Being rude to service staff. Immediate indicator on who they are as a person. There is zero reason to ever be mad at someone making near minimum wage whose job it is to grab you a drink or check you out or something. It also shows that they've themselves never worked service, which is a rite of passage
"Why should I tip?! I'm already paying for the service!"
Immediately leave without even telling them to take a cab.
Edit: 1, I am in the US, yes.
2: the wording sounded like it implied a behavior of a date while out dining. I was answering based on how I'd respond if a prospective mate treated underpaid US staff shitty.
Happens to be true in all modern western countries though, only the US seems unable to force companies to pay a livable minimum wage.
That is specifically a US problem.
Not necessarily. I'm not in the US, but we've imported a lot of their less savoury customs, and tipping culture is one of them. It is costumary to tip 18% where I'm from.
If I am ordering and picking up at a counter fuck tipping. If I'm actually being waited on then I'll always tip if the service wasn't dogshit.
I tip in those situations because the $5 won't make a difference to me, but might to them.
Like, if you're broke, whatever. But some people are pulling in seven figures annually and still whine about a $5 tip.
+1 to being rude to service staff
Also MAGA apparel or citing Jesus/God constantly
It depends. I run a bar and also frequent bars. I see a lot of behavior from wait staff I'd fire them for. Wait staff endlessly bitch about customers but its a two way street, staff develops a blind spot to their own behavior due to spending so much time in a bar.
Bro they are working in a high intensity environment. You are there to have fun. They are talking behind your back. (So how does that affect you?) Versus actively being a jerk to someone just doing their job (which is, unfortunately, to engage with you). It's not the same.
Are you really trying to explain running a bar to me? Anyways your answer is horseshit. I work in that high intensity environment and see the blinders go on. Innocuous requests by customers turn into staff acting like it's a massive imposition. They openly talk to me because they've been at my bar, served by me, and I know who's I'd hire and I wouldn't from the free talk.
Cool story bro.
Can I interest you in this Chick Tract?
/s
So many things.
queer phobic. I'm not queer but many of my friends are. I don't need that negativity in my life.
smoker. Maybe a pass if they are actively trying to quit. Maybe. Most active smokers I've known have kind of been assholes about it, though.
littering. Sometimes combined with the above when smokers throw their butts on the ground
being a jerk about people having healthy hobbies. Like, just let someone enjoy some video games or bird watching or whatever. I can't with people who are like "omg that's so childish you still [play games/read fiction/go to the zoo/whatever]?".
being anti-consent. I've met a few women who are like "just do stuff and I'll tell you if I don't like it" and I'm like lady there's some "stuff" that can be done that by the time it's happening , the damage is done. Let's just have a conversation about what we like and what our boundaries are.
littering.
I was going out with this guy I really liked. Probably 3rd or 4th date. We decided to take a drive, and went to a local grist mill. Walked around, had a nice time. Took the scenic route home on this road that ran along a pristine Tennessee Creek. He was drinking a Gatorade or something, and when he finished it, rolled down the window and chucked the bottle out into the creek.
I stopped the car, made him go pick it up (or I wasn't going to drive him the 20+ miles home), and never called him again. Fuck. That. Behavior.
Good for you. That's disgusting behaviour.
The fuck is wrong with going to the zoo? Other than if it's a shitty zoo giving animals a shit life, but c'mon.
it's "childish" to enjoy fun things like the zoo, according to some incomprehensibly boring and immature people.
This is so many people on IRC it's not even funny.
Especially most libera mods. Their god complexes can be seen from space, they're often highly unreasonable, hold decades long grudges and have a hair trigger for anyone even remotely trying to be funny.
Ah yes, so childish you need a Master's degree to get an internship there.
People think there’s a fuckin cutoff age for reading fiction?
smoking
anti-consent
Can't help but feel a "my body my choice, your body my choice" vibe from this
I don't understand what you are trying to say.
I just think it's odd that you immediately associate smoking with being an asshole - unless they're quitting. Like you make it very clear that personal agency is important to you - but smoking makes you a piece of shit.
Smoking is bad for the smoker and everyone around them. If you're not even trying to stop, you are kind of a piece of shit.
I don't see what that has to do with asking for consent to touch someone's butt.
i don't think being a smoker necessarily makes you an a*shole, but surely makes other people live with the smell and the taste of tobacco. and you can't force people to do that.
I make it a point to not discuss things like this when people aren't thinking clearly.
When you smoke a cigarette the smoke doesn't automatically find the nearest non-smokers lungs in order to harm them. The smoke settles, and there are more than enough places far enough away from people to smoke at.
If you're worried about secondhand smoke harming you in any context outside of smoking indoors - I'm sorry but you just aren't thinking clearly.
It's fine to not be into whatever you want. If I said I didn't find Asians attractive, that wouldn't make me a racist. (I do, for the record, same as I'm into boys of every other nationality, but if I didn't it would still be a personal preference and no one's business but my own.)
Nope. You literally cannot smoke without polluting others.
You also literally can't play videogames without polluting others, since some of the electricity is still generated by burning coal. You also literally can't do any other thing either probably, since electricity is used in creating almost everything, or at least some other pollution.
I think if someone tries to make sure not to smoke near unknown people or people that don't want it, they're acceptable in my book.
These people are under the impression that secondhand smoke is sentient and immediately finds the nearest non-smokers lungs to pollute. I wouldn't expect logic to get through to them.
You mean smokers cannot respect consent? Agreed
Smoking cigarettes
Does this apply to vape and weed?
Yes, but not to the same degree.
Might be picky but if they don't return their shopping carts or just leaves it in a parking spot
Rudeness to cashiers, wait staff, housekeepers, children or elderly people. If you are mean or rude to these people I assume you think you matter more based on social standing, and can't be bothered to even be polite. At that point I don't care if you are nice to me.
Use the word "Woke" (Or "Progre" in my language) Unironically.
Who do you mean by this?
I mean anyone who use the word Woke (Or Progre in my language) unironically.
It just seems very broad since people use it many ways “get woke” vs “the woke mob.” At least in the US it is used by people in both good and bad ways.
Huh, I have never hear anyone using "Woke" in a good way, but okey.
I haven't either. Maybe it's because I don't use any social media but Lemmy
All of those uses are red flags, or at least would be over here.
The word "woke" is just a right-wing dog whistle, hence why it's a red flag when somebody uses it except for the context of talking about these people.
Dogwhistle for "I hate people tackling social issues and think we should go back to women being controlled and abused, and men being miserable all day at work, while we completely disregard queer and children's mental health".
Or at least, it gets used that way by people who don't use it as a reclamation term in a positive sense.
Historically it is a term used positively, for example in the expression ‘stay woke’ (1930s). So it is not really a reclamation, but rather a recent relegation by right wing people to a negative connotation. I have however heard some people legitimately use it in a positive manner, and some further reading on the Wikipedia page seems to support that even recently there are political leaders using it in a pro-racial equity sense.
I am aware of the positive origins of the word "Woke". However, in colloquial usage, it is always used in a derogatory way. And it is usage that dictates the norm, whether we like it or not.
Right-wing
Cluster-B traits
*-ist, *-phobe
Prescriptive gender roles
Smokes
What is cluster B?
What about Claustro-, Arachno-, Haemo-, etc.phobes? Or Cyclists or Scientists?
Cluster B personality disorders - most commonly known for borderline and narcissistic PDs.
Impossible to work with or fix. Just run. Fast.
Also schizoid IIRC, although that one is not really nasty or dangerous so much as just sad.
wait, shit, I'm a feminist, guess I'm out
OK what about vapes though.
Still discusting.
^^ end of thread here
Cluster-B traits are the bane of my existence.
Having a shitty attitude about anything.
It just seems like you're not able to enjoy things because you're just a sour person.
I must be misunderstanding this one. That sounds like you want a person that buries their feelings and pretends to be joyful all the time. It's perfectly human to have a bad day and on occasion be a little shitty.
If you're speaking of them being shitty most of the time about most things then I can see your point.
Edit: Grammer is important when trying to communicate without misunderstanding.
Why would I be talking about the first one? Toxic positivity is complete and utter bullshit, and I'm tired of people telling me I can't complain about other people for whatever reason.
Soundsike someone hurt you bro. This is the Internet, you don't have to listen to anything randos say. That's a choice you're making.
Ya, this dude seems to have a fairly shitty attitude... 🤭
Anti-vaxxer / conspiracy theorist.
being mean to animals, not washing hands habitually, littering, leaving the shopping cart out, buzz cut / crew cut and variations thereof (for dudes, some chicks can rock it), having no weird behaviors at all. refusal to be emotionally honest (oh no, its me i'm sorry)
I just like my hair short and not in my face. :(
right? i mean, i'm balding and i find the alternative of growing the little hair i have left far more unpleasant than just having a buzz cut. but hey, that's just preferences.
I'm glad you think so, honestly, but most people don't give a shit about being mean to animals. That's a hard one to find a like-minded person on.
Fr? Maybe it is just the people I hang out with but I dont know anyone who is outwardly mean to animals. Atleast I haven't seen it
It depends on whether you think the existence of livestock is ‘mean to animals.’
Ah, in that case everyone I know is cruel. I suppose what I meant was that no one I know is cruel beyond the societal standards.
I would use the same definition as you, but that’s the only definition I can think of that would leave one thinking many people engage in animal cruelty. Unless your entire circle of friends is an illegal dogfighting ring.
Buzz cut for me screams "I'm an NPC and I have no personality." At least that's the first impression it passes to me.
Eh, some of us are just balding and it's the least bad option.
I guess. Though if I ever start balding I plan on going full on egg bald, it looks better to me.
If you've got the head shape to pull it off, go for it. You don't really know until you try it. I tried...
I'm gonna find out soon enough, and I'm worried. I already know I have a couple small bumps on my head (they feel like pimples/ingrown hairs, but I've tried squeezing them to no avail), and I'm almost positive my head is shaped differently than normal.
Buzz cut to me screams “I have so much social anxiety, have been bullied so badly, that I don’t trust a barber to give me a good haircut”
To me, it looks more like social camoflauge. "I'm just a normal guy, i have normal opinions, trust me bro" is the vibe I get. I get putting it on for things like work, but if you decide to blend in as your preferred look, ehh, i dunno, maybe I'd rather hang out with the bear, you know?
It's a fucking haircut. You sure are reading a lot into a person based on their haircut.
i'm probably in the minority w this, but blending in is comfortable as hell, as someone who doesn't really enjoy being social.
Long after the pandemic was under control I was still using a mask, partly due to health concerns back home, but mostly because with a mask, cap, and glasses, I could walk by people I know but would rather not strike up conversation.
"Have you ever heard of Jordan Peterson?"
"That depends...what do you mean by have, what do you mean by you and what do you mean by heard of?"
Republican
Someone that takes abstract statements personally and responds in anger. It shows a lack of self awareness and depth. It also implies that they have a limited binary view of the world around them; a bipolar me versus others perspective outlook.
Short list of obvious ones:
Haven't binge watched all of skibidi toilet in one sitting
Uses Windows MacOS iOS or Android
Wipes after shitting / No shitbucket
Thinks git is github
Haven't memorized all of the ANSI X3.159-1989 C standard
iOS or Android
Soo, what then? Are Windows phones still a thing? Even Copperhead or Lineage are Android forks. Based on my PinePhone that one's not really ready for primetime.
Only carrier pidgeons allowed
Good old RFC 2549/1149.
Self compiled Linux distribution for a phone you soldered together yourself - what else?
I hate that you people are even allowed on the internet.
Send from a PDP11-
Even if they were. Windows is on the list of turnoff OS.
Just use a flip phone for calls and a raspberry pi with the raspberry screen for scrolling through lemmy.
Now i am imagining someone writing an essay in a Starbucks with a raspberry a propped up screen an a little keyboard.
That would immediately identify them as based, it's true.
I think shitbucket covers that category too.
Linux phone is the only real acceptable option. Just not Ubuntu touch begause of Ubuntu
They are joking.
A hidden switch on their hip.
Can you elaborate on that?
they dated vicki from small wonder.
Far right or far left. Both obnoxious. How hard is it to do what's right for people and not have to be on either end of a fucking seesaw?
Some of us have held our political opinions since before 2016. We’re much more bearable, even those of us on the far left. I firmly believe people need to go through an obnoxious political phase. It’s just way more normal to go through it in high school/college. But will it be just a phase when people are going through it in their adulthood? I dunno. But I guess we’ll have to find out the hard way.
I was so apathetic in my early voting years, so I guess I'm doing my weird political thing in mid-life.
I mean, it’s great that people are getting more involved and aware. But I think the combination of the explosion of political awareness with the current state of discourse thanks to social media/the devolution of the right into petty, bald-faced, reactionary rage (some of you may not have been around for this, but the right used to have a mask over their petty reactionary rage) has made for a noxious cocktail of nothing of value ever being discussed.
Now, was it more frustrating when they were less open about their intentions? Sure. Because it felt like shouting at a wall. And it was more “boring” to be politically aware. But under those wraps we had the patriot act, PNAC, intelligent neocons playing politics way more competently, and a serious problem with somehow even less conscientious democrats.
But now we have companies operating blanket eavesdropping via apps/home aid/LLMs (and the patriot act is still hanging around), project REDMAP/Project 2025, less than intelligent far right lunatics not understanding how to play politics, and democrats playing conscientious for appearances while still being, at best, useless neoliberals and at worst, reactionaries themselves.
Things have changed, and not for the better. Add on top of that discourse deteriorating into nonsense while everyone throws their hat in the mix with their uninformed opinions…it’s a depressing landscape. So, I don’t know if people can grow out of that obnoxious, I’ll-informed political stage because that’s just politics now.
Definitely a skewed signal to noise ratio, which at this point feels intentional. Politics felt far more boring in the before-fore, but I think most of that was me not paying close enough attention.
I had a casual conversation with ChatGPT a while back about how this level of political division is unprecedented in the country (I guess I conveniently forgot about the civil war during this), and the response was basically "Everybody says that in every era," so I wonder if I just have too narrow a focus. I should look into that...
What if an opinion held on the far end of the spectrum is what is actually right for people? Do you dismiss it because of being on the end of the fucking seesaw?
Obviously. Im just not dumb enough to put myself in a box.
Showing they are dumb (believing conspiracy theories, Maga, repeating nonsense)
Being racist, judgy, overall nasty with people
Being nasty to animals
Being conservative, being rude and impatient, not understanding that people are human and sometimes just make errors.
Compliments me by insulting everybody else.
“It’s so cool that you X. Everybody not in the room sucks because they don’t do X”
Just leave that second sentence off please.
Bad breath
Body odour
Thinking they are gods gift
Too much make-up and fucking awful Botox lips
I've ended a relationship because the girl drove like an impatient bafoon. If you have a superiority complex about a speed limit in residential areas, I'll sit in the passenger seat railing about how you're such a shit driver. Just drive the speed limit and gently.
In the romantic sense, someone that seems dumb or childish. I just can't go there without some sense of being a peer.
The opposite for me tbh, someone who can't let loose and have some stupid fun every so often isn't my bag.
There's a difference between goofy and dumb. Goofy is fun, I'm all over that. Actually dumb is exhausting and awkward, it's just not fun
Sure, but "dumb and childish" to me conveys "dumb as in goofy" rather than "dumb as in a bag of rocks," and that is why I responded with disagreement related to such. The operative word here is really "childish," tbh. They go on to say that they are not good at letting loose, but also clarify that they meant "low intelligence." It is unclear if they perceive goofy fun as a sign of low intelligence in and of itself.
In any case, arguing the semantics of the phrase "dumb and childish" doesn't meet my definition of fun lol. Like I said "different strokes," people can like different things and I think that is wonderful tbh.
That makes sense and that's fair
OP here again. I don't. I just don't get at least some forms of it. I have been known to do some good pranks, but most other things people classify as "letting loose" aren't my jam. I'm more of a books and tea person.
Originally I was thinking of people I've known that literally made me feel like I was talking to a child. I don't know what that is, exactly, but low intelligence is a decent guess. Oh well, I'll try different wording if it ever comes up again.
Yeah, not my best wording.
A stick up the ass isn't the exact same thing as low intelligence or whatever this turnoff is, but then again I'm not good at let-loose stupid fun, so maybe I'm biased.
Either way, more left for me, as they say, as long as everyone's having a good consensual time.
Hear hear, different strokes.
I would agree unless the looseness and stupidity is caused by alcohol. In that case is a huge red flag.
I'm still in the middle there, sometimes is fine but if it's the only way or all the time it's a problem.
Ok, I get that you don't like stupid people, but you shouldn't judge people solely on how they act. You can act like a child and be a intelligent and a competent person.
I have a sister who I'm close with, who has all kinds of dinosaur-themed stuff and loves it. That's not the issue. It was a poor choice of wording I guess to describe it that way. I had an exchange recently where I literally felt like I was talking to a kid after a while, though, and all thoughts of romance were immediately dead, so that was my first thought.
you shouldn't judge people solely on how they act
I'd say it's impossible to do it I any other way. We're not telepaths and intent is not magic.
The way people act is the interface with which you interact with them. It makes little difference if what lurks behind is an intelligent person or a child if they both behave the same.
Status quo defender
Whimsical, fame-seeking change maker.
fame-seeking
I agree there, lol. I'm not into people who are doing what they do for the fame.
I do all my activism on the sly. Publicly, I’m a status quo defender.
More this for me. I deal with activist drama enough just doing activist stuff.
I'll have you know, Rockin' All Over the World is a fine song.
Whatever you want...
I like it...
Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
That, and republicans.
Is there a difference?
Only in the "square vs rectangle" sort if way
Unaware status-seeking behavior. Almost everyone does it.
Explain?
Humans are all about resources (look at how everyone wants to make more money). Status effectively means access to (human) resources. When you have status, you can tell someone what to do or think and they'll do it or believe you. When someone does something for you or believes what you tell them, you don't only have access to your own resources, you effectively have access to their resources as well, so in the end, status is more important than having resources yourself.
The managers/bosses in a company have status. The musicians in a band playing at a pub have status. The pastor at the church has status. The millionaire has status. The politician has status. The teacher at a dance class has status.
These are easy examples. But there are a myriad more, especially more "sneaky" ones. Status doesn't have to be obvious/institutionalized like the examples above, status is part of every single human interaction.
The "popular friend" has status. For example, they might organize gatherings that people actually come to. If another one of the friend group, that has less status, tried that, less or no people might come. I'm sure you noticed something similar.
Or some gossipy/overly friendly person in the office has status. They make little friends everywhere, give people small meaningless gifts, pay attention what's happening and offer people information (also a resource) for free. If they suddenly start badmouthing someone (even if that person has not deserved it and only angered them for some trivial reason), they might cause the badmouthed person lots of trouble through reducing their status.
Of course, status-seeking behavior is not necessarily bad. A philanthropic, intelligent, always (actually) being nice person also gathers status. People like them, they say true things that help people, which gives them status. They give people favors, like inviting them for food, which also gives them status. And so on.
As you can see, status-seeking behavior is literally everywhere. Our psyche is built to seek more status and it's one of our main drivers in life. For example, if you want to get good at playing an instrument, your driving force behind that desire is seeking the status that comes with it. You might say it "is just fun", but what is fun but a motivational force of your psyche to make you do something? Fun things are fun because doing those things gave an advantage in an evolutionary context. The status that comes with getting good at an instrument and being able to make other people feel good through music is the ultimate "goal" of your evolved behavior.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere. And almost everyone is completely unaware of it. I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you, I give you a "smart" explanation demonstrating my knowledge that thus makes me look intelligent. There is no direct advantage to me explaining anything to you. It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That's an unnervingly cold, reductionist, cynical take.
What's your alternative?
"My" alternative is to not treat every human interaction as transactional maneuvering to curry favor. It's an incredibly strange commodification of immaterial concepts that rejects or ignores the complexity and nuance of human emotions and motivations. It's simply an inadequate theory.
Well can you at least please tell me some examples of alternate motivations that governs our behavior?
It's hard to answer your request because, you see, your statement is like saying: "Everything is just atoms, so everything is basically the same", it is "reductionist" of higher values, which even atheists have, but the statement itself cannot be denied, nor replaced with an alternative.
Edit: I read your other replies, and you seem to not need this one, to ignore it.
Good response. Though it was a bit wordy.
I know what status means, but I didn't realise what status-seeking behaviour could be referring to, since it was vague. I know you tried to reduce your response to a level that everyone could understand, but that was unnecessary. People have the internet now.
For future reference you could try defining status in a single sentence, which allows people to look it up in a search engine or dictionary without room for confusion/vagueness.
I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you
That's not true. You're taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with. I've made the same mistake before. Of course, your original thought isn't completely wrong, but you stretched it to almost irrelevant (but not unrelated) levels.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere.
No, I'm afraid I don't. What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some. Calling it status seeking is a misuse of the term and gross reduction of the behaviour's quirks.
Perhaps a better term would be power-hungry person. But maybe that's not the intent of your thought.
It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That all may fall apart when you realise your knowledge is biased too much towards a single concept. Or too narrow minded.
Note: No insult intended, no sarcasm inserted.
an imperfect human
The abused want freedom from abusers. The enslaved want freedom from the slavers. The poor want sustenance from the rich. The not-poor want greater quality in their life.
None of that is status seeking, unless you twist the meaning. It's hurtful to call it that.
Would materialism or consumerism, then, be the turn-off? Making more of "possessing" than "being" or "doing" is a real turn-off for me.
And, materialism/consumerism is — truly — promoted everywhere.
True.
You’re taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with.
That's absolutely not true. I'm saying that status-seeking is a part of almost all of our unconscious decision-making processes, not that it's the sole part of our decision-making process. A part != Interpret all with it. Of course there's other parts, like you say, survival.
I can not convey all my knowledge and thoughts in a single comment. Even though I tried to shorten it, you still find too long. The "it's only a part" I found obvious, thus I didn't stretch it, but you would have needed it to be included. You personally didn't need the other parts that you found too long. It's basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don't know each other's knowledge base. It's even more impossible in a forum-style format, where one comment is read by potentially every human on Earth, each of which have vastly different knowledge bases. What is obvious/superfluous for one is not for someone else.
What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some.
Do all these things not play together? Isn't having status a way to survive better? Aren't the activities that are enjoyable also the ones that allows us to survive (in a non-modern, ancestral world context in which we evolved)? Isn't having status enjoyable for most?
It's basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don't know each other's knowledge base.
Okay, but in this case "status" was a basic word while the "it's only a part" was something deeply specific to this conversation. It's not fair to compare the two.
I feel that you're 70% on the mark but then why is it a turn-off for you, as you said in your original message?
Part of the 30%:
Status seeking behaviour has many justifications i.e. that it helps smoothen human interaction, to say the least. So why is it a turn-off for you?
I don't think it helps "smoothen" interaction at all. Of course it depends on the exact situation, like I already described, if it's about helping other people or not affecting anyone negatively, it's completely fine.
But for one example, an unaware status-seeking behavior I see very often is having an Instagram account and posting pictures of their life, in an attempt to gain followers. This could not affect anyone negatively... but 99% of the time, it is, because they interrupt moments that should be enjoyed by being present within the moment with trying to get the perfect picture to show to other people what amazing moments they are experiencing.
The "unaware" was as much of a part of the turn-off as the "status-seeking", maybe even more so. I think if you're aware of your status-seeking behavior, you're able to find much better ways to apply it than if you're unaware of it.
More common in urban and younger environments
Yes! It's crazy how noticeable it is when I'm in the city, rather than out here in the boonies with all the geezers. Why do you do that, fellow youngs?
I've half a theory it's a new boomer generation and these things are cyclical, you get a boomer one every third. 70 years back from 20 years old today you find the Boomers. 70 years back from Millennials you find the dirty 30s. 70 back from the eighties you find the flappers.
... Doesn't that include every generation, calculated that way?
I'm skeptical it's generational. People just chill out in that way as they age. And not to say the geezers are totally nice either, they just don't do active dick measuring anymore. They know who's in the club, and that I'm not, and will throw me a bone out of good manners anyway.
Idk man. The young ones today are self centered and narcissistic as hell.
Absolutely false. It's a universal truth of our species to seek status, everyone does it.
Your statement itself is essentially an attempt to gain more status. You're likely not part of "urban" and "younger" environments, thus "badmouthing" them raises your status comparatively.
My telling you this is an attempt to sound intelligent, which raises my own status.
Well you failed.
Lemmy.ml mod /s
Bad breath
Edit: for anyone who has this problem... just see your doctor or dentist. You don't need to suffer . It's curable.
My co worker has straight gum rot, like a few millimeter layer where the gums meet their teeth that's all whiteish green and they have horrendous breath I can smell 15 feet down wind of the AC system. This is due to their horrible personal hygiene, he has a wife with good teeth, I don't know how she kisses him, I would vomit.
He's only in his early 30's and also just had to get one of his K9 teeth pulled out.
It seems like sometimes women (in specific) start with these crazy high expectations, but then start lowering them during the relationship, and never stop lowering them.
There absolutely is such a thing as being too accepting of bad behavior from a partner. That's just healthy boundaries. Letting your gums rot probably should be outside that scope, if they can help it at all.
I really don't know whether to upvote or downvote. Upvoted because I feel you are a kindred spirit, but not for that person...no, not ever.
Being into “crystals”, auras and shit like that. Like, have you taken leave of your senses?
Lack of interest, like they're just waiting their turn to talk about what they want to talk about and not actually listening to me.
The other big one off the top of my head is not liking any animals. I get most people eat them, but if you straight up don't like anyone else you're kinda scary. No thank you.
Talking over the top of me. If what you have to say is so much more interesting that what I was already saying, maybe you should be saying it to a paying audience somewhere else.
Certain accents. She can be gorgeous and all, but some accents are an immediate turnoff for me…
Now we need to know which ones.
🚨 Eurocentrism incoming 🚨
I’m gonna bet bri’ish
I’m German. Foreign accents (I.e. some foreigner speaking German) are either funny or cute to me. If I feel neither, that’s probably because I need to concentrate to understand. In German accents, a Bavarian accent, a Saxon or a Frisian one turn me off.
In (to me) foreign languages, I don’t care, meaning that I’m just as fine with „Oi com frum Birmingham“ as with a posh Oxford accent. Also the southern French accent is fine with me, as well as the northwestern one. I’m also fine with Breton, but that’s a language, not an accent. And I don’t understand the latter very well anyway, let alone speak fluently.
What accents in specific?
The ones associated with poverty are the usual ones that catch crap. Regional or recent immigrant.
Maybe this person is going to surprise me and just finds Australian or Parisian French grating personally, though.
Not OP, but I kinda agree. Around where I'm at, posh accents are really annoying.
Not OP, but I'd find Liverpudlian and the Birmingham accent difficult to live with.
Displaying Narcissistic tendencies. And or lying
Immediately self describing without you asking.
People who this is targeted at and don't get it when you explain it.
Unless you have investigated a problem, you will be deprived of the right to speak on it. Isn't that too harsh? Not in the least. When you have not probed into a problem, into the present facts and its past history, and know nothing of its essentials, whatever you say about it will undoubtedly be nonsense. Talking nonsense solves no problems, as everyone knows, so why is it unjust to deprive you of the right to speak? Quite a few comrades always keep their eyes shut and talk nonsense, and for a Communist that is disgraceful. How can a Communist keep his eyes shut and talk nonsense?
It won't do!
It won't do!
You must investigate!
You must not talk nonsense!
Being a gun owner or enthusiast, if you don't need to hunt to survive.
My interests are more about the actual engineering involved, like it's crazy how we can throw a piece of metal kilometres away to within a metre. And there's something satisfying about how they fit together. But yeah I wouldn't trust anyone with guns.
most gun enthusiasts are straight-out idiots, if not fascists/authoritarians. you can fit nice people within this hobby inside a samba bus.
Eating others. Only gunna be dating vegans.
Sex isn't vegan
Hmm. Sex with a non-human animal wouldn't be, at least.
changing and expecting people to accept that change unconditionally.
diametrically disagreeing with your partner on some important issue of your relationship and only mentioning it way after things got serious.
bad hygiene (for olodumarè's sake, bathe daily, and if possible brush your teeth at least twice a day).
as mentioned before, being a jerk towards service providers and elderly without reason, and towards kids in general.
bad hygiene (for olodumarè’s sake, bathe daily, and if possible brush your teeth at least twice a day).
I know this is popular in this thread, but how to achieve that? I shower 0-3 a day, with 0 being in days waiting for the washing machine for I have showered too much, and have no clothes remaining.
It seems no matter what I do, someone thinks I accidentally opened a shower on myself by how sweaty wet my underwear is, then proceeds to tell me I smell awful and banishes me from society back to my computer, which is what I would be doing anyway, also that person is the only one that complains and they (singular) can't handle heat at all.
I just checked and the temperature goes up to 42*, I don't know how hot that is, since I never look at weather, if it's hot I bear with it, if it's cold I get sick for 3 days bear with it.
Also I only wear winter-y jackets for some reason (A joke that went too far that's been lasting for 3 years?), people underestimate how good they are at shading, and they come with a built-in hat, and protect your body better than any T-shirt ever could.
Wait did I just answer my own question?
in a sense you did, but some people do sweat too much, beyond what would be reasonable given environmental factors. it's called hyperhidrosis and can be treated, and you could even find another underlying condition that may cause it, instead of simply bad regulation of the sweat glands or nerves that control them. go check a doctor, don't suffer for no reason.
I think it's just because I can't resist running at full speed whenever I get the chance.
I firmly believe that love should be color blind, which is why I never see any red flags.
Everybody's already mentioned the important things, but to be the more superficial one: people with no sense of style. People who just throw on something randomly and don't give it a single thought. I get being comfortable, but you can be stylish and comfortable. You are not that when you wear knee-long jeans shorts and an unwashed tee, in my opinion.
I'm your total opposite. Requiring style in others is a huge red flag. If you care about more about the clothes of a person than about the person, I don't want to know you.
Fair enough. Personally, I prefer personality over appearance. But I also think it's a visual turnoff to see no effort, also because the way a person dresses is usually the first thing most people notice. I do, anyway.
it's a visual turnoff to see no effort
Life is short and I choose my mind's content; I don't care about clothing except for modesty, minimal work convention or warmth.
But style is also part of a person's personality no? I say this as someone who slaps on clothes on themselves more often than not.
But style is also part of a person's personality no?
Yes, if you accept "no style" (not caring about clothes at all) as a kind of style.
Demanding a non-null style regarding appearance is unacceptable to me.
I do not understand the dislikes. Your response is quite polite.
Right with ya. I just crawled in out the woods, from a storm. Got showered, put on nice clothes and cologne to greet my wife coming home from work. Know why? Because I want to look good for my partner. And she does the same for me.
I'll wear decent jeans if it's something I care about/ can't wear shorts too. But colours that fit my skin just don't make sense to me. I can't understand it, it's not intuitive.
Being rude to service staff. Immediate indicator on who they are as a person. There is zero reason to ever be mad at someone making near minimum wage whose job it is to grab you a drink or check you out or something. It also shows that they've themselves never worked service, which is a rite of passage
"Why should I tip?! I'm already paying for the service!"
Immediately leave without even telling them to take a cab.
Edit: 1, I am in the US, yes.
2: the wording sounded like it implied a behavior of a date while out dining. I was answering based on how I'd respond if a prospective mate treated underpaid US staff shitty.
Happens to be true in all modern western countries though, only the US seems unable to force companies to pay a livable minimum wage.
That is specifically a US problem.
Not necessarily. I'm not in the US, but we've imported a lot of their less savoury customs, and tipping culture is one of them. It is costumary to tip 18% where I'm from.
If I am ordering and picking up at a counter fuck tipping. If I'm actually being waited on then I'll always tip if the service wasn't dogshit.
I tip in those situations because the $5 won't make a difference to me, but might to them.
Like, if you're broke, whatever. But some people are pulling in seven figures annually and still whine about a $5 tip.
+1 to being rude to service staff Also MAGA apparel or citing Jesus/God constantly
It depends. I run a bar and also frequent bars. I see a lot of behavior from wait staff I'd fire them for. Wait staff endlessly bitch about customers but its a two way street, staff develops a blind spot to their own behavior due to spending so much time in a bar.
Bro they are working in a high intensity environment. You are there to have fun. They are talking behind your back. (So how does that affect you?) Versus actively being a jerk to someone just doing their job (which is, unfortunately, to engage with you). It's not the same.
Are you really trying to explain running a bar to me? Anyways your answer is horseshit. I work in that high intensity environment and see the blinders go on. Innocuous requests by customers turn into staff acting like it's a massive imposition. They openly talk to me because they've been at my bar, served by me, and I know who's I'd hire and I wouldn't from the free talk.
Cool story bro.
Can I interest you in this Chick Tract?
/s
So many things.
I was going out with this guy I really liked. Probably 3rd or 4th date. We decided to take a drive, and went to a local grist mill. Walked around, had a nice time. Took the scenic route home on this road that ran along a pristine Tennessee Creek. He was drinking a Gatorade or something, and when he finished it, rolled down the window and chucked the bottle out into the creek.
I stopped the car, made him go pick it up (or I wasn't going to drive him the 20+ miles home), and never called him again. Fuck. That. Behavior.
Good for you. That's disgusting behaviour.
The fuck is wrong with going to the zoo? Other than if it's a shitty zoo giving animals a shit life, but c'mon.
it's "childish" to enjoy fun things like the zoo, according to some incomprehensibly boring and immature people.
This is so many people on IRC it's not even funny.
Especially most libera mods. Their god complexes can be seen from space, they're often highly unreasonable, hold decades long grudges and have a hair trigger for anyone even remotely trying to be funny.
Ah yes, so childish you need a Master's degree to get an internship there.
People think there’s a fuckin cutoff age for reading fiction?
Can't help but feel a "my body my choice, your body my choice" vibe from this
I don't understand what you are trying to say.
I just think it's odd that you immediately associate smoking with being an asshole - unless they're quitting. Like you make it very clear that personal agency is important to you - but smoking makes you a piece of shit.
Smoking is bad for the smoker and everyone around them. If you're not even trying to stop, you are kind of a piece of shit.
I don't see what that has to do with asking for consent to touch someone's butt.
i don't think being a smoker necessarily makes you an a*shole, but surely makes other people live with the smell and the taste of tobacco. and you can't force people to do that.
I make it a point to not discuss things like this when people aren't thinking clearly.
When you smoke a cigarette the smoke doesn't automatically find the nearest non-smokers lungs in order to harm them. The smoke settles, and there are more than enough places far enough away from people to smoke at.
If you're worried about secondhand smoke harming you in any context outside of smoking indoors - I'm sorry but you just aren't thinking clearly.
It's fine to not be into whatever you want. If I said I didn't find Asians attractive, that wouldn't make me a racist. (I do, for the record, same as I'm into boys of every other nationality, but if I didn't it would still be a personal preference and no one's business but my own.)
Nope. You literally cannot smoke without polluting others.
You also literally can't play videogames without polluting others, since some of the electricity is still generated by burning coal. You also literally can't do any other thing either probably, since electricity is used in creating almost everything, or at least some other pollution.
I think if someone tries to make sure not to smoke near unknown people or people that don't want it, they're acceptable in my book.
These people are under the impression that secondhand smoke is sentient and immediately finds the nearest non-smokers lungs to pollute. I wouldn't expect logic to get through to them.
You mean smokers cannot respect consent? Agreed
Smoking cigarettes
Does this apply to vape and weed?
Yes, but not to the same degree.
Might be picky but if they don't return their shopping carts or just leaves it in a parking spot
Cart Narcs
Rudeness to cashiers, wait staff, housekeepers, children or elderly people. If you are mean or rude to these people I assume you think you matter more based on social standing, and can't be bothered to even be polite. At that point I don't care if you are nice to me.
Use the word "Woke" (Or "Progre" in my language) Unironically.
Who do you mean by this?
I mean anyone who use the word Woke (Or Progre in my language) unironically.
It just seems very broad since people use it many ways “get woke” vs “the woke mob.” At least in the US it is used by people in both good and bad ways.
Huh, I have never hear anyone using "Woke" in a good way, but okey.
I haven't either. Maybe it's because I don't use any social media but Lemmy
All of those uses are red flags, or at least would be over here.
The word "woke" is just a right-wing dog whistle, hence why it's a red flag when somebody uses it except for the context of talking about these people.
Dogwhistle for "I hate people tackling social issues and think we should go back to women being controlled and abused, and men being miserable all day at work, while we completely disregard queer and children's mental health".
Or at least, it gets used that way by people who don't use it as a reclamation term in a positive sense.
Historically it is a term used positively, for example in the expression ‘stay woke’ (1930s). So it is not really a reclamation, but rather a recent relegation by right wing people to a negative connotation. I have however heard some people legitimately use it in a positive manner, and some further reading on the Wikipedia page seems to support that even recently there are political leaders using it in a pro-racial equity sense.
@Carighan@lemmy.world
I am aware of the positive origins of the word "Woke". However, in colloquial usage, it is always used in a derogatory way. And it is usage that dictates the norm, whether we like it or not.
What is cluster B?
What about Claustro-, Arachno-, Haemo-, etc.phobes? Or Cyclists or Scientists?
Cluster B personality disorders - most commonly known for borderline and narcissistic PDs.
Impossible to work with or fix. Just run. Fast.
Also schizoid IIRC, although that one is not really nasty or dangerous so much as just sad.
wait, shit, I'm a feminist, guess I'm out
OK what about vapes though.
Still discusting.
^^ end of thread here
Cluster-B traits are the bane of my existence.
Having a shitty attitude about anything.
It just seems like you're not able to enjoy things because you're just a sour person.
I must be misunderstanding this one. That sounds like you want a person that buries their feelings and pretends to be joyful all the time. It's perfectly human to have a bad day and on occasion be a little shitty.
If you're speaking of them being shitty most of the time about most things then I can see your point.
Edit: Grammer is important when trying to communicate without misunderstanding.
Why would I be talking about the first one? Toxic positivity is complete and utter bullshit, and I'm tired of people telling me I can't complain about other people for whatever reason.
Soundsike someone hurt you bro. This is the Internet, you don't have to listen to anything randos say. That's a choice you're making.
Ya, this dude seems to have a fairly shitty attitude... 🤭
Anti-vaxxer / conspiracy theorist.
being mean to animals, not washing hands habitually, littering, leaving the shopping cart out, buzz cut / crew cut and variations thereof (for dudes, some chicks can rock it), having no weird behaviors at all. refusal to be emotionally honest (oh no, its me i'm sorry)
I just like my hair short and not in my face. :(
right? i mean, i'm balding and i find the alternative of growing the little hair i have left far more unpleasant than just having a buzz cut. but hey, that's just preferences.
I'm glad you think so, honestly, but most people don't give a shit about being mean to animals. That's a hard one to find a like-minded person on.
Fr? Maybe it is just the people I hang out with but I dont know anyone who is outwardly mean to animals. Atleast I haven't seen it
It depends on whether you think the existence of livestock is ‘mean to animals.’
Ah, in that case everyone I know is cruel. I suppose what I meant was that no one I know is cruel beyond the societal standards.
I would use the same definition as you, but that’s the only definition I can think of that would leave one thinking many people engage in animal cruelty. Unless your entire circle of friends is an illegal dogfighting ring.
Buzz cut for me screams "I'm an NPC and I have no personality." At least that's the first impression it passes to me.
Eh, some of us are just balding and it's the least bad option.
I guess. Though if I ever start balding I plan on going full on egg bald, it looks better to me.
If you've got the head shape to pull it off, go for it. You don't really know until you try it. I tried...
I'm gonna find out soon enough, and I'm worried. I already know I have a couple small bumps on my head (they feel like pimples/ingrown hairs, but I've tried squeezing them to no avail), and I'm almost positive my head is shaped differently than normal.
Buzz cut to me screams “I have so much social anxiety, have been bullied so badly, that I don’t trust a barber to give me a good haircut”
To me, it looks more like social camoflauge. "I'm just a normal guy, i have normal opinions, trust me bro" is the vibe I get. I get putting it on for things like work, but if you decide to blend in as your preferred look, ehh, i dunno, maybe I'd rather hang out with the bear, you know?
It's a fucking haircut. You sure are reading a lot into a person based on their haircut.
i'm probably in the minority w this, but blending in is comfortable as hell, as someone who doesn't really enjoy being social.
Long after the pandemic was under control I was still using a mask, partly due to health concerns back home, but mostly because with a mask, cap, and glasses, I could walk by people I know but would rather not strike up conversation.
"Have you ever heard of Jordan Peterson?"
"That depends...what do you mean by have, what do you mean by you and what do you mean by heard of?"
Republican
Someone that takes abstract statements personally and responds in anger. It shows a lack of self awareness and depth. It also implies that they have a limited binary view of the world around them; a bipolar me versus others perspective outlook.
Short list of obvious ones:
Soo, what then? Are Windows phones still a thing? Even Copperhead or Lineage are Android forks. Based on my PinePhone that one's not really ready for primetime.
Only carrier pidgeons allowed
Good old RFC 2549/1149.
Self compiled Linux distribution for a phone you soldered together yourself - what else?
I hate that you people are even allowed on the internet.
Even if they were. Windows is on the list of turnoff OS. Just use a flip phone for calls and a raspberry pi with the raspberry screen for scrolling through lemmy. Now i am imagining someone writing an essay in a Starbucks with a raspberry a propped up screen an a little keyboard.
That would immediately identify them as based, it's true.
I think shitbucket covers that category too.
Linux phone is the only real acceptable option. Just not Ubuntu touch begause of Ubuntu
They are joking.
A hidden switch on their hip.
Can you elaborate on that?
they dated vicki from small wonder.
Far right or far left. Both obnoxious. How hard is it to do what's right for people and not have to be on either end of a fucking seesaw?
Some of us have held our political opinions since before 2016. We’re much more bearable, even those of us on the far left. I firmly believe people need to go through an obnoxious political phase. It’s just way more normal to go through it in high school/college. But will it be just a phase when people are going through it in their adulthood? I dunno. But I guess we’ll have to find out the hard way.
I was so apathetic in my early voting years, so I guess I'm doing my weird political thing in mid-life.
I mean, it’s great that people are getting more involved and aware. But I think the combination of the explosion of political awareness with the current state of discourse thanks to social media/the devolution of the right into petty, bald-faced, reactionary rage (some of you may not have been around for this, but the right used to have a mask over their petty reactionary rage) has made for a noxious cocktail of nothing of value ever being discussed.
Now, was it more frustrating when they were less open about their intentions? Sure. Because it felt like shouting at a wall. And it was more “boring” to be politically aware. But under those wraps we had the patriot act, PNAC, intelligent neocons playing politics way more competently, and a serious problem with somehow even less conscientious democrats.
But now we have companies operating blanket eavesdropping via apps/home aid/LLMs (and the patriot act is still hanging around), project REDMAP/Project 2025, less than intelligent far right lunatics not understanding how to play politics, and democrats playing conscientious for appearances while still being, at best, useless neoliberals and at worst, reactionaries themselves.
Things have changed, and not for the better. Add on top of that discourse deteriorating into nonsense while everyone throws their hat in the mix with their uninformed opinions…it’s a depressing landscape. So, I don’t know if people can grow out of that obnoxious, I’ll-informed political stage because that’s just politics now.
Definitely a skewed signal to noise ratio, which at this point feels intentional. Politics felt far more boring in the before-fore, but I think most of that was me not paying close enough attention.
I had a casual conversation with ChatGPT a while back about how this level of political division is unprecedented in the country (I guess I conveniently forgot about the civil war during this), and the response was basically "Everybody says that in every era," so I wonder if I just have too narrow a focus. I should look into that...
What if an opinion held on the far end of the spectrum is what is actually right for people? Do you dismiss it because of being on the end of the fucking seesaw?
Obviously. Im just not dumb enough to put myself in a box.
Showing they are dumb (believing conspiracy theories, Maga, repeating nonsense)
Being racist, judgy, overall nasty with people
Being nasty to animals
Being conservative, being rude and impatient, not understanding that people are human and sometimes just make errors.
Compliments me by insulting everybody else.
“It’s so cool that you X. Everybody not in the room sucks because they don’t do X”
Just leave that second sentence off please.
I've ended a relationship because the girl drove like an impatient bafoon. If you have a superiority complex about a speed limit in residential areas, I'll sit in the passenger seat railing about how you're such a shit driver. Just drive the speed limit and gently.
In the romantic sense, someone that seems dumb or childish. I just can't go there without some sense of being a peer.
The opposite for me tbh, someone who can't let loose and have some stupid fun every so often isn't my bag.
There's a difference between goofy and dumb. Goofy is fun, I'm all over that. Actually dumb is exhausting and awkward, it's just not fun
Sure, but "dumb and childish" to me conveys "dumb as in goofy" rather than "dumb as in a bag of rocks," and that is why I responded with disagreement related to such. The operative word here is really "childish," tbh. They go on to say that they are not good at letting loose, but also clarify that they meant "low intelligence." It is unclear if they perceive goofy fun as a sign of low intelligence in and of itself.
In any case, arguing the semantics of the phrase "dumb and childish" doesn't meet my definition of fun lol. Like I said "different strokes," people can like different things and I think that is wonderful tbh.
That makes sense and that's fair
OP here again. I don't. I just don't get at least some forms of it. I have been known to do some good pranks, but most other things people classify as "letting loose" aren't my jam. I'm more of a books and tea person.
Originally I was thinking of people I've known that literally made me feel like I was talking to a child. I don't know what that is, exactly, but low intelligence is a decent guess. Oh well, I'll try different wording if it ever comes up again.
Yeah, not my best wording.
A stick up the ass isn't the exact same thing as low intelligence or whatever this turnoff is, but then again I'm not good at let-loose stupid fun, so maybe I'm biased.
Either way, more left for me, as they say, as long as everyone's having a good consensual time.
Hear hear, different strokes.
I would agree unless the looseness and stupidity is caused by alcohol. In that case is a huge red flag.
I'm still in the middle there, sometimes is fine but if it's the only way or all the time it's a problem.
Ok, I get that you don't like stupid people, but you shouldn't judge people solely on how they act. You can act like a child and be a intelligent and a competent person.
I have a sister who I'm close with, who has all kinds of dinosaur-themed stuff and loves it. That's not the issue. It was a poor choice of wording I guess to describe it that way. I had an exchange recently where I literally felt like I was talking to a kid after a while, though, and all thoughts of romance were immediately dead, so that was my first thought.
I'd say it's impossible to do it I any other way. We're not telepaths and intent is not magic.
The way people act is the interface with which you interact with them. It makes little difference if what lurks behind is an intelligent person or a child if they both behave the same.
Status quo defender
Whimsical, fame-seeking change maker.
I agree there, lol. I'm not into people who are doing what they do for the fame.
I do all my activism on the sly. Publicly, I’m a status quo defender.
More this for me. I deal with activist drama enough just doing activist stuff.
I'll have you know, Rockin' All Over the World is a fine song.
Whatever you want...
I like it...
Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
That, and republicans.
Is there a difference?
Only in the "square vs rectangle" sort if way
Unaware status-seeking behavior. Almost everyone does it.
Explain?
Humans are all about resources (look at how everyone wants to make more money). Status effectively means access to (human) resources. When you have status, you can tell someone what to do or think and they'll do it or believe you. When someone does something for you or believes what you tell them, you don't only have access to your own resources, you effectively have access to their resources as well, so in the end, status is more important than having resources yourself.
The managers/bosses in a company have status. The musicians in a band playing at a pub have status. The pastor at the church has status. The millionaire has status. The politician has status. The teacher at a dance class has status.
These are easy examples. But there are a myriad more, especially more "sneaky" ones. Status doesn't have to be obvious/institutionalized like the examples above, status is part of every single human interaction.
The "popular friend" has status. For example, they might organize gatherings that people actually come to. If another one of the friend group, that has less status, tried that, less or no people might come. I'm sure you noticed something similar.
Or some gossipy/overly friendly person in the office has status. They make little friends everywhere, give people small meaningless gifts, pay attention what's happening and offer people information (also a resource) for free. If they suddenly start badmouthing someone (even if that person has not deserved it and only angered them for some trivial reason), they might cause the badmouthed person lots of trouble through reducing their status.
Of course, status-seeking behavior is not necessarily bad. A philanthropic, intelligent, always (actually) being nice person also gathers status. People like them, they say true things that help people, which gives them status. They give people favors, like inviting them for food, which also gives them status. And so on.
As you can see, status-seeking behavior is literally everywhere. Our psyche is built to seek more status and it's one of our main drivers in life. For example, if you want to get good at playing an instrument, your driving force behind that desire is seeking the status that comes with it. You might say it "is just fun", but what is fun but a motivational force of your psyche to make you do something? Fun things are fun because doing those things gave an advantage in an evolutionary context. The status that comes with getting good at an instrument and being able to make other people feel good through music is the ultimate "goal" of your evolved behavior.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere. And almost everyone is completely unaware of it. I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you, I give you a "smart" explanation demonstrating my knowledge that thus makes me look intelligent. There is no direct advantage to me explaining anything to you. It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That's an unnervingly cold, reductionist, cynical take.
What's your alternative?
"My" alternative is to not treat every human interaction as transactional maneuvering to curry favor. It's an incredibly strange commodification of immaterial concepts that rejects or ignores the complexity and nuance of human emotions and motivations. It's simply an inadequate theory.
Well can you at least please tell me some examples of alternate motivations that governs our behavior?
It's hard to answer your request because, you see, your statement is like saying: "Everything is just atoms, so everything is basically the same", it is "reductionist" of higher values, which even atheists have, but the statement itself cannot be denied, nor replaced with an alternative.
Edit: I read your other replies, and you seem to not need this one, to ignore it.
Good response. Though it was a bit wordy.
I know what status means, but I didn't realise what status-seeking behaviour could be referring to, since it was vague. I know you tried to reduce your response to a level that everyone could understand, but that was unnecessary. People have the internet now.
For future reference you could try defining status in a single sentence, which allows people to look it up in a search engine or dictionary without room for confusion/vagueness.
That's not true. You're taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with. I've made the same mistake before. Of course, your original thought isn't completely wrong, but you stretched it to almost irrelevant (but not unrelated) levels.
No, I'm afraid I don't. What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some. Calling it status seeking is a misuse of the term and gross reduction of the behaviour's quirks.
Perhaps a better term would be power-hungry person. But maybe that's not the intent of your thought.
That all may fall apart when you realise your knowledge is biased too much towards a single concept. Or too narrow minded.
Note: No insult intended, no sarcasm inserted.
The abused want freedom from abusers. The enslaved want freedom from the slavers. The poor want sustenance from the rich. The not-poor want greater quality in their life.
None of that is status seeking, unless you twist the meaning. It's hurtful to call it that.
Would materialism or consumerism, then, be the turn-off? Making more of "possessing" than "being" or "doing" is a real turn-off for me.
And, materialism/consumerism is — truly — promoted everywhere.
True.
That's absolutely not true. I'm saying that status-seeking is a part of almost all of our unconscious decision-making processes, not that it's the sole part of our decision-making process. A part != Interpret all with it. Of course there's other parts, like you say, survival.
I can not convey all my knowledge and thoughts in a single comment. Even though I tried to shorten it, you still find too long. The "it's only a part" I found obvious, thus I didn't stretch it, but you would have needed it to be included. You personally didn't need the other parts that you found too long. It's basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don't know each other's knowledge base. It's even more impossible in a forum-style format, where one comment is read by potentially every human on Earth, each of which have vastly different knowledge bases. What is obvious/superfluous for one is not for someone else.
Do all these things not play together? Isn't having status a way to survive better? Aren't the activities that are enjoyable also the ones that allows us to survive (in a non-modern, ancestral world context in which we evolved)? Isn't having status enjoyable for most?
Okay, but in this case "status" was a basic word while the "it's only a part" was something deeply specific to this conversation. It's not fair to compare the two.
I feel that you're 70% on the mark but then why is it a turn-off for you, as you said in your original message?
Part of the 30%:
Status seeking behaviour has many justifications i.e. that it helps smoothen human interaction, to say the least. So why is it a turn-off for you?
I don't think it helps "smoothen" interaction at all. Of course it depends on the exact situation, like I already described, if it's about helping other people or not affecting anyone negatively, it's completely fine.
But for one example, an unaware status-seeking behavior I see very often is having an Instagram account and posting pictures of their life, in an attempt to gain followers. This could not affect anyone negatively... but 99% of the time, it is, because they interrupt moments that should be enjoyed by being present within the moment with trying to get the perfect picture to show to other people what amazing moments they are experiencing.
The "unaware" was as much of a part of the turn-off as the "status-seeking", maybe even more so. I think if you're aware of your status-seeking behavior, you're able to find much better ways to apply it than if you're unaware of it.
More common in urban and younger environments
Yes! It's crazy how noticeable it is when I'm in the city, rather than out here in the boonies with all the geezers. Why do you do that, fellow youngs?
I've half a theory it's a new boomer generation and these things are cyclical, you get a boomer one every third. 70 years back from 20 years old today you find the Boomers. 70 years back from Millennials you find the dirty 30s. 70 back from the eighties you find the flappers.
... Doesn't that include every generation, calculated that way?
I'm skeptical it's generational. People just chill out in that way as they age. And not to say the geezers are totally nice either, they just don't do active dick measuring anymore. They know who's in the club, and that I'm not, and will throw me a bone out of good manners anyway.
Idk man. The young ones today are self centered and narcissistic as hell.
Absolutely false. It's a universal truth of our species to seek status, everyone does it.
Your statement itself is essentially an attempt to gain more status. You're likely not part of "urban" and "younger" environments, thus "badmouthing" them raises your status comparatively.
My telling you this is an attempt to sound intelligent, which raises my own status.
Well you failed.
Lemmy.ml mod /s
Bad breath
Edit: for anyone who has this problem... just see your doctor or dentist. You don't need to suffer . It's curable.
My co worker has straight gum rot, like a few millimeter layer where the gums meet their teeth that's all whiteish green and they have horrendous breath I can smell 15 feet down wind of the AC system. This is due to their horrible personal hygiene, he has a wife with good teeth, I don't know how she kisses him, I would vomit.
He's only in his early 30's and also just had to get one of his K9 teeth pulled out.
It seems like sometimes women (in specific) start with these crazy high expectations, but then start lowering them during the relationship, and never stop lowering them.
There absolutely is such a thing as being too accepting of bad behavior from a partner. That's just healthy boundaries. Letting your gums rot probably should be outside that scope, if they can help it at all.
I really don't know whether to upvote or downvote. Upvoted because I feel you are a kindred spirit, but not for that person...no, not ever.
Being into “crystals”, auras and shit like that. Like, have you taken leave of your senses?
Lack of interest, like they're just waiting their turn to talk about what they want to talk about and not actually listening to me.
The other big one off the top of my head is not liking any animals. I get most people eat them, but if you straight up don't like anyone else you're kinda scary. No thank you.
Talking over the top of me. If what you have to say is so much more interesting that what I was already saying, maybe you should be saying it to a paying audience somewhere else.
Certain accents. She can be gorgeous and all, but some accents are an immediate turnoff for me…
Now we need to know which ones.
🚨 Eurocentrism incoming 🚨
I’m gonna bet bri’ish
I’m German. Foreign accents (I.e. some foreigner speaking German) are either funny or cute to me. If I feel neither, that’s probably because I need to concentrate to understand. In German accents, a Bavarian accent, a Saxon or a Frisian one turn me off.
In (to me) foreign languages, I don’t care, meaning that I’m just as fine with „Oi com frum Birmingham“ as with a posh Oxford accent. Also the southern French accent is fine with me, as well as the northwestern one. I’m also fine with Breton, but that’s a language, not an accent. And I don’t understand the latter very well anyway, let alone speak fluently.
What accents in specific?
The ones associated with poverty are the usual ones that catch crap. Regional or recent immigrant.
Maybe this person is going to surprise me and just finds Australian or Parisian French grating personally, though.
Not OP, but I kinda agree. Around where I'm at, posh accents are really annoying.
Not OP, but I'd find Liverpudlian and the Birmingham accent difficult to live with.
Displaying Narcissistic tendencies. And or lying
Immediately self describing without you asking.
People who this is targeted at and don't get it when you explain it.
Being a gun owner or enthusiast, if you don't need to hunt to survive.
My interests are more about the actual engineering involved, like it's crazy how we can throw a piece of metal kilometres away to within a metre. And there's something satisfying about how they fit together. But yeah I wouldn't trust anyone with guns.
most gun enthusiasts are straight-out idiots, if not fascists/authoritarians. you can fit nice people within this hobby inside a samba bus.
Eating others. Only gunna be dating vegans.
Sex isn't vegan
Hmm. Sex with a non-human animal wouldn't be, at least.
changing and expecting people to accept that change unconditionally.
diametrically disagreeing with your partner on some important issue of your relationship and only mentioning it way after things got serious.
bad hygiene (for olodumarè's sake, bathe daily, and if possible brush your teeth at least twice a day).
as mentioned before, being a jerk towards service providers and elderly without reason, and towards kids in general.
I know this is popular in this thread, but how to achieve that? I shower 0-3 a day, with 0 being in days waiting for the washing machine for I have showered too much, and have no clothes remaining.
It seems no matter what I do, someone thinks I accidentally opened a shower on myself by how sweaty wet my underwear is, then proceeds to tell me I smell awful and banishes me from society back to my computer, which is what I would be doing anyway, also that person is the only one that complains and they (singular) can't handle heat at all.
I just checked and the temperature goes up to 42*, I don't know how hot that is, since I never look at weather, if it's hot I bear with it, if it's cold I
get sick for 3 daysbear with it.Also I only wear winter-y jackets for some reason (A joke that went too far that's been lasting for 3 years?), people underestimate how good they are at shading, and they come with a built-in hat, and protect your body better than any T-shirt ever could.
Wait did I just answer my own question?
in a sense you did, but some people do sweat too much, beyond what would be reasonable given environmental factors. it's called hyperhidrosis and can be treated, and you could even find another underlying condition that may cause it, instead of simply bad regulation of the sweat glands or nerves that control them. go check a doctor, don't suffer for no reason.
I think it's just because I can't resist running at full speed whenever I get the chance.
I firmly believe that love should be color blind, which is why I never see any red flags.
Everybody's already mentioned the important things, but to be the more superficial one: people with no sense of style. People who just throw on something randomly and don't give it a single thought. I get being comfortable, but you can be stylish and comfortable. You are not that when you wear knee-long jeans shorts and an unwashed tee, in my opinion.
I'm your total opposite. Requiring style in others is a huge red flag. If you care about more about the clothes of a person than about the person, I don't want to know you.
Fair enough. Personally, I prefer personality over appearance. But I also think it's a visual turnoff to see no effort, also because the way a person dresses is usually the first thing most people notice. I do, anyway.
Life is short and I choose my mind's content; I don't care about clothing except for modesty, minimal work convention or warmth.
But style is also part of a person's personality no? I say this as someone who slaps on clothes on themselves more often than not.
Yes, if you accept "no style" (not caring about clothes at all) as a kind of style.
Demanding a non-null style regarding appearance is unacceptable to me.
I do not understand the dislikes. Your response is quite polite.
Right with ya. I just crawled in out the woods, from a storm. Got showered, put on nice clothes and cologne to greet my wife coming home from work. Know why? Because I want to look good for my partner. And she does the same for me.
I'll wear decent jeans if it's something I care about/ can't wear shorts too. But colours that fit my skin just don't make sense to me. I can't understand it, it's not intuitive.
I suppose we're not going to be friends
fat
Hairy private parts
Being back 70s bush.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcVGhU5Cjjg
Suit yourself, more soft and fluffy for the rest of us.
If shes black