If your toilet was sentient would you rather it crave your bodily waste or hate you for it?

SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 85 points –

Personally, I think it's like people with a foot fetish. Ok gross and weird but isnt harming anyone.

87

I guess I'd rather the toilet enjoy itself. As long as it doesn't start making little happy noises while I'm trying to poop 😰

I find the thought of encouragement more disturbing.

"Come on, buddy you can do it.. yeah, I see that's a big one...."
ghasp
"a REALLY big one. I can see it. Push, don't forget to breathe.. yeah, there ya go, pinch it off. Nice! You've changed your diet, haven't you? Good job!"

Oh hey, suggestions of diet changes for health might be nice, suggestions because they like corn, not nice.

I can't believe I wrote that

I heard this in a sports announcer’s voice, with everyone in the house listening.

All I get is Gilbert Gottfried.

Gilbert Gottfried Reads 50 Shades of Grey

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

Gilbert Gottfried Reads 50 Shades of Grey

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

Why da fuq does this play an advertisement for audible.com, then refuse to play the actual video!? I know it's open source, but I'd rather it be functional and not have to read through the sourcecode to debug and fix it if it is non-functional... :-(

As my late doctor said, a good poop can be had while running. If yer have to stop for longer than ten seconds, you ain't eating right, boy.

If my toilet were sentient, I would get a non- sentient normal toilet. Idiot OP.

Would you keep the sentient one as a friend?

Sure. It’s not like I have many friends.

This would probably be the only option but it would still be difficult because for a start there'd have to be a period of time between discovering it was sentient and getting that new toilet and you'd still have to shit and then there's the issue of whether the toilet can survive if removed and if it wants to or is OK with being move/removed. If not, you'd have to basically get an entire new bathroom to place a new toilet in which could be financially difficult.

You vastly overestimate my level of empathy for my talking toilet; I’d rip that bitch out in a heartbeat

Any strong feelings are undesirable.

Wouldn't you rather bring great joy and pleasure every time you go?

I consistently shit at work, I don't want to disappoint the guy I live with.

If they were sentient I'd put them in the living room, so they could watch TV with us.

Is it just my toilet in my house or all toilets in the world? Could I move and avoid having this problem?

Is killing my toilet an option?

If I have no other choice I guess crave....

If you could kill the toilet, would you really wanna defecate in the dead body of a sentient being?? Thats cold

If I am being honest I don't really want to defecate in an body of a sentient being living or dead. Although I don't know what would be worse.

I'd want it to love it but hate itself for how much it loves it.

It's disturbing when I have a clever response to the title of a post and then click in to see it already typed out staring back at me.

You sick (and prompt) fuck.

Toilets do a really important job and it is one that I would not enjoy doing myself.

If it's got a poop fetish then fuck it, I'll host parties and take suggestions on what too feed guests!

I don’t know what show or year even, but when I was a kid I remember some weird sci fi show or movie with people being on a sort of sentient organic space ship, and the toilets were literally this. Living things that would feast on human waste, iirc including going the extra mile of having tongues to lick the user clean.

I already spend too much time sitting on the toilet. If I got a good tonguing, I may never leave.

I’d like it to the the personality of Wilma Flintstone’s vacuum. “It’s a living”

Crave it. The other way would be cruel.

IRL I'd go somewhere else, of course, but that's not the spirit of the question.

I wish it was indifferent and defeated, like the appliances in the Flintstones.

While your toilet isn't alive to crave your waste, the microbes and such at the waste water facility that your crap goes to do in fact crave and need your waste to survive and propogate. It ain't ice cream, but your crap always ends up as food for something.

You definitely want it to enjoy the experience, otherwise it seems too risky to sit

What will you do when the toilet licks its lips

When you poo in the woods the poo is instantly covered with bugs and bacteria that love poo and start to break it down.

I guess it would be just the same, you know someone is eating it but it doesn’t really enter your thoughts

I could deal with either as long as it doesn’t terrorize the dog.

Soil is kinda sentient...and it doesn't "crave" waste but definitely uses it as food to get healthier so let's do that instead of water sports nightmare toilet collection?

If my toilet was sentient, I'd start going to the bathroom outside.

"Let's build robots with Genuine People Personalities," they said. So they tried it out with me. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you?"

I'd rather they think of it as a normal function, like breathing is for us.

But I guess I'm not into extremes.

Like the one on Better Call Saul?

I could see this scene in my head, but couldn't remember what show it was from.

Since its main purpose is to flush bodily waste, I'd be making it extra happy. Since a toilets' nature seems to be wanting to be clean, it will be very happy with me. My diet produces very easy to process waste.

We'd be best buddies, and I would expect some moaning and groaning. Probably posting about it on their assbook pages.

Wouldn't matter because I'd be pooping in the back yard

I've noticed an increase of reposted Facebook and reddit stuff in the past week :(

I haven't... But I don't use Facebook or Reddit.

Yeah, this is one of those Facebook /reddit reposts

The really cool thing about Lemmy was that everything being posted like science memes seemed like fairly original content.

But now it's starting to feel like people are trying to post for karma, and we're going to start seeing crap from Facebook here in the past week

The more tech we put into our toilets, the more likely they are to become sentient, so this is a serious consideration. I've often worried that the way we treat toilets might be the thing that drives AI into Skynet territory.

I love Freud. I am stuck in a specific early childhood phase so you know my choice.

It better call me master, that food wasn't free!