What is a discreet way of waking myself?

Squizzy@lemmy.world to No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world – 86 points –

I need to get up without waking the wife and kids, I got a smartwatch to vibrate and it woke her. The alarm is always going to wake the house.

Is there anything else?

139

Vibrating butt plug with timer

Realistically, your wife is your partner and some sacrifices need to be made. If she can't sleep through a watch, she should consider earplugs or just deal. I'm sure you silence it and leave the room ASAP so, that's just life of sharing a room with a spouse.

Edit like literally millions of spouses have tolerated their other rising before them, it's a normal part of the deal

Plus you can make a side hustle by cheating at chess

My dad has had the single fucking loudest alarm clock for literally my entire life. It's such a god awful racket. It had to be, because my dad has the worst snoring I've heard in my life. Man sounds like a chainsaw, and you can hear him clear across the house. My mom would sleep directly through it all. It's wild.

Damn, I was coming here to say this. All I can add is that maybe sleep on your stomach with one of these, otherwise it could wake her up vibrating the mattress, since she sounds like a light sleeper.

I can't imagine that you can get out of bed without waking your wife if your smartwatch vibrating wakes her up.

Idk, my husband can sneak out of bed, but his phone vibrating in the bed wakes me. Even if it's just a little zzt to indicate a text has come in. I guess it's one of the noises I'm "listening for"?

Depends where the arm is I think. When it vibrates under the pillow you're using, it can sound very loud

I assume that OP isn't sleeping with the wrist wearing the watch underneath the pillow their wife has her head on.

Pulling your arm from under a pillow someone is using seems very likely to disturb them and wake them. You're not doing that, OP, right?

You could grab a brush and put a little make-up. Perhaps hide the scars to fade away the shake-up. But then why'd you leave the keys upon the table? Ah, here you go create another fable.

Why do you want a discreet way to wake up? You wanted to.

I don't think you trust in my self-righteous suicide, I cry when angels deserve to die

Something clicked in my mind when I read the phrase self-righteous suicide and SOAD just popped into my head

Probably to be polite, and give his family more valuable sleep time while he does responsible things.

Gotta get to work and do that important maintenance so the Systems don't go Down.

WHAT? Do they own the World? How do you own disorder?

Somewhere between the sacred silence and peace.

Get a cat and feed it first thing every day when you get up. Soon you'll have claws in your arm to wake you. Might it meow and wake the wife and kids? Perhaps, but wives and kids love cats so they won't mind.

This works very well. Our girls get fed at 8 am, so they collectively wake up and start losing their shit, crying for food and rubbing all over us, around 6 to 6:30 am.

If your wife is such a light sleeper that a vibrating watch is waking her perhaps sleeping in a separate room when you need to wake up at a certain time would work?

Separate rooms is definitely not an option. It's not so much super light sleeper just she is nursing and I'd like to get a workout in before everyone else wakes. If I wake the kids we're all screwed if I wake her I ruin what peace she gets.

Sounds like you need to change the time you do the workout.

Why because my two options are don't get up early or sleep separately?

Because it sounds like she's sacrificing a lot to nurse a new baby, so maybe you could sacrifice a little bit for her so she can get at least a bit of sleep.

Maybe mind your own business and stop making presumptions about my family life you self righteous prick.

I want to wake an hour before everyone to do some exercising so I'm not eating into the family time. The time would otherwise be spent sleeping like everyone else.

I honestly can't believe the audacity of your reply.

"Mind your own business on a public forum where I chose to disclose information!" How rich.

It's based on absolutely no information that I provided, just your apparent want for feeling superior.

"Separate rooms is definitely not an option. It's not so much super light sleeper just she is nursing and I'd like to get a workout in before everyone else wakes. If I wake the kids we're all screwed if I wake her I ruin what peace she gets."

This you?

Dude, I wasn't even trying to be rude or confrontational, just answering a question you asked about why you might consider changing your schedule, from a different perspective. You coming out firing from both hips about it is sus as fuck.

How is it sus for me to be annoyed by your comment about my partners sacrifices and my lack of sacrifices. If you didnt even try to be rude and came out with that then you're just a naturally rude and arrogant person.

I didn't mention sacrifices, and I didn't discuss our living arrangements nor should I have to.

I am trying to find something to wake me without waking others and you took that to be selfish of me. I'm trying to wake early to excercise, something that benefits everyone, without interrupting anyone else's sleep and you took that to be selfish and said I should sacrifice more.

You can be sus all you want you are very rude and make assumptions. Your first inclination is to think that I'm not willing to sacrifice sleeping beside my partner, without considering that my partner wouldn't like to sleep alone or that the baby sleeps in our room and that I take part in the overnight feeding.

You're shitty attitude struck a nerve.

Try a different watch or adjust the haptics to make it vibrate less? Casio sells an inexpensive alarm watch that vibrates if you can't dial the watch back.

A split king bed did wonders for my wife and I. I never feel her move. Now, if it's noise that wakes her up, a sound machine could help.

Split king? So, two mattresses and one duvet, is it?

It's essentially 2 twin xl mattress side by side. You can use one duvet, but we blanket fight, so we use 2 separate.

I don't suppose there's room for a bed in the babies' room, so after the mid-night nursings she could sleep in there until they're hungry again? Only if she wants to, of course. It can be more restful than trying to sleep with your ears on High for sounds of distress from the other room, which also makes you oversensitive to hubby's alarm.

The baby is in our room, and the others have their own, but the house is old and creaky, so I tread carefully.

Literally or figuratively?

Could you or her be occupying another room for a few weeks/months or is it worth a fight

What I'm trying to do is not worth sleeping alone, I just want to get a workout in before the day starts and waking anyone will just start the day earlier. But sleeping separately is worse than being out of shape.

To each their own, I'd say for a few weeks no biggie. Obviously cuddle/rest together

Having raised many kids, you have to take your extra time where you can actually find it. If your family is early to rise, work out before bed instead, after they go to sleep. I have done early morning workouts, late night workouts, lunch time workouts. It may be that you can't have morning time alone right now.

And why is a different room definitely not an option?

Because this is an ongoing situation, and I don't want to sleep without my partner.

I was just at Microcenter and saw these headbands you can wear while you sleep that have Bluetooth. They double a blinder for sleeping.

My thought is maybe this could work where the Bluetooth will begin playing music to wake you up but the sound only is audible to you.

You could test this with her before sleeping by adjusting the volume to the point where she says she canโ€™t hear it but you still can.

Lol I know the 5g stuff is a stupid myth but sleeping with a Bluetooth device strapped to your cranium feels like it's putting the research conclusions to the test

sleeping peacefully

BLUETOOTH DISCONNECTED

BLUETOOTH CONNECTED

angry groggy noises

Oh God I didn't even think about a rogue connection:

10h train braking, pig fucking, garbage disposal sleep sounds ASMR vibe begins

in a strange twist, the chess world already solved this one. Vibrating buttplug

Was there a scandal where a chess player had a vibrating buttplug controlled by another person giving him the answers? Thatโ€™sโ€ฆ.dedication I guess

I believe it was more like: a guy was accused of cheating (against Magnus Carlsen), and anarchychess on reddit came up with the buttplug theory. Now everyone thinks it actually happened.

There was, and then some guy put it to the test รก la mythbuster style. Iโ€™ll leave the conclusion for you to enjoy

With some sort of link I assume? Or no.

Considering that you can control Lovense toys (and others) from any where in the world, if they had no delay in the live feed, it would be simple to communicate moves, even to a complete novice.

From there, all youโ€™d need is somebody in the audience with a chess game open and set to the highest difficulty.

That person โ€œplaysโ€ as magnus and sends the moves the AI takes.

The easiest way to prevent it is to prevent people in the live audience from having phones, and delaying the feed ~5 minutes for everyone else.

which is normal, actually, since you want to cut the feed before a streakerโ€ฆ oh right this is chess.)

If Lemmy had awards I'd give you one because I really thought I was gonna be original by bringing that up but no, you beat me to it, well done

It waa the first thing I thought of as well so there are at least 3 of us.

I had to put on my glasses to read the post title...

Legitimate answer though, once upon a time before I realized such relationships are not really feasible for me to maintain, I just kept a separate stowable bed in the office for work nights when I had to get up earlier without waking the gf. Days she got up earlier, she couldn't wake me if she tried, but I would sometimes steal the blanket and wake her early still so we got multiple separate blankets. Usually three in case one of us did a double blanket steal.

Kindly ask her to get used to your alarm sound, and not wake up then.

This may seem harsh, but actually it isn't. Every house has it's own specific sounds, and it is quite normal to get used to them and not wake up. If you hear other sounds that are unusual, then you wake up. It is a natural thing.

I had a roommate in college that had trouble waking up even with an alarm, and had a much earlier class schedule than me. Never got used to it, just got sleep deprivation. Maybe it's "natural" for you and my ex roommate to sleep through alarms, but as they are designed to not let you sleep through them, many people cannot.

Yes, but presumably OP can find an alarm that isn't as obtrusive as the average one.

It's still obviously going to disrupt the sleep of anyone else in the same room. Maybe if the alarm sounded through headphones it would not.

Yeah, we'll get used to the house for sure, but I'll have to be quiet for the time being. It's not worth losing what could be an extra hour or two of everyone's sleep. We generally make an effort to not shield them from noise during daytime naps and such, but sleep is too precious these days.

Ngl, had to read the title twice.

I originally read it as โ€œโ€ฆdiscreet way of walking myselfโ€ฆโ€Was thinking: โ€œWhat kind of question is that? Just stand up and start walking somewhere. No need to be discreet about itโ€ฆโ€

Then thought maybe the family dog was looking for advice from Lemmy?

Did your smartwatch actually buzz/vibrate? Hate to shill, but try an Apple Watch. It doesnโ€™t really buzz, but the haptics feel like a tap on the wrist.

That being said, if a discrete buzz wakes her, how are you supposed to get up without waking her?

I don't know if this will work for you. Every night I close my eyes and picture a clock with the time I want to wake. Then I tell myself the time I want to wake up.

I'm.. weirdly similar. I tend to wake naturally about 5 minutes before my alarm every day, even if it's not a normal wake time. Doesn't apply if I didn't set an alarm, obviously.

I will wake up and be like "damn my alarm is gonna go off in two minutes" and be right somehow, no idea how

I think for me it's an anxiety thing, and a generally good sense of time. If I have to be up at a certain time, I sleep more restlessly, and I tend to be good at estimating the time when I just barely wake up. So I wake up several times through the night, and just stay up when it's near time for the alarm.

I dont have this method but I do seem to be able to fall in to a routine in less than a two week period and then just wake up at the same time every day essentially invariably, not sure how I do it. I dont remember it being like that when I was a kid, but at least since my military service Ive been able to get up when needed (not saying its correlated to military life, just that thats what point in life I was at when I noticed this)

Drink enough water at the right time to pee at the right time

This works for me but there are people who wake up during the middle of the night to pee. So this method probably won't work for them.

OMG three or four times some nights! I need to stop drinking liquids at a certain hour but I love water

What if you got a battery and put it on a timer and hooked the electrodes to your toes? That way you get moderately zapped, and she doesn't wake up. After a week or so, I would bet you have so much anxiety that your internal clock will wake you, even without the zap. The body is amazing.

What if you put the smart watch on your ankle? The covers might muffle the noise but you still feel it vibrate.

I was really hoping someone had like a really low volume pillow alarm or something, but instead, you guys are just really creative. I wouldn't have thought to do this.

Someone makes, or used to make, a pillow speaker that used bone conduction. It connects to a cell phone. Could try this and make your alarm only sound through this speaker and not your phone speaker. Or maybe try a basic flat pillow speaker. Good luck

Get some kind of gas you can puff out at your wife to make her fall back asleep.

Create a mat that you lay on with parallel copper lines, attach it to a tazer circuit and an audrino. Replace alarm speaker with audrino.

Drink several glasses of water before going to bed so you wake up to pee.

That could work, I'd need to figure out how long it takes to get to pee time from drinking.

A mattress with per-side heat controls. Unplug it, set your side to super hot, then use a timer socket to make it turn on when you want to wake up.

I had a smartwatch that had a very annoyingly buzzy vibration, so I empathize with this problem. If nothing else works I do believe that some expensive smartwatches (like apple watch) have a more quiet "tappy" vibration. You could test in store to see how loud the sound is before buying it

My Fitbit Inspire 3 (cheapest fitbit, comes with 6 months Fitbit premium so you can see how your sleep is and address any issues) has alarm vibration options and it is (usually) enough to wake me. Never wakes the wife. If you sleep with her on your arm or something, then this probably won't work. They also have light alarms (goes from dark yellow to bright white over a 30 minute period) and she could wear a sleep mask.

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There are these lamps that mimic natural sunrise. If you put one on your side of the bed and sleep towards it, might work. I used one a decade ago and it worked ok. Keep the watch alarm as back up though

Does your wife wear a sleep mask/would she be willing to wear one? You could then get one of those sunrise alarm clocks that lights up the room before making noise.

Or motorized blinds that can be set to a schedule. I'm very light sensitive and setting the blind schedule is all I need to wake up or sleep in.

If she woke up to a vibration from a watch, I bet sheโ€™d wake up hearing motorized blinds.

Hatch alarm clock uses light to wake you up. There are cheaper knockoffs on Amazon.

I had a first gen Xiaomi smart band thingy for this very reason that I put on my leg. Worked well enough unless I was exhausted or drunk but then nothing would anyway.

If your wife is the type who would want to wear a sleep mask, you could put your lights on a timer to make you up, if you have smart lights a lot of them have a feature to turn the brightness up slowly to wake you up more gently. She wouldn't be bothered by them if she's wearing a mask but they'd get you up.

I got a sunrise alarm clock recently and I've really been enjoying it. Whether it will work for your situation or not depends on how sensitive you each are to light in the mornings.

Just set an alarm to wake you up before the main alarm and then silence the main alarm and get up. But then you need to set another alarm to remind you to cancel that alarm.

Ultimately you're going to have to smother her with your pillow before the first alarm goes off, that way it won't be able to bother her, so make sure to set an alarm to remind you.

Some smart watches allow you to adjust the intensity of the vibration. (My Samsung Watch6 does.) See if your will let you experiment with that.

Smart bulbs, have it turn on automatically at the time a gentle alarm goes off

Put the watch around your balls.

Then it would definitely wake his wife up, but make up for it by making her orgasm. Win/win?

I have no idea if this is a good product or not but look up shock clock alarm watch. It uses an electric shock to wake the wearer up.

If you always go to bed at the same time you should wake up at the same time. Do you have an irregular schedule?

I haven't needed an alarm in many years, but when my sleep cycle was poor I always needed it.

i always wake up at the same time, the alarm is just an indicator that I also need to get out of bed today.

Maybe a small shielded pin light focused on your pillow only, on a timer. We naturally wake up to the sun without an alarm. Make sure it can't be seen from your wife's side.

There are actually watches/bands that will give a minor shock as an alarm. Sounds crazy but unless it jump to the wife (hope it wouldn't be that strong...) it shouldn't wake anyone. Novel idea if nothing else.

Brilliant! Now, instead of being roused by her spouse's watch vibrating, she can be jolted awake by him shrieking "Fuck!" every morning!

(Joke response)

I'd be more concerned with involuntarily slapping someone if it made my arm jerk or something.

Rumor has it you spent a good amount of time "involuntarily slapping" with your arm-jerks...

Set alarm quiet-ish on your phone, put it under your pillow then hope the volume is loud enough to wake you, but the muffled sound doesn't wake them up?

My phone has an escalating volume option for alarms. I usually hear it before it's loud enough for anyone else to hear.

If the watch vibrating is too much, I fail to see how this has any chance.

Perhaps the vibrating option is not a good option, but a low volume alarm could sound loud enough for the person on the pillow, and substantial quieter for someone only a short distance away.

It's like an alarm playing through headphones only without having to wear uncomfortable headphones while you are trying to sleep.

They could try different alarm tones too. If I go with something harsh and irritating I wake up angry about it, if I co with something that brings me around gently I'm as happy as any man getting up at 4:15am.

You could try some bone conducting head phones. I've been wearing the Shokz brand OpenRun headband all day at work for about 5 months now and it's comfy. I use them in bed sometimes but don't fall asleep in them. They have some new wrap around ear ones that might be comfier to sleep in.

Edit: A full charge will last all day and they recharge quickly.

I've used the Shokz bone conducting headphones and love them. Not sure if OP can find a model that they can sleep in, but the principle is sound. I got mine because I wanted to be able to listen to music without waking up the baby.

Haven't used an alarm in many years. It is something you can train and get better at, just actively tell yourself when you want to wake up. Boom, magic.

Just saw that this was downvoted quite a bit. Not sure what the beef was. I seriously haven't used an alarm clock in like 10-15 years.