Younger veterans feel uncomfortable when told thank you for service: Poll

MicroWave@lemmy.world to News@lemmy.world – 404 points – Younger veterans feel uncomfortable when told thank you for service: Poll
thehill.com

A majority of younger veterans said they feel uncomfortable when they are told “thank you for your service,” a new poll found.

Ahead of Veterans Day on Saturday, a survey found disparities between young military members and their older counterparts in how they prefer to be recognized for their service.

Among younger military members and veterans — age 18 to 29 — 70 percent said they feel uncomfortable or awkward when they are thanked for their service. Only 24 percent of older members, 65 years and up, say the same, the Endeavor Analytics and YouGov poll found.

“This data shows that military service members and our veterans want Americans to go beyond small talk to connect with them on a deeper level, including learning more about their service, honoring each veteran’s service in ways in which they feel comfortable talking about it,” Robert F. Whittle Jr., retired Army major general and United Services Automobile Association (USAA) chief of staff, said in a statement.

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It's a weird thing to do. The lionization of the military is unhealthy for a democracy.

Thank a teacher, doctor, scientist or firefighter instead.

Don't forget postal workers!

Also sanitization workers. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of keepings things clean, have the sewage running, or taking our trash.

And tip them for Christmas!

Read this first: https://about.usps.com/postal-bulletin/2012/pb22349/html/cover_025.htm

TLDR they can’t accept more than $20.

They can't accept cash or cash equivalents of any amount. They can only accept gifts valued at less than $20.

TLDR: it's a single paragraph.

Grocery stockers. Janitors. Maintenance personnel. HVAC servicefolks.

Convenience store workers are the true heroes under fire.

I'm a volunteer firefighter. When i first met my neighbour(an american who was previously in their army no less) he said "thank you for your service" upon learning this. I can confirm that I also felt awkward as fuck hearing that phrase.

I've always thought it was more for the person doing the thanking wanting everyone around know they're more patriotic than everyone else

Performative patriotism.

No different than trying to have the most flags on your house.

Oh man. Yeah. I won't get into that dick waving contest. I just make sure mines the biggest.

I guess I always thought it was the thing to do, growing up in the wake of viet nam. I don't anymore b/c I've heard from many not to.

34 here, I absolutely hate being told thank you for my service and generally don't reveal I was in the military if I can avoid it. I have no interest in being associated with the crowd of morons happy to send other people's kids to war and then refuses to take care of them when they come back.

Every time I see someone with one of those fucking hats on (you know the ones) it makes me cringe so hard. Like those dudes who get there basic training company tattooed on their arm, or even worse, a combat patch tattoo hahaha. You now how many fucking boots got first cav tattoos after deployment? Lol. POGs everyone of them.

Can you tell me which hats. Sorry not sure which hat you mean..

The hats that say “Vietnam vet” or “first cav” or have an OIF ribbon on it or whatever

Why would Vietnam vet hat make you cringe? Those guys got spat on when they came home. If they want to wear a hat now why not?

After you left service maybe you put your time behind you, and that's fine. But why would a Vietnam vet hat make you cringe?

There is no hate in my cringe but the cringe is real. There is an entire “boot” culture you aren’t aware of. Trust me on this one.

Eh, they can have a purpose. If you don't want anyone to talk to you then you wear the dirty salt stained one. Or if you're tired of people assuming your service dog is fake then put on a nice clean one. Instantly 100% less questions about "why do you have a dog?"

Hell I’m 50 and I hate that shit. It’s the most pandering, “thought and prayers” bs since “thoughts and prayers”

So do plenty of us older ones. I worked in a hospital state side, I wasn't G.I. Joe.

Yep, I don't like it one bit when said to me, and the one time I said it to a much younger vet I'd met I immediately felt uncomfortable having said it. (And I think he was uncomfortable too.)

I joined up because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, enjoyed a brief flare of patriotism during and after bootcamp, learned some marketable skills, hated being in by the time I'd been in a year, and got back out as soon as I could to get paid for those skills as a civilian.

Yeah it sucked, and I guess I'm glad that folks appreciate that it sucked, but no one should thank me personally for it. It was my choice to join, and I did it primarily due to a lack of other good options.

I appreciate the veterans that have come after, but generally find the military worship at certain concerts and such to be a bit over the top.

Tbh then you probably deserve it more than killers for joining an aggressive war

See? This is exactly what the article is talking about. Most people join up to do a job. They don't get to decide if that job is done in Korea or Iraq. The politicians decide that.

Im not a younger veteran, but I've learned not to tell anyone that I am. I don't want people to thank me for stuff Im ashamed of from 20 years ago.

Well if you're not one, why would you tell someone that you are a young veteran? They can probably tell unless you age backwards like Benjamin Button.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

For what it's worth, I'm a 39-year-old veteran and also dislike being thanked for my service. I just don't know how to respond to it. I feel like, "you're welcome" or, "no problem" is not appropriate. I also don't know how to respond to most complements.

For a few years now, I've replied with "Thank you for your support." However I think I may start adding something like "You should look up wounded warriors and make a donation, they're the ones that really need it." Or some other org for disabled vets.

It's always been weird, it's a job, do you tell the Starbucks employee that serves our country and helps keep the American economy going "thank you for your service"? It would make sense if we didn't have a volunteer military but we do so it's the same as thanking anyone for the job they do if they see you in your work uniform

I only say it to bus drivers because they are the thin khaki line that stands between peace and total societal collapse

Even when it's more than a job think about what you're actually encapsulating in such a mundane phrase. People lost friends, limbs, even their sanity, and so much of society thinks hearing "Thank You" is all vets need.

Then the VA is falling apart, claims are a mental health problem themselves, and getting care in some of the hospitals is a battle itself. But it's all okay because someone said thank you.

At a certain age group it also comes off a bit insulting in that they didn't sign up during wartime. But they were sent to a war because of a massive amount of lies.

I do thank my local coffee shop for keeping me sane and alive during COVID lockdown when I was working night stock.

Do you already forget all of the "thank you for your service" things for first responders during COVID?

I always responded with, Thank you for paying your taxes.

And you know they probably paid those taxes cause a capitalist wouldn't be caught dead thanking a veteran outside of making them money, sadly.

Military members would say that because of the type of people in the 2000s who would thank every military member, they also would claim taxes are theft. They are also the type that now support Trump and hate the military.

I feel uncomfortable when people thank me for my service and I wasn't even in the military. I was a civilian working for the Air Force and it's on my resume so I'm always thanked at interviews. It's always so shallow, like a greeting.

"Hi! How's your day? Thank you for your service!"

"No I didn't fight. I was a civilian doing engineering work in support."

Thank you for your service

Thank you for your service

So many people don’t understand how much of the Air Force is civilian engineers. They didn’t serve, they just understand there’s no better job they’re gonna get in Ohio with an engineering degree

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It’s extremely uncomfortable. I got thanked on base while I was in PT gear buying alcohol.

I was at a doctor's office and an old guy was wearing a cap for his naval boat and someone else had to go over and shake his hand and thank him for his service. You're at a doctor's office! Don't fucking shake people's hands!

*coughs into your mouth*

Thank you for your service!

*engages in sensual wide open mouth to mouth kissing, speaking while directly attached to his mouth cavity*

Thank you for your service

Or we could treat them like people and not revere a shitty job they had in their early 20s. Idk that’s what my veteran friends seem to prefer

And the fact most of our modern wars have been various versions of invasion.

I think that's a big difference. These weren't lads off fighting fascism in France and liberating concentration camps in Poland. Many of them were the tip of the spear of an illegal, immoral invasion that, retrospectively, has become toxic to have ever supported (unless you're a Republican, then nobody cares).

Lucky for some current military folks in countries that still have functioning liberal democracies, you guys may have a chance to return the favor (that is, killing fascist scum) in the US within the next decade or so.

I'm not in the military but I've always felt this way the case. It's so empty and meaningless.

It seems like it's more for the people saying it. "I did something nice today to make me feel good about myself. I thanked a person for doing something they signed up for under their own free will. "

I was at a party given by my neighbor last year and I met his brother-in-law, an Army vet. I chatted with him for a while but I gradually got the impression he had taken an instant dislike to me so I moved on. The next day I was talking to my neighbor and asked him what was up, and he told me that his BIL was highly offended that I hadn't said "thank you for your service". I thought this was bullshit and so did my neighbor - apparently this guy had never left the country, never saw combat, and just worked in an office building doing IT stuff.

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I learned this volunteering at the VFW. When you get involved with vet culture, you can tell pretty quickly if the person wants that kind of attention. I also learned that the only real way to thank them is to listen to their stories so we can abandon the need for the military.

Nailed it. You get it.

We all had our own reasons for joining and being "thanked" feels like survivor's guilt when you know so many didn't make it home. No matter what you did, what you saw, or why you joined, a vet left part of themselves in that place...body and/or mind.

Young? Literally every person I served with said it was weird over a decade ago.

Well yes young, as the article states that for veterans over 65, it was only 24% that felt uncomfortable.

I think something to consider is what veterans that old went through. They likely were drafted to serve in Vietnam against their will. That's a much different situation than any soldier has been in since then. I think they very well should be thanked for what they were forced to do, especially since many of them received the exact opposite treatment back then right after the war. Many people treated those soldiers as war criminals just because they idealogically opposed the war. At the very least, they deserve respect and compassion. That war completely changed so many people's lives for the worse, with a great many suicides as well.

Yeah for sure. The treatment of US soldiers returning from Vietnam is an embarrassing stain on our history.

Especially when the counter-culture lead the charge, spitting on them and calling them baby killers.

Most of those guys were still pretty much kids and didn't want to be there in the first place.

USAA announced it would introduce a new campaign ahead of this year’s Veterans Day that encourages Americans to “Go Beyond Thanks” to honor military members.

Oh thats hilarious, ' vets feel uncomfortable when thanked? Well you better learn to suck them off better! '

Or you could write to your congressional representative and tell them the adversarial claims system is massively failing veterans with mental health problems.

That would be sane and better than any inane phrase.

I went to a film festival a few years ago and one of the films was about the director's father, a Vietnam veteran. The father was there at the screening and gave a talk after the movie was over. One of the things he said was how much he hated hearing "thank you for your service", mainly because he thought the war had been pointless and no service to the US had been provided, and in any event he had been drafted and never saw combat. During the Q&A a fellow Vietnam vet stood up and asked him a question, and the first thing the film's subject said in reply was "thank you for your service".

I never served on active duty, but I did a few years of ROTC in college, before I had to drop out for medical reasons, and we would wear the uniforms. The rank insignias are completely different but most people can't tell the difference. I would get thanked for my "service" every now and then and have no idea how to respond. But beyond that, even if I was an active service member, I think it would be awkward. Many of those guys, especially enlisted folks, are doing it for personal gain. Recruiters push the fact that you can get training to develop lifelong skills that you can use outside the military. You get a big signing bonus, and pretty good pay. It's a great option for anyone who slacked off in high school and have no idea what to do with their lives. Then people randomly thank you as if you're doing something noble. Of course that would make you feel awkward, even guilty sometimes, like you're taking advantage of something you shouldn't be, like you're a fraud because you know the kind of person this people think you should be and you know you're not that person.

Most people serve for their initial contract of 4 years and then leave. You get your GI bill at that point and can attend college for free. With the cost of secondary education these days, it is a very good path to take to overcome the bullshit price hikes of the last few decades that have disadvantaged our younger generations. Some people who take that path are quietly angry at the world for forcing them down it, for forcing them to compromise their moral integrity (in some cases) and serve in the military, and delay the real start to their adult life for 4 years, just to catch up to the level of their more privileged peers whose parents can pay for their college expenses for them.

It's also awkward when people thank you on Memorial Day, which is specifically a day to honor the dead. Thanking an active or retired serviceman kinda feels like stolen valor. Veterans Day is for honoring the living. This is forgivable though because most people are simply unaware of the distinction.

Vet here. I give you my blessing. 😉 I'm okay when it comes from people genuinely, but when it comes from the employee at Lowe's, it means absolutely nothing, regardless - so I usually just say "no thank you". And I think people only do it because marketing in the early 2000s really pushed that shit. When I got back in 2005, people in the airport started an applause and some old greasy guy grabbed my arm and took my hand to shake it. I hated every second of it. I wished the building would have collapsed on them. I kept thinking, I wonder if they would be so quick to applaud us if they saw half the pictures I had taken. I deleted every picture I had and exorcized those SD cards within days. And the only thing outside of my own head that reminds me of the horrible shit we did is those fucking bobbleheads and their incessant gratuity.

That said, I did get the third degree from a Vietnam vet once because, he "never got thanked" for his service, "they just called us babykillers". Which I thought was funny, because when I was shipping out, a young adolescent saw us in uniform and yelled, "babykillers!", to which I responded, "wrong war buddy", and my platoon mates laughed. So I suppose getting empty, ignorant valor is better than misdirected vitriol.

Either way, fuck nationalists.

I rarely say it, most vets I've met, regardless of age, don't seem to really like being told that.

Thank you for stealing oil and perpetuating out global hegemony - ftfy

Then there's all the boots wearing full fatigues plus hat buying a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store.

Though I live near a base so I guess that just comes with the territory. And most of the time they ain't vets yet from what I can tell with my civvie ass having eyes.

I know someone in the military and he brings it up at every possible opportunity. He's not even combat trained, he's in logistics.

Yeah at a certain point you're just literally seeing active duty service members getting dinner on their way home for the day.

Fortunately if there's one thing I'm consistent about it's that I will never thank a troop colonial enforcer for their service.

Yeah, the second or third time I got a generic, canned response from someone who clearly didn't actually care about what I just said, I kinda picked up on this.

GenX continues to not exist.

I hate being thanked. It's not why I put on a uniform. I did it because I believed in the need, even if not always how the military is used.

What threat requires the "need" for you to join the most powerful military force on the planet?

That's some real US defaultism right there.

I'm not American.

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My mom thinks it's weird and she was a navy brat who got dragged around the world by her Navy seal dad.

Are people saying this phrase seriously?

Yes?

I often disagree heartily with how our leadership uses our military.

The people who join the military generally do it for good/right reasons, even if the leaders don't use them for that.

Don't let shit leaders make someone serving worth less.

You misunderstand. I rarely thank someone for doing their chosen job, maybe a social worker or medical professional but still rarely.

My comment was in surprise because I thought this had turned into a meme and/or joke — it has in my social circles. The only time I hear anyone use this line is when we’re doing it to annoy our friends who were in the military as a vector of jovial ribbing and shared mockery.

Perhaps I have just aged to the point where I've passed the irony and ribbing and I sincerely mean that I am thankful for someone's service. (This all being said, I've maybe said that to someone once or twice in my life.)

At some point, I can't control how other people take it, but my meaning is clear to me, at least.

The rest of the world hates it too when Americans say it to their veterans really...

Yeah I'm sitting here fuming just thinking about what strangers are saying to each other 10,000km away from me. Can't sleep because of it

Just a thought but I think some discomfort comes from people who feel like they don't deserve the thanks, because they compare themselves to war heroes. But really the thanks is about what you may have to do, not what you have done so far. Like thanks for stepping up I guess.