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Apytele@sh.itjust.works to Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world – 170 points –

...ideally one that was both genuine and that you had the confidence and self awareness to interpret as kind. And for bonus points, what's one you've given?

I'm thinking back to the guy in group therapy years ago who told me he always thought of people who swore as not knowing any better words, but that I obviously knew better words and just also swore and even used them artistically and that's just really stuck with me. Sometimes I wonder how much of my self esteem has suffered not just because I've been told not to brag, but also because I'm extremely weird so the compliments I do receive often reflect that.

My bonus one (and I'm not sure how well he was able to take it) was that one of my fellow psych nurses was frequently and obviously terrified any time shit hit the fan, but that somehow still he'd never once failed to have my back. He'd be stuttering the whole way through an incident but I'd walk out of the med room with both halves of a B52 and he'd take one of the syringes without a second thought. He was literally the epitome of "courage isn't not being scared, it's being willing to face it." I should find a nice presentation of that quote somewhere to send him because I'm not sure I phrased it well at the time.

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I was in my early 20s and was visiting a friend’s house. His wife had a friend visiting that I’d never met. We were introduced and the first words she said to me were “Do you know your features are wasted on a guy?” and then went on to provide specific details.

We were married a year later. And that was 30 years ago.

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A neighbor saw me walking barefoot to my mailbox and complimented me on my healthy feet.

Hackles went up thinking he was some foot fetishist who was going to get weird on me. Nope, just a medical person of some sort that works with feet a lot and I genuinely have healthy arches and mobile toes. At least I choose to believe that explanation he gave. Otherwise, I have to assume my neighbor is jerking it every time I walk outside.

Outside... Watching my neighbor get the mail... Straight up archin it... And by it... I mean my feets

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I got my leg fucked up in a hot sandy land far away. While I was doing rehab I used a cane and walked with a limp. One day I was walking out of an HEB in Houston when a dude dressed like Huggy Bear told me he liked my strut and then told me to "keep on pimpen playa."

In retrospect, it sort of makes sense as my limp with the cane looked like I was doing that stereotypical pimp walk but at the time I was very confused lol

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"You look like a spy" Which is sadly why my career as a spy never got off the ground.

I was told I looked like a cop several times back when I associated with less desirable parts of society. I think the reason they felt that way is because I showered daily, combed my hair, and had an acceptable level of personal hygiene.

A decade ago, I was walking a few blocks to get a burger, passed by a bar with an outdoor section.

A fairly sloshed guy stared me up and down, looked at his female friend, back at me and asked "Hey, are you trisexual?"

Being extremely awkward, significantly autistic, and apparently sufficiently twink, I responded "...sure?"

Guy got up and kissed me on the cheek.

I told him to have a nice night and went to get my burger.

...

So... yeah. That was the night I discovered what a 'twink' is, that I am apparently a twink, and explains all the times I've been catcalled by other dudes.

A shame that I am (basically) straight and only seem to date women who cheat on me or have immense mental health problems.

I had to have an abdominal ultrasound done once and the tech told me I have a great pancreas, "the most beautiful she's ever seen". I didn't know what to say but it made me happy.

The Miss "my state" came to sing the national anthem for a big sports event at my job. I took care of the sound for her and we chatted a little bit. She was constantly barraged by guys coming up and wanting a picture with her, so we didn't get to have too much of a conversation. She sang the anthem, and was moving on to her next engagement and I said glad to meet you and was about to go back to the rest of my job. She stopped me and said " but we didn't get a picture together!" I told her it was ok, I understand that it's part of her job. She insisted and handed HER phone to someone walking by and insisted they take a picture of us. After they returned her phone she looked me in the eye and asked for my phone number so she could send it to me. I have a wonderful girlfriend and I would never cheat on her, but miss "my state" asked ME for my number, and I have been walking on air ever since.

Not weird, absolutely awesome. Still upvoted because that's absolutely awesome.

Super weird! I am NOT the kind of person to get hit on, average on a good day. But thank you!

It is pretty weird to assume that everyone needs a picture of her. I look fuckable, take my picture, NOW.

She didn't think he wanted a picture with her. She wanted a picture to remember him. And possibly as a way to get his phone number. She was crushing a little bit on the cool sound guy.

Sounds to me like she wanted a picture with him. But even if it was that way, the compliment isn't weird, she's just weird.

You guys are getting compliments?

I like your username. You must be very witty and creative

It took me two days to realize that I got a compliment! Yay :)

Haha and you're so good at moderating your social media usage! Me I check lemmy way too often

I get them all the time, even though I basically despise how I present myself to everyone.

I was walking out of the gas station and the older lady at the counter yelled out to me, “mm I love watching you leave in those jeans.”

I was flattered and I still think about it some days.

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An ex from a meaningful, but fraught relationship tried to seduce me a few months after we had broken up. In the interim, I had started dating someone new, and I rejected the advances.

My ex was angry and lashing out. She said a few random insults about my new partner (implying she had manipulated me with sex), before finally saying “well, I hope she enjoys your magical penis!” (It’s not magical. The tiny wizard hat is purely for decoration.)

I hooked up with someone at a party and they told my sister I have a big dick, loudly, in a room full of people that know me.

It can go the other way. Long before we got married, my wife hooked up with a guy to an unsatisfactory conclusion. Whatever. But years later she had a medical emergency and needed a ride to the hospital. One of the EMTs I think, or maybe a nurse idk, happened to be the guy. She was all kinds of fucked up on whatever they gave her and she's like, "I remember you. You have a small penis. So small and cute!"

His coworkers tried not to laugh but...

Did someone call an ambulance for him? Because she straight up annihilated him.

I will never forget being at a party in my twenties and overhearing a girl I had hooked up with telling two other girls about my dick. It's a shame I didn't have the confidence then that I have now.

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A friend of mine said I had a very good hugging-body. I always pictured huggable dudes as big, but I was really lean back then. She said it was because my lanky body somehow automatically fit the shape of her hugs.

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When I was in undergrad, a new friend in my program asked if he could inspect my elbow. I said sure, and he probed my elbow with his fingers thoroughly for a couple of minutes. He then told me it was very well structured.

"I like your butt hair."

I had totally forgotten about it until now, but I got that same compliment.

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I'm going to preface this with two things...

First, I realize it'll sound fake. And second, I'm pretty sure she was just trying to stroke my ego, but...

One of my first girlfriends was a little odd. She was smart, well-spoken, witty and knew her way around a clever turn of phrase.

After we had finished having sex for the first time, she fake coughed into her hand, held it up to me and said

"Oh look, my ovaries..."

I don’t get it, is she saying you’re well endowed?

Because this is the internet and you can just say you’re packing a huge hog. No one will really know or care.

I don’t get it, is she saying you’re well endowed?

Yes. Which is why I think she was flattering me. Because I'm really quite average as far as I'm aware. lol.

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Coworker told me I look like Linus Torvalds. I really don't, not even a little (other than being a white guy with glasses). But it was oddly flattering.

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My dentist (who is also my friend) told me I have great saliva. Fortunately it was while I was getting my cleaning…not in random hang out conversation.

I stick with pretty neutral compliments towards others but probably in my own profession I’ve expressed over the top enthusiasm for remarkably good handwriting or very organized/complete records. I’ve gotten a couple of laughs out of clients because it’s semi-rare and it’s kinda odd to get excited about those things.

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A couple years agoI (at the time mid 30s male) was coming back from a movie with my GF at about 11pm waiting for a bus in the UK. Two moderately drunk guys (looked to be about 10 years younger?) were waking down the same sidewalk, and about 2 steps after they passed us, one of them turns around and goes "Mate...", me and my GF look over and he's looking me up and down, "... NICE ass!" then fist bumps me and keeps walking.

She was like "what the fuck was that?"

I said "meh, it happens".

I'm pretty sure it was intended as a compliment, but a little after I came out as trans I had a coworker tell me about a conversation she had with another coworker where she said about me, "They always dress better than us."

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When we started dating my partner told me I look like Jeff Goldblum (I am a female). He then bought us a Jeff Goldblum curtain for the bathroom and a portrait we put on the wall, as well as several records, keychains and cushions with Jeff (including that Jurassic park one). It's weird as fuck but Jeff's a handsome guy and a cool fucking person so I'm not too worried about it.

I was once walking past a gay bar with a buddy of mine. A drunk guy stumbled out, looked us both up and down and yelled "Phwoar! That's a porno I wanna watch!".

"Courage means being scared but doing it anyway" seems like a pretty succinct way of putting it I think.

My wierd compliment (if it can be called that) was when I was in high school English class. My teacher noticed how competent I was and how I was the only one to consistently raise my hand when he asked a question. He gave us a research paper to do and I got an F on it, exclusively because I fucked up the citations. He said the content was good, but he had to mark me way down due to improper citing. He said "I know you can do better than this."

Is that a complement? Either way, I think about that interaction and scenario a lot even though I haven't been in high school for well over a decade.

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I've been complimented on my voice before, and those aren't weird compliments. But delivery is important. I had a coworker tell me, "Your voice is great!" And of course I'm thankful. But then deadpan, she goes, "You should do ASMR so I can listen to it."

Now that was a weird compliment.

ASMR people are a different breed. I'm married to one. The videos feel intensely intimate, but she'll just listen to them on the couch like it's the radio.

Meanwhile I get self conscious if someone walks by while I'm watching a video game cutscene lol

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It was the middle of summer and I was jogging the last leg of a 20km lake circuit with my shirt off, sweating like crazy, and a guy drove past, leaned out the window, and yelled "My wife likes what she sees!"

Not especially weird compliment just weird that it came from the husband.

"You have perfect teeth." I don't, which is why I find it weird. One is cracked and another is chipped. Two separate women 2 years apart have told me that several times.

Several men have told me I have a great smile. I'm a cis-straight man. One of them was a martial arts instructor that looked like the Rock. He told me this in front of my girlfriend and the whole class. He then pointed it out a few times throughout the weekend-long workshop.

One guy that I had never met came up to me and told me I was a good dancer. He was with his girl.

I'm really confused about the last two.

Beauty doesn't have to be mainstream perfect. Perhaps your slight teeth imperfections make your smile especially attractive 😉

"Your dogs are beautiful."

Uh... Thanks? Is that a compliment for me or the dogs? 🤨 Honestly don't know how to respond or react to this one and it makes me feel weird.

I think people want to share their feelings about your dogs because they reasonably think you feel the same and you'll be glad to meet someone who shares your affection. So just give them a glimpse into your love for your dogs if you feel like it. Maybe they'd like to get friendly with your dogs and this is their opener. Also, you've probably chosen your dogs, the choise reflects some little aspect of your personality. You can be proud of it, so you can be complimented on it.

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I know there have to have been even weirder ones I got over the years, but what stuck with me is when a nurse in a psych ward psychiatric clinic called me (a patient) being like a "weird, confused professor" as a genuine compliment.

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A girl sidled up to me at college when I was About 18 and just said “you have beautiful veins”

My college had a very strong nursing program, and that was a surprisingly common compliment.

Oh my god I have had this exact same compliment.

Actually I still get this one infrequently at the gym, but they say "nice vascularity" so it's not weird at all when you put it like that

I've heard from several women that veiny forearms are sexy, and I am inclined to agree despite being a hetero male lol

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I was told my calves were absolutely shredded by an attractive woman. I'll carry that to my grave.

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One particular winter I frequently wore a long coat and had longer wavy-ish hair. Two different people (separate occasions) said that I looked like Sam Kinison, each time with a disclaimer that I looked better than he did.

A gril I had a few hookuos with broke it off. Essentially her text said I was funnier than her and she wanted to be the funny one.

Id like to believe it. But if not it was still such a good text with 0 recorse.

I saved it for future bailouts.

Someone told me that I talk like Christian Slater. I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, but Slater is pretty cool, so I said thank you.

I've only ever experienced Slater in Broken Arrow and Archer. Both were good fun. One was decidedly better than the other.

I don't know enough about the man to offer any in depth analysis, but he seems like a very confident person and apparently that's attractive. Sounds like a good compliment to me!

At a gas station, go in to grab some of my favorite brand of chewing gum (Original flavor Trident), and the clerk said "You look like you should be famous." I thanked him, and agreed.

At the grocery store, a cashier woman told me I look like Justin Timberlake. I've gotten that one a few times, and I take it as a compliment.

and one last one, I was on vacation with my girlfriend at the time, and we found this bar in South Carolina that had a big dancefloor, a great DJ, and almost nobody dancing. I love dancing, so I went out and started grooving to the music, just slipping between random dance moves, having fun because there was like nobody there to judge me. After dancing for a while, I'm about to go back to my waiting GF, when a pair stop me, a guy and gal. They said I was a great dancer, and asked what dancing school I attended? I told them I've never gone to a dancing school, I just do what feels natural.

That last one is definitely my favorite, though 😊

I have been complimented on my voice, apparantly I speak quite calmly and clearly.

I love a calm clear voice.

I have a sort of sleepy mumble, which while very calming; not clear at all

A girl in college once told me I have "beautiful, horse-like legs". I did martial arts at the time and my calves and thighs were very well toned, but I was actually a little self-conscious about them, and I had never considered horses to be particularly beautiful so I kind of took it as an insult after walking away from the conversation. It wasn't until I relayed the story to a colleague a few months later that they told me it was probably a genuine compliment.

I was told "No, you're intimidating". I forget exactly how it became the topic. It was an ex who said it and it was supposed to be a compliment in context. I still don't understand it especially compared to the friend whom I was with.

I am not tall, not heavy, not particularly muscular (especially at that time) and have soft features. My friend is a head taller, twice my size, built heftier/stockier and had sharper features. He is a big ol hairy Aussie. Awesome guy, no idea how I'd be more intimidating than him though

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Two:

  1. "You're almost a hotty." This was before I transitioned.

  2. "You have a great voice for radio." I'm an average tenor/alto. Not quite as high as the science Friday guy...

I'm told I have a great face for radio.

I don't think "you have a great voice for radio" is a weird compliment, at all. It's a phenomenal and memorable one. It sounds like you're sleeping on your own great voice.

I choose to believe the person that gave you 1 will bump into you again and say "now we're talking" before disappearing into a crowd.

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"You look like a movie star".

I was standing in a parking lot of a grocery store, and it seems this was because I had a hat and sunglasses on as far as I can tell.

I had many strange encounters with random people as I often look like someone they know from TV or a band. One was on a university dance ball where there was an actual minor music star - young guy. He was getting a lot of attention and I was quite envious. I complained a bit and a bit more but then suddenly random girl approached me and asked: "Can I take a picture with you?" :)

"...uh...n...n...nice shoes!"

I had seen this gentleman cleaning the floor near the bathrooms at a school district where I was working as a substitute at their district office one day. He looked like he was working up the courage to say something as I entered, but I really had to go.

When I walked out, he was at the end of the hallway, and as I was passing him, he said "...uh...n...n...nice shoes!". I was wearing a pair of well-worn sneakers, the exact opposite of nice shoes. I just said, "...thanks...?" with a puzzled look on my face, turned the corner, and never saw him again.

Upon reflection, my best guess was that he was an individual with an intellectual disability and that his case worker (or therapist or family member or something) had been trying to help him overcome his shyness and become more social by giving someone a compliment, and that resulted in him mustering up the courage to tell me I had nice shoes.

In the moment, a VERY weird interaction. But he was being genuine, and I feel bad now about not showing him I appreciated his kind words.

That i had beautiful eye brows. Didn't see that coming

When I perform, the best compliments are the people who have to look away. I think that qualifies as weird. Not JD Vance weird though.