I like women but I also like cock but I'm not otherwise attracted to the male body at all. Wtf is my sexual orientation? AITA?

PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 159 points –

I like women. I like the shape and curves of the female body. I like boobs, I like asses, I like pretty vaginas. I also appreciate and am aroused by a nice cock. I'm however not otherwise attracted to the male body. I like femboys as long as they have a feminine-like shape and curves, as many of them do.

WTF is my sexual orientation?

109

I once read a personal ad - "single white female, 8 inch clit"

We have too many labels. You're a human who knows what you like today. It's ok if something totally different floats your boat tomorrow.

That is the best thing I've read all day. 10/10 personal ad

Totally agree. I'm not sure why everyone focuses so hard on determining how many letters there are in their alphabet. 5 years from now it might be totally diff. It would be so refreshing if people simply said "Here's what floats my boat today"

I guess the + in LBGTQHA+ could be replaced with WFYB , for convenience.

Strictly speaking, that's simply bisexual. Femboys are boys. That being said, there is no "correct" answer here that anyone else can give you.

The correct label is the one that helps you navigate the world and your own needs the best. If bisexual fits, congrats, that's it. If it doesn't, it's not, and your search continues :)

I wouldn't say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum. I mean it is a bit different with femboys, but I also suspect attraction there is very superficial (esp. if the look uses silicone body stuff) and likely wouldn't work as much in-person especially on a relationship level.

There is the term gynephilia, though I also don't expect something like that to be casually mentioned/understood/accepted. In which case, no good answer I guess.

I wouldn’t say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum.

Bisexual is simply someone that is attracted more than one gender. Nothing to do with masculinity or femininity, so in this case, as I said, it's a perfectly acceptable label. But if it doesn't help the OP navigate the world or understand themselves, then it's not the right label for them. If gynephilia does help them, then that's the right term.

Its not bisexual, assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women, or bi men and bi women.

It also is not pansexual, as there's clearly /I don't actually have equal sexual attraction to literally anyone/ going on.

I am actually like this too, have been for a long time.

Now, I do not want to presume to speak for this person, so the rest of this is just me.

Maybe they can chime in and agree or disagree.

Absolutely not attracted to men, of any kind of presentation.

But... I'd love to fall in love with a woman who could peg me, or a transwoman. I'd fellatio a transwoman's unit no problem. But not a gay man, or a bi man.

So... by that, we've got what used to be called basically a kinky guy?

And while I am an lgtbq ally (or arguably member), Ive always been comfortable with my own male body, and basically present as a cis male.

So, its some new kind of sexuality/gender there is not really a name for yet.

At least for me, it isn't femboy, as I have 0 interest in being essentially a feminine cross dresser with very submissive personality traits and cutesy uwu affectations.

I have nothing against femboys, but I personally would not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with one.

assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women

Bisexual doesn't mean that... Bisexual means someone who is attracted to two or more genders...

At least for me, it isn’t femboy

The OP explicitly said they're attracted to femboys, so their experience is different to yours.

The only person who can say whether bisexual is the right label for the OP though is the OP. But if they feel it fits, it fits exactly the experience they've described.

Hrm, every self professed bi person I've ever met described themselves the way I described them as, likewise with every pan person.

Didn't realize the the definition of bi had changed.

Today I Learned, I guess.

I'd call that polysexual, if it means attraction to 2+ genders, though I get that the term comes from back before gender itself was really widely critically analyzed.

And of course polysexual would be confused with polyamorous.

But yes, you are correct this is the modern definition, so I guess I am bi then.

But I'd never like identify openly as bi, because, again, everyone I've ever met /not on the internet/ would think that means I like dudes and gals.

Bi has never meant “equal attraction.” Have you not heard of the Kinsey Scale? There are multiple levels of bisexuality.

Ah, yes, I have. I shouldn't have phrased it as equal attraction, perhaps, 'willingness to sexually engage with either sex'.

Though isn't the Kinsey Scale now woefully out of date anyway, as it comes from research in the America of 1948 and 1953, only considering essentially men and women, and hetero and homosexuality, when it is now understood that gender is actually distinct from sex?

It hasn't. The bisexual manifesto, going back to 1990 for example, said the following

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have "two" sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders.

Huh, I hadn't read it. Everyone I know / knew who identified as bi in the 00s or 10s explained it to me as I said, and that does seem to be the general public understanding of the term by anyone Ive talked to in person in the last 5 years or so.

Ive also had self professed pan people explain bisexuality to me as I originally described it as recently as 2 years ago.

And that is ultimately why everyone gets to pick their own labels irrelevant of discussions like the one we're having. It's all subjective and malleable over time!

Absofuckinglutely, in particular there's far too much assumption out there that bi people must be poly - it's a large portion of why I shifted my chosen label to pan... that and because there was briefly a strong anti-trans bisexual movement.

Bisexual is defined as attraction to more than one gender, where gender is a component of the attraction. So if you 96% like one gender, 3% another, and 1% yet another, that's bi. If you're 60/40, that's bi too. Bi = multiple genders where gender plays a factor. It has never meant only 50/50.

Pansexual is attraction to people where gender doesn't play a role. Pansexuals' patterns may look like a bisexual's patterns because they date across genders, but the attraction matrix is different.

Finsexual (Gynesexual) is attracted to feminine traits generally. Whether penis or vagina, it is the femininity they like. I can speak to this as this is me. I like feminity, not necessarily women particularly. I use bisexual as shorthand because most people "get" that.

Solid definitions:

https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Bisexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Pansexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Finsexual

I've never met a bi person who insisted that they're attraction to the genders were equal. Many had preferences (mostly into women, but defintely go with certain guys) and many had phases (more into men today, but was previously crushing hard on that girl). It's one of the commonly talked about sources of bianxiety, that you can go through a period where you start thinking "am I really bi? Maybe I'm just straight / gay" and then you see someone and remember "no, I'm totally bi". Bi erasure is such a thing it even effects bi folks! (source am bi, have lots of bi friends)

Idk, sexual orientations are just labels we make up to make sense of the world.

"Femmesexual" sounds kind of cool though.

I think the term gynosexual already covers it. But yeah, if it's pretty, fuck it. Labels are a useful shorthand but not always necessary.

For me "gyno" has connotations of biological sex/female genitalia because of its use in biology and gynacology etc.

So I picked femme because it's more about gender presentation.

But everyone's different. Whatever makes OP happy.

I guess you're some flavor of bisexual as you are attracted to some men (based on the femboy remark) though you've got a distinct preference for femininity even in men. If you go scrolling through old Tumblr posts long enough you'll probably find a term someone coined back in 2013 for your exact orientation... But, like, IDK man don't overthink it. If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.

And remember saying you identify with a particular orientation isn't some huge commitment. Saying you're bi (for instance) doesn't mean you're attracted to all men, and no reasonable person would expect that. We all have preferences within our orientation.

AITA?

No. You're figuring it out. It's okay to not have all the answers

Edit: dear learned and thoughtful internet friends, here “sexual” functions as a self-deprecating double entendre, the thinly veiled meaning of which is “attraction irrespective of sex or gender” or, in the common tongue, “colossal whore.”

So I am altering this comment for clarity. Pray I do not alter it any further.

—

If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.

Especially in mixed company, my go-to is *-sexual where the wildcard * is silent. Those who don’t know will hear a non-answer to a rude question, but your friends will recognize it as candor.

It also sidesteps the tiresome bi/pan distinction and avoids the least favorable option: “straight.”

Right, I’m not atheist but nor do I believe in the “god” of abrahamic religions, or the pantheons of others, nor that Buddha literally reincarnated; But I do believe there is some force or meaning behind existence. So I’m just “spiritual.” Sometimes a general label can work

Agreed, though to be clear, by this analogy I meant belief in all gods.

As long as, you know, they’re hot. In the scriptural sense of course.

the joy of scrolling through everything feed

Me too. Alllll the way to the bottom of Lemmy we go ..

Who cares what label people might put on it?

Just like what you like. It doesn't need a label.

What you are today is not what you'll be tomorrow. Let yourself be. You don't owe explanations to anyone about what you like.

Sexuality is a spectrum that doesn't have clean boundaries. Some people exist in an area that could be considered "straight," for example, but there aren't hard walls blocking straight people from leaving or queer people from entering.

The less you try to define your sexuality and the more you try to be comfortable with liking what you like, the happier you'll be.

+1 to this for sure. Applies for gender identity too. Speaking just for myself, the longer it's been since I transitioned the less my actual labeled identity has mattered, to the point that these days I just say "nonbinary" and move on. It's what makes a lot of the "what is a woman" rhetoric baffling, given the label and definition matters so little in day to day life.

My bf comes off pretty much straight, but he describes himself as pansexual and attracted to feminine people. It's cool to see him engage with the queer community despite being more or less able to "pass" as cishet if he wanted to, and his nebulous labeling was really helpful in settling my nerves as a newly-out trans woman. Less worrying about whether or not I was woman enough, more just hearing him say he likes me and that's that.

Yep! I feel similar to your bf myself, actually, but I try not to describe myself that way except to people like my partner. I feel that at this point, itd be closer to stolen Valor in my case. I honestly feel it'd put more queer people at odds with me, so I just call myself straight with caveats.

Glad to hear things seem to be going well for you!

It always depends but tbh I hope you feel free to use whatever terminology you find useful to describe yourself! and I think there's no valor that can be stolen, identity is what you make for yourself. It's always a joy to learn someone I know is queer in any form. Lots of us have had times where we've doubted how we describe ourselves too and gatekeeping labels doesn't tend to help anyone. You will come across people who do here and there, I did myself, but in my super objective opinion they're annoying, smell bad, and stifle people just trying to figure themselves out. Labels are just tools for further conversation and more people using queer labels is a good thing.

why would you be an asshole for being attracted to cock?

Right? He could also be a pussy or a mouth!

What incredibly enough hasn't been brought up yet, is the distinction between gender preference and genital preference. In heteronormativity they're assumed to be the same, but in reality they're not. This way of thinking also lends itself to the flexibility you're describing; note the word "preference".

You get out there and suck a few girl cocks. Only then will you know the truth of your desires. I mean how bad could it be? Personally wouldn't worry about it. If the dude who's cock you're sucking thinks you're not gay then I would trust him.

The only thing I'm commenting on is the "AITA":

If anything then only for asking that question - don't be mean to yourself like that.

Exactly... I was so confused by the AITA thing. Maybe OP meant to put a different acronym and wrote AITA by mistake?

"all I think about" instead of "am I the asshole"?

Oh, that makes a lot of sense... Never heard of this acronym before, but it fits much better.

Who needs labels? Probably just warehouse people.

As a former warehouse employee I can attest to the value of labels. They're what ensure that when you order a 3/8 box wrench you don't get shipped a pair of white bunny slippers.

Tbh if I ordered a wrench and got bunny slippers I'd be wearing them every day, that sounds like one of the best accidents possible.

Smh, warehouse people always trying to keep things in boxes

I have a friend like you. He describes himself as gynesexual. He's attracted to femininity no matter what the attached bits are.

But, as others have said, the label is really only important to you. Pick something close or make up your own.

I was gonna say a trans-inclusive lesbian / straight man, but this fits way more.

I understand your position. I feel the exact same way. I identify much like you, I am attracted to the feminine features not whatever label you have or what have been biologically created between your legs.

When I was younger I just told myself "nah I'm straight", and somewhere realized that i might be what people called "bi-curious". But after a while I realized I had no interest in masculinity or "regular" males.

Being able to detach social gender labels from biological genitalia and therefore further deepen my understanding and acceptance of trans and LGBTQ people helped me a lot with accepting myself and my preferences.

As for your question, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you know what you like. Who you decide to spend time with or engage in sexual relations with is up to the people involved and no one else. I ultimately decided to still just call myself straight. Is it entirely correct? Maybe not, but it sure is the easiest.

Enjoy life, hook up with a femboy, get pegged or have a one night stand with a 6,8 mega masculine dude. It's up to you, the thing that matters is that you know what you enjoy.

Life is to short to put labels on dicks and vaginas. Just fuck it instead.

Don’t worry about matching a label, just be what’s right for you

Your a Wizard, an Ishtar sent by the Valar.

By Manwë and Varda they're right... though I think there's a fair argument that Mithrandir is not only sent by the Valar but actually an avatar of Manwë themselves.

Straight+

Straight Extra

Bi minus

Bi lite

Or just dont label it. Labels keep us in boxes and boxes cause stress when we inevitably find out we dont fit in the box.

I came up with this idea err metaphor? Thought experiment? Anyway

Think of the shape of a 6 point star. If you are star shaped you will fit perfectly, if you are triangle shaped you will also fit, or if you are diamond shaped or a circle or a hexagon or many many other shapes.

But only a star fits perfectly.

(Heres a crude drawing of it)

You can spend years in the star box thinking its a perfect fit before you realise theres something different, something not quite right and you suddenly see that you were a triangle the whole time.

Just let go of the labels and be you, its alot more spacious outside of the box, and you dont have to be a certain way to fit in.

I long ago decided that is humans aren't attracted to "male" or "female", we're attracted to "masculinity" or "femininity". Gender has nothing to do with it.

It's why, like you, I can be attracted to a feminine looking trans woman, but not a masculine looking one, or a dude.

it's why homosexuals can be masculine or feminine (bear or boujee), and be attracted to one or three other, or both.

Masculinity and feminity has nothing to do with whether one has a cock or a vagina.

Masculinity and femininity are broad terms that encompass physical and social traits. I don't think it's possible to narrow it down quite like you have there.

My own experience of attraction has very little to do with social presentation of masculinity or femininity for example.

Sounds like you are very similar to me and a billion or so other people. I don't see much point in creating a label for yourself in order to restrict yourself to that label. You are what you are and don't worry about it. I had a thing with a trans woman for a while and now I'm happily married with kids. Whatever I am has never had a negative affect on my life because I don't worry about what I am.

Humans aren't attracted only to genitalia since that shit is hard to see from afar, evolutionarily it makes sense we'd find secondary sexual characteristics attractive also, overall body shapes, hair, skin etc.

So you don't like penises per se, you like penises when attached to otherwise people who tick those feminine boxes you care about whether they be trans or just crossdressers.

That's actually really common I find because almost every single man I dated gave that same take, they all considered themselves straight and were never with a trans woman before me.

I'd say you're pretty much just straight with a specific penis fetish, even bi people IRL generally date people who are all the way masc and all the way fem.

Not to gatekeep being bi though if that's what you feel more comfortable with - go for it.

Otherwise just love who you love and move on with it.

I would argue I can be romantically attracted to people but sexually I want specific things, and they don't necessarily overlap.

Romantic boob fondling is nice, but I don't need them for sexual attraction. Penises are sexually nice but I'm not romantically attracted to them. That's to say, I'm explicitly sexually attracted to penises.

Luckily, I find multiple things romantically and sexually attractive, not just boobs and penises (which would really limit my options).

I am not always romantically and sexually attracted to the same person. Some people I'm only sexually attracted to and some people I'm only romantically attracted to.

I'm very tired and I misread the title to say you like to cook, so I was going to suggest you're a foodsexual

You may be finsexual:

https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Finsexual

Basically, finsexuals are attracted to feminine presenting people independent of sex or gender. If I understood you correctly, its the feminine presentation that appeals to you?

From the title I thought it's being attracted to finances. Or fins.

The only way to find out is to send me all of your money.

All I can do is a barrel of lutefisk at your doorsteps.

Sold, it'll make a hell of a projectile in my trebuchet.

Only if you also send a hogshead of flour and another of onions... I'll bake us bagels and we can have the fin-est of feasts together.

There most likely is a term for that but FIN is Feminine In Nature.

I'd like to speak to the board members that voted for that flag. That is lame-o.

I'd also class as demi, so I prefer that one if I were inclined to advertise my sexuality offline.

Seems to me you are attracted to feminine genders. Assuming you are male I’d say your sexual orientation is pretty straight.

what about the feminine cocks ?

Sometimes those are straight, and sometimes they have a nice little curve to them.

You dont habe to be attracted to all genders the same way to be BI. You can have a preference or stronger attraction to certain genders and presentations. If you think that some non-binary people and fem-boys are attractive then ur probably Bi

My personal preference of naughty bits is Boobs, Cock, Woman-Ass, Man-ass, and Pussy. (Most attractive to least). I'm also theoretically attracted to pretty much anyone but emotional bonds really get my motor running.

I just say I'm Pan and leave it at that - labels rarely fit precisely.

That's called bisexual, it's not all black and white, it's more of a rainbow gradient of sexuality.

Thank you for asking this. I'm the same way but never got around to asking. I also like trans women as well (not just sexual), so there's that. Best of both worlds imo lol

Very similar position here.

I've always felt that it wasn't anyone's business but my own and the person I want to touch. I don't worry about putting myself in a box so I don't wear a label.

Those that "need" to know are told that I am "independent". What does that mean to me? It means I decide who I want to fool around with. Sex is more than just tabs and slots.

Although I have found that this answer is unacceptable to nearly everyone, so I can't say I recommend it.

I'm with you, (not on dicks but on my approach to sexuality). I'll gladly decide what kind of person I want to fuck on a case-by-case basis, but it's really not a big part of my personality. Statistically, I'm straight, but if I sorted everyone in the world by how much I wanted to fuck them, some dudes would find themselves ahead of some girls. There's not enough of those cases for me to bother dating guys, but you know

Although I have found that this answer is unacceptable to nearly everyone, so I can't say I recommend it.

This is just my view but if my nebulous sexual orientation is a turn off for someone then I'm perfectly happy to have them express themselves early so I can block them and move on. I'd rather fuck people I like and who like me.

I know this dates me but I was in serious relationships before gay marriage was legalized in the US... It was an excellent screening topic because the rabid opponents to it couldn't keep their mouth shut and I'd be able to abort my evening early and not waste time... sort of like Trump hats today - if a waiter is walking me to a table with someone in a Trump hat I'll just tip them and ask them to let the person know I called the restaurant and couldn't make it.

From Wikipedia:

Polysexuality has been defined as "encompassing or characterized by many different kinds of sexuality", and as sexual attraction to many, but not all, genders. [...] Polysexuality is also considered to be another word for bisexuality however unlike bisexuals, polysexuals are not necessarily attracted to people of the same gender.

I think 'polysexual' fits. You like some genders (cis women, trans women, feminine-presenting people, AFAB NBs, etc.), but not all.

Pansexual. You are pan. You're attracted to what you're attracted to but don't care what label it has.

Its quite common for some straight men to only be attracted to penises. All men generally have an dying love for their own penis so it make sense that it spreads to some other penises. But here is the things about labels you can really pick whatever you want. You can call yourself bi or straight or whatever label you want.

If you want a label, I feel "polysexuality" fits what you're describing.

Honestly, I'd just tell people you're straight though. If trans women are women, then liking transwomen is straight. Any anyone you're not sleeping with doesn't have any business inquiring about your partner's (or your) genitals.

If you want to know where I stand, my trans boyfriend came out a long time into our long distance relationship and he wanted surgery. I was a bit torn on the idea, but what really sold me was that he was gonna have a dick if he did surgery. THAT was cool with me, and likewise with the body shape thing. Boobs, ass, vagina, dick is all good with me, balls included.

And the cool thing is? He's having second thoughts on it now that he's moved in with me and away from their parents. Given the freedom to choose gender identity regardless of their body, they are a lot happier and don't need to pigeonhole themselves into a sexual/gender stereotype. I, for one, don't care. His sexual orientation is demisexual due to need for emotional connection, whilst mine is pansexual(?) because I honestly don't care. He does it for me and that's great.

It might be comforting to know that pansexual as a label exists and that your preferences are shared with others. You might find quite the assortment of... 2d images online. By the ratios it's 8:5:1 for female bodies:male bodies:female bodies with dicks. Really, it's not that uncommon. You might find even more freedom once you find the people that give you the liberty to truly own my desires. Feel free to interact with femboys, strapon girls, intersex people, whatever and wherever. Your sexual arousal needs no words to justify itself.

I've heard the term heteroflexible. Maybe that suits you. But in the end I think labels aren't really necessary. You like what you like. And there are so many facettes to that it is probably impossible to invent a label for everything that is possible.

My interpretation is you enjoy looking at it the same way you enjoy watching other people have fun. You know what it's pleasure feels like so it's familiar. I suspect this is also a driving factor for a preference for anal porn. Men don't know what it's like to have vagina, but they've got some key similarities to a female ass in sensation (that's not a joke about a butt being a butt, the vagina and clitoris has nerve endings that are stimulated during anal).

I feel like when I was growing up, you just were in a fairly coarse bucket as your label with the assumption that people could have very different preferences within there.

The way I would have characterized what you described as being bi because you are interested in both genders' genitalia, but had a preference for feminine body types.

You're a straight guy who likes getting fucked. This is way more common than you'd think and shouldn't be a big deal in a healthy society.

Everyone is sexually fluid and where they sit on the spectrum will depend on the person. Nothing says you need to start dating guys, maybe some occasional porn does it for you?

Not sure about your sexual orientation nor is it my business but I would say the proper label for you is...PeterPoopshit 😀