What has been the best thing that has happened to you so far?

Fat Tony@lemmy.world to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 170 points –

Either by choice or sheer luck. What is something that has happened to you that made your life actively better?

(So far) For me it has been me finally able to move out of my parents home.

122

Escaped religion.

Same, what a challenging but worthwhile journey.

Growing up in the clutches of devout religious thinking had such a profoundly negative impact on my mental health and view of the world in general that relinquishing it was one of the most refreshing and revitalizing experiences of my life.

Religion teaches you that this life is only important as a stepping stone to eternity, that leads to some incredibly short sighted and unhealthy living. Accepting that this life is actually important for its own sake instead of as some sort of twisted game from some random deity helped me begin to make choices that objectively did more for humanity and myself.

Religion teaches you that evidence and logic are not routes to "truth" but feelings, faith, and obedience are. Untangling that mess was tough, as a result for decades now every single thought and belief has been in question. The pain of being so wrong but so convinced I was right has led to a bit of an issue allowing myself to believe anything

Religion is one of the largest stains on our species. I don't blame religious people, they're victims, but by george do I hate that we have perpetuated such tragic belief systems.

Me too. I was going to be a preacher. I went and studied at a place where people from all around the world (mostly Africa) came to live and study. I met some interesting people and I loved the experience.

That was going to be my life. I thought nothing was more important than saving eternal souls.

I met the only atheist I had ever known at that point. I was 17. I just couldn’t convince him. He told me to go online and look at other religions. Not the religions themselves, but the people who practiced them. He asked me to observe their passion and relate it to my own. He said that if I asked the right questions I’d come to the same conclusions as him. He wasn’t trying to convince me, he wanted me to convince myself.

Oh boy, that changed my life forever.

Learned a trade that I love as a career (industrial electrician), fell in love with my boyfriend, bought and renovated a home from 1890 together, plan to get married eventually!

More female electricians please!

My daughter is in her 2nd year, of 5, election school - she’s Union and loving being an electrician.

She just attended the Washington DC female electrician convention.

It’s completely changed her life.

Who said anything about me being a woman lol

I'm a gay guy, although it's not exactly something I bring up around my coworkers. The exception being the shop I worked in for 7 years because those fellas were like family.

That's cool about your daughter though, the trades are a very straight male dominated field

Shit, sorry, saw you wrote “boyfriend” and thought “female electrician, like my daughter!”. Hey, the trades need more LGBQ+ people too!

Surprisingly (to me), having a child. I never wanted kids. Never even babysat, didn't like them-- hated how silly, loud, and disgusting they are. Then I got pregnant by accident. I was terrified. I was abused as a child and have a bad temper, so I was afraid I would lose it and hurt my kid. Pregnancy was difficult, labor and delivery moreso, but the instant he popped out ... I cannot describe to you the transformation. I am sure it is purely hormonal; pitocin is a helluva drug. My husband even said, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" It was akin to a lobotomy. Suddenly I adored babies and wanted to hold them and coo at them. I became more mellow and patient, went from the sort of conservative mindset that thinks "get a job," to the theretofore incomprehensible liberal views like "most in jail aren't really to blame for the circumstances they find themselves in, let's help them instead of punish them."

My son is by far the biggest blessing in my life. He is a companion that I never grow tired of, a wise sounding board, and a balm to my old age. I am literally a kinder, better person because I had him.

Aww I bet you are a fantastic mom. Keep doing you and I'm wishing all the best for you and your family.

What advice can you give to other children hating women?

I'm not one to give advice. My joy is a happy accident of chemistry, I think.

Getting sober

It allowed me to actually sort through all of my mental health problems and confront myself on who I was and who I wanted to be

Not to mention how much my physical health has improved

It was honestly the hardest thing I've done as well given that I started drinking when I was 12.

I've been sober now for 6 years

Edit: In 6 years it will go from "the longest I've been sober since I started drinking" to "The longest stretch of time I've been sober in my whole life"

Hey congratulations! Addiction is like an onion: it has so many layers! You'll likely shed a tear or two once you decide to cut it open, but once diced and sauteed (i.e. overcome your addiction), it will add so much flavor to life!

Getting sober is my pick too. Im just over a year in from my last drink. Ive excelled at work, had 3 raises, finished my degree, made quality new friends, met a beautiful woman who is now my best friend, took a chance and kissed her one night, and she kissed back. Life is great.

Hell yeah, I'm at 5 and a half myself. Really helps me keep my priorities straight.

Got blitzed out of my mind on ecstasy and mushrooms and wrote some passionate emails which got me a full scholarship

Got blitzed out of my mind on ecstasy and mushrooms

At the same time? Sounds like a wild ride!

Congrats on the scholarship. :)

being born in a place where i am not genocided for being myself (yet)

Absolutely meeting my husband. Joining the military absolutely laid the groundwork for breaking out of my conservative/republican ideology, but it was truly the work my husband put into me to pull me in Progressive thinking. I tell him all the time how he's made me into a MUCH better human being.

It's funny, I joined the Marines, infantry, and came out much, much more progressive.

I think it's eye opening to see how much better everyone's lives are when they have things like free Healthcare, subsidized school, and subsidized housing.

Not to mention many of our deployments occurring to locations where religious extremism has dominated society.

The military used to lean heavily red as a rule, but I think looking around and seeing the struggles of our civvie family and friends makes us go, "Fuck, wouldn't it be awesome if EVERYONE could have this?"

I'll be separating soon and the biggest thing I'll miss is the healthcare. Not having literally any bills for any medical treatment is fantastic.

It's funny for Republicans to want to keep over funding the military, given that the biggest expense is the socialized healthcare.

It's not exactly the same but the VA will cover your healthcare once you're out as long as you go to them for it

I think you'll still qualify for Tricare after you get out. Before my Dad passed, he was on Tricare (after having been out of the military for decades) and I think they only just recently started charging for it the past few years, but it was still ridiculously cheaper than any private health insurance rates (for him it was something like $12/month vs $600/month private insurance). I stayed away from getting him on because I assumed there was something wrong with it, but nope, I only regret not getting him on Tricare sooner.

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My best thing happened unexpectedly on March 15, 1973. (Probably makes me the oldest person in the room.) My high school guidance counselor died in his sleep. Bummer for him, but lucky for me. Back in the ’60s, my school system had me pegged as a gifted student, which was a one-size fits all label. That tag followed me to high school, where as a green sophomore, I was assigned the "gifted" guidance counselor, Mr. Daly. Daly was also a history teacher, and greatly loved and admired. He was a retired USMC Vietnam vet, and suffered from Marfan syndrome, giving him a strange and imposing appearance. He was a force of nature, that guy. I was 15 when we first met, and I had no idea about what I would do with my life. Because of my label, Daly had it all figured out. In his mind I was on my way to become a doctor, lawyer, CEO, etc. Yeah — no thanks. I had no goals, only passions — Photography and Design. I wanted to enroll in my school's tech classes and follow my interests. Daly squashed that idea. Wasn't going to happen. I was heartbroken. As a kid of 15 I had no leverage, and didn't know how I could get what I wanted. My parents were no help; "He probably knows best" was the best they could do. A few weeks later, when I came to school on the 16th of March, word was that Mr. Daly had died the previous night. While the school was in mourning, I was a pretty happy kid. My new counselor had no objections to me taking the photo and design track. :: After high school, university and some preliminary jobs, I started my own marketing communications business (then called freelancing, today gig work) and continued for 30+ years by myself. Of course the work had its ups and downs, but I was happy and always employed. :: Now I'm 66 and retired, and I always wonder what my life would be like if Mr. Daly had lived and imposed his vision on my life. Guess I got lucky. :: Rest in peace, Mr. D.

This is a really well told and interesting answer. Thank you for sharing!

Amazing story. Indeed thank you for sharing! 💜🧡

You’re older than I am, but not by a lot.

My guidance counsellor moment was probably around 1975-76. I was deep into comp sci; a friend would tell me years later that the teacher knew less than at least a couple of us. I would ask him a question, he would say he’d look into it. Unbeknownst to me, he wandered over to the other advanced student (Phil) and put my question to him. Phil would reply, teacher would make his way back to me and share the knowledge. The same thing would happen if Phil had a question; teacher would come to me for the answer.

My friend watched this whole thing with amusement.

Now for the GC moment. Career counselling.

I went to the GC’s office full of electric enthusiasm, hoping to learn of the great CS things that awaited me after uni. I told him about my love and fascination with computers. He had the reaction, the kind a parent has when they need to tell their child their favourite pet has died. He told me that it might be fun and make for an interesting hobby, but that there were no computer-related careers. And that I should consider another vocation. I was crushed.

I even spent some years in university studying things that were unrelated to CS. My career didn’t get any traction until about 10 years after HS, unsurprisingly in the field I was most passionate about.

Anyway, I’ve been a computer professional for about 35 years now.

By luck: meeting my husband online in a random forum. Self explanatory.

By choice: getting top surgery (a double mastectomy). What a literal and figurative weight off my chest! Being able to just walk outside without wrestling into a binder or being worried about if people noticed my chest was such a game changer. You don’t realize what a gift it is to be able to get up and go outside on a whim until you can’t do it.

You couldn't do it because of their size? Or other compounding factors?

Meeting my wife. She’s the best and I’m better off because of her.

Hey fucker you took my answer! She's the best tho isn't she? Mine is the best. I'm sure yours is the best. They're the best.

My son was born healthy. Became a father I guess would be more "to me"...

Cutting ties with my dad, he was a giant angry child who would verbally and mentally abuse me and my mother and other family members.

Haven't spoken to him in over 5 years and I've gotten overall happier and healthier both physically and mentally.

Met my partner who shares the same mental disorder, the only person I know who could teach me to cope and become a functional adult when I had almost lost all hope.

What disorder?

Autism spectrum issues. I was getting incredibly lonely because I don't work well with in person conversations.

I got a steam deck recently. I can't decide if this is one of the best or one of the worst decisions I've ever made. I love it to death and I've been playing stuff with retrodeck almost non-stop since I got it, however, I've been playing stuff with retrodeck almost non-stop since I got it.

Had both my lungs collapsed. Forced me to quit pot which made my life take a 180 degree turn.

Ah man, happy to hear that for you dude. Much love.

I had a zit on my armpit that made an audible pop, my soul still shivers from that one. Also marrying my husband.

The hobby I've had since highschool turned into my career. I'm glad I didn't follow my parents wishes and went down my own path.

This sounds great! What are you doing?

I'm a graphic designer. When I was a teenager, I enjoyed making avatars and signatures for people on forums which gave me a headstart on developing some of the skills I would use later on. My parents pushed me into nursing but after two years in, I knew it wasn't for me so I made the switch to graphic design and I'm fortunate that it worked out.

Also got into graphic design after starting off on a path of really not knowing what to do, but leaning towards engineering. Went into that program before I just said "Fuck it, let's try graphic design instead" and really it was the best decision I ever made. Got a job right out of school, student loans paid off within 5 years after graduating and I'm in a relatively fulfilling career making more than either of my parents made.

I think this path is great and I envy you a little. Very few people manage to maintain the passion of their youth and then earn money with it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this path continues for you!

I have a job I really love

Same. Well, kind of - I used to, until the company was bought up and corporate bullshit took over. I am in the process of drafting the paperwork for my next job with the people I used to work with, so I can once more enjoy my job.

Psychedelics, wife, kid, finding a fun job, realising my parents are kind of assholes and I wasn't such a bad kid.

Plus one to psychedelics. They helped me explore myself and my relationship with others. Let me lower the walls, empathize. Been a while since the first time, may have gone a little hard in the paint with them at first, but now it's one time a year just to remember everything.

Meeting my girlfriend!

My life is one lucky decision after another and I couldn't be happier with where I ended up. Fucked off in high school but somehow got into college (jk, I know how I got in ($$)), dropped out, fucked around, went to school for my current field literally to buy time, fucked around but got out, fucked around at work and decided to join the service. Fucking around was frowned upon so I finally turned it around. Came out, got better at civilian job, lived with friends from the service for one year in a town that happened to be like 25 miles from where my future wife was just finishing school, and so our dating profile search rings matched up for all of a couple months.

Bought a house months after meeting my future wife and it was she either moves home and we go long distance or she sticks around and figures out a rooming situation with her then roommates. That was a decade ago, and two kids, and I live on a block with seven or eight other young families in a walkable neighborhood, my kids will walk to school when they're older, ride their bikes around, we hang out and socialize regularly with neighbors. And it's all because I fucked around in high school.

My daughter. Although she has a lot of issues and it has been a very hard road, she has made me a better person and a less angry person. She is definitely by far the best thing that ever happened to me. My biggest fear is outliving her.

My biggest fear is outliving her.

My dad used to say this all the time (he has long since passed). My sister nearly died about twenty years ago and one of the weird memories I have from the period is feeling so sorry for him.

Anyway I totally get it but do try not to obsess on it for what it's worth.

I don't obsess on it. Just every so often it comes into my thoughts and makes me very unhappy to think about.

Bought a house for $18,000 during the mid 90's in a run down neighborhood. Now the neighborhood is the most desirable in an urban city. After the 2007 real estate crash I was able to move to suburbs and I rent out my original house. It was more luck than anything plus a willingness to live in a rough part of town. I'm always playing a game in my head now. What neighborhood is next?

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The woman I loved decided to give it a go. 13 years later, we're a super happy family.

PS: also, being bi and resisting the social urge to "be true to myself" and go gay, assuming the straight part was obviously bullshit.

Said screw it and moved to Korea.

I was incredibly lucky and met a Korean in school, so I was able to get all the info I needed about what to expect. I've been here 3 years now, sure I miss my family and friends but I've been granted a new life.

To anyone who thinks their life sucks: move. Everyone has an excuse, but at the end of the day you'll either stay where you are until you die, or you'll go somewhere new.

I've been in Korea for coming up on 14 years. It's really a great place to live.

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Being diagnosed with extreme MTHFR, getting on a high dose of methylfolate and the correct meds.

Went from having daily, very heavy brain fog to zero. Thought for years I was just lazy and stupid. Doing simple things left me more mentally exhausted than others, and I just thought everyone felt like I did, but were better at pushing through it.

Turns out, not lazy or stupid at all.

Went back to school, got my AA and into a field desperate to hire. Doubled my salary.

No idea what MTHFR is, but first thing I thought of was "Motherfucker" and thought that was a funny thing to be diagnosed as. Congrats on getting help with whatever it actually is.

Yeah, they actually call it The Motherfucker Gene, so everyone else had the same thought, lol.

It actually stands for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase, which is the enzyme that metabolizes folic acid into methylfolate. Most people have a bit of an issue with it, but mine is like 80% defunct. For example, taking extra folic acid supplements while pregnant would do almost nothing for the baby, because my body just won't metabolize it. I have to take high doses of methylfolate instead to get the same benefits.

And thank you you! It really has been life-changing!

Meeting my spouse. They make me want to be a better person.

Yeah. My toxic as shit ex wife decided she wanted a divorce. What I perceived to be the worst day of my life was actually the best day of my life I just didn't know it yet.

I met this extremely successful woman that has shown me life can be amazing. I never thought life could be this good.

Love finding me. I'm not particularly feely and didn't have examples of loving couples growing up. Did not see that coming, wasn't on the horizon at all. Got lucky.

That's a long list but here's a few things.

  • Going to therapy.
  • Being willing to forgive and make peace with my dad.
  • Seeking medical treatment for my ADHD.
  • Getting a septoplasty. (Who knew being able to breathe through you nose was so great.)
  • Divorcing my first wife, who is a truly awful person.
  • Saying yes to a date with my (now) wife, who is an awesome person.
  • Learning to love myself just the way I am.
  • Taking an active role in managing my finances.

Meeting my current wife through some mutual friends. Changed my life for the better. Can't imagine life without her in it anymore.

She makes me want to be a better person.

I got engaged early last year, planned our wedding toward the end of the year. In between, I got a new job with salary more than twice of my previous job.

Now I am happily married, and after a raise my current salary is almost triple my previous job. I'm still trying to convince my former colleagues (just the cool ones) to also find new jobs.

Cliche but meeting my partner, girl has saved me from so many dumb decisions and she has no idea.

  1. Going to collage and experiencing the wide gamut of experiences there.
  2. Meeting my wife and her saying yes to going on a date with me my last year of college.
  3. Living in a foreign country (Japan) for 3 years for work with my wife and having 2 kids while I was there.
  4. Having kids (3 in total)
  5. Designing and building our own house.

Using the trade skills I acquired to pay for a computer science degree, which has secured me the best job I've ever had. Going to college later in life was absolutely a game changer.

Got lucky as an early investor in crypto which has allowed me to feel more secure in taking on debt to purchase a home

We moved from a 16m2 room to a 55m2 appartment.

It's still way smaller and actually too small for us to keep our hobby income going, compared to our old 120m house that had a lower rent.

But hey, it's something i guess.

Bro just just bootstrap yourself and sell one of your vacation homes. Everyone's been there before.

I've been bootstrapping the shit out of myself, picking myself up everytime the economy kicks us into a deeper well.

Hell next year we'll actually be breaking even at the end of the month, while we've been eating only 2/3rd of what our bodies require to get through the day in a normal functioning manner. I wonder how long it takes for this economy to actually make us homeless because it seems like that is only a year or 2 away.

Meeting my fiance by miles. It isn't even a contest.

A distant second, which is still miles above anything else below it on the list, is buying a good house in a cheap (bad) neighborhood at 3.1% interest 30 yr fixed.

Moving out of the province... Yeah, I fcking hate living in the big city but the people I've met and the friends I've made more than make up for it.

I started kayaking! It's been a lot of fun and it's been great to explore new places in my area that I've lived at for over 30 years!

I love this question, super interesting to think about. I feel very lucky that it's hard for me to pick one, between meeting my fiancée (she makes my life better in every way), getting on adhd meds (a lot more things about life make sense now), or getting my job (since it's made me grow into a completely different, more capable person). Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the negative thoughts, so thank you.

If you don't mind sharing, what about moving out has helped you? I'm sure there's as many different ways as there are people who would answer similarly, increased independence, escaping the power imbalance, having to grow as an adult, and so on

I decided to start taking my health seriously this year.

Being the son of the city major in a kind of big and well known Mexico city.

I know this is going to sound strange.

I killed myself. Or rather, I tried to kill myself. I mean, I did kill myself, but then I was still alive, in a new universe. My memories from the previous universe survived when I woke up here.

It made me realize that I literally cannot escape. Even through death.

That has given me a sort of “burned my ships” commitment to life that has made me truly alive. I also realized that all other humans are also trapped in a quantum immortality situation that will last for eternity as far as I can tell, so my level of caring and compassion for others has also increased.

I know it sounds totally fucked, but by realizing that I literally cannot die, it made me realize how important every moment is. Because every choice is a seed of eternity. The value of doing things right just went infinite for me, and I’ve never been happier, more productive, more generous, more committed to doing things right.

What happened? We need more info. I like your outlook and it reminds me of a poem I saw posted recently.

A series of experiences that I will not relate as I have zero evidence for has convinced me with visceral certainty that we are all immortal.

The thing I fear is the fact that death does exist, but only objectively. This means that for each of us who is going to live forever, that doesn’t mean everyone around us will.

I mean, it doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to. Hopefully whatever narrative the universe produces that leads to the indefinite extension of our consciousness, will involve things that also make others around us able to extend their lives alongside us.

So we don’t have to be alone, for eternity.

Eventually, each of us will be alone. It’s just statistics. Infinite time, and eventually the improbable will happen. The narrative will continue to evolve into eventually being a narrative which produces the survival of one person, or one conscious entity of whatever kind it needs to be to survive for billions of years.

My guess is at that point, the narrative will have evolved into that entity being a god. Then that god will create a multitude of new people and try its best to let them be free.

Just thinking out loud here. This is all new to me.

So basically in order to not be alone, the eternally-surviving consciousness spawns new separate consciousnesses. And the cycle repeats. Crazy.

I stayed at a community college instead of going to the shit 4 year universities that accepted me. Saved me time and gave me more opportunities to grow and meet new friends