i saw a picture with a bird and "i live to spite god". this has been my prime motivator.
Was it a seagull? It was a seagull, wasn't it?
it's an Aldabra rail. an extinct bird which evolved itself back into existence.
Same, Can't let life and others win just like that
Honestly I don't know, I give up on life time ago, then this last year I start "living" again by having a daily activies and job. But I deal with this like someone dead inside, I don't feel any joy. I am not even looking for a goal. I see nothing in other people, I interact with then know that i get forget as soon the day end. I am just too scared to kill myself.
Have you considered you may be depressed?
I do, but I don't think so.
Well, there could be something else going on too. Might be *worth talking to someone.
It feels nice to bike and feel the wind in your hair and huddle into your jacket keeping you warm. I also actively take breaks from playing video games to sit and feel intense gratitude and happiness toward the game. And oranges are absolutely delicious, and singing loud makes me feel alive.
I also like finding flowers in springtime (and putting them into my journal) and seeing/hearing great big flocks of crows in the autumn. Those are seasonal though, not a daily pleasure that keeps me going no matter what.
It used to be various substances but now it's making sure my kid has all the happiness and love that I wish I had growing up and the smile on my wife's face when she sees how happy I've become
The Krebs cycle.
The crabs cycle - maybe I'll spontaneously evolve into a crab, like all things do. Anything else & I'll just continue to be a waste of space until I get a good enough excuse to not be.
I loved learning the Krebs cycle.
That makes one of us.
Habit.
obligation
The alternative still seems a little bit worse for now.
Not wanting to be homeless.
Weed
Curiosity.
Debt to family members. If I pay them off, I'll have a reason to keep living. If i decide to run or kill myself, then I'll just be "a coward" and "selfish".
But I've had bad luck my whole life. I hope I'll be able to pay them off one day, but the idea of suicide has been crossing my mind daily. I've been unemployed since covid except for 1 job which lasted a month, and another job this December which may only last a month.
I am out of money. I just graduated university with a Bachelors Degree, and unlike most of my colleagues, I've been unable to get a job in the industry.
My school loans are coming to collect in January. My whole family is poor. I'm the realistic example of a poor person graduating with a degree. I'm stuck poor, and I will probably die poor.
Getting your first job after getting your degree is arguably the hardest time in your career. Just remember that it only takes one. Keep applying. Get help with your resume. Practicing interviewing and always have an appropriate outfit ready to go. You can do it.
I’m not saying it’s easy nor that you should be overly selective. Your struggles are valid and job seeking blows. But just keep trying. If others have been able to get a job in the industry, that’s a good sign. I know it can be hard to see and compre yourself against, but it does not mean you won’t follow.
Earning a degree is a major accomplishment and one you should be proud of. Loans can seem overbearing and stressful, but if they’re federal student loans, you can get on an income-based repayment plan to alleviate a lot of pressure. If you’re not generating income, the payment is usually $0. Very normal for new graduates and some people stay on them for a much longer time. Do not neglect these payments. Make sure to apply for this well before your first payment’s due date (probably now if your due date is January).
Just keep on trucking on. One day at a time. Your family cares enough to help you out and you’re in a tough spot. Keep trying to improve and it’s likely to happen. Lean on all of your contacts, friends, and personal drive.
Just remember that it only takes one.
This. You only have to win once.
I have applied for the income based payments, but I also have 2 other loans that were deemed "personal loans" which makes up the other half of all my loans.
I'm at over $100,000 USD in debt. If I don't pay it, they're going to come after my family members who cosigned, and they can't afford to pay it either, so we're all fucked if I don't make payments.
BTW I was late on 1 payment and they slapped me with an additional $70 on my regular payment of $25. This is why I've thought about ending it. It won't be my problem anymore and I won't have to consider the consequences.
I'll just be gone forever. But I also don't want to do that to my family if I can help it.
Well, this thread is fucking depressing
Burning depression into rage.
Wife, kids, the next holiday, the next treat, dinner, the thought of telling my boss to fuck off when I find a new job.
Is it me or is lemmy more depressing than reddit was? This is a BLEAK thread....
We live in an age where negative sarcasm is considered fashion.
Frankly, I’m not far off your post: Wife, job… but I met my wife in my mid-50s, expecting to be Bachelor Uncle forever. No kids, so no one to take care of us in extreme age but I love and appreciate my wife beyond words, and now I’m 4 years from retiring to her homeland. Admittedly, it’ll be Bali, but dammit - another language to learn, moving to another part of the world, new everything to get through as an immigrant - so challenges… but also new adventures.
You got to keep moving, keep trying to be positive. On on the end-run of life, and if you’re not trying to make our short time here positive, then you’re going to regret everything along the way, so hang in there!
The things that come to my mind when thinking about answering this question are naturally pleasant things, so it's interesting that other people's answers gravitate toward cynicism.
"What keeps you going?" Flowers in the springtime, the promise of Mexican food (as someone else in this thread said), the taste of oranges.
You have to be already pretty depressed (and not trying to improve your outlook on life via positive psychology) for your immediate answers to be things like idk i just haven't killed myself yet i guess.
The hope that I can set people free from the cynicism at the world, and help them be sincere again, like the way we used to be.
There is no set ending for your story, try your best to make the world better when you can.
Keep up the good work.
There are a lot of terrible people doing terrible things to humanity and the planet, and I'll be damned if I let those fucking ghouls outlive me.
If Henry Kissinger outlives me I will haunt his doctors.
I'm not sure. Living feels uncomfortable but the thought of dying and all the suffering it would cause is even more uncomfortable. I'm not sure I want to be here but if I wasn't, my family would be far, far worse off and that makes me feel bad.
Progress.
If I'm improving in any way shape or form then I'm a step out of the dark. This can be from anything like going to the gym, improving on my hobbies, or even learning something new.
Lack of motivation to end it. I last tried in July/Aug and ended up in hospital for 5 days.
I just need a nudge towards trying again.
Lately I've been focusing on what I can do to make other people happy. Most people will be selfish and they'll never return anything at all. Some people will be weirded out, and they won't want to know you at all. But eventually, you'll find another weirdo like yourself. It'll be fun to ask them how their day was, and then they'll have fun asking you how your day was. And then you might realize that what is happening now is better than nothing happening at all, ever again.
A lot of bummer answers here and they are many feelings I have had, but now I am old, and I look at it like this. I once didn’t exist. One day, I will again not exist and I’ll never exist again. In the meantime, I get a very brief glimpse to open my eyes and see the universe. In it is a lot of things. Among them love, mac and cheese, peanut butter, sex, and dancing. A hearty laugh and a warm hug is worth all the pain it comes with.
There are theories of an endless universe where the Big Bang is followed by a Big Crunch, and that just keeps happening for infinity. And through the magic of infinity, every possible arrangement of atoms will eventually exist, and even each instance will exist an infinite number of times. Some put these events in parallel, others in serial.
But when I get all sad about not existing, it’s nice to think that in a time inconceivably far into the future, I’ll be here again, and again, and again.
Just for the sake of fun conversation, unfortunately the Big Crunch models have fallen out of favor since we discovered the universal expansion is accelerating indefinitely. So… this may be it. Or it may not, but oh well. Eat some marshmallows and dance a jig.
Well, there’s also the many worlds theory.
But also there was something about the universe being twice as old as we thought. I’m no astrophysicist, but it seems like it’s far from being settled science.
Oh indeed. And it probably never will be.
Because I have many things I want to build, or attempt to build.
After living most of my life believing I had no mechanical skills, and all the things I wanted to help build were just pipe dreams and impossible for me but possible for others, I've finally learned that I have meaningful skills that can solve real mechanical problems.
I'm too cynical to think I can solve the world's problems for the masses, but maybe I can increase the output of a machine by 5% without causing it to break too often. Or maybe I can get a product made at the same rate but with less waste.
Sounds great - good luck with that.
we're at a tipping point in society right now. i wanna see where this goes. it might even get better.
my main problem is money right now. my apprenticeship will be over in 2 Years, and i will get a hefty salary and a guaranteed job.
Oxygen, water and food.
If I die by my own hand I know it will mess my family up but that's literally it. I hate my life.
Lack of commitment, follow through, cowardice preventing me from doing what I really want to do.
Which means, I don't have that out. I can curl inward, f*ck everything, I'm done, and everything gets worse and worse. Not sustainable.
If I'm stuck here, no way out, I suppose only way left is to try to figure out how to get out of this dark space. It doesn't have to be fixed all at once. Just do one small good thing for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, recover. Take it slow. The only way things can change is by actions. Take a shower. Go to goodwill, spend $ on clothes that isn't sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. ..
If I keep at this, one small step at a time, I'm laying in a solid foundation, preparing for that point in future where I'll be able to go back to that goodwill, ask if they're hiring. Sure, not the cushy $75k job you had b4 becoming homeless. It's better than staying on SSI, trapped below poverty level in overcrowded slums.
Only way to move forward is to keep trying.
I figured out how to feel better. It's what we've been told all along but didn't want to hear. From the outside it looks like a prescription for a miserable, dull, joyless life. In reality it opens up the possibility of feeling good, happy, and free.
If I was gone, my wife and dogs would not have the money to live.
Becoming a better person.
Learning new things.
Trying new foods and or eating chocolate and drinking coffee.
Sex.
the hope that half-life 3 will come out eventually
Good news everyone! It's out and it's called Half Life: Alyx
no I demand HALF LIFE 3 we must see more handsome Gordon freemen
Video games, beers and blows.
The question.
Oxygen
Ritalin.
Being the best at things. There's nothing better than the feeling of being absolutely stellar at something. I try to develop new skills everyday, and try to find the most effective and efficient way to do everything.
Also wife's tits.
And ass.
Yeah, same: this person's wife's tits & ass.
The memes live, no matter what platform we are on. #poopknife
Memes find a way.
She was the background photo on a fairly popular NSFW subreddit for about 5 years, so a lot of people have seen them.
Ohh, celebrity tits & ass, fancy!
My dogs
God.
Free porn on my phone
Spite and hatred is the only reason I bother to wake up and endure another day.
Don't be consumed by hatred, my friend.
The idea that I may escape America one day. My version of the American Dream is leaving.
i have a test today and honestly if i died right now i would be really mad because i'd have studied for nothing
so i guess i keep going because i have and am doing a bunch of stuff and i don't want that to go to waste
Substance abuse
Domino's Pizza
Delusions.
The simple joys in life. My relationship with my hubby, cooking a good meal, having a decent cup of tea, reading a good book, there are so many reasons to enjoy life.
The fact that I'm still on this planet
Substanz abuse, my Cat and I'm think to much about how some people would feel if I go
Because, goddammit, a better world is possible! A lot of the time shit sucks and everything is expensive and I wanna just go to bed and never wake up.
But most of my problems are problems millions or even billions of other people struggle with, and those don't get solved by opting out of life.
What's more, those problems are man-made. They're the result of systems designed by mortal men just like me.
So, I stay alive. Because the only way to out-vote, out-number, overpower, and / or annihilate those bastards is to be alive.
Damn right.
No it isn't.
One person railing against 7B isn't going to do shit.
Life and the world are a lost cause. In my 20s I thought I could do something about it. Now at 40 I realise I'm impotent against the world.
Fear. I know it gets worse if I stop.
My dog
Spite.
Not even kidding.
i saw a picture with a bird and "i live to spite god". this has been my prime motivator.
Was it a seagull? It was a seagull, wasn't it?
Same, Can't let life and others win just like that
Honestly I don't know, I give up on life time ago, then this last year I start "living" again by having a daily activies and job. But I deal with this like someone dead inside, I don't feel any joy. I am not even looking for a goal. I see nothing in other people, I interact with then know that i get forget as soon the day end. I am just too scared to kill myself.
Have you considered you may be depressed?
I do, but I don't think so.
Well, there could be something else going on too. Might be *worth talking to someone.
Dying is hard
In my country it's a process. You book it. My uncle did and left us on a Tuesday at 5pm exactly, surrounded by family.
The promise of mexican food.
Priorities
I just keep waking up and it keeps working
It feels nice to bike and feel the wind in your hair and huddle into your jacket keeping you warm. I also actively take breaks from playing video games to sit and feel intense gratitude and happiness toward the game. And oranges are absolutely delicious, and singing loud makes me feel alive.
I also like finding flowers in springtime (and putting them into my journal) and seeing/hearing great big flocks of crows in the autumn. Those are seasonal though, not a daily pleasure that keeps me going no matter what.
It used to be various substances but now it's making sure my kid has all the happiness and love that I wish I had growing up and the smile on my wife's face when she sees how happy I've become
The Krebs cycle.
The crabs cycle - maybe I'll spontaneously evolve into a crab, like all things do. Anything else & I'll just continue to be a waste of space until I get a good enough excuse to not be.
I loved learning the Krebs cycle.
That makes one of us.
Habit.
obligation
The alternative still seems a little bit worse for now.
Not wanting to be homeless.
Weed
Curiosity.
Debt to family members. If I pay them off, I'll have a reason to keep living. If i decide to run or kill myself, then I'll just be "a coward" and "selfish".
But I've had bad luck my whole life. I hope I'll be able to pay them off one day, but the idea of suicide has been crossing my mind daily. I've been unemployed since covid except for 1 job which lasted a month, and another job this December which may only last a month.
I am out of money. I just graduated university with a Bachelors Degree, and unlike most of my colleagues, I've been unable to get a job in the industry.
My school loans are coming to collect in January. My whole family is poor. I'm the realistic example of a poor person graduating with a degree. I'm stuck poor, and I will probably die poor.
Getting your first job after getting your degree is arguably the hardest time in your career. Just remember that it only takes one. Keep applying. Get help with your resume. Practicing interviewing and always have an appropriate outfit ready to go. You can do it.
I’m not saying it’s easy nor that you should be overly selective. Your struggles are valid and job seeking blows. But just keep trying. If others have been able to get a job in the industry, that’s a good sign. I know it can be hard to see and compre yourself against, but it does not mean you won’t follow.
Earning a degree is a major accomplishment and one you should be proud of. Loans can seem overbearing and stressful, but if they’re federal student loans, you can get on an income-based repayment plan to alleviate a lot of pressure. If you’re not generating income, the payment is usually $0. Very normal for new graduates and some people stay on them for a much longer time. Do not neglect these payments. Make sure to apply for this well before your first payment’s due date (probably now if your due date is January).
Just keep on trucking on. One day at a time. Your family cares enough to help you out and you’re in a tough spot. Keep trying to improve and it’s likely to happen. Lean on all of your contacts, friends, and personal drive.
This. You only have to win once.
I have applied for the income based payments, but I also have 2 other loans that were deemed "personal loans" which makes up the other half of all my loans.
I'm at over $100,000 USD in debt. If I don't pay it, they're going to come after my family members who cosigned, and they can't afford to pay it either, so we're all fucked if I don't make payments.
BTW I was late on 1 payment and they slapped me with an additional $70 on my regular payment of $25. This is why I've thought about ending it. It won't be my problem anymore and I won't have to consider the consequences.
I'll just be gone forever. But I also don't want to do that to my family if I can help it.
Well, this thread is fucking depressing
Burning depression into rage.
Wife, kids, the next holiday, the next treat, dinner, the thought of telling my boss to fuck off when I find a new job.
Is it me or is lemmy more depressing than reddit was? This is a BLEAK thread....
We live in an age where negative sarcasm is considered fashion.
Frankly, I’m not far off your post: Wife, job… but I met my wife in my mid-50s, expecting to be Bachelor Uncle forever. No kids, so no one to take care of us in extreme age but I love and appreciate my wife beyond words, and now I’m 4 years from retiring to her homeland. Admittedly, it’ll be Bali, but dammit - another language to learn, moving to another part of the world, new everything to get through as an immigrant - so challenges… but also new adventures.
You got to keep moving, keep trying to be positive. On on the end-run of life, and if you’re not trying to make our short time here positive, then you’re going to regret everything along the way, so hang in there!
The things that come to my mind when thinking about answering this question are naturally pleasant things, so it's interesting that other people's answers gravitate toward cynicism.
"What keeps you going?" Flowers in the springtime, the promise of Mexican food (as someone else in this thread said), the taste of oranges.
You have to be already pretty depressed (and not trying to improve your outlook on life via positive psychology) for your immediate answers to be things like idk i just haven't killed myself yet i guess.
The hope that I can set people free from the cynicism at the world, and help them be sincere again, like the way we used to be.
There is no set ending for your story, try your best to make the world better when you can.
Keep up the good work.
There are a lot of terrible people doing terrible things to humanity and the planet, and I'll be damned if I let those fucking ghouls outlive me.
If Henry Kissinger outlives me I will haunt his doctors.
I'm not sure. Living feels uncomfortable but the thought of dying and all the suffering it would cause is even more uncomfortable. I'm not sure I want to be here but if I wasn't, my family would be far, far worse off and that makes me feel bad.
Progress.
If I'm improving in any way shape or form then I'm a step out of the dark. This can be from anything like going to the gym, improving on my hobbies, or even learning something new.
Lack of motivation to end it. I last tried in July/Aug and ended up in hospital for 5 days.
I just need a nudge towards trying again.
Lately I've been focusing on what I can do to make other people happy. Most people will be selfish and they'll never return anything at all. Some people will be weirded out, and they won't want to know you at all. But eventually, you'll find another weirdo like yourself. It'll be fun to ask them how their day was, and then they'll have fun asking you how your day was. And then you might realize that what is happening now is better than nothing happening at all, ever again.
A lot of bummer answers here and they are many feelings I have had, but now I am old, and I look at it like this. I once didn’t exist. One day, I will again not exist and I’ll never exist again. In the meantime, I get a very brief glimpse to open my eyes and see the universe. In it is a lot of things. Among them love, mac and cheese, peanut butter, sex, and dancing. A hearty laugh and a warm hug is worth all the pain it comes with.
There are theories of an endless universe where the Big Bang is followed by a Big Crunch, and that just keeps happening for infinity. And through the magic of infinity, every possible arrangement of atoms will eventually exist, and even each instance will exist an infinite number of times. Some put these events in parallel, others in serial.
But when I get all sad about not existing, it’s nice to think that in a time inconceivably far into the future, I’ll be here again, and again, and again.
Just for the sake of fun conversation, unfortunately the Big Crunch models have fallen out of favor since we discovered the universal expansion is accelerating indefinitely. So… this may be it. Or it may not, but oh well. Eat some marshmallows and dance a jig.
Well, there’s also the many worlds theory. But also there was something about the universe being twice as old as we thought. I’m no astrophysicist, but it seems like it’s far from being settled science.
Oh indeed. And it probably never will be.
Because I have many things I want to build, or attempt to build.
After living most of my life believing I had no mechanical skills, and all the things I wanted to help build were just pipe dreams and impossible for me but possible for others, I've finally learned that I have meaningful skills that can solve real mechanical problems.
I'm too cynical to think I can solve the world's problems for the masses, but maybe I can increase the output of a machine by 5% without causing it to break too often. Or maybe I can get a product made at the same rate but with less waste.
Sounds great - good luck with that.
we're at a tipping point in society right now. i wanna see where this goes. it might even get better.
my main problem is money right now. my apprenticeship will be over in 2 Years, and i will get a hefty salary and a guaranteed job.
Oxygen, water and food.
If I die by my own hand I know it will mess my family up but that's literally it. I hate my life.
I don't know anymore.
My legs
Imma take em
Not existing would be worse than existing, at least for now. And when it all ends, at least I got my rocks off a whole bunch of times first
Your mom /s
Coffee. Hot, black, fresh ground and brewed coffee.
The weekends.
Oats, caffeine and misplaced optimism.
Lack of commitment, follow through, cowardice preventing me from doing what I really want to do.
Which means, I don't have that out. I can curl inward, f*ck everything, I'm done, and everything gets worse and worse. Not sustainable.
If I'm stuck here, no way out, I suppose only way left is to try to figure out how to get out of this dark space. It doesn't have to be fixed all at once. Just do one small good thing for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, recover. Take it slow. The only way things can change is by actions. Take a shower. Go to goodwill, spend $ on clothes that isn't sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. ..
If I keep at this, one small step at a time, I'm laying in a solid foundation, preparing for that point in future where I'll be able to go back to that goodwill, ask if they're hiring. Sure, not the cushy $75k job you had b4 becoming homeless. It's better than staying on SSI, trapped below poverty level in overcrowded slums.
Only way to move forward is to keep trying.
I figured out how to feel better. It's what we've been told all along but didn't want to hear. From the outside it looks like a prescription for a miserable, dull, joyless life. In reality it opens up the possibility of feeling good, happy, and free.
If I was gone, my wife and dogs would not have the money to live.
Becoming a better person.
Learning new things.
Trying new foods and or eating chocolate and drinking coffee.
Sex.
the hope that half-life 3 will come out eventually
Good news everyone! It's out and it's called Half Life: Alyx
no I demand HALF LIFE 3 we must see more handsome Gordon freemen
Video games, beers and blows.
The question.
Oxygen
Ritalin.
Being the best at things. There's nothing better than the feeling of being absolutely stellar at something. I try to develop new skills everyday, and try to find the most effective and efficient way to do everything.
Also wife's tits.
And ass.
Yeah, same: this person's wife's tits & ass.
The memes live, no matter what platform we are on. #poopknife
Memes find a way.
She was the background photo on a fairly popular NSFW subreddit for about 5 years, so a lot of people have seen them.
Ohh, celebrity tits & ass, fancy!
My dogs
God.
Free porn on my phone
Spite and hatred is the only reason I bother to wake up and endure another day.
Don't be consumed by hatred, my friend.
The idea that I may escape America one day. My version of the American Dream is leaving.
i have a test today and honestly if i died right now i would be really mad because i'd have studied for nothing
so i guess i keep going because i have and am doing a bunch of stuff and i don't want that to go to waste
Substance abuse
Domino's Pizza
Delusions.
The simple joys in life. My relationship with my hubby, cooking a good meal, having a decent cup of tea, reading a good book, there are so many reasons to enjoy life.
The fact that I'm still on this planet
Substanz abuse, my Cat and I'm think to much about how some people would feel if I go
Spite for the razor in my wallet.
Cheerful vitriol
https://youtu.be/Vhk_ot7_B5E?si=iawNB1ZLJ8BUPzLo
Millions of years of evolution.
Caffeine and suger.
People trying to get me to second-guess my doubts that there's anything to keep me going.
I enjoy seeing the fruits of my labor. My family depends on me. I'm optimistic about the future.
I am overly insured i think. If i died my children would be set for life.
I don't want to die but I really hope whatever's after death is better, or at least non existent.
They want you more than they want $.
In general, guilt for the people I'd leave behind.
At this immediate moment, blasting "What a Time to be Alive" by Fall Out Boy in my headphones at work is doing the trick.
Dog. Pain. Self hatred.
The promise of a hot cup of coffee in the morning.
Spite.
My job. I love making people happy! I actually look forward to Mondays and dread Fridays.