If you had to give one piece of advice that is pretty much universally applicable, what would it be?

Apytele@sh.itjust.works to Asklemmy@lemmy.ml – 166 points –

I wouldn't dare defile Douglas Adam's memory by not mentioning that you should keep a towel with you at all times, but my second contender is a surprisingly short three-parter:

  1. never lie.
  2. never tell the whole truth.
  3. never pass up a chance to use a real bathroom.
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Confidence isn't about being confident but acting confident. Act confident and life will be a lot easier.

Except if you want to do good science. Good scientists will identify false confidence and will aim to steer well clear of it

*Except if you want to do good science. Good scientists will identify false confidence and will aim to steer well clear of it

If someone isn't already doing that, they're not scientists.

Faking confidence means running your life as a con job.

It’s better to acknowledge when you feel insecure, find the root reason why, and then develop solutions to the unsolved problems giving you that lack of confidence.

For some people it’s as simple as their pelvis being out of whack. In some cases, all you need is a rolfing session.

Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.

“Fast” is the biggest number in a straight line. Life rarely offers straight lines.

you can be skilled at cornering too, that will make you faster on them

It’s true, but you need the skill, and buying an expensive car will only get you so far.

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Leave it better than you found it.

Goes for your home, your neighborhood, or something you've borrowed. It can be applied to the planet, the beach, the trail, the car, the job.

Hell, it even goes for people. Leave them a little happier, a little wiser, a little more prosperous than before.

Second rule, give people the benefit of the doubt and don't attribute an action as the person. Did they cut you off on the road? They're having a bad day and made a mistake. They're speeding? Maybe they are on the way to see a loved one without much longer to live. Don't call someone an asshole just because they made an asshole move. People are so much more than that one interaction with them.

Funny enough, these have analogs in programming!

Leave it better than you found it.

The Boyscouts rule! Clean up bad code if you can!

Second rule, give people the benefit of the doubt and don't attribute an action as the person.

Sometimes you gotta write janky code to meet a deadline. That is not a personal failure. And give folks a break who do it too.

Hell, it even goes for people. Leave them a little happier, a little wiser, a little more prosperous than before.

I like that. Thank you. I'll try.

Think before you speak, I speak without thinking and it's got me in trouble for petty things. Using WE over YOU is extremely valuable.. even when you had nothing to do with the problem it is OUR problem.

"We" should vacuum the house! *wink* *wink*

I’ve found that one of the best ways to ensure I think before I speak, is to pause before I speak.

A wise teacher told me to carry a bottle of water, always.

Nobody will stop you from taking a sip, which is really an excuse to pause.

Be kind

Simple and to the point, everyone should know and follow this. One of the best pieces of advice from the Dalai Lama

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."

I prefer the words of the Dalton Lama: "Be nice. Until it's time ... to not be nice."

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No matter how kind you are, the German children are kinder.

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No-one has ever said on their deathbed, "I only wish I worked more"

I like to turn that one around and say: nobody says on their death bed that they regret spending so much time with their kids.

I know of at least one person who might have actually said that, were he not busy working from the hospital when he died. People don't say that because no one who enjoys working somehow failed to find work to do.

I'm not sure what you're saying, but if a person worked with saving other peoples lives, then perhaps I could be wrong.

I don't think that this makes it wrong. As I see it, the meaning of your advice is to prioritize self-care over work. It surely helps with mental and physical health. And I think this also applies to people saving lifes of others like medical doctors. They are also still people, they can also suffer from that kind of work. And I always prefer a doctor who thinks about getting enough sleep and quality time in life over someone who drives themselves mad and makes themselves sick by burdening the whole world on their shoulders.

If they can't help themselves, how can they help me?
Or, 101 of car crashes, first save yourself before you attempt to save others.

There are also others who help. It's not one single person's job to save everyone.

What I meant is that there are people who genuinely enjoy their work above all else. Those are the people who might say they wished they spent more time at work. However, there is rarely anything keeping them from work that they don't also value. If a person enjoys working, there's very little preventing them from working.

Identify the true problem before trying to find a solution

Lol hilarious joke.

yeah that doesn't work unless you don't have bosses or multiple levels of bosses who only care about making Numbers on their already sheet look like what they want them to look like

It still checks out.

Sometimes the true problem isn't the "fire" in front of you, it's the manager/boss.

And then you discover what you should be solving for.

Hydrate. Stick to water.

kidney stones are NOT nice.

drink water removed, your body needs that shit

My wife, who gave two births, was in a car accident and fought through hell to survive, still rate kidney stones as the most painful thing in her life.

I said would she rather take a bullet to the leg? She said she'd take two over a kidney stone.

All of this can be resolved just by drinking water.

If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes.

So is this intended as kind of a metaphor or is this mainly aimed at people who have literally stepped in real shit?

Both. It's like the saying "Governing a big country is like cooking small fish." (With the explanation that if you keep poking it, it'll disintegrate) also taught me how to cook fish as well as realpolitik.

The fish advice was most useful.

It's a metaphor for people who smell whipped cream all the time, they should check on top of their head.

This is a metaphor for life in general. If you find that all your interactions are negative, check yourself. Are you the problem in your relationships and interactions? How can you fix that? Clean your shoes.

If everyone around you is an asshole, you’re the asshole.

Evaluate how much something matters based on 1 day, 1 month, 1 year.

I.E. How upset should you be over [Thing]? Will it matter in one day? One month? One year? That helps perspective a bunch. You can use any variation of time really, the point is perspective

Do not, and I can't stress this enough! Put your dick, in crazy..

Corporations aren’t your friend. Avoid the publicly-traded ones seeking quartely profits the most. If it isn’t a massive burden, find an alternative—avoiding some is better than none.

I'd add "Don't defend any corp".

Not just talking to the Tesla bros either. I mean ANY corp. Including Steam.

You can show support. But if/when they do something shitty, don't be a bootlicker.

Same with working. I've worked at a few major tech companies. No matter how many rainforests they saved or houses they built. At some point, a bad decision will infuriate you, or a new directive will aim for profits and people lose their jobs.

They're not your friend.

I read that as “don’t defend any cop” …Also good advice

I think I would change that one to sometime along the lines of "No corporation is above criticism." Maybe with some addendum like "regardless of how favorably you view them." The reason being is that I think it's perfectly fine to try to set a record straight if there's blatant misinformation going on about a corporation that's been doing good by people, but no matter how much good they might have done they should never be above critique.

Case and point being LMG with their recent issues regarding allegations of sexism, harassment, overworking employees, bullying, and adopting the exact same practices that they themselves have criticized major tech corps for, among other issues. Now I don't mind correcting the record if someone was saying some stupid BS about them, however you can bet that I was also one of the ones calling them out on the things they did.

Listen or act like you're listening. People love the validation that comes with being given undivided attention. The opposite is also true.

This is great advice. It’s not difficult once you get good at it; but there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being in a real two-way conversation where you know the other person is actually listening to what you’re saying, not just hearing the sounds. I feel like I can count on both hands the number of real conversations I’ve had where I felt truly respected and heard.

But also actually listen because if people uncover your acting like listening routine, they’ll hate you for it

If you find yourself in a hole, first step is to stop digging.

Reminder me of this

"What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far - which, given your present circumstances, seems more likely - consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer." Douglas Adams

If you don't have time to do something right what makes you think you have time to do it twice?

Respect other people's time. When dealing with a busy person in a professional context;

  • Emails should be as short as possible while still conveying the needed information, don't make a busy person excavate the relevant info from somewhere near the middle of the fifth paragraph.
  • Whenever possible phrase a question in a way that can be answered in one word.

Whenever possible phrase a question in a way that can be answered in one word.

That's a good one! I would also add: When asked a question, determine whether this question can be properly answered in one word. If possible do it!

This is particularly directed at my wife 💋

Excellent, I'm going to add to this, even if the the answer justifies/requires an explanation put the answer first ie "Yes, long explanation" is vastly superior to "Long explanation, so yes"

When dealing with a busy person in a professional context;

  • Emails should be as short as possible while still conveying the needed information, don't make a busy person excavate the relevant info from somewhere near the middle of the fifth paragraph.
  • Whenever possible phrase a question in a way that can be answered in one word.

Not a fan of this. Feels like a result of over-optimization in a capitalistic, profti-driven society.

We are humans. Not machines. So treat each other like that. If you like to write a couple of more words to express yourself or some issue in a way that feels representing, go for it. Doesn't mean to escalate this into a novel, but it's fine to take a pause and talk more.

I think we mostly agree.

For context I'm a doctor who is constantly pushing back against profit driven motives.

Being time constrained is an effect of capitalism but that doesn't mean that there isn't real work to be done.

People can and should take time out to express their personalities, hopes and frustrations and bond and be together in the workplace. That said, personal communication in the workplace and professional communication are different beasts.

Not thinking about what you're trying to say or what information you need leads to rambling tirades in person and paragraphs that could've been sentences in emails, this is not being a machine, it is wasting my time and the time of my patients(whose rambling tirades it is my pleasure to listen to😉)

Every failure is a success, if you learn from your mistakes

It's the basic driver of all somewhat intelligent life on earth.

Do something - fail - explore alternatives - do it again - success? Keep it. Fail? Back to exploring and retrying.

Whether it's babies learning to walk or you overcoming difficult situations in life. We should embrace errors and failures of others, as it's an opportunity for them and us to learn and prevent similar mistakes in the future.

Never take time for granted - expect you'll have less of it than you want or need.

It can really help with getting priorities straight - whether that's with work or with your personal life. Where is it exactly you want to spend the most valuable and limited resource you have? Your time?

Brush your teeth and floss

And your belly button. Often forgotten, but an unwashed innie stinks!

Thank you for this reminder. I always had a nice open easy to clean one, but recently had a hernia surgery where my bellybutton got rearranged. Now it’s a tight little crevasse, and I’ll need to start paying special attention to cleaning it out.

I did the grave mistake of shoving my nose in one without proper cleaning.

I had to pretend I was choking on my own spit not to offend the girl.

Treat others as you would like to be treated

EDIT: AS NOT ARE. Fucking autocorrect

What if you’re a masochist? Wouldn’t it be better to treat others as they would like to be treated?

Develop a treatment scheme that works for them as it would for you. The first step in treating others the way you’d like to be treated, is finding out what they like.

Treat others as they would like to be treated.

Form your opinions critically, don't easily judge.

Thinking from every possible direction. Multiple times. Over and over. (Exhausted overthinker here)

If it sounds too good to be true - it probably is.

People are more helpful if you're nice to them.

never tell the whole truth

This is dumb, and in many cases outright illegal.

If you are giving testamony in court you are required to tell the whole truth regarding the situation.

There are absolutely other times when you should tell the whole truth, so this statement is just dumb.

Even in court you have to use some judgment to determine what the whole truth is, under what context, and to the extend of your memory or a reasonable expectation of enforcement of the idea.

There's also limitation with self incrimination/5th.

But as a generality, omitting information on socials, whatever registration form, etc... In everyday life is a reasonable practice for preserving privacy.

Being dishonest with friends & family is messed up tho.

A partner having a rule to say that you should NEVER tell the whole truth would be an instant red flag in any relationship I am in.

The fact that that kind of rule exists for them means that they will never be completely honest with me, and I won't accept that.

Now, obviously, there are times when you use a white lie or omit stuff, that is normal, but to constantly omit stuff, to the point where a rule is needed?

Nope.

I actually agree! Mutual trust relies on clear, full communication to the extent of one's abilities.

I think the problem with the original statement is the absolute "never" which i defaulted to taking as a generality when interacting with impersonal third parties. This was an unreasonable assumption in my part.

Fir example, I'm going to lie to Facebook and Google. Period. But never to friends and SOs, and rarely to individual humans outside of survival in threatening circumstances.

Anyone who wants to tell you what is right and what is wrong does not have your best interests at heart, they have their own.

Never pass up an opportunity to sit down or relieve yourself. 95% of everything is crap, so appreciate it when you find the 5%.

Learn to recognize when you're responding defensively to a statement made by those around you.

-There wrong about me, they're the problem

- I'm fine i don't bed to listen to that

- etc...

Think about it for a few days, once you're over the initial emotional reaction. Be critical of your own response and contemplate the motivation for the statement

- is it out of care for you or manipulation

- Is it honest or malicious? 

- Are they expressing a need?

That's when you have the greatest opportunity to grow as a person and build deeper relationships. It's also when you have an opportunity to break your mindset and get out of malicious ones.

Never borrow money from a man whose first name is "The" and never gamble with a man whose first name is a city.

Be athletic, assertive, and able to master at least one form of swordsmanship. Only then can you take down the one who killed your father.

My life might be different than yours. But several kung fu movies are about that so I’m not sure if it’s universal or just me.

My long winded talk about the various types of sword fighting is what got me my current job.

So now that's two people on the Internet that believe this!

Being a Jack of all trades may mean being a master of none, but it's still better than to be a master of one.

Care about yourself first and then care about others after.

Esp true if the oxygen mask falls down on a flight.

Could you expand on your second rule? What do you mean by "never tell the whole truth"?

I'm also confused on the advice of using a "real" bathroom

I was part of this crazy thing called A Simple Walk into Mordor, where a group of guys from Rooster Teeth walked from the real Shire to the real Mount Doom (and Erebor in the sequel) in New Zealand. Finding an actual bathroom to use was a luxury. A sink is much nicer than hand sanitizer, digging a hole when you have to poop is not fun, getting an upset tummy is nerve-racking. When you've gotta go, you're gonna have to use what's available, not what's nice. Don't take what's nice for granted.

Treat others how you want to be treated. The single universal golden rule.

This has led to Karens, chads, influencers, racists.

So it isnt as wholesome as it is commonly used

I don't think Karen's want to be shouted at over trivial shit or racists fancy the receiving end of their respective stick.

... And part of a Karen's dna is getting upset when other people treat Karen's like other people want to be treated. With respect and stuff

Side note I hope my girlfriend, who's name is Karen, is well. (we went to highschool together but never dated till we graduated)

If the real Karen is out there I hope you have had a wonderful life! You were never a Karen when i knew you Karen!

Treat others as they would like to be treated.

I agree, yet too many people lack empathy to follow the rule in that regard

Dunno why you getting downvoted but i put you back up to 1

Thank you stranger. If’s funny, I’m thinking of just posting key words sometimes to see how many downvotes I get because it reallly doesn’t make sense most of the time, unless it’s bots or other nefarious actors

So, if someone wants to be treated like a king, you treat them as such?

Pay attention even when it hurts to do so. Especially when it hurts to do so.

This is a good one!

I think about the farmers who refuse to go to the doctor because "it's just a little internal bleeding".

But also about people who are so terrified of criticism, they ignore it.

Question: Is being a good listener about not speaking or about making sure the other person feels heard and understood no matter how that might present itself for that individual?

When you think about who you want to be be as vague as possible. Too specific and you might pigeon-hole yourself. It will be much easier to adjust bad surface level habits and ideas when they haven’t cemented themselves as core to your sense of being.

Chase the “why” more than the “what” and you’ll be able to be more versatile. You might find yourself to be kinder, stronger, more supportive, and be able to really trust in who you are at your core.

The toilet paper should make a beard, not a mullet.

"To be an adult, you need to know when it is apropriate to be childish"

"Never paint the devil on the wall, unless he stands in the hallway, so make sure you have some paint at home"

"Honesty lasts longest"

The first advice here basically boils down to "remember to have fun in a responsible manner", I like the original phrasing better as is more fun and also implies as shitload more knowledge.

The second advice is a modified version of a Swedish saying, it boils down to, "don't expect the worst, but if it happens, take notes and learn, oh and you should have a pen and notebook at home". I like this as well as it again tells you to relax, but learn from mistakes and be prepared to learn from them.

The third advice is just common sense, life just gets so much easier if you act and speak honestly, this obviously doesn't mean to be brutaly honest or blatantly selfish as long as you are honest. But rather avoid situations that would require you to lie.

EDIT:

I just thought about another peice of advice:

"If you have nothing to hide, then you can't be trusted"

We all have secrets, some are just embarrasing, others can destroy lives, stating that you have nothing to hide is one of the worst ways to try and gain trust, since it means one of two things:

  • You are a liar, as previously stated everyone has things to hide, so you are just plain lying.

  • You won't keep a secret, if asked you will tell others priveleged information given to you.

If unsure, asl yourself this: What is this an opportunity for?

I did that, and realized it was an opportunity to clean my mirror!

Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy.

Learning good technique is hard and boring. Solve a problem the wrong way first, and you'll find out what technique improvements are worthwhile.