I used to work in a new age shop that sold rock salt lamps. A woman came in one time to complain about the lamp she bought.
Woman: My salt lamp was dusty and dirty.
Me: Okay...
W: So I took the rock salt off the base.
Me: Hmm?
W: And I washed it with hot soapy water.
Me: Ah.
W: And it just dissolved!
Me: Yep, it's salt.
W: I want a refund.
Me: laughs.
This has me wondering if art supply stores have people coming in complaining that their pencil ran out of lead when they were in the middle of drawing.
Yes, I have seen that first hand. Crayons too.
Aren't those things like the size of a fist? How long did she wash it for?!
I'm guessing it just lost all of the desirable texture of the crystals
Im thinking she either just ran hot water over it, or decided to let it soak, only to come back to sea water in her sink.
lmao reminds me of that raccoon with cotton candy
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my ass is installing linux on the first machine capable of having linux installed on it.
You are not safe, there is nothing you can do to stop me.
Your tinder date brings you into their home. While they are having a shower, you grab their laptop to install Linux mint cinnamon on it, but the Ventoy ISO wont boot. The track pad is greasy and crusted up with yellow stuff. Screen hinge is cracked. You boot it up to get your bearings. Windows XP, service pack 1. No password. 1 GB RAM. 32 bit CPU. Super PC clean is running. Blatant malware. No antivirus in sight. Internet Explorer 6 lumbers to the foreground. Fifteen spyware toolbars visible. Popups start flooding the screen. You look at the desktop, its littered with zip files with random file names. The mouse cursor is a pirate with a wooden leg. The CPU fan loudens to an alarming volume even though there's no programs running that you can see.
Do you:
Continue and try to install a 32 bit version of linux
leave silently, unmatch them on tinder, and block their number
Leave, but not before performing a mercy killing on the laptop
leave, performing a mercy kill on the laptop.
No associate of mine is going to be using windows xp.
Nobody has ported Doom to a Himalayan salt lamp.
Yet.
This is your opportunity!
one step at a time my friend, one step at a time...
Had an annon grindr date try this on me once. Except I already had Linux on all my electronics. Hottest sex ever. Happily married for 6 years.
More romantic that 99 prevent of my Grindr dates. Hard jealous.
damn, guess that's a green flag then.
There's a decent chance that's still the salt lamp.
you think me, a linux user, is leaving home without a handful of bootable drives?
I have an Ubuntu live disc and a Windows install on a USB drive on my keychain lol. The amount of times I've needed one of those and not had it is more than 0 lmao
I would rather check under the bed in case there are knives.
Yeah if there are no knives we ain't fuckin
If you go to someone's house and they don't have an elaborate and named knife collection that they're oddly cagey about, don't fuck them
Why would I be cagey about my odd, elaborate and named knife collection? I've had most of those knives longer than I've known my wife. They're great. Not very much blood at all.
Gold karambit means she's wife material
no that means she's a csgo character
Are all of you cows
Some may be horses
I am an Alpine Ibex scaling near vertical slopes just to lick that salt lamp.
I'm a hamster (they lick salt too)
👅🧂
Don't they eat their babies too?
ಠ_ಠ
...yeah, but only sometimes
Only if they're feeling snacky
I had never seen a hamster lick anything until today. You've enriched my life!
are you sure you don't want to share an indirect kiss with all her past tinder dates?
Yes. I'm sure.
Join us we can all be one across time and also this lamp
If you really need to kiss me, do it yourself, coward. Don't rely on a nasty ass salt lamp /s
The lamp is what makes it kosher!! Haven't you seen Stinging Vipers?
nasty ass salt lamp
It's not kosher if it's been in a nasty ass
Same. That lamp has absolutely been licked before. You don't know by whom and you don't know how recently. If you're at least a tiny bit of a germaphobe, those statements should frighten you.
The high salinity should take care of any bacteria in short order. It may not be clean, but there ain't no bacteria on it!
tiny bit of a germaphobe
iirc salt is a has antimicrobial properties. So if anything, then licking that salt, will reduce the germs in your mouth. So a true germaphobe would be all over that lamp
If you're a germaphobe then surely you should know that 100% salt is enough to yeet literally any microorganism to the back of beyond; in fact anything over 30% is
That lamp is more hygienic than your dinner plate, more than the inside of any food package and infinitely more than your hands even after you've just washed them
I think this is like when people say they have OCD when really they just like things tidy. I'm reality it's more about the ick than any germs
Yeah agreed that while you're more than likely not gonna get sick from it unless you have an allergic reaction of some sort, it's still probably dusty as those things are a nightmare to clean and so not a pleasant lick
If it's rooted in rational thought, it's not a phobia.
I'm afraid of hungry bears in the woods. That's not a phobia. But constantly checking your 17th floor balcony for hungry bears is.
The way I heard it is if your fear keeps you from doing "normal" activities, then it might be a phobia. Like if you won't go for a walk on a trail because you might see a snake
well have you considered the fact that im stupid
If everyone thought that way though the lamp would never get licked
It's pure salt, there's nothing alive on it
You guys get dates? I only get ghosted..
Protip: If they have a lava lamp instead, you can take the lava lamp bottle out, unscrew the bottle cap and drink some lava lamp fluid.
My stepbrother did this once. He kept saying his throat was dry and we found the empty lamp a week later. After rushing him to the hospital to treat his near-fatal injuries, we were saying our goodbyes only two months later...
"Can I get you any thing?", my heartbroken mother said as she stepped into the room.
"Yeah... I'd lava another lamp..."
Thoroughly disgusted, the rest of our family shuffled out of the room muttering bye.
I stayed, as I could take a joke. Suddenly, a monstrous shart leaked out of his ass. "Oh God!!! NURSE" I screamed frantically. "Good Lord," she gasped while grasping several bedpans. "He should be dead!"
"Auuughooohyeh" My stepbro moaned. I looked on in horror as the red ass ham began to burn away and melt his gown and the now 30ish bedpans lining the walls. The poop accelerates. "Somebody get Dr. Kruger!!!" The many nurses exclaimed. At this point they were frantically shoveling shit out the window as I desperately tried not to get burned. After around 10 minutes, Dr. Kruger arrived. "GREAT HEAVENS!!! We'll need Kevin for this." He waded into the dookie and tossed my stepbrother into pit dug into ground. The poop accelerates. Suddenly, a wiry, greasy, crazed looking man appeared at the door. At this point, the floor was disintegrating, so he leaped over the many holes and started devouring the kaka. "HOLY HELL," I shouted in surprise. "Actual Zombie" I began to lose feeling in my legs. However, Kevin vrrmed like a anteater and sucked that shit up harder than 10 year old me getting hit by a Ferrari! Kevin leaped out of the room and slurped up all the poo poo in the ditch. But... something was wrong. The poop accelerates. Kevin didn't stop. Kevin crawled into my stepbrothers anus and licked it clean. Before he could reach his colon, somebody said "call the exorcist!" and the Poope himself came down from the heavens and uttered three holy words...
"no u"
Kevin's body is forcibly expelled from my stepbrothers colon and writhes in pain. He began to slowly and excruciatingly crawl into his own anus. The legion of nurses surrounding him pick him up and toss him- no it, into a coffin. My stepbrother staggered to his feet and exclaimed "What a nice shit! I feel great now!" and left. Fortunately we live in Europe so we didn't have to pay for anything. All the feeling returned to my legs, my stepbrother is taking care of his 13 kids, and Kevin is probably chilling in some SCP containment unit somewhere. Good times!
A whole lot of thise lamps are in my area so I dont understand why we still have a hospital
But my salt lamp is in my bathroom.
Hmm, now I wonder, if the lamp would slowly 'melt', from damp air condensing on it.
ew poop particles every time they flush
poop lamp
poop lamp
poop lamp
poop lamp
Sadly, some are plastic...
Right I'm confused.
You're in the bedroom but they go to the restroom
Which fucking one are they in?
I'm in my kitchen right now
ok
now im in my living room
how are you handling that?
You don't live in your kitchen
You don't rest in your toilet
Unless, like I say, throwing a whitey
oh I finally get what you're saying. You're taking issue with calling that room "rest" room instead of "toilet"
but seeing as "toilet" literally means "a small piece of cloth" - if we're going to go down that path, why are you calling both the room and it's commode a piece of cloth?
Oooooh it's just Americans with their funny words for things.
Obviously they mean lavatory, toilet, loo, shitter, bog, water closet, facilities, tile palace, WC, khazi, ceramic throne of dreams, privy, latrine, etc.
restroom == bathroom
So there has to be a bath in it? Is that not inconvenient?
The place with the toilet that you poop in.
The toilet! Gotcha!
The Middle French word 'toile' ("cloth") had a diminutive form: 'toilette', or "small piece of cloth." This word became 'toilet' in English, and referred to a cloth put over the shoulders while dressing the hair or shaving.
Got em
It's the room where you rest your butt to poop. The restroom.
It's where I rest my brain from the stupid at work. Being able to sit on a nasty commode with my nethers exposed is a bonus.
You've never seen a bedroom with an attached restroom?
I've never seen anyone rest on a toilet
Wait, no, I have done while throwin a whitey
They earn a dollar while I earn a dime that's why I shit on company time.
Congrats for always having had good bosses.
It's restful because you're not watching... At least without a consent higher than "let's have sex"
I don't--- it's one sentence! Is this a language issue...?
They are trying too hard to force a language issue when there isn't.
There are many reasons toilets are called the restroom dated back in history. However these days it's mostly just considered a polite way of taking care of one's business, without projecting to a partner that you may be taking a massive duce.
are you not familiar with houses having attached bathrooms in the master bedroom?
Its a thing here in NA for suburban homes, and for houses in europe to some degree im guessing.
I used to work in a new age shop that sold rock salt lamps. A woman came in one time to complain about the lamp she bought.
Woman: My salt lamp was dusty and dirty.
Me: Okay...
W: So I took the rock salt off the base.
Me: Hmm?
W: And I washed it with hot soapy water.
Me: Ah.
W: And it just dissolved!
Me: Yep, it's salt.
W: I want a refund.
Me: laughs.
This has me wondering if art supply stores have people coming in complaining that their pencil ran out of lead when they were in the middle of drawing.
Yes, I have seen that first hand. Crayons too.
Aren't those things like the size of a fist? How long did she wash it for?!
I'm guessing it just lost all of the desirable texture of the crystals
Im thinking she either just ran hot water over it, or decided to let it soak, only to come back to sea water in her sink.
lmao reminds me of that raccoon with cotton candy
I'd like to subscribe to more new age shop stories!
You've been subscribed to New Age Shop stories. For just $1 a day receive a new story delivered every morning. Reply HELP for help, STOP to unsubscribe. Msg& Data Rates May Apply
I feel bad for people who have never licked a Himalayan Salt Lamp.
Yum.
Skin cells, dust mite shit and animal hairs.
Oh boy wait until you hear about breathing.
I find breathing to be better than not breathing.
Not licking the Himalayan salt lamp does not have the same effect.
Yeah but you can breath any time. This might be your last chance to lick that lamp EVER
It might be the last chance to try to insert the Himalayan salt lamp into your dick hole too.
But why would you do that
Like the old saying, anything is a sounding rod if you're not a pussy.
How old is this saying, really
At least two hours old.
5 hrs even
Can we go back to when it wasn't? I liked that time, it was simpler
Smell is based mostly on particulate. Anything you inhale gets at least partly broken down and absorbed.
Thus, if you smell a fart, at least some small part of your body is metabolising someone else's shit.
If you smell a fart, the molecules in your nose once were in their ass hole.
Chances are really good that a star combined the atoms that make up the molecules and it went nova to spread them out.
Deep down I've always known this
Yeah licking random objects in your house is a little unsanitary.
Thanks SatansMagottyCumFart
Is Lemmy's version of /r/rimjob_steve up already?
Why does it never taste like salt?
And why do I keep trying?!?
I think you got a dud. It absolutely should taste salty
my ass is installing linux on the first machine capable of having linux installed on it.
You are not safe, there is nothing you can do to stop me.
Your tinder date brings you into their home. While they are having a shower, you grab their laptop to install Linux mint cinnamon on it, but the Ventoy ISO wont boot. The track pad is greasy and crusted up with yellow stuff. Screen hinge is cracked. You boot it up to get your bearings. Windows XP, service pack 1. No password. 1 GB RAM. 32 bit CPU. Super PC clean is running. Blatant malware. No antivirus in sight. Internet Explorer 6 lumbers to the foreground. Fifteen spyware toolbars visible. Popups start flooding the screen. You look at the desktop, its littered with zip files with random file names. The mouse cursor is a pirate with a wooden leg. The CPU fan loudens to an alarming volume even though there's no programs running that you can see.
Do you:
Continue and try to install a 32 bit version of linux
leave silently, unmatch them on tinder, and block their number
Leave, but not before performing a mercy killing on the laptop
leave, performing a mercy kill on the laptop.
No associate of mine is going to be using windows xp.
Nobody has ported Doom to a Himalayan salt lamp.
Yet.
This is your opportunity!
one step at a time my friend, one step at a time...
Had an annon grindr date try this on me once. Except I already had Linux on all my electronics. Hottest sex ever. Happily married for 6 years.
More romantic that 99 prevent of my Grindr dates. Hard jealous.
damn, guess that's a green flag then.
There's a decent chance that's still the salt lamp.
as long as i can make it do my bidding for me!
Fuck that's hot
free and open source software is inherently sexy!
The toilet!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajW2fDy41fY
THIS is a classic.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=ajW2fDy41fY
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
You got a go stick ready for this at all time?
you think me, a linux user, is leaving home without a handful of bootable drives?
I have an Ubuntu live disc and a Windows install on a USB drive on my keychain lol. The amount of times I've needed one of those and not had it is more than 0 lmao
I would rather check under the bed in case there are knives.
Yeah if there are no knives we ain't fuckin
If you go to someone's house and they don't have an elaborate and named knife collection that they're oddly cagey about, don't fuck them
Why would I be cagey about my odd, elaborate and named knife collection? I've had most of those knives longer than I've known my wife. They're great. Not very much blood at all.
Gold karambit means she's wife material
no that means she's a csgo character
Are all of you cows
Some may be horses
I am an Alpine Ibex scaling near vertical slopes just to lick that salt lamp.
I'm a hamster (they lick salt too) 👅🧂
Don't they eat their babies too?
ಠ_ಠ
...yeah, but only sometimes
Only if they're feeling snacky
I had never seen a hamster lick anything until today. You've enriched my life!
Si, y tengo dos
I'm going with neither.
are you sure you don't want to share an indirect kiss with all her past tinder dates?
Yes. I'm sure.
Join us we can all be one across time and also this lamp
If you really need to kiss me, do it yourself, coward. Don't rely on a nasty ass salt lamp /s
The lamp is what makes it kosher!! Haven't you seen Stinging Vipers?
It's not kosher if it's been in a nasty ass
Same. That lamp has absolutely been licked before. You don't know by whom and you don't know how recently. If you're at least a tiny bit of a germaphobe, those statements should frighten you.
The high salinity should take care of any bacteria in short order. It may not be clean, but there ain't no bacteria on it!
iirc salt is a has antimicrobial properties. So if anything, then licking that salt, will reduce the germs in your mouth. So a true germaphobe would be all over that lamp
If you're a germaphobe then surely you should know that 100% salt is enough to yeet literally any microorganism to the back of beyond; in fact anything over 30% is
That lamp is more hygienic than your dinner plate, more than the inside of any food package and infinitely more than your hands even after you've just washed them
I think this is like when people say they have OCD when really they just like things tidy. I'm reality it's more about the ick than any germs
Yeah agreed that while you're more than likely not gonna get sick from it unless you have an allergic reaction of some sort, it's still probably dusty as those things are a nightmare to clean and so not a pleasant lick
If it's rooted in rational thought, it's not a phobia.
I'm afraid of hungry bears in the woods. That's not a phobia. But constantly checking your 17th floor balcony for hungry bears is.
The way I heard it is if your fear keeps you from doing "normal" activities, then it might be a phobia. Like if you won't go for a walk on a trail because you might see a snake
well have you considered the fact that im stupid
If everyone thought that way though the lamp would never get licked
It's pure salt, there's nothing alive on it
You guys get dates? I only get ghosted..
Protip: If they have a lava lamp instead, you can take the lava lamp bottle out, unscrew the bottle cap and drink some lava lamp fluid.
My stepbrother did this once. He kept saying his throat was dry and we found the empty lamp a week later. After rushing him to the hospital to treat his near-fatal injuries, we were saying our goodbyes only two months later...
"Can I get you any thing?", my heartbroken mother said as she stepped into the room.
"Yeah... I'd lava another lamp..."
Thoroughly disgusted, the rest of our family shuffled out of the room muttering bye. I stayed, as I could take a joke. Suddenly, a monstrous shart leaked out of his ass. "Oh God!!! NURSE" I screamed frantically. "Good Lord," she gasped while grasping several bedpans. "He should be dead!" "Auuughooohyeh" My stepbro moaned. I looked on in horror as the red ass ham began to burn away and melt his gown and the now 30ish bedpans lining the walls. The poop accelerates. "Somebody get Dr. Kruger!!!" The many nurses exclaimed. At this point they were frantically shoveling shit out the window as I desperately tried not to get burned. After around 10 minutes, Dr. Kruger arrived. "GREAT HEAVENS!!! We'll need Kevin for this." He waded into the dookie and tossed my stepbrother into pit dug into ground. The poop accelerates. Suddenly, a wiry, greasy, crazed looking man appeared at the door. At this point, the floor was disintegrating, so he leaped over the many holes and started devouring the kaka. "HOLY HELL," I shouted in surprise. "Actual Zombie" I began to lose feeling in my legs. However, Kevin vrrmed like a anteater and sucked that shit up harder than 10 year old me getting hit by a Ferrari! Kevin leaped out of the room and slurped up all the poo poo in the ditch. But... something was wrong. The poop accelerates. Kevin didn't stop. Kevin crawled into my stepbrothers anus and licked it clean. Before he could reach his colon, somebody said "call the exorcist!" and the Poope himself came down from the heavens and uttered three holy words...
"no u"
Kevin's body is forcibly expelled from my stepbrothers colon and writhes in pain. He began to slowly and excruciatingly crawl into his own anus. The legion of nurses surrounding him pick him up and toss him- no it, into a coffin. My stepbrother staggered to his feet and exclaimed "What a nice shit! I feel great now!" and left. Fortunately we live in Europe so we didn't have to pay for anything. All the feeling returned to my legs, my stepbrother is taking care of his 13 kids, and Kevin is probably chilling in some SCP containment unit somewhere. Good times!
A whole lot of thise lamps are in my area so I dont understand why we still have a hospital
But my salt lamp is in my bathroom.
Hmm, now I wonder, if the lamp would slowly 'melt', from damp air condensing on it.
ew poop particles every time they flush
poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp poop lamp
Sadly, some are plastic...
Right I'm confused.
You're in the bedroom but they go to the restroom
Which fucking one are they in?
I'm in my kitchen right now
ok
now im in my living room
how are you handling that?
You don't live in your kitchen
You don't rest in your toilet
Unless, like I say, throwing a whitey
oh I finally get what you're saying. You're taking issue with calling that room "rest" room instead of "toilet"
but seeing as "toilet" literally means "a small piece of cloth" - if we're going to go down that path, why are you calling both the room and it's commode a piece of cloth?
Oooooh it's just Americans with their funny words for things.
Obviously they mean lavatory, toilet, loo, shitter, bog, water closet, facilities, tile palace, WC, khazi, ceramic throne of dreams, privy, latrine, etc.
restroom == bathroom
So there has to be a bath in it? Is that not inconvenient?
The place with the toilet that you poop in.
The toilet! Gotcha!
The Middle French word 'toile' ("cloth") had a diminutive form: 'toilette', or "small piece of cloth." This word became 'toilet' in English, and referred to a cloth put over the shoulders while dressing the hair or shaving.
Got em
It's the room where you rest your butt to poop. The restroom.
It's where I rest my brain from the stupid at work. Being able to sit on a nasty commode with my nethers exposed is a bonus.
You've never seen a bedroom with an attached restroom?
I've never seen anyone rest on a toilet
Wait, no, I have done while throwin a whitey
They earn a dollar while I earn a dime that's why I shit on company time.
Congrats for always having had good bosses.
It's restful because you're not watching... At least without a consent higher than "let's have sex"
I don't--- it's one sentence! Is this a language issue...?
They are trying too hard to force a language issue when there isn't.
There are many reasons toilets are called the restroom dated back in history. However these days it's mostly just considered a polite way of taking care of one's business, without projecting to a partner that you may be taking a massive duce.
are you not familiar with houses having attached bathrooms in the master bedroom?
Its a thing here in NA for suburban homes, and for houses in europe to some degree im guessing.