lot of really stunted people who never got the chance to live alone and learn about themselves because nobody can afford rent anymore.

Save up an emergency fund. If you can manage to keep six months to a year's worth of expenses in a savings account, it will give you a huge psychological cushion in rough times. Beyond that, save and invest as early as you can.

Learn how to do basic maintenance on a bicycle, car, motorcycle or whatever else in your life that you depend on. That knowledge and experience will pay dividends the rest of your life.

Save up an emergency fund.

I'll second this by repeating something I said yesterday: it costs more money to have to patch things with bandaid solutions rather than quality solutions. The example I gave was someone not able to pay to turn their electricity back on because they had to keep buying candles for light. I couldn't save to buy dishes because I kept having to buy disposable plates for my meals.

When you're absolutely strapped, you waste a lot of money on what you can get while prolonging getting a real solution. Having an emergency fund that you can go to when you get sick or your car fails or whatever else is really an investment in your own wellbeing.

3-6 months is plenty. At the 6 months mark you take literally any job you can get and then keep looking for one that you want. The other site had a pretty good personal finance community. Their flowchart does a great job of summarizing things. https://i.imgur.com/lSoUQr2.jpeg

It might be plenty, depending on your emergency. But you never know when you might be asked to care for an ill family member, suffer a health setback yourself, or end up out of work in a soft labor market - which we are currently in. It's a risk based decision, but as price-to-earnings of potential investments is currently incredibly high (suggesting unrealistically high future return expectations), I would hedge on the side of more savings rather than earlier investment.

Master your inner dialogue and emotions.

Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.

If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it's important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it's playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.

Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.

Start down this road now. You don't want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.

Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone's love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.

I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I'm either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of "evidence."

I'm sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it's hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.

Also, reframe your negative evidence. You're not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that's how we learn, and it's supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it's okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.

When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.

Another good tip, when you're feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You're not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don't need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.

Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

This is really valuable advise. I'm 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I'm looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I'm really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it's called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.

Travel on the cheap while you're still willing to put up with it.

Seriously. Save up a couple thousand dollars. Go see stuff.

Make sure you have enough in your emergency fund to get home if you screw it up.

Learn a paid skill you can do with your hands. Welding, painting, HVAC, long-line fishing, building PC’s, anything. Get proficient.

You may never use it again. Hopefully you develop a skill-set that pays you better/is less physically demanding/is sexier.

But you will never starve and may be able to feed your family even if your primary occupation falls out of favor.

-- Acquire new skills that will pay off in the long run.

-- Build habits like exercising, eating well, and prioritizing mental health which can set you up for lifelong well-being.

-- Build deep friendships, relationships, and connections. It’s the decade where many lifelong bonds are formed.

-- Learn about budgeting, saving, investing, and managing credit. Financial literacy will greatly benefit you in the future.

-- Failing in your twenties is part of growth. Embrace failure and learn from it.

-- Focus on collecting experiences, such as concerts, festivals, road trips, or spontaneous adventures, rather than material goods. For memories, don’t collect shot glasses, you’ll regret it later.

-- Learn to enjoy your own company, reflect on your goals, and become comfortable with solitude.

-- Work on understanding your emotions, how to manage them, and how to empathize with others.

-- Expand your mind with literature, self-development books, and works that challenge your worldview.

-- Spend an extended period in another part of the world which can give you an appreciation for different cultures and provide life altering experiences.

-- Learn how to prepare your own meals- a valuable life skill which can help you live healthier.

-- Understand the importance of looking after your mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

—Spend time thinking about where you want to go in life, and set both short-term and long-term goals.

Take care of your body and keep it healthy. You have plenty of time to acquire habits helping that and slowly get rid of those damaging it - use that time before the issue is forced on you.

I tell people to keep an eye on their diet. Once you hit your early 20s that whole teen "I can eat a whole pizza and be fine" is gone. It is incredibly easy to go over your calorie needs in a week and after a year you've gained 2-3 lbs or more. Before you know it by 30 or 40 you are 50+ lbs over and obese and now you are struggling to lose it. It creeps up on you.

Learn about retirement plans. Compound interest is a young person's best friend. Compound interest makes rich old people.

Every dollar you sock away in your 20s is worth so much more than waiting until you are in your 50s

Get away from tech on a regular basis. Allow yourself to be in your own thoughts occasionally. I think constantly being tied to phones and the internet is killing creativity because we never have those day dreaming moments that lead to inspiration.

Don't spend huge chunks of your life on video games. They are a fun distraction but at the end of the day is it just bits on some server that could be shut down at any moment. Get off of the dopamine treadmill.

Grow some plants. Whether it's a small succulent or a big lemon tree; it'll definetly make your life more enjoyable watching them grow.

Seconded. Something you grow picked at it's optimal time will nearly always taste better as well

Grow some herbs and such. It is fun going through a recipe and thinking "Oh, I can run outside for this ingredient." I like to tell my wife "In a way we are eating our lawn." lol

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”

  • Tecumseh

Learn how to learn. Having the ability to look up things on the internet, watch YouTube videos, go to the library and find books, ask people for help and even show you how to do something. Most people are willing to teach others if you're willing to learn.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend it unless you feel comfortable with it but sometimes money is tight and it's easier just to replace that 10$ part rather than call a repair guy. I've looked up how to replace a part on a water heater on the internet because it was cheap at Lowes and I didn't want to pay weekends rates for the plumber.

Also learn how to do basic things like learn how to change the oil on your car, replace your belts and change a tire. You'll save some money and feel good about being able to do these little things. Look for tools at yard sales and pawn shops if you don't have a lot to spend on tools.

Get a service industry job to learn a healthy sense of misanthropy

I don't recommend it, but it can definitely give you a perspective of the kind of shit people have to put up with

Save at least $30,000 for retirement within ten years of your first adult job.

If you can, put 15% of your check into your retirement every single check, at minimum.

That will set you up for retirement, especially if you're entering the work force in your late teens or early twenties.

This for sure! I never understood the power of a 401k being a tax shelter and the power of employer matching. Do as much as you can, even if it's 50$ a paycheck. It's best of you can put in as much as the employer will match.

Goals.

You're not going anywhere unless you DECIDE to go there.

Forget "how do I know if its the right goal"?

You're can modify and change your goals as you go. Kind of like practice?

Just do it. Start small. Review regularly. Act on the steps that reach your goal.

Travel, live abroad if possible, and experience living in a big, culture-rich city. Unfortunately the economic realities of the 2020s are making this increasingly out of reach for many youth, but if you have the resources and opportunity, absolutely go for it. As you get older, responsibilities and lack of energy will likely sap much of your ability/desire to move around as much (this isn't true for everyone, but it's extremely common). Even if traditional travel is impractical for you, there still exists cheaper opportunities for exploration that are a bit off the beaten path, such as the WWOOF program.

Regardless of your situation/location, one thing that basically anyone can do is get involved in a cause. Find something you're passionate about and throw yourself into it. Make sure it's something that you can do in-person and not virtually... as in, there are local groups you can join for this cause, although if there aren't you can always try making one or forming a local chapter of a larger org. With the right networking you'd be surprised how many other people will join you, especially for causes that involve your local community. This is a great way to meet other people, get to know the issues facing your neighborhood/city better, and learn to navigate your local government/NGOs. Again, as you get older responsibilities/exhaustion can make this sort of thing a lot harder.

experience living in a big, culture-rich city.

don't move to a big city if you've never spent a significant amount of time in one. i don't care how "culture-rich" it is. true, a lot of people love the noise, crowds, crime, stink, traffic, astronomical prices for literally everything, and all the other crap that's tangled up in city life, but there's no amount of money anyone could pay me to put up with even one of those things ever again. if you're in your 20s, maybe you'll love the night life. but that gets old quick. or you better hope it does...

I mean, obviously it's not for everyone, but it's important to actually experience urban living for yourself before deciding you hate cities. Especially given the political situation in the United States right now, where so many suburban and rural residents are bashing cities and urban living without having properly experienced it for themselves; I think there would be a huge bite taken out of the urban/rural divide if more people had experience living in cities, and got to personally see the good and the bad for themselves. Plus your twenties is a great time to learn street smarts, because that way you'll be less likely to have a bad experience when you do visit a big city in the future, whether it's for something fun like a concert or something serious like going to a medical specialist. There are a lot of basic lessons like "never ever leave anything visible in your unattended parked car", how to use public transportation, being able to firmly say "no", and general situational awareness that are just good life skills that city living forces you to pick up.

I'm not at a point in my life where I want to live in a big city anymore, but I'm so, so grateful that I did in my youth.

As my father who traveled constantly for work said all big cities and airports start to look alike.

Have sex with as many different attractive people as you can, using protection. You'll understand when you're older, feel older, and look older. It's a window that doesn't stay open.

Figure out how to make and keep friends. It only gets more difficult as people are out of school, have their own families, have less time for short-notice adventures, etc.

At the same time, figure out what you want in a friend that is worth investing in to you. Not every friend is worth keeping as we all naturally grow in different directions.

try a bunch of stuff, find what you like, pursue that.

repeat as needed.

Have fun. As I got older, I deeply regret not going out or doing fun activities now that I am in high school. I had so much fucking time, but I wasted them all on stupid bullshit. Now I have only like 7 hours of freetime, and I can imagine that my freetime will be even less the moment I start working.

I had the opposite experience. Once I started working full time after college, I felt like I had SO MUCH FREE TIME!

I did have a part-time job during college, though. That might have skewed things for me.

2 more...

Take care of your body. It's only getting worse after that age, so you need to ensure that it doesn't go too fast.

Take care of your mind. Culture yourself, have fun, rest properly, cut off from your social life people who cause you psychological harm.

Set your own values. It's fine if you change them later on, but you need some way to ground your actions that is not "do what other people tell you to".

Learn your limits. Some are higher, some are lower, than the average person; just don't assume that you can handle vodka, work nonstop, or scale cliffs as well as someone else does. Stop punishing yourself for those limits being too low, and stop abusing the limits that are higher.

Learn how to budget. "Economise money" is easier said than done, I know; but once shit hits the fan, it's best if you know which expenses you can cut, temporarily or permanently, as well as the impact of doing so in your life.

Find people whom you can rely on. Even if you're an introvert, even if you hate dealing with people. Family, friends, you call it. And make sure that they can rely on you, it's give-and-take.

Volunteer at a place if you can. Spend time in a community completely different to your own. If you have the means, live as a normal person in a country (i.e. not tourist insulated in a community of speakers of your own language) for 3 months (common tourist visa/waiver length), best if done in a country culturally different to your own. If you can't do that, at least learn a new language and consume media and interact with people (generally free these days).

Have an existental crisis. I'm serious. But have a low level one, a high level will paralize you.

Move away from parents home if you haven't already. Preferably to live alone. The feeling of having a whole place to yourself is amazing.

Save money into a retirement fund. Be consistent about contributing to it. Compound interest is very much your friend at this age

Live way below your means, but still go out and have fun. For cheap. Dont cheap out money or time wise on things that need to last, like education, health, and shoes.

Do one adventure trip where you are out of your comfort envelope, pushing yourself physically, etc. Don't make it a booze/party trip.

Don't drift through this phase or you'll regret it later. If you go to college have a plan to graduate in 4-5 years. College isn't the place to find yourself, it's a place where you trade money for knowledge. You will learn about yourself, but you can get more self discovery in other environments for far less expense.

This is the time to establish a career and not just a job. It doesn't have to happen at 22, but you need to know what you want and work towards it by 30.

If you want kids younger is generally better, but not so early you have no means to support them. There's never a perfect time, but there are bad times for kids. Aim for a good enough time. It's a lot easier to chase a toddler at 25 than 35.

Your life will likely significantly change several times in this period, embrace it and enjoy it. Single life, dating life, married life, college life, full time job life, and parent life ate all very different. You'll experience many of these in this period.

I disagree with your having kids sentiment. I didn’t find the right woman until I was 33 and didn’t have kids til 39. I worked hard, got promoted and accumulated wealth before then. I started from nearly nothing. Now, my kid (hopefully) won’t have to struggle as much as I did.

And I chase that kid for 30 minutes until she gets worn out.

…

My advice, in your 20s: travel, make friends, make mistakes.

Get a job that has growth potential or become a rockstar in a small pond.

Find some hobbies, work out. Even better, find a hobby that also is a workout. Sock away 5% of your income towards retirement if you can handle it. Volunteer. Habits are formative in your 20s, you’ll find them easier to maintain (or avoid) in your 40s.

Don’t spend all of your time chasing tail or trying to find a mate. That’s a trap. instead, open yourself up to experiences, events and places where those things can naturally happen. And make memories along the way so you have fun things to share with that person when you do find them.

Get out of your comfort zone, get off of your comfort phone. Read a bit, learn to weld or sculpt or play an instrument. Take a dancing class, even if you go alone, there are usually people around to partner up.

Learn 5 or 10 jokes. Don’t be embarrassed to tell them often. Anyone from politicians to public speakers to hey, even comedians, will tell the same jokes over and over and over.

Get an Education, even if it’s a community college or a few professional certifications. It will demonstrate that you can learn. Absorb as much as you can while you’re young, because it’s true, learning does get harder as you age.

Take a course or two in psychology. Avoid people who bring you down, find people who build you up but are honest enough to keep you grounded when you need it.

Don’t live for anyone else, live for you. That isn’t to say be selfish, you’ll need people in your corner. But know that, no one else can experience how can experience. No one else lives through your eyes; no one else loves through your heart; no one else dreams how you dream. We have so few precious years on this tiny rock, so make them tell the story of you.

Learn how to be happy alone. Simple!

Really though, if you figure this out, a lot of other things click into place. I used to think it was impossible. Just words miserable people said to make themselves feel less lonely.

Okay, sometimes it's still that, but I've come to enjoy being able to focus on whatever I want to focus on without the distractions, drama, and/or gnawing desperation.

Honestly go out and figure out your sexual preferences by exploring and experimenting. I find this happens a lot. A young couple get together in early twenties. Then they slowly drift apart because y'all honestly didn't make a solid decision on who to settle down with. It causes so much pain, heartbreak and financial stress.

Just be honest. Hit the apps and let everyone know what you're doing. Just meet people. If they are weird no big deal meet the next person. And you will probably fall in love but you have to be strong and make sure to only give that heart out to the one you know will take care of it.

When you get that feeling about a person but you know they aren't the one identify why you like them. You will probably form a pretty solid idea of your preferences this way. At least I did.

As best as you can, max out Roth IRA with an S&P 500 fund like VOO or a targeted date index fund. Also contribute to a 401(k) as much as possible.

If you are not American, this is a retirement account thing.

The Roth IRA is great advice. I think a 401k is good as long as you are maxing your company's contribution. Any higher than that would be better invested in another account so you could use it for an emergency before retirement

Ideally, you set aside 3 to 6 months worth of your typical monthly spending to cover (some) emergencies and job loss, then invest everything else. 401(k) is still tax advantaged in the same way as an IRA, and you can typically do roth contributions to a 401(k) too. So there are benefits to going above your employer match.

But, you're right that you don't want to trap all of your money into a retirement account either. You'll probably want to make large purchases like a car or house. In that case, you plan out a timeline and invest in less risky things depending on how far out you plan to purchase said thing.

The overall idea of "invest in index funds as much as possible" can be applied generally, but the amount that you contribute and in which types of accounts heavily depends on the individual.

I just wanted to point out that 401(k)s without employer matching are basically just IRAs with high yearly caps because it took me a few years to realize that, and I fancied myself financially literate. It can be a good idea to contribute more, so long as you don't need the money elsewhere.

Make a budget. Live by that budget for a month. On the first of the next month, make another budget.

You don't actually have to do this forever, but long enough to get the basic ebb and flow of money into your head. Planning to put more into x category means having less for y category.

Build up savings, a little at a time. Get used to dipping into that for emergencies.

Disregard if you're a billionaire or entirely living off the land.

Meditate as much as you can. An hour a day would not be overkill.

Don't use harsh shampoos like Head and Shoulders if you want a shot at keeping your hair.

Curse you, Head and Shoulders! fist shaking

Citation needed (grew up on those shampoos, thick as ever in my 40s). I think genetics plays the bigger.role here, right?

I second the request for a citation.

Feel free to refute this, but here’s an article I found that suggests there’s little evidence that Head and Shoulders is bad for your hair - at least the ones that aren’t Clinical Strength.

Minor anecdote: I used to have severe dandruff, then I started using Aveeno’s Apple Cider Vinegar products and that helped a LOT, but now I use the ACV H&S and I haven’t had any real complaints since the switch.

I've been using it for twenty years and have just the slightest thinning in one small spot. You can't even tell when my hair dries.

As a virgin, If you had an opportunity to get laid (safely) with someone you at the very least don't have negative feelings and you consider it more than average, do it. Otherwise you could regret passing in.