Feel free to share any life experiences or anecdotes.
University isn't to get A grades, it is to make connections(contacts), A grades doesn't assure anything, contacts can save your life.
This is too true and I wish my parents raised me under this motto :(
If you can’t make contacts, try eyeglasses.
I graduated college with a 3.55. I got my first job through contacts (my sister cut the hair of all the executives' wives, I including the CEO's wife). They never once so much as looked at my transcript.
If you can’t make contacts, try eyeglasses.
"Only break one law at a time." None of us are perfect; That will help keep you out of life-changing trouble.
This is the most pragmatic advice I've read that I think might actually be heeded by a young adult.
Start exercising regularly and eating correctly now.
Other people will never complete you, but they're nice to have around. So focus and work on yourself, but stay empathetic.
And don’t try to complete somebody else, no matter how meaningful it feels in the moment to do so.
Practise good dental hygiene.
Especially important if you have long canines and an allergy to sunlight, right Buffy?
brush, floss, tongue scrape, mouthwash.
Drink more water.
Worry more about your job than your grades. Create a stable source of income, your degree can wait especially if it's not a traditionally stable profession (medicine, accountant, lawyer, etc).
Exercise and maintain your strength and flexibility. This is super important, more so than the job. Staying healthy early on will save you a lot of money in doctors appointments by the time you hit your late 20s.
Seconding this, and even if its a supposed stable profession don't depend on it, I've seen too many tradesmen working retail and doctors that fail to start residency.
I'd add on learn as many skills as you can, especially basic cooking and repair (car, home, gadgets, etc), it will save you time and money. Home cooked is cheaper than eating out and if you can make meals in advance and freeze them it will save time.
Get therapy if you feel there’s even a remote possibility you could benefit from it, especially if you can check anything off the adverse child experience list. The way trauma impacts you and your relationships with everyone else, and even your body, is hard to understand when it’s normal to you.
How did you address your trauma? What methods did you find worked?
Therapy and medication has put me in the best state I’ve been in for basically my entire life. I’m not “cured” or anything, but between the meds and processing a lot of shit in therapy I’m at least better able to cope and interrupt my own negative spirals much more easily.
I’d been doing all the self soothing, meditation, etc techniques that people recommend for decades, and it was really only after dealing with underlying issues in therapy and getting on meds that those things actually started working for me.
I was kind of mad when I realized that because for so many years I thought I just needed to git gud, but it turns out most people can’t hype themselves out of the lingering effects of childhood trauma! Who could have foreseen this 🥴
Young guys, invest in a good bed. Back pain sucks when you get older, so taking care of your spine early is important. Women are also much more likely to sleep with a guy that has a comfortable and inviting bed.
You're in your bed for around a third of your life. You deserve a good one :)
There’s so much more to spinal health than just the right bed though. If you want a healthy spine you want to be doing tai chi and dancing and learning proper lifting form and taking collagen supplements, doing compression, staying hydrated, etc etc
taking collagen supplements
Yeah, no. You don't really absorb collagen/gelatine in your intestinal tract
Creatine instead of collagen, if you ask me. Creatine helps build muscle. Muscles keep everything in place (which is especially important in case of hypermobility) and they relieve work from other parts.
Keep your share of rent between 1/4 and 1/3 of your income, set up passive savings contributions of at least 10% and use a high yield savings account to stave off inflation until you both have 3 months living expenses and understand why the best investment strategies are boring
If you're in university, your desired career and its requirements should determine your major, , not the other way around
I graduated with a bachelor's degree only to realize my career was a dead end because only in my senior year was I informed there's such thing as a "mental health license" for which I was disqualified due to low grades in a non-related class the year prior. Eventually I learned how well blue collar jobs pay (with a lot of job security at that) and got back on my feet working in logistics but I'll never see the 50x return on investments by retirement because "why learn about finances when you can barely pay rent"
It all seems very obvious in hindsight
— Invest at least 10% of your income into the S&P or Large Growth fund – Roth IRA or 401k if you’re still in a low tax bracket (12% here in the states). Raise the contribution percentage as you raise your income. It may not seem like a lot now but 40+ years of compounding interest goes a long way.
— A gambler on a good day will just about break even. The quickest way to do that is simply not to play. Remember when the game is rigged against you, you don’t have to play. The house always wins.
That said, play your own game. If you look at someone else’s and try to play like them you’ll mess up your own. Play your own game in life.
Stop drinking, you'll save so much money and get ripped with barely any effort 💪💪
Or at least don't waste it all drinking... I spent so much of my early 20s drinking and playing video games with my friends. While I made some great memories, it was excessive and I could have done a lot more with my time.
Whatever you do, don't buy expensive electronics, especially on credit. They will be outdated before you know it.
Realize that the cutting edge electronics that you buy today won't be worth jack shit in three years time.
Conversely, old electronics still work relatively fine but are nearly free.
Ergo, purchase electronics and then sell them at an earlier time.
Best Buy doesn't want you to learn this one weird trick discovered by a local Lemming.
but they might be worth a lot in 30 years if you take good care of them!
No one has life figured out. Everyone has the same insecurities, fears, and doubts. Everyone is pretending to know what they're doing at least part of the time.
Find a skill based hobby that you love and practice it every week. Stuff like a sport, musical instrument, art, etc. The hobby itself will be rewarding but there is no substitute for having decades of experience under your belt for these kind of activities.
Also, don't have children.
I have two that I always say:
Take care of your teeth. They’re the only set you get. Also they don’t tell you this when you’re young, but all dental care is either preventative or reactionary. They can’t actually “fix” problems. If you have a cavity, that starts you down a road that ends with a crown or implant. Use any dental insurance you have religiously, pay for a good toothbrush (Oral-B or SoniCare), learn to floss properly and do it all every single day.
Second, save now as much as you are able. If you can adhere to it, look into the 50-30-20 rule. One thing it took me too long to learn is, given an otherwise living income, you won’t miss money you don’t see. When savings is automatically deposited from your paycheck, it’s out of sight and mind.
Lastly, just be yourself, and be a good person to those around you.
Good toothbrush advice (but don't floss with a string, use those small brushes instead, doesn't budge the teeth if you have to force the string through).
But for spending? If you have loads of wealth, then why not, but I blew about all my cash I had when I was young, going on trips, partying, eating with people, buying hobby things, checking stuff out...
I don't regret that a second. I even think most old people would think it priceless just to go back in time and fool around a week as a 20 year old, but it's too late now for them.
So live right now is my recommendation I guess, without doing too stupid things obviously.
Cheers.
Not saying to not have fun while you’re young. By all means, go for it. Just pointing out that a small amount of savings when you’re young pays off much more over time. If you wait, you’ll spend your later years catching up!
Well I sure can put away way more money today than when I was young. Depends I guess 🤷
What do you mean by not budging the teeth while flossing? Some of my teeth are pretty tight and I do use force to get the string floss to break through, is that bad?
Thats what my dentist says yes, I use something like this (but longer and with an angle):
Be yourself, even if it means the people in your life currently will hate you. You'll find people who love the real you and you'll be much happier even if it ends up making your life harder.
(this doesn't apply if your real self is a dick, work on that)
I spent my 20s pretending to be the person the people in my life wanted me to be and it was miserable, I'm unapologetically myself in my 30s even if I'm still figuring out who that is. Its so much better and I wish I did it a decade ago.
Get accostumed to eat your veggies, once you hit you 30s your intestine starts revolting if you don't give it healthy food
-Life is too short for bad coffee, bad wine, bad shoes and bad people.
-spend the required money in a good bed and a good chair. When it comes down to it later, it is not negotiable for your back.
-you will have to have a lawyer involved sometimes such as drafting up a will. It’s worth it. Also: do your will and sort out your stuff even if you haven’t been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
-clean like you’re moving house once a year. Cut down on the hoarding.
-‘no’ Is a complete sentence.
-sometimes acceptance of a situation is what it is is the only closure you’re ever going to get.
-acknowledge your stuff <—//—> other people’s stuff. Others might not work on their own stuff but they aren’t your job.
-resentment isn’t always something someone gives you nor is it the reality of the situation. Sometimes a person invites it along. Eg: assuming such things as someone being late to dinner is a personalized slight to your energy and time.
-try not to confuse misunderstanding with malice.
-remember the good ones. It’s so easy to just count the nasty people in your life and have them as your comparison for things. Spending your energy this way overlooks all the good people in your life and that’s not fair to them and the effort they put in with you.
Realize that one of the main determinants of your lifelong happiness will be your choice of partner.
Don't get too serious with someone that isn't going to elevate you, but also make sure that you're elevating your chosen partner.
Don't assume you have to get on the relationship escalator of "dating - exclusive - engaged - married". There are other kinds of relationships, including no romantic/sexual relationships at all. Don't stick with someone who's not making you happy out of inertia or a sense of obligation.
Be social. Don't burn yourself out socializing every night of the week, but if people are inviting you to be a part of their life make a good effort to show up. Video games or YouTube or whatever will always be there. Friends won't. (This assumes the social stuff they're inviting you to isn't , like, insane. Skip on someone inviting you to do heroin or whatever.)
Pay attention to your spending. Some people like a dedicated program for budgeting, or their bank provides something. I'm a particular kind of nerd so I used Google sheets. Whatever you use, adding up what you're actually spending every month can be illuminating. I don't expect anyone to discover "if I stop getting avocado toast I can afford a house", but knowing where your money is going is an important prerequisite for controlling it.
Don't fall into lifestyle inflation. Like, a friend of mine started making good money and his budget grew. He was spending $1000/month on food because he'd just gotten used to dining out and such. His paycheck was bigger but he wasn't saving any more. Another guy I used to work with told me his family "struggled too" despite a $500k family income. They had a big house, new cars, expensive memberships, extravagant vacations, designer clothes. You can just not do a lot of that and be happy, too.
Be social. Don't burn yourself out socializing every night of the week, but if people are inviting you to be a part of their life make a good effort to show up.
This is a really good one. You never know where these things lead. Future lifelong friends. Future romantic partners. Future job opportunities. I'm quickly moving past my 30s and hearing about the "I'm so alone" people is really depressing, as our species are social animals. I also say this a introvert.
If you're not being invited to parties or BBQs, then be the change in the world and make them.
Learn a trade
Don’t drink and drive.
Always keep a first aid kit with you.
Actually know how to use your first aid kit.
It should be in a drawer or bag with a conspicuous Red Cross on it. If a stranger can’t figure out where the first aid kit is, you fucked up.
Get a fire extinguisher for your home.
Get legal expenses insurance.
In both private and professional affairs, be fair and honest.
Don't waste too much time with shitty partners or in shitty jobs.
Don't listen to those idiots who try to tell you that it all goes downhill once you're 25. Just because you're halfway to being 30 doesn't mean your life is over.
I'm almost 27 and have never been happier.
I spent my 20-25 almost homeless and working dead end jobs. I used to dumpster dive for food. I spent my late 20s working on myself (and cut out everybody who wasn't interested in changing).
And In my 30s, my life is so much better.
If you are still in school, unless you are trying to get into a post graduate school, like law school or med school. Your grades are the least interesting thing about you. Cs get degrees.
Once you're in the world. People care about experience and personality more than straight A's or the deans list.
That people don't just pull tricks out their butt. (Unless you are in horgwats, of course)
Any maestro in their fields that you meet (be it BMX biker, stunt drivers, programmer, singer, painter, even a handy man) know that they dedicated 10+ hours daily in perfecting themselves in that domain.
The beauty of this is that anyone, even you, can be a maestro at what you love.
Just put in the work, the hours. Surround yourself with maestros in your field, for quick assists.
Drinking is not the most important things in the world.
In the US for sure, teenagers start to idolize alcohol and eventually it becomes the pinnacle of cool for some. "Parties" end up revolving around just the alcohol and getting completely wasted. Trust me, you are not a cool, as charming, etc, as you think you are when drunk. And there's are, absolutely people who will show up to these parties expecting to exploit drunk people.
I'm not telling you 'NEVER DRINK!'... More like, you don't need to try drinking a lifetimes worth of alcohol everytime there's alcohol around you. 1 drink can be enough. And don't hang out with people who push you to drink or don't accept 'no' as an answer and try to peer pressure you into drinking.
Also, be aware that a subset of people experience a stimulant effect from alcohol. These people are at especial risk for developing addiction to alcohol (aka “alcoholism”).
The way you find out whether you’re one of these people is you sit down and pour out three shots of vodka. You don’t drink them yet. You take your pulse, and write it down.
Then you down those shots. Then you wait 5 minutes, sitting there the whole time, not moving. Then you take your pulse again. If your pulse has gone up at least 10 bpm from the first measurement, you’re experiencing a stimulant effect from the alcohol and you are especially at risk for alcoholism.
Don’t go to college. Run away to a country that doesn’t have a US military base and live a simple, happy, peaceful life.
Because those countries are happily accepting uneducated immigrants, right?
Usually…
Any examples? I've lived in 10 countries so far and am about to move to the 11th end of this month. Neither of them had a US military presence (Liberia did have a massive UN presence though), and all of them required an academic record to grant a residence permit.
I believe Georgia (the country) was the only one that didn't, but that's because of a special agreement they have with the EU.
How did you like Georgia? I keep beong obsessed by it (because music).
I loved it there, and meant to move back at some point. Amazing people, food, and landscape.
Unfortunately from a few friends I still have there (both locals and foreigners) I heard that after Russia invaded Ukraine, they are swamped with refugees from both countries(escaping the war or the draft), pushing hospitality to its limits, prices have more than quadrupled, and there are a lot of tensions thanks to some pro-Russian political powers (no doubt backed by Putin).
So for now I'll stay put in Asia, but still didn't give up on it entirely...
Why?
A. I wouldn't because that implies by being around longer I know more or am more right about some things than young people. I've accumulated knowledge, but that doesn't mean anybody should listen to what I have to say or that I'm wiser. There are certainly times that is true, but it's also true that we have a lot to learn from them and we should listen to them.
B.
Health is your greatest wealth.
Love is the answer and all that matters. Be good to others
Stay humble
Stack sats
Age does not bring wisdom. Often it merely changes simple stupidity into arrogant conceit. It's only advantage, so far as I have been able to see, is that it spans change. A young person sees the world as a still picture, immutable. An old person has had his nose rubbed in changes and more changes and still more changes so many times that that he knows it is a moving picture, forever changing. He may not like it--probably doesn't; I don't--but he knows it's so, and knowing is the first step in coping with it.
Robert Heinlein
because that implies by being around longer I know more
But as you experience more you do know more
But as you experience more you do know more
About some things. You also lose knowledge with time as well as mental acuity. The brain is a leaky memory storage device.
People are attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves. Take the time to learn who you are, and friendships, romance, and relationships will follow.
Like everyone's been saying, learn to take care of yourself. Cook and eat well and exercise and sleep. But also just fuck around a lot. Say yes to things. Try something new every time you can, even if it's just a dish you've never had. Meet people and talk to them and have fun with them. It's harder to meet people as you get older.
Travel if you can, but you don't need to be a jet setter to have new experiences. Find trails and museums and go listen to live music. Try creating things, you don't have to be good at it or keep doing it, just doing it is the point.
Aging comes with a certain amount of solidity, in your energy and mind and responsibilities. It's amazing and it's not something to fear, but it does mean you can't just fuck around as much. And if you're going to be a person for the rest of your life it might as well be a person you like.
Do not marry the first girl you fuck (or the first boy, either way, mixed ways too, anytype anyway).
Go live with him/her, share an apartment (do not buy together) for months, live together for some time.
Possibly, break up and meet more people, rinse and repeat until you understand:
what you WANT in the other person
what you EXPECT from the other person
And more important even, learn to understand the other person for what he/she is and not what you think he/she is.
My old boss once told me:
"when you think you want to marry them.. First live with them two years... And when you're sure.. Wait two more years."
Until they leave you and find someone else who is ready to commit.
Sometimes if you expect the worst; you make the worst. Get out of your own way.
why do you see marriage as the only acceptable form of commitment? just curious. in my opinion it takes more commitment to stay without legal ties involved.
You talk about commitment but OP didn’t.
If you're in a good relationship but they leave because they couldn't wait 4 years to get married, then you fucking dodged a bullet. Jesus fucking christ.
Someone willing to put up with your shit and commit to you is a bullet to be dodged? Mmmk…
I was with my wife for 10 years before I proposed. We have the best relationship of anyone we know. I know plenty of people who married after a couple of years and are fucking miserable.
So you only count anecdotal evidence that ensures your paranoia about people and apply it to every situation. K.
Paranoia wtf? I've formed my opinions from my life experiences, are you trying to tell me you've done peer reviewed research to decide what makes a good relationship?
Well you certainly don’t that applies for everyone. And for all I know you, you could be super negative, project the worst scenarios only and/or you could be the problem in all your relationships and this is the excuse you landed on for maintaining a delusion.
You could be lying about having a wife just so you can ‘win’ an argument online with a total stranger online.
Not a far reach considering your response here.
lol do you always assume anyone who disagrees with you is acting in bad faith? Whst a convenient way to shield yourself from uncomfortable truths.
No wonder you're desperate to lock someone into a relationship with you asap, you sound nuts.
Ditto. As far as bad faith; i nailed you.
lol you're the one who came in swinging with "for all I know!" "you could be lying!" as soon as I pressed you on a point. That's the definition of a bad faith argument, you're not acctually trying to engage with points of discussion you're just trying to "win" the conversation.
Meh, sometimes you just know after seeing who’s out there. I wouldn’t recommend breaking off something good and risking not getting it back because of your insecurities.
Indeed, in fact, as soon as the above questions are satisfied, that's when you stop.
Invest in yourself. Be good to the people around you. Set up your finances well early so you don't have to rush later.
Invest. Now. Use a service like Acorns if you need to. The more you start saving now, the more you’ll have when you’re old and can’t work anymore.
Understand how sun cream factors work and always wear it.
Get one good cooking knife and learn how to hone and sharpen it. You have to sharpen it often and almost immediately. Learn how to cut vegetables. Start with onions because they are cheap and versatile.
Keep a freewriting journal.
If you're a guy take a moment to look into what women go through in their lives with guys. It's not complicated or mysterious, it's just that a significant portion of guys never heard about it. It'll automatically make you a better man and you'll have a better time too :)
Don’t be afraid to try odd jobs or go for opportunities that you normally wouldn’t. New opportunities and interests can open up from getting out of your comfort zone.
I feel like the below is one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. Actually, I’m still fully learning it. Seems so simple but, to me at least, it’s been evasive.
Translated from Portuguese from the song “A Vida É Um Desafio” by Racionais MCs:
Tomorrow is an illusion
Because it doesn’t exist yet
The “today” is real
It’s the reality you can interfere with
The opportunities for change
Are in the present
Don’t wait for the future to change your life
Because the future will be a consequence of the present
Original:
O amanhã é ilusório
Porque ainda não existe
O hoje é real
É a realidade que você pode interferir
As oportunidades de mudança
'Tá no presente
Não espere o futuro mudar sua vida
Porque o futuro será a consequência do presente
When faced with seemingly equivalent choices, pick the once that maximizes your future options.
Oof no, this is bad advice. I followed this advice and it’s resulted in me having no career to speak of.
In order to have a good life, one needs to sacrifice option A to commit to B, or vice-versa.
Trying to maximize future options is a recipe for regret.
Edit: I misread the comment chain. I'll just leave mine though
Always picking the most rewarding next step is called a greedy algorithm, so mathematically it might be good but not usually optimal because you might be sacrificing long-term success for short-term gains. Somet
How do you know which option to pick though, if both seem equivalent in the moment?
Not always good advice.
An exclusive relationship, by definition, minimizes your future options but opens up a subset which are better for many/most people.
Leave home.
I'm not sure any good advice I grew up with applies to this future we're stumbling into. Learn practical skills like gardening and fixing your stuff. Buy as little as you possibly can. An affordable set of basic tools is a great thing to keep for life. Consider the state of the world long and hard before you decide to bring children into it. Never talk to the police.
Practice trusting your gut. Practice it on small things.
One way to do a gut check is to imagine yourself making decision A, then imagine yourself making decision B, and for each pay attention to whether you feel stronger or weaker.
This is terrible advice. Most people's "gut" reactions are heavily based on external influences like peer group pressure, media influence and upbringing.
Practice critical thinking.
Almost no one knows how to do the job they are hired for. You'll have a trainer at almost every job. Apply for things you don't think you are qualified for. Most people figure it out as they go.
Think where you would like to be when you're thirty, then work backward to now and figure out what you need to do to get there.
Also, don't be afraid to take chances.
More like think where you would like to be immediately, acknowledge that you won’t get it until you’re 30, then make this plan and go for it.
When I was in my 20s I considered 30 to be the end of my life. Trying to reason about where I wanted to be in my 30s just returned null.
Don't worry too much if you fuck up. You have more than enough time to fix just about any mistake. You're still young, it's OK.
Start buying a few shares of VTI every pay period. Use any left over cash to buy SPYG. Ignore the gains or losses, the market has never not gone up (eventually). Thank yourself later.
Max out your 401k when you get a decent paying job. But make sure you hit every pay period to maximize your employer contribution.
Consider using mass transit where possible, bike if you can, more or less avoid a car/insurance. If that's not possible get a cheap car like a used Nissan leaf ($7000 in my area, costs a few dollars a month to charge using a wall outlet and extension cord)
Minimize unnecessary expenses like using food delivery services. Meal prep on the weekends and make enough food for a week.
If you do all this for 10 years or so, you'll be in a really good spot financially. Buying a house will be a decent prospect, your VTI and SPYG will be making money, your taxable income will be small and you will have built up the ability to splurge on things without it making much of an impact on your finances.
I've been following the YouTube channel Chris invests and he gives lots of similar advice like this.
Yo those stock recommendations are actually nuts. I just looked at their 5 year and lifetime charts and you're not lying. It's 45 degrees the whole way basically.
All sound advice, but coming across the extra capital to invest, much less in your 20's, is a harder prospect than it sounds for most people these days.
I'm not sure if you can get fractionals of SPY or VTI, but $300-500 a paycheck or even a month of money you can't use on the moment is a hard ask for much of the working class.
It's less like "Stop the avocado toast and lattés and netflix" and more "If you stopped buying a new graphics card every month you could afford stonks that will be mature when you are elderly."
Lol like, we aren't living in luxury and frivolous with our money in the first place, it usually poofs away into food and rent these days. (And gas and the car, if you aren't in one of VERY few places that are walk and bike friendly.)
But for people who have it. This is a sound strategy.
On that note, I have a relative who's got very few expenses, often broke...and they're constantly buying new full-priced releases on Steam. This degree of resource mismanagement vexes me so. Lol
Yeah... Closest thing to set it and forget it I've found.
I usually buy between 1-7 shares of VTI then a share of SPYG every other week. Been doing it for a long time now.
Plus the dividend payout on VTI is really good.
Have a clear set of long-term goals for yourself, ie career, where you want to live, and what you want to be. Set deadlines for each with steps on how to do it.
It's time to start building the rest of your life. It won't be easy but you'll be doing it for you, so make it worthwhile.
If you're in the US or generally any country that's becoming authoritarian, get a passport. You never know how bad it may get.
Start a diary, and review where you're at in life every once in a while.
learn as much as you can, don't worry too much about what it is you learn
you'll find what you're good at or fascinated by
Save your money, invest what money you can, and keep in as good a shape as you can.
Accuracy is the key
Don’t post anything suspicious when mods are threatening to ban you from a community
Find a topic that you have interest in and master it. This will only get harder as you get older.
University isn't to get A grades, it is to make connections(contacts), A grades doesn't assure anything, contacts can save your life.
This is too true and I wish my parents raised me under this motto :(
If you can’t make contacts, try eyeglasses.
I graduated college with a 3.55. I got my first job through contacts (my sister cut the hair of all the executives' wives, I including the CEO's wife). They never once so much as looked at my transcript.
If you can’t make contacts, try eyeglasses.
"Only break one law at a time." None of us are perfect; That will help keep you out of life-changing trouble.
This is the most pragmatic advice I've read that I think might actually be heeded by a young adult.
Start exercising regularly and eating correctly now.
Other people will never complete you, but they're nice to have around. So focus and work on yourself, but stay empathetic.
And don’t try to complete somebody else, no matter how meaningful it feels in the moment to do so.
Practise good dental hygiene.
Especially important if you have long canines and an allergy to sunlight, right Buffy?
brush, floss, tongue scrape, mouthwash.
Drink more water.
Worry more about your job than your grades. Create a stable source of income, your degree can wait especially if it's not a traditionally stable profession (medicine, accountant, lawyer, etc).
Exercise and maintain your strength and flexibility. This is super important, more so than the job. Staying healthy early on will save you a lot of money in doctors appointments by the time you hit your late 20s.
Seconding this, and even if its a supposed stable profession don't depend on it, I've seen too many tradesmen working retail and doctors that fail to start residency.
I'd add on learn as many skills as you can, especially basic cooking and repair (car, home, gadgets, etc), it will save you time and money. Home cooked is cheaper than eating out and if you can make meals in advance and freeze them it will save time.
Get therapy if you feel there’s even a remote possibility you could benefit from it, especially if you can check anything off the adverse child experience list. The way trauma impacts you and your relationships with everyone else, and even your body, is hard to understand when it’s normal to you.
How did you address your trauma? What methods did you find worked?
Therapy and medication has put me in the best state I’ve been in for basically my entire life. I’m not “cured” or anything, but between the meds and processing a lot of shit in therapy I’m at least better able to cope and interrupt my own negative spirals much more easily.
I’d been doing all the self soothing, meditation, etc techniques that people recommend for decades, and it was really only after dealing with underlying issues in therapy and getting on meds that those things actually started working for me.
I was kind of mad when I realized that because for so many years I thought I just needed to git gud, but it turns out most people can’t hype themselves out of the lingering effects of childhood trauma! Who could have foreseen this 🥴
Young guys, invest in a good bed. Back pain sucks when you get older, so taking care of your spine early is important. Women are also much more likely to sleep with a guy that has a comfortable and inviting bed.
You're in your bed for around a third of your life. You deserve a good one :)
There’s so much more to spinal health than just the right bed though. If you want a healthy spine you want to be doing tai chi and dancing and learning proper lifting form and taking collagen supplements, doing compression, staying hydrated, etc etc
Yeah, no. You don't really absorb collagen/gelatine in your intestinal tract
Creatine instead of collagen, if you ask me. Creatine helps build muscle. Muscles keep everything in place (which is especially important in case of hypermobility) and they relieve work from other parts.
Keep your share of rent between 1/4 and 1/3 of your income, set up passive savings contributions of at least 10% and use a high yield savings account to stave off inflation until you both have 3 months living expenses and understand why the best investment strategies are boring
If you're in university, your desired career and its requirements should determine your major, , not the other way around
I graduated with a bachelor's degree only to realize my career was a dead end because only in my senior year was I informed there's such thing as a "mental health license" for which I was disqualified due to low grades in a non-related class the year prior. Eventually I learned how well blue collar jobs pay (with a lot of job security at that) and got back on my feet working in logistics but I'll never see the 50x return on investments by retirement because "why learn about finances when you can barely pay rent"
It all seems very obvious in hindsight
— Invest at least 10% of your income into the S&P or Large Growth fund – Roth IRA or 401k if you’re still in a low tax bracket (12% here in the states). Raise the contribution percentage as you raise your income. It may not seem like a lot now but 40+ years of compounding interest goes a long way.
— A gambler on a good day will just about break even. The quickest way to do that is simply not to play. Remember when the game is rigged against you, you don’t have to play. The house always wins.
That said, play your own game. If you look at someone else’s and try to play like them you’ll mess up your own. Play your own game in life.
Stop drinking, you'll save so much money and get ripped with barely any effort 💪💪
Or at least don't waste it all drinking... I spent so much of my early 20s drinking and playing video games with my friends. While I made some great memories, it was excessive and I could have done a lot more with my time.
Whatever you do, don't buy expensive electronics, especially on credit. They will be outdated before you know it.
Realize that the cutting edge electronics that you buy today won't be worth jack shit in three years time.
Conversely, old electronics still work relatively fine but are nearly free.
Ergo, purchase electronics and then sell them at an earlier time.
Best Buy doesn't want you to learn this one weird trick discovered by a local Lemming.
but they might be worth a lot in 30 years if you take good care of them!
No one has life figured out. Everyone has the same insecurities, fears, and doubts. Everyone is pretending to know what they're doing at least part of the time.
Find a skill based hobby that you love and practice it every week. Stuff like a sport, musical instrument, art, etc. The hobby itself will be rewarding but there is no substitute for having decades of experience under your belt for these kind of activities.
Also, don't have children.
I have two that I always say:
Take care of your teeth. They’re the only set you get. Also they don’t tell you this when you’re young, but all dental care is either preventative or reactionary. They can’t actually “fix” problems. If you have a cavity, that starts you down a road that ends with a crown or implant. Use any dental insurance you have religiously, pay for a good toothbrush (Oral-B or SoniCare), learn to floss properly and do it all every single day.
Second, save now as much as you are able. If you can adhere to it, look into the 50-30-20 rule. One thing it took me too long to learn is, given an otherwise living income, you won’t miss money you don’t see. When savings is automatically deposited from your paycheck, it’s out of sight and mind.
Lastly, just be yourself, and be a good person to those around you.
Good toothbrush advice (but don't floss with a string, use those small brushes instead, doesn't budge the teeth if you have to force the string through).
But for spending? If you have loads of wealth, then why not, but I blew about all my cash I had when I was young, going on trips, partying, eating with people, buying hobby things, checking stuff out...
I don't regret that a second. I even think most old people would think it priceless just to go back in time and fool around a week as a 20 year old, but it's too late now for them.
So live right now is my recommendation I guess, without doing too stupid things obviously.
Cheers.
Not saying to not have fun while you’re young. By all means, go for it. Just pointing out that a small amount of savings when you’re young pays off much more over time. If you wait, you’ll spend your later years catching up!
Well I sure can put away way more money today than when I was young. Depends I guess 🤷
What do you mean by not budging the teeth while flossing? Some of my teeth are pretty tight and I do use force to get the string floss to break through, is that bad?
Thats what my dentist says yes, I use something like this (but longer and with an angle):
Be yourself, even if it means the people in your life currently will hate you. You'll find people who love the real you and you'll be much happier even if it ends up making your life harder.
(this doesn't apply if your real self is a dick, work on that)
I spent my 20s pretending to be the person the people in my life wanted me to be and it was miserable, I'm unapologetically myself in my 30s even if I'm still figuring out who that is. Its so much better and I wish I did it a decade ago.
Get accostumed to eat your veggies, once you hit you 30s your intestine starts revolting if you don't give it healthy food
-Life is too short for bad coffee, bad wine, bad shoes and bad people.
-spend the required money in a good bed and a good chair. When it comes down to it later, it is not negotiable for your back.
-you will have to have a lawyer involved sometimes such as drafting up a will. It’s worth it. Also: do your will and sort out your stuff even if you haven’t been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
-clean like you’re moving house once a year. Cut down on the hoarding.
-‘no’ Is a complete sentence.
-sometimes acceptance of a situation is what it is is the only closure you’re ever going to get.
-acknowledge your stuff <—//—> other people’s stuff. Others might not work on their own stuff but they aren’t your job.
-resentment isn’t always something someone gives you nor is it the reality of the situation. Sometimes a person invites it along. Eg: assuming such things as someone being late to dinner is a personalized slight to your energy and time.
-try not to confuse misunderstanding with malice.
-remember the good ones. It’s so easy to just count the nasty people in your life and have them as your comparison for things. Spending your energy this way overlooks all the good people in your life and that’s not fair to them and the effort they put in with you.
Realize that one of the main determinants of your lifelong happiness will be your choice of partner.
Don't get too serious with someone that isn't going to elevate you, but also make sure that you're elevating your chosen partner.
Don't assume you have to get on the relationship escalator of "dating - exclusive - engaged - married". There are other kinds of relationships, including no romantic/sexual relationships at all. Don't stick with someone who's not making you happy out of inertia or a sense of obligation.
Be social. Don't burn yourself out socializing every night of the week, but if people are inviting you to be a part of their life make a good effort to show up. Video games or YouTube or whatever will always be there. Friends won't. (This assumes the social stuff they're inviting you to isn't , like, insane. Skip on someone inviting you to do heroin or whatever.)
Pay attention to your spending. Some people like a dedicated program for budgeting, or their bank provides something. I'm a particular kind of nerd so I used Google sheets. Whatever you use, adding up what you're actually spending every month can be illuminating. I don't expect anyone to discover "if I stop getting avocado toast I can afford a house", but knowing where your money is going is an important prerequisite for controlling it.
Don't fall into lifestyle inflation. Like, a friend of mine started making good money and his budget grew. He was spending $1000/month on food because he'd just gotten used to dining out and such. His paycheck was bigger but he wasn't saving any more. Another guy I used to work with told me his family "struggled too" despite a $500k family income. They had a big house, new cars, expensive memberships, extravagant vacations, designer clothes. You can just not do a lot of that and be happy, too.
This is a really good one. You never know where these things lead. Future lifelong friends. Future romantic partners. Future job opportunities. I'm quickly moving past my 30s and hearing about the "I'm so alone" people is really depressing, as our species are social animals. I also say this a introvert.
If you're not being invited to parties or BBQs, then be the change in the world and make them.
Learn a trade
Don’t drink and drive.
Always keep a first aid kit with you.
Actually know how to use your first aid kit.
It should be in a drawer or bag with a conspicuous Red Cross on it. If a stranger can’t figure out where the first aid kit is, you fucked up.
Don't listen to those idiots who try to tell you that it all goes downhill once you're 25. Just because you're halfway to being 30 doesn't mean your life is over.
I'm almost 27 and have never been happier.
I spent my 20-25 almost homeless and working dead end jobs. I used to dumpster dive for food. I spent my late 20s working on myself (and cut out everybody who wasn't interested in changing).
And In my 30s, my life is so much better.
If you are still in school, unless you are trying to get into a post graduate school, like law school or med school. Your grades are the least interesting thing about you. Cs get degrees.
Once you're in the world. People care about experience and personality more than straight A's or the deans list.
That people don't just pull tricks out their butt. (Unless you are in horgwats, of course)
Any maestro in their fields that you meet (be it BMX biker, stunt drivers, programmer, singer, painter, even a handy man) know that they dedicated 10+ hours daily in perfecting themselves in that domain.
The beauty of this is that anyone, even you, can be a maestro at what you love.
Just put in the work, the hours. Surround yourself with maestros in your field, for quick assists.
You will get there :)
Relevant video: https://youtu.be/91FQKciKfHI?si=u1vdSvgJLG46bFM3
Drinking is not the most important things in the world.
In the US for sure, teenagers start to idolize alcohol and eventually it becomes the pinnacle of cool for some. "Parties" end up revolving around just the alcohol and getting completely wasted. Trust me, you are not a cool, as charming, etc, as you think you are when drunk. And there's are, absolutely people who will show up to these parties expecting to exploit drunk people.
I'm not telling you 'NEVER DRINK!'... More like, you don't need to try drinking a lifetimes worth of alcohol everytime there's alcohol around you. 1 drink can be enough. And don't hang out with people who push you to drink or don't accept 'no' as an answer and try to peer pressure you into drinking.
Also, be aware that a subset of people experience a stimulant effect from alcohol. These people are at especial risk for developing addiction to alcohol (aka “alcoholism”).
The way you find out whether you’re one of these people is you sit down and pour out three shots of vodka. You don’t drink them yet. You take your pulse, and write it down.
Then you down those shots. Then you wait 5 minutes, sitting there the whole time, not moving. Then you take your pulse again. If your pulse has gone up at least 10 bpm from the first measurement, you’re experiencing a stimulant effect from the alcohol and you are especially at risk for alcoholism.
Don’t go to college. Run away to a country that doesn’t have a US military base and live a simple, happy, peaceful life.
Because those countries are happily accepting uneducated immigrants, right?
Usually…
Any examples? I've lived in 10 countries so far and am about to move to the 11th end of this month. Neither of them had a US military presence (Liberia did have a massive UN presence though), and all of them required an academic record to grant a residence permit.
I believe Georgia (the country) was the only one that didn't, but that's because of a special agreement they have with the EU.
How did you like Georgia? I keep beong obsessed by it (because music).
I loved it there, and meant to move back at some point. Amazing people, food, and landscape.
Unfortunately from a few friends I still have there (both locals and foreigners) I heard that after Russia invaded Ukraine, they are swamped with refugees from both countries(escaping the war or the draft), pushing hospitality to its limits, prices have more than quadrupled, and there are a lot of tensions thanks to some pro-Russian political powers (no doubt backed by Putin).
So for now I'll stay put in Asia, but still didn't give up on it entirely...
Why?
A. I wouldn't because that implies by being around longer I know more or am more right about some things than young people. I've accumulated knowledge, but that doesn't mean anybody should listen to what I have to say or that I'm wiser. There are certainly times that is true, but it's also true that we have a lot to learn from them and we should listen to them.
B.
Robert Heinlein
But as you experience more you do know more
About some things. You also lose knowledge with time as well as mental acuity. The brain is a leaky memory storage device.
People are attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves. Take the time to learn who you are, and friendships, romance, and relationships will follow.
Like everyone's been saying, learn to take care of yourself. Cook and eat well and exercise and sleep. But also just fuck around a lot. Say yes to things. Try something new every time you can, even if it's just a dish you've never had. Meet people and talk to them and have fun with them. It's harder to meet people as you get older.
Travel if you can, but you don't need to be a jet setter to have new experiences. Find trails and museums and go listen to live music. Try creating things, you don't have to be good at it or keep doing it, just doing it is the point.
Aging comes with a certain amount of solidity, in your energy and mind and responsibilities. It's amazing and it's not something to fear, but it does mean you can't just fuck around as much. And if you're going to be a person for the rest of your life it might as well be a person you like.
Do not marry the first girl you fuck (or the first boy, either way, mixed ways too, anytype anyway).
Go live with him/her, share an apartment (do not buy together) for months, live together for some time.
Possibly, break up and meet more people, rinse and repeat until you understand:
And more important even, learn to understand the other person for what he/she is and not what you think he/she is.
My old boss once told me: "when you think you want to marry them.. First live with them two years... And when you're sure.. Wait two more years."
Until they leave you and find someone else who is ready to commit.
Sometimes if you expect the worst; you make the worst. Get out of your own way.
why do you see marriage as the only acceptable form of commitment? just curious. in my opinion it takes more commitment to stay without legal ties involved.
You talk about commitment but OP didn’t.
If you're in a good relationship but they leave because they couldn't wait 4 years to get married, then you fucking dodged a bullet. Jesus fucking christ.
Someone willing to put up with your shit and commit to you is a bullet to be dodged? Mmmk…
I was with my wife for 10 years before I proposed. We have the best relationship of anyone we know. I know plenty of people who married after a couple of years and are fucking miserable.
So you only count anecdotal evidence that ensures your paranoia about people and apply it to every situation. K.
Paranoia wtf? I've formed my opinions from my life experiences, are you trying to tell me you've done peer reviewed research to decide what makes a good relationship?
Well you certainly don’t that applies for everyone. And for all I know you, you could be super negative, project the worst scenarios only and/or you could be the problem in all your relationships and this is the excuse you landed on for maintaining a delusion.
You could be lying about having a wife just so you can ‘win’ an argument online with a total stranger online.
Not a far reach considering your response here.
lol do you always assume anyone who disagrees with you is acting in bad faith? Whst a convenient way to shield yourself from uncomfortable truths.
No wonder you're desperate to lock someone into a relationship with you asap, you sound nuts.
Ditto. As far as bad faith; i nailed you.
lol you're the one who came in swinging with "for all I know!" "you could be lying!" as soon as I pressed you on a point. That's the definition of a bad faith argument, you're not acctually trying to engage with points of discussion you're just trying to "win" the conversation.
Meh, sometimes you just know after seeing who’s out there. I wouldn’t recommend breaking off something good and risking not getting it back because of your insecurities.
Indeed, in fact, as soon as the above questions are satisfied, that's when you stop.
Invest in yourself. Be good to the people around you. Set up your finances well early so you don't have to rush later.
Invest. Now. Use a service like Acorns if you need to. The more you start saving now, the more you’ll have when you’re old and can’t work anymore.
Understand how sun cream factors work and always wear it.
Get one good cooking knife and learn how to hone and sharpen it. You have to sharpen it often and almost immediately. Learn how to cut vegetables. Start with onions because they are cheap and versatile.
Keep a freewriting journal.
If you're a guy take a moment to look into what women go through in their lives with guys. It's not complicated or mysterious, it's just that a significant portion of guys never heard about it. It'll automatically make you a better man and you'll have a better time too :)
Don’t be afraid to try odd jobs or go for opportunities that you normally wouldn’t. New opportunities and interests can open up from getting out of your comfort zone.
I feel like the below is one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. Actually, I’m still fully learning it. Seems so simple but, to me at least, it’s been evasive.
Translated from Portuguese from the song “A Vida É Um Desafio” by Racionais MCs:
Tomorrow is an illusion
Because it doesn’t exist yet
The “today” is real
It’s the reality you can interfere with
The opportunities for change
Are in the present
Don’t wait for the future to change your life
Because the future will be a consequence of the present
Original:
O amanhã é ilusório
Porque ainda não existe
O hoje é real
É a realidade que você pode interferir
As oportunidades de mudança
'Tá no presente
Não espere o futuro mudar sua vida
Porque o futuro será a consequência do presente
When faced with seemingly equivalent choices, pick the once that maximizes your future options.
Oof no, this is bad advice. I followed this advice and it’s resulted in me having no career to speak of.
In order to have a good life, one needs to sacrifice option A to commit to B, or vice-versa.
Trying to maximize future options is a recipe for regret.
Edit: I misread the comment chain. I'll just leave mine though
Always picking the most rewarding next step is called a greedy algorithm, so mathematically it might be good but not usually optimal because you might be sacrificing long-term success for short-term gains. Somet
How do you know which option to pick though, if both seem equivalent in the moment?
Not always good advice.
An exclusive relationship, by definition, minimizes your future options but opens up a subset which are better for many/most people.
Leave home.
I'm not sure any good advice I grew up with applies to this future we're stumbling into. Learn practical skills like gardening and fixing your stuff. Buy as little as you possibly can. An affordable set of basic tools is a great thing to keep for life. Consider the state of the world long and hard before you decide to bring children into it. Never talk to the police.
Practice trusting your gut. Practice it on small things.
One way to do a gut check is to imagine yourself making decision A, then imagine yourself making decision B, and for each pay attention to whether you feel stronger or weaker.
This is terrible advice. Most people's "gut" reactions are heavily based on external influences like peer group pressure, media influence and upbringing.
Practice critical thinking.
Almost no one knows how to do the job they are hired for. You'll have a trainer at almost every job. Apply for things you don't think you are qualified for. Most people figure it out as they go.
Think where you would like to be when you're thirty, then work backward to now and figure out what you need to do to get there.
Also, don't be afraid to take chances.
More like think where you would like to be immediately, acknowledge that you won’t get it until you’re 30, then make this plan and go for it.
When I was in my 20s I considered 30 to be the end of my life. Trying to reason about where I wanted to be in my 30s just returned null.
Don't worry too much if you fuck up. You have more than enough time to fix just about any mistake. You're still young, it's OK.
Start buying a few shares of VTI every pay period. Use any left over cash to buy SPYG. Ignore the gains or losses, the market has never not gone up (eventually). Thank yourself later.
Max out your 401k when you get a decent paying job. But make sure you hit every pay period to maximize your employer contribution.
Consider using mass transit where possible, bike if you can, more or less avoid a car/insurance. If that's not possible get a cheap car like a used Nissan leaf ($7000 in my area, costs a few dollars a month to charge using a wall outlet and extension cord)
Minimize unnecessary expenses like using food delivery services. Meal prep on the weekends and make enough food for a week.
If you do all this for 10 years or so, you'll be in a really good spot financially. Buying a house will be a decent prospect, your VTI and SPYG will be making money, your taxable income will be small and you will have built up the ability to splurge on things without it making much of an impact on your finances.
I've been following the YouTube channel Chris invests and he gives lots of similar advice like this.
Yo those stock recommendations are actually nuts. I just looked at their 5 year and lifetime charts and you're not lying. It's 45 degrees the whole way basically.
All sound advice, but coming across the extra capital to invest, much less in your 20's, is a harder prospect than it sounds for most people these days.
I'm not sure if you can get fractionals of SPY or VTI, but $300-500 a paycheck or even a month of money you can't use on the moment is a hard ask for much of the working class.
It's less like "Stop the avocado toast and lattés and netflix" and more "If you stopped buying a new graphics card every month you could afford stonks that will be mature when you are elderly."
Lol like, we aren't living in luxury and frivolous with our money in the first place, it usually poofs away into food and rent these days. (And gas and the car, if you aren't in one of VERY few places that are walk and bike friendly.)
But for people who have it. This is a sound strategy. On that note, I have a relative who's got very few expenses, often broke...and they're constantly buying new full-priced releases on Steam. This degree of resource mismanagement vexes me so. Lol
Yeah... Closest thing to set it and forget it I've found. I usually buy between 1-7 shares of VTI then a share of SPYG every other week. Been doing it for a long time now. Plus the dividend payout on VTI is really good.
Have a clear set of long-term goals for yourself, ie career, where you want to live, and what you want to be. Set deadlines for each with steps on how to do it.
It's time to start building the rest of your life. It won't be easy but you'll be doing it for you, so make it worthwhile.
If you're in the US or generally any country that's becoming authoritarian, get a passport. You never know how bad it may get.
Start a diary, and review where you're at in life every once in a while.
learn as much as you can, don't worry too much about what it is you learn
you'll find what you're good at or fascinated by
Save your money, invest what money you can, and keep in as good a shape as you can.
Accuracy is the key
Don’t post anything suspicious when mods are threatening to ban you from a community
Find a topic that you have interest in and master it. This will only get harder as you get older.
Go do a trade. Computers are dumb.