Toot toot

Sjmarf@sh.itjust.works to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world – 1209 points –
133

You unlock legendary at 4 toots.

The story doesn't make sense. He only ever does two, three would be ridiculous.

I'm gonna start a rumor that there's a different boss in a different division that does four.

Still better than the boss that drops an SBD, and then whispers ^"toot" in your ear.

Legend has it that the higher up you go, the deeper it gets. The penthouse doesn't even have an office in it, just a single solitary toilet perpetually occupied by a mysterious being known only to the higher ups as The One Who Knocks...

While at your desk make direct and sustained eye contact in silence. Once you know you have him gently say "poop poop" then violently shit yourself. Everything is about shitting, except shitting. Shitting is about power.

I'm not sure you'd win. This is a man with decades of Pavlovian training, who can literally fart on command given the right keyword. It's a pretty wild gamble to assume that "poop poop" is not in his repertoire.

The moment you hear that third Saiyan "POOOOP" and realize you've woefully miscalculated.

Are you sure it’s not the other way around? Maybe he just says toot toot to be sure it’s not a turd arriving..

I'm pretty sure the oncoming fart triggers the "toot toot", not the phrase triggering a fart. However you may be correct about the pavlovian aspect.

Heres what you do - go to the bank today, get $50 in pennies...

Wasn't someone saying "toot toot" and farting a part of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide? Lol

Memory unlocked

Edit: Timmy toot toot https://ned.fandom.com/wiki/Otherwise_if_there%27s_no_administrators_(including_myself)_are_active_in_dealing_with_it,_you_can_also_make_a_report_on_the_SOAP_Wiki_but_don%27t_message_members_of_SOAP_in_here._As_always,_we%27re_still_here_and_it%27s_in_my_watch,_and_here%27s_a_list_of_pages_t

Confirmed, OOPs boss is Timmy Toot Toot as an adult lmfao

What is up with that title

Don't worry about it. Just don't message soap members. Ok?

That show holds up so well I swear to god

And just like that my suspension of disbelief in this story is shattered. I hope you're happy.

It's impacting my morale and performance

I can't think of a funnier sentence if I tried

I had a female employee come to me to complain years ago. She had had a disagreement with an older male employee (thankfully not mine) some weeks prior, and since then, every time he walked by her cube, he'd pause at her doorway, fart, and then keep walking without saying anything.

She at least was aware of how absolutely ridiculous it was, but legitimately didn't think it was something she should have to deal with. One of the stranger management issues.

Pretty textbook workplace harassment but I'm not sure how you'd prove it. Tape him with a clearly displayed fart face? Be sure to label one of stills with a red circle and a line saying "fart face"

She wasn't interested in suing, she just wanted him to stop farting in her doorway. I didn't know the guy, so I started by talking to his manager, who talked to the guy. Sounds like he initially tried to deny it, but in a way that made it clear he was doing it on purpose. His boss was pretty clear that it wouldn't be tolerated and it never happened again.

Some people are so weird and petty.

Some people never emotionally mature past 5 years old. Only sounds like something a kindergartener would do.

Agreed, and it's sad. I mean, I work at a highly technical engineering company. Everyone has at least a BS, and this guy was probably in his 60s with 30+ years of experience. Yet here he was repeatedly farting by a woman because they had a disagreement. It shows you that age and education don't guarantee maturity.

I don't know which one was right or wrong, but my god... that's legendary level, hilarious passive aggression.

1 more...

Record the farts. Sample the audio. Create music.

Theres a band called the Toot Toot Toots:

https://youtu.be/0_pqvod-xOw?si=Xqwk2g1nVMbDSkhP

Personally, i think this song and music video slaps

It does indeed. Thanks for sharing this, and I'm now a fan. Sadly, they seem to have split up after rebranding as 'Twin Beasts'. I found the album for this on bandcamp: https://thetoottoottoots.bandcamp.com/album/outlaws ; and the rest of the album is great too after sampling a few tracks.

That lead vocalist is mostly incomprehensible, but his voice is awesome.

I literally laughed so hard I cried.

I laughed so hard I legit farted.

I didn't laugh, but I shat myself to compensate.

I chuckled softly and did a mild burp.

Did you say "toot toot" first?

I am not that advanced as of yet, I will work towards this though!

Dude, if my boss did this, I would never recover. I think I would laugh until I asphyxiated myself.

toot. toot. toot. TOOOOOT

and that's how the universe got created kids

I learned to dab while sneezing back when the meme wasn't dead yet. I got so used to it, that I do that to this day. At least my palms are clean

I learned to sneeze like that long before dabbing was a thing and it wasn't until someone commented that I just dabbed on them that it connected those dots.

Regardless, I still sneeze in my elbow.

Haha, I thought I was the only one!

I started doing it to annoy my wife, but now I still do it, and it's taking considerable concentration to not dab when I sneeze.

"he only ever does two, don't be ridiculous"

This is the most British response to a situation like this you could possibly get.

If he starts doing "chugga chugga" you really need to watch out

The correct amount is four chuggas.

I find any variation of 2^n^ chuggas where n > 0 to be acceptable personally

Ahh the classic 1024 chuggas in a row.

Edit: typo

The 64 bit transition was done so that we could handle over 4 billion chuggas without underflowing back to 0 chuggas. Plus we can express a chugga debt of over 4 billion.

I had a manager once who had 3 small kids and he rarely caught himself when he excused himself from a meeting to “go potty”.

For real man, kids make you... forget how to behave in public. I have to relearn that I cannot fart out loud in public after three years at home. I'm not even sure I can poop without someone next to me anymore. Not sure how I'm gonna find a job.

I love how the last full paragraph shifts the narrative from tooting in general is strange to normalizing 2 toots, but a 3rd one???

I worked for a prof who prides himself on being an absolutely disgusting human being. Everyone has stories about talking with him in his office and then lifting his ass on one side to let rip. To make things worse, he had a fridge in his lab that he filled with booze and the stinkiest cheeses he could find, so his breath and farts were so bad they could make paint peel.

There's crazy stories about him traveling to an international conference and puking on the guy sitting beside him and shitting his pants on the same flight.

Then on a university sponsored trip (with other biology profs/researchers) to recruit new students and research collaboration, he drank some brown bubbling "wine" that he vought from a street vendor, that everyone else refused to drink, he shat his hotel bed 3 nights in a row and every time the hotel tried to charge him for it he claimed it was just chocolate that he had been eating in bed. They then proceeded to a remote research station up on a mtn and when they arrived he rushed to the bathroom and broke the toilet immediately. They had to spend close to a week there, with no functioning toilet.

Hope your boss never reaches those levels of depravity, lol.

Edit: spelling.

This is fucking insane. Whatever outcome was the most disgusting this guy made manifest. Just an absolute goblin of a being. Fantastic.

He was also a taxonomist with a specialty in parasitology (I worked for him doing parasitology work on fish) turns out when he first met his to be wife (anecdote that came directly from him) he went fishing, and brought the fish to his to-be in-laws where he was sure to point out evert parasite in the fish that they would then go on to eat.

If that's the only issue? Ignore it and carry on. Consider yourself lucky.

You are officially at war, beans are your friend

In my late teens/early 20s I won a roughly 2 month long fart battle by eating McDonald's every day. Made my adversary kneel before me.

This is so fake. Are we supposed to believe that the boss can predict when a fart is going to be extra nasty and adding an extra toot when he ALWAYS only does two???

Yeah obviously made up for fake internet points. There's no way there was a third toot, it's just impossible. I don't buy it.

I mean....i have a pretty good idea if a fart is going to be gross af. You just know.

Also if you have a fart and it's gross, then it should be reasonable to assume that the next one will also be bad.

Toot toot morherfucker.

Record that shit, and watch the internet roast him

Why remove the credit for the OP?

I can’t believe you’re writing this either. Advice? Stay clear of the toot toot exhaust pipe? Or you know, get a new boss that doesn’t leak so much

Well, next time I need to fart while lecturing I know what I'm doing...

Well, I would love it if my tightly wound boss would pull something like this. Way out of character.

As a college student, I walked into the multi-use bathroom, and proceeded to a urinal. Strange, rhythmic, wet sounds were coming from the lone stall in use. I thought, "Okay, what the hell is this?" and tried to wrap things up quick, in case things got weird. Too late. I then hear another strange sound from the stall, something like crinkling wax paper. None of this made sense to my young mind. Then I hear a wet "plop" from the stall, and more crinkling wax paper noises. I quickly finish up, and turn to leave. On the floor of the stall I can see a partially eaten Subway sandwich. Unbelievable

This base human then picks up the sandwich, and continues eating.

To this day, I do not eat Subway.

That's an HR complaint

The HR lady listens to your complaint very seriously.
Then she shifts her body to one side.

He has Tourette's.

You are now on HR's "list" to be fired over something petty and inconsequential.

Lmfao. I mean....as much as this boss is the fucking man...this is pretty fucking major disruptive behavior in a workplace.

If the post were real and it was actually a tic, it's not like he could help it.

That's not my point. My point is that it's disruptive. Whether or not he can control it is a different topic.

I'd honestly ask them if they'd seen a doctor about that. No one should be that gassy on a regular basis.

All I do is fart. Except during the times when I'm holding in my farts so I can keep living among society. But even then I'm just quietly belching under my breath. All I am is gas. Held together in the loose shape of a man by the surface tension in a bubble of cheeseburger grease and the force of my will to eat another. Just one more. My urine is carbonated.

.

Have you seen a doctor about that? No one should be that gassy on a regular basis.