You've been instantly teleported two feet to the left. How does this affect you?

mayflower@lemmy.ml to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 94 points –
104

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

IIRC the way telefragging works in Quake is that the thing occupying the destination gets telefragged. I think that you'd be okay and the table would be seriously messed up.

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That's not the case. There is air there, and you'll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is "dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and 'gross dismemberment' (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body."

Presumably, teleportation is a bidirectional process, and everything that was occupying the space you now take gets teleported to your previous position.

I am outside in nothing but my underwear. It is cold and raining outside. The doors and windows are locked and i don't remember the garage code. No one is home to let me in for another hour or so. D:

I am now laying on my sister's bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

And that is why you don't read lemmy while driving!

that works for this exercise but what if the prompt was "you've been teleported 2 feet to the left 10 minutes ago. How did this affect you?"

I would call bs. I know for a fact that I was not teleported 2 feet to the left 10 minites ago. I ain't demented yet, darnit.

My ass hits the asphalt at 120km/h, not entirely sure I will still be capable of pooping from there after that.

About half of my body is now occupying the same space-time position as my refridgerator.

I die almost instantly, the half that is left outside the fridge slumps to the floor and creates a gory mess for my partner to find.

Meanwhile, the other half of my mass is busy trying to occupy the same place as my refrigerator probably causes additional...effects. Does it explode? Does it just make a mess in the fridge? I will never know. Either way, it's safe to say my family is getting a new fridge.

I'm falling down my apartment building's stairwell. Ow.

I'm midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

I'm in a closet with way too many clothes and also no longer on the toilet

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

I'm have been removed from my current chair and I'm now sitting in a different chair.

Me and another churchgoer now occupy the same space. I'm on my phone; I wonder what she did to deserve this.

in the next apartment's bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

I'm having a very hard time picturing how this could happen. Are your legs growing out of your right side?

I was lying down and defined my left as what would be my left of I were sitting up. If I had actually been teleported two feet to my left I would have ended up under my bed, and possibly intersecting the floor

Id be nutted by a table leg then dropped on my ass.

I am now a part of my desk. On the plus side i can still reach the keyboard :)

I'm now pooping outside for the neighbors to see... and probably fell over, bare-ass, struggling to figure out wtf just happened. And I'm locked out with a dirty bum; whyyyy!? Why have I been forsaken during my phone poop time?!

Sitting on the right side of the couch, now sitting on the left side of the couch.... Merged with my dog. Very animorphs

I am sitting in the empty bus seat next to me. This is a slight annoyance because I prefer sitting next to the window.

I've just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

Which way is left? I'm in my bed, leaning on my right side. Do I get teleported 12 cm up? Otherwise I get closer to the edge of the bed and almost fall over. Probably do, because my cushion isn't below my arm anymore

In the same position as I read your comment. Floating 12 cm in the air for a bit would be cool.

Pissing standing all over the floor.

Now if it were to the right, at least I would be pissing on the shower.

I’m now locked outside my running car. (I’m in park waiting to pick someone up, not lemmy-ing and driving!)

I am now clipping through a cafe table, emotionally scarring the other patrons by dying from bifurcation in front of them

I'm currently sitting in the leftmost seat of a bus, so I suppose I'll get injured pretty badly from colliding with the road at high speed, and possibly be run over by a car.

shoulder leaning on the window, looking at the view Huh? Wait no! Waaaaaaahhhh…… splat.

My head would fuse with my chest of drawers, the rest of my body would fall limply to the floor about 70cm below, if my head fusing with my furniture didn't kill me, then the fall could break my neck, it would absoluetely make the chest of drawers fall over me which absolutely could crush my neck.

So, please do not do this when I am in bed.

I fall on my ass in the carpark outside the office. It's cold, but assuming there's no car there at the time, I just walk round the building and let myself back in.

I thought the no car thing was a pretty safe bet at this time, until one drove past as I was typing this.

That's about 0.6 meters as of freedomless units of measure.

Dunno, I guess I'll be on the other side of the bed.

It's upsetting there's no ruling here or on any subs about having to specify country or units of measurement.

I collapse in a heap on a small stack of tripods and camera lighting equipment.

Currently on the left-most side of the couch. If I teleport 2 feet to the left, I'd immediately fall onto the floor.

I'm wet and sitting in on my bedroom floor. I'm in the bath now

Why do you have a bathtub in your bedroom?

I would assume that the bathtub is in the bathroom, and two feet over is across an interior wall and in a bedroom.

Indeed, that would be a reasonable assumption. But then how would I make my silly joke?!

I'm now standing two feet to my left.

Yep, literally standing in the middle of my living room browsing Lemmy on my phone. Loads of room for activities, like getting teleported.

So... Do you often just stand in the middle of rooms while looking at your phone? That's pretty damn weird not gonna lie

A lot of people pooping in this thread! I would have fallen out of bed.

Me too, ouch. But still much better than to the right and inside the wall, can't complain.

I'd fall off my displaced chair and have my left kneecap stuck in the drawers. I guess I'd die if that merge of my knee with the drawer would result in fusion.

I fall on my butt if you don't teleport the chair with me.

I'd be teleported onto my wife, which would be fine except she's finally sleeping after a few nights of not sleeping well so I'd be in big trouble for waking her

Depends on where the stud is. I think if it is between studs I'll only have all of my limbs sliced off.

I am no longer in the hot tub, but dropped on cold hard concrete.

I would be sitting on the left side of the coach. There would probably be some discomfort as I would be sitting on top of some stuff, but nothing bad really. My cat would at least leave the cable lying there along.

And.. is your coach okay with it?

*couch

Auto correct trick me by putting coach right next too 🛋 when I tried to figure out the spelling.

I think id be in the mens bathroom, which id be fine with, because im on lunch break right now and its about to end.

I am now sitting in my wife's chair at her computer. Well, I guess I had some troubleshooting to do anyway...